(no subject)
ok, so since the heartbreak, ive been cut from teh volleyball team, reaccepted as a manager and now practice wtih the team. my mom has been rushed, convulsing, to teh hospital. now shes home and ok. this is what my life has been like the past week and a half. complete and utter hell.
im now balancing all academics with band, percussion, volleyball and work. im stretched thinner than ever. its quite the stress trigger.
i dont know what im gonna do. i have more emotional freak accidents these days. im dealing with and parenting a bipolar mother. my heart is broken and mr.fix-it is on strike. and i live as a slave to my coach just to feel like part of the team, although part of the team only considers me a wanna-be or reject. i have absolutly no time to work on the percussion audition piece. im worried. percussion gets me through everything. its my escape. but if im dealing with mom and my heart and stress and schoolwork, i dno what im gonna do.
ontop of all that, i have friend drama. terri, whom i was convinced hated me, doesnt hate me. but she doesnt love me. and she refuses to forgive me for something im not even sure i did. however, shes still willing to be friends. thats all that matters to me right now. im not going to get into severe details with all that because it would take too long, and you definitely wouldnt wanna read it.
along with friend drama, ive come to the realization that i was lied to. mike and i arent on a break. he just used that term to ease the pain. unfortunately his intentions backfired. by calling it a "break" he established some pretty intense false hope that maybe wed get back together within a few weeks or so. however its quite clear to me that that isnt true. hes moved on. hes gone. asta la vista. hes looking for the next girl. while im stuck here. in heartbreak mud. i dno. i dont really think two weeks is enough time for me to up and haul my feelings to the recycle bin. so, im just going to be positive. if its possible. but i need all the help i can get, and i appreciate all of you who continuously do so. i love you all so much.
if i could relive those days,
i know one thing that would never change.
every memory of looking out the back door
i have the photo of us spread out on my bedroom floor
its hard to say it, time to say it
goodbye, goodybe.
every memory of me walking out the front door
i found the photo of the person i was looking for
its hard to say it, time to say it
goodbye, goodbye.
iwishitwerethateasy
im now balancing all academics with band, percussion, volleyball and work. im stretched thinner than ever. its quite the stress trigger.
i dont know what im gonna do. i have more emotional freak accidents these days. im dealing with and parenting a bipolar mother. my heart is broken and mr.fix-it is on strike. and i live as a slave to my coach just to feel like part of the team, although part of the team only considers me a wanna-be or reject. i have absolutly no time to work on the percussion audition piece. im worried. percussion gets me through everything. its my escape. but if im dealing with mom and my heart and stress and schoolwork, i dno what im gonna do.
ontop of all that, i have friend drama. terri, whom i was convinced hated me, doesnt hate me. but she doesnt love me. and she refuses to forgive me for something im not even sure i did. however, shes still willing to be friends. thats all that matters to me right now. im not going to get into severe details with all that because it would take too long, and you definitely wouldnt wanna read it.
along with friend drama, ive come to the realization that i was lied to. mike and i arent on a break. he just used that term to ease the pain. unfortunately his intentions backfired. by calling it a "break" he established some pretty intense false hope that maybe wed get back together within a few weeks or so. however its quite clear to me that that isnt true. hes moved on. hes gone. asta la vista. hes looking for the next girl. while im stuck here. in heartbreak mud. i dno. i dont really think two weeks is enough time for me to up and haul my feelings to the recycle bin. so, im just going to be positive. if its possible. but i need all the help i can get, and i appreciate all of you who continuously do so. i love you all so much.
if i could relive those days,
i know one thing that would never change.
every memory of looking out the back door
i have the photo of us spread out on my bedroom floor
its hard to say it, time to say it
goodbye, goodybe.
every memory of me walking out the front door
i found the photo of the person i was looking for
its hard to say it, time to say it
goodbye, goodbye.
iwishitwerethateasy