Why?

[indcnt_exposure]

Some people see themselves as rich with money, others se themselves as rich with emotion and love. Some have both, while I hae none. I'm dirt fucking poor of everything, no money in my pocket and void of emotion apparently. Sometimes I hate being me

Comments

[jump_n_jive]

Mitchell,

Within the past month I've been emptying my rooms and I've found tons of notes from you during our relationship. I've read every single one, and cried every time. Mitchell, the notes were so depressing, and hurt so much. The thing is, those notes were the old Mitchell. Within the last year you have changed so incredibly much and inproved beyond words. I'm proud of all that you have done to change. You've appeared to be content, happy, and most important, stable.

I'm sorry for all that I did, and for all that I didn't do. You deserved so much more. I almost texted you last week to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I messed up a lot in our relationship, but I believed that it would have a positive outcome. Not Shane, but you remaining alive. You used to scare the hell out of me Mitch and I didn't know what to do. But like I said, within this past year you've seemed to become stronger and more stable. Holli proved to provide you with everything I, nor anyone before me could. I felt that you were finally at a great state. And maybe my thoughts are all wrong, after all I really don't know much about your life anymore.

I'm sorry that those old feelings are coming back. And I'm sorry winter has caught up to you yet again. You were doing so amazing Mitch.

Don't lose faith in yourself Mitchell, you'll make it. You're incredibly smart and if architecture is what you want, go for it. Dropping out of high school seemed to be an ultimatum to me. Allen fucked you over, that's what it's good for. That was out of your control.

I've said more than I probably should have.

Happy holidays, Mitch.

Brooke

Merci

[indcnt_exposure]

Thanks, its nice to finally hear that from you.

I'm glad the notes finally sunk in a bit. while i could be sour about it, thats how i felt at the time, and i'll stand by them. None of them were false and that may be why they stung a bit but now you feel the pain i felt when you didn't care for them after i put all that into them.

Quite honestly, i think if you had broken up with me in November right after convention i would have been better off, i would have had Travis to fall on like i did when you finally called it off. However,(this is when i may get a little sour) you were never trying to be around me like i was with you so you wouldn't have known that, you had an image of a falsified mitchell stuck in your head from the months prior when i was unstable because of how vague you were. When really, you vague emotions and conversations set me on the lookout and put me on a hard defensive. I knew you had feelings for shane and were probably gallavanting around with him in your free time, but i let you go your way for the sake of you being happier that way. and yes, i knew you were seeing him even during convention, it was no secret. however it was your decision so i left you to live with it, what became of us was in your hands then, not mine, which is why ceased questioning you when we talked and never attempted to see you daily like we had done before. Through that time i basically dropped my trust in you and watched it shatter on the floor like a dish of fine china.

I will admit i was hurt that you hardly waited after leaving me to be with shane. One of the only things that kept my head up though was the feeling i had deep inside me that i was coming into a clearing in the "forest of life" while you were heading for darkers paths down which you would see what i saw the few months prior. the next few months after i later called the reformation of character, when i built myself back up via different acts on my own behalf and on the behalves of others, while i stayed away from seeing the group which was associated with you and shane(basically meaning i had to steer clear of 98% of my good friends).

But as you will know now, i hold no harsh feelings towards who you are now, just what you have done in the past. i know for a fact that i have changed and i hope that you have come into a clearing like i did(maybe not via my path but one you've carved yourself). Back to how i started this Reply though, i'm glad you have finally come back to talking to me openly like you once did and even more glad you finally apologized without anyone egging you on.

I have found that my post may not have ben entirely true, i believe that i have finally found he part of me that accepts what i have done as well as what others have done and move on to deal with the next thing while making the most out of what is here NOW and not what has happened or is possibly bound to happen. I saw in a video somewhere a quote from Alden Nowan and it wa basically like this "The day a Child a child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent;the day he forgives them he becomes an adult; the day the child forgives himself he becomes wise"

After reading this, go onto what ever sit you feel fit, and fit the VIDEO for the song "The Rest of my Life" by less than jake, its stunning and i feel it will explain alot to you both on my viewpoint on this as well as just growing up in general. It will really warm your heart.

We should get together and talk sometime about everything, no more internet or hiding our faces and words. I think thats the only way to patch was was reaped by the two of us and mend what wounds were dug a year ago. because as the song states many times, "its gonna kill me for the rest of my life" if we don't.