Round 3...
"All these series will be close. I can't see any of these being decided in fewer than 6 games."
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...hee. Oh god. I may never stop laughing. Or crying.
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
Actual result: Sabres in 5.
I looked at the ESPN guys' picks for this series, and not one of them picked the Sabres. Heh. "The Sabres roll four lines, which I LOVE in the playoffs." I still love it. They were awesome. Every game in this series was decided by one goal, including three overtime games. It was close. BUT the Sabres came out on top, and I'm very happy. I was at work for almost every game this series, which sucked wookiee. But my auntie DVRed a bit of one of the games when Paul Gaustad was miked, so that was nice. The Sens went down 3-0 in the series before they finally got a win, prompting espn.com to use this headline: "Senators Veto Sweep". Boo, ESPN. Everyone knows that senators don't veto bills--the president does. Duh. Senators form sub-committees. Obscure fact of the series: Jason Pominville's goal in game 5 was the first overtime short-handed series-clinching goal in NHL history.
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #3 New Jersey Devils
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6.
Actual result: Hurricanes in 5.
This series made me want to vomit. The Devils swept the Rangers in the first round and had a loooooong layoff until their next game, in which they played like complete and total crap. They picked it up after that, but the Hurricanes had some unbelievably good luck. Plus, the Hurricanes looked pretty good out there, the stupid fucks. This year my husband Scott Gomez was sporting this moustache and soul patch-thingie combo, and he really looked like he belonged in Deadwood. Colin White had these freaky muttonchops that he should have reconsidered. This series did feature my favorite fan sign so far this playoff year. In one of the games in New Jersey, someone had a sign right by the Carolina penalty box that said, "The Hurricanes Blow." It's just such a simple statement, I love it. Conversely, during the elimination game in Raleigh, a Carolina fan had a sign that said, "Git R Done," which earned the Hurricanes my unending wrath. I don't normally like to punish teams for having retarded fans, but that was the last straw right there for me. There are fewer things in the world that annoy me more than fairweather fans, and the Hurricanes are rife with them. Plus, the Hurricanes are much easier to hate without Erik Cole, who is still hurt. God I am so angry. Obscure fact of the series: the Devils' 5-1 win in game 4 was the largest margin of victory by a team 3-0 down in NHL history.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#5 San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
Kiyo's pick: Oilers in 7.
Actual result: Oilers in 6.
"I really want to pick the Sharks, but those Oilers..." Ha, this was a pretty awesome series. I actually like the Sharks despite my traumatic run-in with Sharkie the mascot, but I love the Oilers just a little bit. This was the only series in our household where we had divided loyalties. My mom and auntie both like the Sharks, but I was rooting for the Oilers. And I will admit that I was mostly rooting for them just because I picked them to win. Shark captain Patrick Marleau (and former Seattle Thunderbird, hiss!) refused to grow a playoff beard this year, which I am convinced led to the Sharks' downfall. You gotta do the beard, man. Especially when you're the type of guy who has 5 o'clock shadow at 10 in the morning. And the San Jose fans booed the Canadian anthem, which is just asking for trouble from the hockey gods. Dumb dumb dumb. The Sharks won the first two games, and then the Oilers won four in a row. Unreal. I'm trying really hard not to be a geek here, but...they did the Borg thing again! The Sharks got those first two phaser shots in, and then the Oilers' Borg shield went up and they were untouchable. Edmonton has a really smart coaching staff, which is hard to reconcile in my head because their head coach, Craig MacTavish, was the last helmet-less player in league history, and is, thus, obviously stupid. Anyway, the Oilers were impressive. And they are the last Canadian team left, so I am obliged to root for them. I have been assimilated. Resistance is futile.
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
Kiyo's pick: Avalanche in 7.
Actual result: Mighty Ducks in 4.
WOW. That is...just...well...gah. I'm incoherent. [I live up to my name!] "I really want to pick Anaheim, but...it's the freaking Colorado Avalanche." I should have just gone with my gut there. I chickened out. The Avs' best player was Jose fucking Theodore, which won't win you a Stanley Cup. Or apparently a single game in the second round. Joe Sakic was a non-factor, sadly. Steve Konowalchuk came back and kicked a little bit of ass, but that was far from good enough for the Avalanche. The Ducks just made them look bad. They do that to people. I am so scared of them. This was the only series that didn't even pretend to be close. The Ducks just rode with the power that is the Niedermayer beards. Perhaps you've noticed my slight obsession with playoff beards. I'm not denying the Freudian connection here (my late father had a beard). But it's also just one of those annual hockey traditions that are part of what makes the NHL so completely awesome. Anyway, the Ducks' goalie Ilya Bryzgalov had a playoff shutout streak of 249 minutes, 15 seconds, which is 2nd all-time. WOW. He's got a decent beard going, too. The Ducks also have this rookie they just called up like five minutes ago named Dustin Penner, who it turns out is pretty awesome.
Overtime winner game, second round: my auntie got one--Joffrey Lupul for Anaheim, game 3. I got one--Shawn Horcoff for Edmonton, game 3. My mom got none this round. Cumulative score: my mom 2, me 2, my auntie 1. Very close!
Before I get to my third round picks, I just have to take this opportunity to rant about Neil Smith. He sucks. He used to be the GM of the New York Rangers, but now he's a bitter old man with OLN. He hates everything and everyone. He speaks in absolutes like he is never wrong, but he is always wrong. There was an incident in game 1 of the Anaheim/Colorado series where Francois Beauchemin hit Andrew Brunette, and Brunette was injured. Neil Smith says that Beauchemin clearly hit Brunette with his elbow, and Brunette obviously has a concussion and will not be back. At the time, I thought neither of those things were clear nor obvious. At the next intermission, the OLN studio guys all agreed that the hit was not dirty, that Beauchemin got Brunette with his shoulder. And then it turned out that Brunette did not have a concussion and he came back the next game.
This is only one small example of the ineptitude and incompetence that is personified by the walking mass of spite that calls himself Neil Smith. This man hates Brendan Morrow, which is inexplicable. Jose Theodore turned the puck over behind his net, and Neil Smith snarks how Theodore was doing what he does best, which is give the puck to the other team. That was mean and unprofessional. It didn't even lead to a scoring chance!
Neil Smith needs to be fired immediately. I'm thinking about starting a hate club for the man. That's how much I hate him.
Enough hatred. On to the conference finals. First I'll note that all four of the teams still left in the playoffs missed the 2004 playoffs, which is crazy! But as I recall, Edmonton JUST missed, and Buffalo was pretty close, too. And of the teams remaining, only the Oilers have won the Stanley Cup before. These four teams are all very fast. This should be fun. But, I will say that if we end up with a Carolina-Anaheim Stanley Cup final, then there is officially no God. My round three predictions:
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
Two rookie goalies in the Eastern Conference Finals. I love it. I think Ryan Miller will have to outplay Cam Ward in order for the Sabres to advance. I think Ryan Miller will outplay Cam Ward. I am not feeling the Hurricane love right now after they ousted the Devils, but I still like Cam Ward. He's just such a cutie. My love for Mike Commodore has carried over from his Calgary days. I'm a sucker for all of that insane red hair. He has been described as "Ogie Oglethorpian," much to my delight. But it will be a cold day in hell before I will root for the Carolina Hurricanes. The Sabres are so much fun, and they kicked the Flyers' asses! This series does have Hurricane Rod Brind'Amour and Sabre Daniel Briere, who are both featured in the new NHL tv commercials. They're in my two favorite spots, actually. Brind'Amour snaps his stick over his knee, which I laugh at every time I see. It's so great. Daniel Briere is just standing outside, but it's snowing and the guy looks gorgeous. There's a very similar shot of Ryan Miller standing outside in the snow, but I don't like it as much because every time I see it I yell at the tv, "Get a haircut!" like I'm an 80-year-old man. Anyway, who will win? I don't know. This one's too close to call. So I'll just guess.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
hahahahaha. Oh my god, a 6 versus an 8. This is great. Now, I'm writing this after game 1 has already been played, but I won't let the outcome affect my pick. Really. Honest. My loyalties are clear in this one...I have to root for the Canadian team. Especially over the Corporate Shills of Anaheim. But will they win? I was thinking no, before they won game 1. I'll stick with no, just to be fair. I thought the Oilers would come out hard, but I also thought that Anaheim would play slightly better than they did after their long layoff. The Ducks did play better after their sweep than the Devils (ugh) did, and I expect them to pick it up. I think Anaheim will get those phasers with the rotating frequencies and finally take out the Oiler collective. Too bad.
Kiyo's pick: Mighty Ducks in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Steve Konowalchuk, Colorado; Jason Weimer, New Jersey.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Gaustad, Buffalo; Glen Wesley, Carolina.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...hee. Oh god. I may never stop laughing. Or crying.
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
Actual result: Sabres in 5.
I looked at the ESPN guys' picks for this series, and not one of them picked the Sabres. Heh. "The Sabres roll four lines, which I LOVE in the playoffs." I still love it. They were awesome. Every game in this series was decided by one goal, including three overtime games. It was close. BUT the Sabres came out on top, and I'm very happy. I was at work for almost every game this series, which sucked wookiee. But my auntie DVRed a bit of one of the games when Paul Gaustad was miked, so that was nice. The Sens went down 3-0 in the series before they finally got a win, prompting espn.com to use this headline: "Senators Veto Sweep". Boo, ESPN. Everyone knows that senators don't veto bills--the president does. Duh. Senators form sub-committees. Obscure fact of the series: Jason Pominville's goal in game 5 was the first overtime short-handed series-clinching goal in NHL history.
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #3 New Jersey Devils
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6.
Actual result: Hurricanes in 5.
This series made me want to vomit. The Devils swept the Rangers in the first round and had a loooooong layoff until their next game, in which they played like complete and total crap. They picked it up after that, but the Hurricanes had some unbelievably good luck. Plus, the Hurricanes looked pretty good out there, the stupid fucks. This year my husband Scott Gomez was sporting this moustache and soul patch-thingie combo, and he really looked like he belonged in Deadwood. Colin White had these freaky muttonchops that he should have reconsidered. This series did feature my favorite fan sign so far this playoff year. In one of the games in New Jersey, someone had a sign right by the Carolina penalty box that said, "The Hurricanes Blow." It's just such a simple statement, I love it. Conversely, during the elimination game in Raleigh, a Carolina fan had a sign that said, "Git R Done," which earned the Hurricanes my unending wrath. I don't normally like to punish teams for having retarded fans, but that was the last straw right there for me. There are fewer things in the world that annoy me more than fairweather fans, and the Hurricanes are rife with them. Plus, the Hurricanes are much easier to hate without Erik Cole, who is still hurt. God I am so angry. Obscure fact of the series: the Devils' 5-1 win in game 4 was the largest margin of victory by a team 3-0 down in NHL history.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#5 San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
Kiyo's pick: Oilers in 7.
Actual result: Oilers in 6.
"I really want to pick the Sharks, but those Oilers..." Ha, this was a pretty awesome series. I actually like the Sharks despite my traumatic run-in with Sharkie the mascot, but I love the Oilers just a little bit. This was the only series in our household where we had divided loyalties. My mom and auntie both like the Sharks, but I was rooting for the Oilers. And I will admit that I was mostly rooting for them just because I picked them to win. Shark captain Patrick Marleau (and former Seattle Thunderbird, hiss!) refused to grow a playoff beard this year, which I am convinced led to the Sharks' downfall. You gotta do the beard, man. Especially when you're the type of guy who has 5 o'clock shadow at 10 in the morning. And the San Jose fans booed the Canadian anthem, which is just asking for trouble from the hockey gods. Dumb dumb dumb. The Sharks won the first two games, and then the Oilers won four in a row. Unreal. I'm trying really hard not to be a geek here, but...they did the Borg thing again! The Sharks got those first two phaser shots in, and then the Oilers' Borg shield went up and they were untouchable. Edmonton has a really smart coaching staff, which is hard to reconcile in my head because their head coach, Craig MacTavish, was the last helmet-less player in league history, and is, thus, obviously stupid. Anyway, the Oilers were impressive. And they are the last Canadian team left, so I am obliged to root for them. I have been assimilated. Resistance is futile.
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
Kiyo's pick: Avalanche in 7.
Actual result: Mighty Ducks in 4.
WOW. That is...just...well...gah. I'm incoherent. [I live up to my name!] "I really want to pick Anaheim, but...it's the freaking Colorado Avalanche." I should have just gone with my gut there. I chickened out. The Avs' best player was Jose fucking Theodore, which won't win you a Stanley Cup. Or apparently a single game in the second round. Joe Sakic was a non-factor, sadly. Steve Konowalchuk came back and kicked a little bit of ass, but that was far from good enough for the Avalanche. The Ducks just made them look bad. They do that to people. I am so scared of them. This was the only series that didn't even pretend to be close. The Ducks just rode with the power that is the Niedermayer beards. Perhaps you've noticed my slight obsession with playoff beards. I'm not denying the Freudian connection here (my late father had a beard). But it's also just one of those annual hockey traditions that are part of what makes the NHL so completely awesome. Anyway, the Ducks' goalie Ilya Bryzgalov had a playoff shutout streak of 249 minutes, 15 seconds, which is 2nd all-time. WOW. He's got a decent beard going, too. The Ducks also have this rookie they just called up like five minutes ago named Dustin Penner, who it turns out is pretty awesome.
Overtime winner game, second round: my auntie got one--Joffrey Lupul for Anaheim, game 3. I got one--Shawn Horcoff for Edmonton, game 3. My mom got none this round. Cumulative score: my mom 2, me 2, my auntie 1. Very close!
Before I get to my third round picks, I just have to take this opportunity to rant about Neil Smith. He sucks. He used to be the GM of the New York Rangers, but now he's a bitter old man with OLN. He hates everything and everyone. He speaks in absolutes like he is never wrong, but he is always wrong. There was an incident in game 1 of the Anaheim/Colorado series where Francois Beauchemin hit Andrew Brunette, and Brunette was injured. Neil Smith says that Beauchemin clearly hit Brunette with his elbow, and Brunette obviously has a concussion and will not be back. At the time, I thought neither of those things were clear nor obvious. At the next intermission, the OLN studio guys all agreed that the hit was not dirty, that Beauchemin got Brunette with his shoulder. And then it turned out that Brunette did not have a concussion and he came back the next game.
This is only one small example of the ineptitude and incompetence that is personified by the walking mass of spite that calls himself Neil Smith. This man hates Brendan Morrow, which is inexplicable. Jose Theodore turned the puck over behind his net, and Neil Smith snarks how Theodore was doing what he does best, which is give the puck to the other team. That was mean and unprofessional. It didn't even lead to a scoring chance!
Neil Smith needs to be fired immediately. I'm thinking about starting a hate club for the man. That's how much I hate him.
Enough hatred. On to the conference finals. First I'll note that all four of the teams still left in the playoffs missed the 2004 playoffs, which is crazy! But as I recall, Edmonton JUST missed, and Buffalo was pretty close, too. And of the teams remaining, only the Oilers have won the Stanley Cup before. These four teams are all very fast. This should be fun. But, I will say that if we end up with a Carolina-Anaheim Stanley Cup final, then there is officially no God. My round three predictions:
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
Two rookie goalies in the Eastern Conference Finals. I love it. I think Ryan Miller will have to outplay Cam Ward in order for the Sabres to advance. I think Ryan Miller will outplay Cam Ward. I am not feeling the Hurricane love right now after they ousted the Devils, but I still like Cam Ward. He's just such a cutie. My love for Mike Commodore has carried over from his Calgary days. I'm a sucker for all of that insane red hair. He has been described as "Ogie Oglethorpian," much to my delight. But it will be a cold day in hell before I will root for the Carolina Hurricanes. The Sabres are so much fun, and they kicked the Flyers' asses! This series does have Hurricane Rod Brind'Amour and Sabre Daniel Briere, who are both featured in the new NHL tv commercials. They're in my two favorite spots, actually. Brind'Amour snaps his stick over his knee, which I laugh at every time I see. It's so great. Daniel Briere is just standing outside, but it's snowing and the guy looks gorgeous. There's a very similar shot of Ryan Miller standing outside in the snow, but I don't like it as much because every time I see it I yell at the tv, "Get a haircut!" like I'm an 80-year-old man. Anyway, who will win? I don't know. This one's too close to call. So I'll just guess.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
hahahahaha. Oh my god, a 6 versus an 8. This is great. Now, I'm writing this after game 1 has already been played, but I won't let the outcome affect my pick. Really. Honest. My loyalties are clear in this one...I have to root for the Canadian team. Especially over the Corporate Shills of Anaheim. But will they win? I was thinking no, before they won game 1. I'll stick with no, just to be fair. I thought the Oilers would come out hard, but I also thought that Anaheim would play slightly better than they did after their long layoff. The Ducks did play better after their sweep than the Devils (ugh) did, and I expect them to pick it up. I think Anaheim will get those phasers with the rotating frequencies and finally take out the Oiler collective. Too bad.
Kiyo's pick: Mighty Ducks in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Steve Konowalchuk, Colorado; Jason Weimer, New Jersey.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Gaustad, Buffalo; Glen Wesley, Carolina.