On to round 2...
Well I had fun, even if several of my favorite teams are out. We now have the rather insane situation where the top 4 seeds in the East advanced, along with the bottom 4 seeds in the West. If anyone predicted that, then they are on lots and lots of hashish. And lying. Here's what happened:
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #8 Tampa Bay Lightning
"Kiyo's pick: Senators in 5."
Actual result: Senators in 5.
Thank you very much. "Ottawa doesn't have Hasek, but I don't think their backup will be a liability. The Sens are good." Sometimes, I rule. Our defending Stanley Cup champions are out already, but that was two long years ago. They're a different team, especially without Nikolai Khabibulin. Another great name, which is a recurring theme in the NHL. As you're reading this, be sure to note just how awesome the player's name is. Come on, kids, it's fun!
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #7 Montreal Canadiens
"Kiyo's pick: Hurricanes in 6 (possibly 5, or even 4, ugh)."
Actual result: Hurricanes in 6.
Damn, I'm on roll! The Canadiens won the first two games, and the Hurricanes won the rest. Carolina had some goalie problems at first, but youngster Cam Ward stepped up and was awesome. He kind of reminded me of an older Kurtis Mucha. I'm sad for Saku Koivu, but I love Rod Brind'Amour just a little bit more now. The NHL has finally put actual players in its commercials (rather than faux-sweaty models), and one ad ends on a shot of Brind'Amour snapping his stick in half over his knee, which makes me smile every time I see it. Awesome.
#3 New Jersey Devils vs. # 6 New York Rangers
"Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6."
Actual result: Devils in 4.
Ha! I'm so glad there was a sweep this round. "The Devils should beat the Rangers handily. If Lundqvist is healthy, the Rangers could make it slightly closer." I knew this wouldn't be close. The only reason I gave the Rangers two games was because Lundqvist has been stellar all season, but he wasn't 100% healthy. And Jaromir Jagr tried to hit my husband Scott Gomez up high but ended up hurting his own shoulder, the dumbass. The Rangers were toast after that. Jed Ortmeyer got a goal for the Rangers in this series, so that made me happy.
#4 Buffalo Sabres vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers
"Kiyo's pick: Flyers in 6."
Actual result: Sabres in 6.
I have never been so happy to be wrong. "I fear for the Sabres, but the Flyers could blow this thing." Yeah, the Flyers were not good, especially in that last game. They lost 7-1, and I almost felt sorry for them. ALMOST. The Sabres outworked them, plain and simple. I just adore the Sabres now. "They've got some spunk. I just like them. I'll really like them if they beat those god damned Flyers." Sabres, are you trying to supplant the Devils here as the objects of my most fervent affection? Because it might just work. I now appreciate the awesomeness of Sabre co-captain Daniel Briere. The main reason I continue to hate the Flyers is their fucking fans are so obnoxious. Their goalie, Robert Esche, was picked for the U.S. Olympic team this year while the Sabres goalie, Ryan Miller, wasn't, but only because he was injured at the time. So the Flyers fans, in their ceaselessly classy manner, taunted Miller with chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" which might have been more of an insult if 1. Esche had played more than one game at the Olympics, 2. Esche hadn't lost that one game he played in, and 3. the Americans had a better record than 1-4-1 (the win being against Kazakhstan and the tie being against Latvia, cripes). During that game 6 when Buffalo went up 3-0, that building full of Flyers fans was silent. I have NEVER heard Flyers fans be so quiet. They're always screaming or being generally belligerent. Fantastic. (Oops, I think I just gave it away that I've been watching some Dr. Who lately.)
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
"Kiyo's pick: Red wings in 5."
Actual result: Oilers in 6.
"The Wings shouldn't have too much trouble here." Dear god, what happened?! The Wings looked old out there, and the Oilers were all energy and hard work. Hurray for Alberta hockey! I love it. But was this Steve Yzerman's last NHL hockey?? Sad face. The NHL must be having kittens that the Wings lost to freaking EDMONTON (in addition to the Rangers and Flyers going out). There go your already measly ratings.
#2 Dallas Stars vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
"Kiyo's pick: Stars in 6."
Actual result: Avalanche in 5.
"If anyone could pull off a big upset in the first round, it would be Colorado." My only defense for such a horrible pick. Also, three of those games went to overtime, so it was much closer than it appeared. Brendan Morrow of the Stars led the league in hits in the first round, awesome. I would never have picked Jose "it's Propecia, not steroids" Theodore to play so much better than Marty Turco in goal, but there you go. Looking back, Turco does not have a good playoff record over the years. How disappointing. At least Jose's lovely head of hair is still around for another round.
#3 Calgary Flames vs. #6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks
"Kiyo's pick: Flames in 7 (but Anaheim still has a really, really good chance)."
Actual result: Mighty Ducks in 7.
"Oh god. The Mighty Ducks...I am really scared for the Flames." With good reason. How extremely sad that my favorite Western Conference team (and defending Western Conference champions) are already out. This was the only series in the first round to go 7 games, and it was largely exciting. Lots of huge hits, and the most fights of any series so far. The Flames looked uncharacteristically lackluster in game 7 (at home!!). The delectable Andrew Ference had a great series, while Dion Phaneuf finally played like a 20-year-old defenseman (tentative and mistake-y), so I feel somewhat vindicated in calling him overrated all year (but he'll still win like 4 Norris Trophies, I'm sure). I'm just glad that there are so many players on Anaheim that I like: Vitaly Vishnevski, the latter day Scott Stevens; the Niedermayer brothers and their lovely playoff beards; J.S. Giguere, who may still be injured; and the delightful Francois Beauchemin, who actually fought with Jarome Iginla. Moxie. But I don't think I can actively root for them until they drop that "Mighty" nonsense. There is actually one reason why it's good that the Flames are out--we won't have to deal with any more stupid Flames headlines. I saw a couple about "Roast Ducks" this time. If the Flames had won, they would have played Edmonton, and you just know that there would have been crap about burning oil and whatnot. By far the worst one I ever saw was two years ago when the Flames beat the Red Wings: "Wings Experience Burning Sensation." Disgusting. On the other hand, if the Flames had beat the Ducks, I bet we would have seen clips of the time the Ducks mascot tried to leap over this flaming tub and ended up landing right in it and setting himself on fire. That was classic. Have I mentioned that I hate mascots?
#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
"Kiyo's pick: Predators in 7."
Actual result: Sharks in 5.
Wow, 0-for-conference. "This should be interesting." And it was. Once again, a somewhat closer series than the result indicates. The Predators won the first game, and the Sharks won the next four. Sharks captain Patrick Marleau was unbelievable. I always write that guy off, and I totally shouldn't. I picked Nashville because they had such a great home record, and game 5 was the first time all season that they lost two in a row at home. Nicely done, Sharks. And I like your fans, who are pleasantly knowledgeable about hockey. But I still hate Kyle McLaren.
In our annual overtime winner game, my mom won the first round with two correct guesses: Joe Sakic for Colorado, game 2, and Eric Staal for Carolina, game 3. I got one--Andrew Brunette for Colorado, game 5. My auntie got zip.
Several ex-Winter Hawks played well, and I realized how totally in love with Andrew Ference, Brendan Morrow and Paul Gaustad the hockey announcers are. The CBC just raved about Andy: "He's been a force." The OLN guys loved how hard Brendan played, especially compared to some of his teammates. In the Stars' last game, they said that his teammates were feeding off his energy. And the OLN camera guys love Paulie. They kept zooming in on him unnecessarily. I figured out that it was for three reasons: 1. he's tall and therefore stands out, 2. he doesn't wear a visor which is helpful because 3. he's a good-looking kid. Sometimes that OLN is not stupid.
But here are the times when OLN was stupid this round:
--Jon Klemm got a goal, but OLN spelled his name "Klenn" which is unforgivable.
--the Flyers fans thought Peter Forsberg got a hat trick and threw all their hats onto the ice. Problem was, Simon Gagne actually got the goal. OLN didn't bother to, you know, pay attention the game, so they just listed that Forsberg got a hat trick. Idiots.
--the studio idiots make lots of stupid jokes, and then laugh at them for ages. It's unbearable!
--Neil Smith clearly hates life and should die.
--OLN announced that they're changing their name to "vs." First they went from the Outdoor Life Network to just OLN, which totally worked for KFC because no one remembers what that stands for. And now it's vs. with no capital letters or anything because they're so fucking cutting edge.
Local Comcast wasn't so hot, either. Twice (TWO GORRAM TIMES!!) they accidentally cut away to some stupid local commercials WHILE THE GAME WAS IN PLAY!! And the second time, they actually made me miss a goal. They froze the commercial and cut back to the game, but it was far too late. I hope someone was fired. And then kicked in the crotch. If not, I volunteer for the duty. I think I'll start a ribbon campaign for that.
And here's a bit of fun from The Onion:
Several of those made me laugh, and a few made me sad.
And now, my second round predictions:
EASTERN CONFERENCE
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
This matchup makes me so happy it hurts. I can't even decide. The Senators are very, very good. Dany Heatley, Jason Spezza, Daniel Alfredsson...yowza. The Sabres roll four lines, which I LOVE in the playoffs. I also love the way they went into Philadelphia and made the Flyers their bitches. The smart money is on Ottawa, but I've never been a gambler myself. I think I'll go with the stupid money this time.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #3 New Jersey Devils
If the Devils keep playing like they did in the first round, just hand them the Stanley Cup now. HOWEVER, they won't be playing the pathetic Rangers every round. The Hurricanes are much better, but I still don't trust them without Erik Cole. And the Devils have two awesome lines in Gionta/Gomez/Parise and Elias/Langenbrunner/Brylin. I love them passionately.
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
#5 San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
I still can't believe the Sharks are the top seed left in the West. I love the way both these teams are playing. I really want to pick the Sharks, but those Oilers...Dwayne Roloson is awesome and Shawn Horcoff is quite possibly the most underrated player in the league. Some announcer mentioned during the Red Wing series that the Oilers just have this ability to adapt to the other team. I thought about it and yes, they did remind me of the Borg (forgive my extreme geekiness). You know how the first few phaser shots at the Borg kill them, and then after two or three hits that shield goes up and nothing you do hurts them anymore? Yeah, that was totally the Oilers. You know what? I'm picking them. Sorry, Sharkie.
Kiyo's pick: Oilers in 7.
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
Augh, my brain hurts! All these series will be close. I can't see any of these being decided in fewer than 6 games. Once again, I really want to pick Anaheim, but...it's the freaking Colorado Avalanche. I wish I liked them because I would have been a happy fan for many years. But they stole their team from Quebec and they traded away poor Adam Deadmarsh, so there's really no way I'll root for them. BUT I hear that ex-Winter Hawk Steve Konowalchuk, who missed pretty much the entire season, will be back. That is good for the Avs. He rules. I'm just eagerly awaiting another round of the Niedermayer brothers. It cracked me up how with the announcers during the game, Scott Niedermayer was always "Niedermayer" but Rob Niedermayer was always "ROB Niedermayer" with that exact emphasis. Every time without fail, the poor guy.
Kiyo's pick: Avalanche in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Andrew Ference, Cale Hulse & Richie Regehr, Calgary; Brendan Morrow, Dallas; Richard Zednik, Montreal; Scott Nichol, Nashville; Marcel Hossa, New York Rangers; Nolan Pratt, Tampa Bay.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Gaustad, Buffalo; Glen Wesley, Carolina; Steve Konowalchuk, Colorado; Jason Wiemer, New Jersey.
EASTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #8 Tampa Bay Lightning
"Kiyo's pick: Senators in 5."
Actual result: Senators in 5.
Thank you very much. "Ottawa doesn't have Hasek, but I don't think their backup will be a liability. The Sens are good." Sometimes, I rule. Our defending Stanley Cup champions are out already, but that was two long years ago. They're a different team, especially without Nikolai Khabibulin. Another great name, which is a recurring theme in the NHL. As you're reading this, be sure to note just how awesome the player's name is. Come on, kids, it's fun!
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #7 Montreal Canadiens
"Kiyo's pick: Hurricanes in 6 (possibly 5, or even 4, ugh)."
Actual result: Hurricanes in 6.
Damn, I'm on roll! The Canadiens won the first two games, and the Hurricanes won the rest. Carolina had some goalie problems at first, but youngster Cam Ward stepped up and was awesome. He kind of reminded me of an older Kurtis Mucha. I'm sad for Saku Koivu, but I love Rod Brind'Amour just a little bit more now. The NHL has finally put actual players in its commercials (rather than faux-sweaty models), and one ad ends on a shot of Brind'Amour snapping his stick in half over his knee, which makes me smile every time I see it. Awesome.
#3 New Jersey Devils vs. # 6 New York Rangers
"Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6."
Actual result: Devils in 4.
Ha! I'm so glad there was a sweep this round. "The Devils should beat the Rangers handily. If Lundqvist is healthy, the Rangers could make it slightly closer." I knew this wouldn't be close. The only reason I gave the Rangers two games was because Lundqvist has been stellar all season, but he wasn't 100% healthy. And Jaromir Jagr tried to hit my husband Scott Gomez up high but ended up hurting his own shoulder, the dumbass. The Rangers were toast after that. Jed Ortmeyer got a goal for the Rangers in this series, so that made me happy.
#4 Buffalo Sabres vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers
"Kiyo's pick: Flyers in 6."
Actual result: Sabres in 6.
I have never been so happy to be wrong. "I fear for the Sabres, but the Flyers could blow this thing." Yeah, the Flyers were not good, especially in that last game. They lost 7-1, and I almost felt sorry for them. ALMOST. The Sabres outworked them, plain and simple. I just adore the Sabres now. "They've got some spunk. I just like them. I'll really like them if they beat those god damned Flyers." Sabres, are you trying to supplant the Devils here as the objects of my most fervent affection? Because it might just work. I now appreciate the awesomeness of Sabre co-captain Daniel Briere. The main reason I continue to hate the Flyers is their fucking fans are so obnoxious. Their goalie, Robert Esche, was picked for the U.S. Olympic team this year while the Sabres goalie, Ryan Miller, wasn't, but only because he was injured at the time. So the Flyers fans, in their ceaselessly classy manner, taunted Miller with chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" which might have been more of an insult if 1. Esche had played more than one game at the Olympics, 2. Esche hadn't lost that one game he played in, and 3. the Americans had a better record than 1-4-1 (the win being against Kazakhstan and the tie being against Latvia, cripes). During that game 6 when Buffalo went up 3-0, that building full of Flyers fans was silent. I have NEVER heard Flyers fans be so quiet. They're always screaming or being generally belligerent. Fantastic. (Oops, I think I just gave it away that I've been watching some Dr. Who lately.)
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
#1 Detroit Red Wings vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
"Kiyo's pick: Red wings in 5."
Actual result: Oilers in 6.
"The Wings shouldn't have too much trouble here." Dear god, what happened?! The Wings looked old out there, and the Oilers were all energy and hard work. Hurray for Alberta hockey! I love it. But was this Steve Yzerman's last NHL hockey?? Sad face. The NHL must be having kittens that the Wings lost to freaking EDMONTON (in addition to the Rangers and Flyers going out). There go your already measly ratings.
#2 Dallas Stars vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
"Kiyo's pick: Stars in 6."
Actual result: Avalanche in 5.
"If anyone could pull off a big upset in the first round, it would be Colorado." My only defense for such a horrible pick. Also, three of those games went to overtime, so it was much closer than it appeared. Brendan Morrow of the Stars led the league in hits in the first round, awesome. I would never have picked Jose "it's Propecia, not steroids" Theodore to play so much better than Marty Turco in goal, but there you go. Looking back, Turco does not have a good playoff record over the years. How disappointing. At least Jose's lovely head of hair is still around for another round.
#3 Calgary Flames vs. #6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks
"Kiyo's pick: Flames in 7 (but Anaheim still has a really, really good chance)."
Actual result: Mighty Ducks in 7.
"Oh god. The Mighty Ducks...I am really scared for the Flames." With good reason. How extremely sad that my favorite Western Conference team (and defending Western Conference champions) are already out. This was the only series in the first round to go 7 games, and it was largely exciting. Lots of huge hits, and the most fights of any series so far. The Flames looked uncharacteristically lackluster in game 7 (at home!!). The delectable Andrew Ference had a great series, while Dion Phaneuf finally played like a 20-year-old defenseman (tentative and mistake-y), so I feel somewhat vindicated in calling him overrated all year (but he'll still win like 4 Norris Trophies, I'm sure). I'm just glad that there are so many players on Anaheim that I like: Vitaly Vishnevski, the latter day Scott Stevens; the Niedermayer brothers and their lovely playoff beards; J.S. Giguere, who may still be injured; and the delightful Francois Beauchemin, who actually fought with Jarome Iginla. Moxie. But I don't think I can actively root for them until they drop that "Mighty" nonsense. There is actually one reason why it's good that the Flames are out--we won't have to deal with any more stupid Flames headlines. I saw a couple about "Roast Ducks" this time. If the Flames had won, they would have played Edmonton, and you just know that there would have been crap about burning oil and whatnot. By far the worst one I ever saw was two years ago when the Flames beat the Red Wings: "Wings Experience Burning Sensation." Disgusting. On the other hand, if the Flames had beat the Ducks, I bet we would have seen clips of the time the Ducks mascot tried to leap over this flaming tub and ended up landing right in it and setting himself on fire. That was classic. Have I mentioned that I hate mascots?
#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 San Jose Sharks
"Kiyo's pick: Predators in 7."
Actual result: Sharks in 5.
Wow, 0-for-conference. "This should be interesting." And it was. Once again, a somewhat closer series than the result indicates. The Predators won the first game, and the Sharks won the next four. Sharks captain Patrick Marleau was unbelievable. I always write that guy off, and I totally shouldn't. I picked Nashville because they had such a great home record, and game 5 was the first time all season that they lost two in a row at home. Nicely done, Sharks. And I like your fans, who are pleasantly knowledgeable about hockey. But I still hate Kyle McLaren.
In our annual overtime winner game, my mom won the first round with two correct guesses: Joe Sakic for Colorado, game 2, and Eric Staal for Carolina, game 3. I got one--Andrew Brunette for Colorado, game 5. My auntie got zip.
Several ex-Winter Hawks played well, and I realized how totally in love with Andrew Ference, Brendan Morrow and Paul Gaustad the hockey announcers are. The CBC just raved about Andy: "He's been a force." The OLN guys loved how hard Brendan played, especially compared to some of his teammates. In the Stars' last game, they said that his teammates were feeding off his energy. And the OLN camera guys love Paulie. They kept zooming in on him unnecessarily. I figured out that it was for three reasons: 1. he's tall and therefore stands out, 2. he doesn't wear a visor which is helpful because 3. he's a good-looking kid. Sometimes that OLN is not stupid.
But here are the times when OLN was stupid this round:
--Jon Klemm got a goal, but OLN spelled his name "Klenn" which is unforgivable.
--the Flyers fans thought Peter Forsberg got a hat trick and threw all their hats onto the ice. Problem was, Simon Gagne actually got the goal. OLN didn't bother to, you know, pay attention the game, so they just listed that Forsberg got a hat trick. Idiots.
--the studio idiots make lots of stupid jokes, and then laugh at them for ages. It's unbearable!
--Neil Smith clearly hates life and should die.
--OLN announced that they're changing their name to "vs." First they went from the Outdoor Life Network to just OLN, which totally worked for KFC because no one remembers what that stands for. And now it's vs. with no capital letters or anything because they're so fucking cutting edge.
Local Comcast wasn't so hot, either. Twice (TWO GORRAM TIMES!!) they accidentally cut away to some stupid local commercials WHILE THE GAME WAS IN PLAY!! And the second time, they actually made me miss a goal. They froze the commercial and cut back to the game, but it was far too late. I hope someone was fired. And then kicked in the crotch. If not, I volunteer for the duty. I think I'll start a ribbon campaign for that.
And here's a bit of fun from The Onion:
Several of those made me laugh, and a few made me sad.
And now, my second round predictions:
EASTERN CONFERENCE
#1 Ottawa Senators vs. #4 Buffalo Sabres
This matchup makes me so happy it hurts. I can't even decide. The Senators are very, very good. Dany Heatley, Jason Spezza, Daniel Alfredsson...yowza. The Sabres roll four lines, which I LOVE in the playoffs. I also love the way they went into Philadelphia and made the Flyers their bitches. The smart money is on Ottawa, but I've never been a gambler myself. I think I'll go with the stupid money this time.
Kiyo's pick: Sabres in 7.
#2 Carolina Hurricanes vs. #3 New Jersey Devils
If the Devils keep playing like they did in the first round, just hand them the Stanley Cup now. HOWEVER, they won't be playing the pathetic Rangers every round. The Hurricanes are much better, but I still don't trust them without Erik Cole. And the Devils have two awesome lines in Gionta/Gomez/Parise and Elias/Langenbrunner/Brylin. I love them passionately.
Kiyo's pick: Devils in 6.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
#5 San Jose Sharks vs. #8 Edmonton Oilers
I still can't believe the Sharks are the top seed left in the West. I love the way both these teams are playing. I really want to pick the Sharks, but those Oilers...Dwayne Roloson is awesome and Shawn Horcoff is quite possibly the most underrated player in the league. Some announcer mentioned during the Red Wing series that the Oilers just have this ability to adapt to the other team. I thought about it and yes, they did remind me of the Borg (forgive my extreme geekiness). You know how the first few phaser shots at the Borg kill them, and then after two or three hits that shield goes up and nothing you do hurts them anymore? Yeah, that was totally the Oilers. You know what? I'm picking them. Sorry, Sharkie.
Kiyo's pick: Oilers in 7.
#6 Anaheim Mighty Ducks vs. #7 Colorado Avalanche
Augh, my brain hurts! All these series will be close. I can't see any of these being decided in fewer than 6 games. Once again, I really want to pick Anaheim, but...it's the freaking Colorado Avalanche. I wish I liked them because I would have been a happy fan for many years. But they stole their team from Quebec and they traded away poor Adam Deadmarsh, so there's really no way I'll root for them. BUT I hear that ex-Winter Hawk Steve Konowalchuk, who missed pretty much the entire season, will be back. That is good for the Avs. He rules. I'm just eagerly awaiting another round of the Niedermayer brothers. It cracked me up how with the announcers during the game, Scott Niedermayer was always "Niedermayer" but Rob Niedermayer was always "ROB Niedermayer" with that exact emphasis. Every time without fail, the poor guy.
Kiyo's pick: Avalanche in 7.
ex-Winter Hawks eliminated this round: Andrew Ference, Cale Hulse & Richie Regehr, Calgary; Brendan Morrow, Dallas; Richard Zednik, Montreal; Scott Nichol, Nashville; Marcel Hossa, New York Rangers; Nolan Pratt, Tampa Bay.
ex-Winter Hawks still remaining: Paul Gaustad, Buffalo; Glen Wesley, Carolina; Steve Konowalchuk, Colorado; Jason Wiemer, New Jersey.