Book 4, Chapter 5: The Compass That You Gave Me
Title: The Compass That You Gave Me
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy/Dominic
Word count: 5976
Summary: Moving on, moving in.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
From childhood Dominic had found it easy to slip into his thoughts and sometimes his dreams while on a long drive, and now, already exhausted from this day, it seems even easier to do so in the passenger seat of Billy's car. Caught between sleep and waking, Dominic can hear snatches of Billy's singing along with a line or two of the songs playing on the CD that's been on repeat since they'd left the house earlier that afternoon, and combined with the rhythmic beat of the windshield wipers and the motion of the car, the sound lulls Dominic almost thoroughly. He's grateful for that, as Billy seems to have taken the longest shortcut ever on their way home.
"Where are we?" Dominic asks. He clears his throat, sitting up to scrub the sleep from his eyes and pull the seatbelt away from his skin, wincing at the bright score of pain it leaves on top of other marks that have been slow to heal. Looking out the windows, he finds has no idea where they are, and Billy's answering smile doesn't make him feel much better.
"Very nearly home."
"Doesn't look familiar."
"Well, it wouldn't. I don't think I've ever made this approach before with you in the car." Billy's smile widens a little. "Good thing I know what I'm doing. Mostly."
Dominic hums in a kind of agreement and continues to stare out the window, leaning back into his seat again.
Neither of them had missed any lectures that morning, though Billy had cancelled his office hours so that he could drive Dominic to the doctor. The experience had been exactly what Billy had promised it would be, and not nearly as harrowing as Dominic had feared. The doctor had dealt with several of Billy's small ailments for the past few years, and he hadn't blinked at the sight of Billy's exhausted face or the sound of Dominic's feet and hands tapping nervously. And then when it was over--after Dominic had filled in a stack of paperwork, offered his arm for his blood to be tested, and spoken softly everything he knew and remembered about what he'd taken and what it had done to and for him--Dominic had watched Billy retreat into a quieter conversation with the man, barely catching the words they'd shared but taking from them easily how concerned Billy had become and, Dominic thinks, a measure of what Dominic's come to mean to Billy. Whatever response the doctor had given Billy, it seemed to have offered Billy a peace of mind he'd worked quietly to send Dominic's way, too, through the rest of the day.
"Alright?" Billy asks, interrupting Dominic's thoughts.
"Yeah." Dominic reaches to turn the volume lower on the radio and stretches his legs and leans back, covering Billy's hand with his own on his thigh. "Tired. I shouldn't be, but I am."
"We'll get some rest this weekend, yeah? Doctor's orders."
"I liked him."
"I thought you might."
They're silent for a moment as each remembers the things they'd been told by Billy's doctor, and both shift uncomfortably before Dominic just comes out with it.
"I wish we didn't have to wait so long for the results of the tests."
"They'll be fine," Billy says firmly, his eyes on the road. "Everything will be fine. We'll call on Wednesday, if the office doesn't call before them. You're going to be fine."
Dominic isn't as sure, and can't turn to face Billy even if Billy were to look his way. "What if I'm not."
"You will be."
Dominic doesn't want to tell Billy the things he remembers now, some of those things less clear than others, some he's not even sure are real. He knows he's slept with Elijah, had known it all along, but can't remember if they used condoms. A messy, unwanted memory of Elijah fucking his mouth returns to the surface of his thoughts, but Dominic can't remember the worst of the details, and hasn't much tried to. Even worse than those thoughts have been the two times he's been confronted with Elijah in the past week. Once, cornering Dominic in the law library, Elijah had apologized so sincerely that Dominic had almost believed him--almost, though he knew it was too late for apologies. He'd simply grabbed his books and left, returning to his bare room to study, something he'd found himself doing more frequently than he ever had before he'd mostly moved in with Billy. The second time Elijah had found him had been harder; Elijah had sidled up to him outdoors, near the spreading trees under which Dominic had been hoping to find a little peace and quiet. He had mostly been able to ignore Elijah's questions and assurances, but when he'd stepped in front of Dominic, eyes flashing even though his smile had been sweet, the apologies from earlier in the week were gone, replaced by the things that spurred the ugly images and even uglier memories. Dominic hadn't told Billy about either incident; he's hesitant to bring up Elijah's name, much less anything about him, preferring for the moment to pretend it's not happening--it didn't happen, but the weight of keeping this secret from Billy isn't a light one, and he hates to bear it.
"I'm scared," he says now, quietly, his fingers wrapping over the top of Billy's hand tightly.
"I know," Billy says, changing gears hard under Dominic's grasp. "Let's just not, Dom. Let's not think about it now. We have a bit to go, yeah? I might have taken a wrong turn back there." Billy takes a breath and turns to smile again at Dominic, not even trying to pretend he hadn't gotten lost somewhat on purpose. "I think we're headed further south than I meant. We'll get off at the next junction that doesn't look like it might lead to our deaths, and we'll get some dinner." Dominic nods and takes a breath, too, pushing away his frustration for the moment. Billy's making a conscious choice to not think now; why shouldn't he try the same.
It's dark by the time they finally arrive home, warmed and sated by Italian food and their own company, and as Dominic makes his way down the hall to the bedroom, he can hear Billy's yawn behind him. Billy doesn't follow him, though; the next sound Dominic hears is the groan of Billy's desk chair as Billy falls back into it. Dominic huffs quietly and begins to shuck his clothes as he stands staring at their unmade bed, giving serious thought to just crawling between the sheets. Instead he slips into a faded pair of Billy's boxer shorts and an old shirt of his own from the pile of clean laundry that never seems to find its way into the drawers. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he grabs his journal from where he'd abandoned it the night before. He'd only managed to write one line then, and he taps his pen over it now, trying to form words that won't come. He can't quite replay the day in his head the way he ordinarily might when he faced with the desire to write it out, and finds that he doesn't actually want to. Instead he closes the journal and leaves it on the bed as before, escaping its pull and the room itself.
Dominic moves around the front room, trying not to disturb Billy, but too restless to remain in any one place for long. He wonders if he should call his mother or try to study, draft an essay or wander back to the bedroom to perform stretches and deep breaths. The bedroom's the most tempting option, but he doesn't want to surrender to that temptation any more than to others; Dominic would like to think that he can manage a normal evening back in this house, after these more increasingly normal days. He squats down to look at the DVDs lined on Billy's shelves before moving over to the stereo, fiddling with the buttons and catching Billy's smile from the corner of his eye. Another circuit around the room, and Dominic begins picking up things--framed pictures, books, the very few of his possessions that have found their way into this room--before he finally settles down on the couch again and closes his eyes.
In his head Dominic can almost hear Billy's typical offhand admonishment to be still, but when Dominic opens his eyes again and tilts his head back toward where Billy sits, he finds that Billy's attention is on his papers; he's allowing Dominic to find his own occupation, for better or worse, rather than force him still. He must feel Dominic's eyes on his back, however, because after a moment Billy looks over his shoulder and the rims of his glasses, meeting Dominic's eyes, and he sighs and stands up himself, crossing to the couch and leaning over it slightly to run his fingers through Dominic's hair.
"Did you want to talk, Dom? You look a bit--"
Dominic shakes his head, silencing Billy, and retreats back into his own thoughts for a few seconds before he finally answers. "No. M' just tired, I guess," Dominic says quietly. Billy smiles down at him, and Dominic can tell Billy is exhausted, too. He regrets, again, his decisions over the last several weeks--wishes he could erase at least the memory from Billy's mind. Instead of talking about it, however, Dominic pushes it down and keeps it inside, both not wanting to burden Billy further and not really wanting to talk about Elijah. After a while, Dominic lies still as Billy's fingers stroke through his hair. It's calming, and Dominic uncurls his fists and relaxes into the cushions.
"Have you got room there for me?"
Dominic blinks at the sound of Billy's voice again and sits up, watching Billy ease himself into the cushions after taking a glimpse at the fire to make sure it doesn't need any coaxing. Once he's settled, Billy nods and pulls Dominic back against him almost greedily, looking for a different kind of comfort than what Dominic wants, but likely needing it just as much. His hand flits back up into Dominic's hair, and Billy threads the strands between his fingers as if he's comparing blond to brown, light to dark. "'s nice, isn't it? That fire warm enough for you?"
Dominic nods, curling into Billy even more, and Billy looks down at Dominic, tilting his head. "It's going to be alright, you know," he says softly. "And you were fucking strong today, Dom. I can't stand it when they take blood from me; I've never liked it, and when you've seen it being taken from others for worse reasons--" Billy stops himself and takes a breath.
"I know, Billy." An image of Matt resting quietly in a hospital bed comes to Dominic's mind, but then he looks up at Billy, wondering what it is Billy's seen, why it could have been worse. Billy's mouth has flattened into a hard line again, but he eventually takes a breath and shakes his head.
"You've got a much stronger spine than I do."
"No." Dominic inches closer and shakes his head, too. "My mum used to tell Matt--used to tell us to look away from it. From the needle. Count off in our heads or think of a story or the last brilliant thing we saw."
"Good advice."
"It helped. Helps. To take yourself away from the ... pain or whatever." Dominic suddenly remembers doing something similar when he'd been with Elijah and he ducks his head, wanting to hide the flush of heat in his face. He hears Billy murmur something before Billy's hand falls over the back of Dominic's neck, drawing him away from the edge of the rabbit hole his darker thoughts have become, and Dominic blinks hard as he looks up again. Billy's eyes are narrowed, but not in anger or confusion; Dominic can tell he's willing strength to make itself felt inside them both.
"Was that not the best Italian you've ever tasted?" Billy muses, then, changing the subject, and Dominic smiles as he leans against Billy again, grateful. "I swear if we hadn't rolled ourselves out of that restaurant we would have depleted their inventory for tonight. I hope we can find it again."
"We brought dessert home."
Billy's hand stills in Dominic's hair, and Dominic closes his eyes and smiles a bit wider, knowing Billy's negotiating with himself about whether he has the energy to leap up from the couch. "I'll get it in a minute. Just when I think I'm sure I couldn't eat any more tonight, you make me remember that." Billy's fingers travel, then, drumming lightly on Dominic's arm. "I like this shirt on you. Irritant. It's almost evocative, isn't it. Like onamona--what is that, Dom? When the word sounds like itself."
Dominic smiles beneath his closed eyes. "Onomatopoeia."
"That's the one." Billy sighs, his fingers drifting now inside Dominic's pushed-up sleeve. "Beyond everything today, Dom, it was brilliant just having a drive with you. I would have said before, but you were knackered. We'll do more of that, I think. No, I'm making a promise. We will."
Dominic nods against Billy's shirt, the fabric rough but cool on his cheek. "I'd like that."
"Maybe next weekend. Next Saturday."
"I told Gian that I would sit for him." Dominic feels Billy tense up slightly, but all that comes from Billy is a curious hum. "I could cancel."
"No." Billy shakes his head. "No, you've made your own promise. You've got obligations we haven't created for you together, Dom, and they're your friends, you said, Gian and his girlfriend. 's not such bad thing being part of someone else's art and getting friendship in the bargain." Billy looks as if he might say something more, but then he shakes his head. "Just enjoy the process, and that bit of money, too. We'll go next weekend. We'll just ... drive. Till we run out of road or cash."
Dominic nods again, happy to think of running off anywhere and nowhere with Billy. By that time, the doctor's office will have been able to tell them something, Dominic thinks, and they'll both feel better. That's the plan, anyway; that's the theory Dominic wants desperately to put into practice.
"I saw you messing about with the movies, Dom," Billy says around a yawn, stretching behind Dominic and then sitting him up to make room for Billy to stand. "Did you want to put one in while we destroy that sachertorte? I'll sort that out if you pull out the television. And then we'll just sit here, yeah?" Billy lowers his voice. "Good thing we're home, with or without dessert."
It's on the tip of Dominic's lips to tell Billy, again, how happy he is that everything's worked out this far; but then Billy is out of the room and Dominic is left alone, reminding himself to slow down and not to push things. Everything is working out, but they're not quite where he wants to be yet. Things are not quite the same, and Dominic isn't sure that he wants that--the same, of anything. He wants more. Needs more, and better. He needs Billy to touch him with something more than concern about his health or his mental state. Dominic's whole body aches for it, and it's a need entirely different from any he'd had for what Elijah had been able to give him.
Dominic chooses one of Billy's many DVDs, some disaster or another, and then drags the television from its hiding place in a corner of the room. It's dusty, and Dominic instinctively knows that has more to do with Billy's limited attention span than his evening work ethic. Dominic brushes off the screen and checks the cables and remote, content to have something to do, but he bores with it soon enough and wanders the room a bit more, turning out lights and folding the blanket back onto the couch before he crouches to prod at the fire Billy had lit earlier. He can hear the rain pound against the window and goes to look out over the patch of green and brown behind Billy's house, the patch he's certain he can turn into a garden and safe space for both of them, given the chance. Dominic watches leaves make slow, sticky falls from branches to against trunks and then finally to the ground, and he finds that his thoughts move in the direction of Elijah again unwillingly, in the direction of the filthy things Elijah had said to and about him when they'd last met. Dominic shivers but can't ignore the echo of Elijah's words in his head.
"Dominic."
Dominic jumps, startled out of his thoughts, and then calms down at the touch of Billy's hand on his shoulder. "Dirty weather," Billy sighs, frowning at the window. "It's nasty out there now. Could be worse, though--"
"It's getting worse, I think," Dominic says quietly, though for a moment he's not sure what he means. He turns and tugs at Billy's sleeves, leaning in for a kiss before he pulls back just a little, waiting with his eyes closed for Billy to return the attention and feeling like he might collapse with relief when Billy does. Billy's touch is not as possessive as it's ever been, but it feels real, given freely and happily, and it feels good, though Dominic can't keep himself from moving against Billy harder, wanting that elusive more. Billy hums against Dominic's cheek and then kisses him again, just a touch deeper, his fingers drifting gently inside Dominic's waistband, making Dominic swallow hard and clench his hands in Billy's shirt.
"'m warming up something t'drink, Dom," Billy murmurs. "Tea and cake, you'd think we were old men." Dominic smiles, but kisses Billy again rather than talk; he doesn't want any distraction now, anything that'll let his mind wander to thoughts of Elijah again. Billy allows it for a little while, and Dominic can feel him sagging a bit, but then Billy laughs quietly and pulls back from Dominic's last kiss with a resigned little drop of his shoulders. "I'm probably burning something. I don't think we should end the day with m'house on fire, either. Hold that thought, yeah?"
Dominic releases him and makes what he hopes will be a final push to rid his mind of Elijah tonight. Everything Elijah had said and done and threatened the last few days--it was all rubbish, Dominic decides; more of Elijah's games, and Dominic's determined to not fall victim to them again. He puts back the movie he had originally chosen and instead retrieves a comedy from Billy's stash: an old Marx Brothers' film, one they've watched several times but Dominic still finds funny. There's a kind of comfort in any repetition--Dominic's tried to find such routine comfort for himself, and it's been hard but not impossible with Billy--and Dominic's always enjoyed the release of laughter that's not been taken from him uncomfortably. He sets the film running, his finger on the button to play the actual feature, then looks up to see Billy beside him, laden down with an old tray he eventually sets down on the table before he settles into the space left for him behind Dominic on the couch.
"Duck Soup," Billy says, settling in. "Perfect. Last time we watched this, you fell asleep here with me after we'd laughed ourselves senseless. That was a good night, yeah?" Stabbing at a piece of cake, Billy offers Dominic the first bite and then takes one for himself. "There we go. Start the movie, yeah?"
Most of the rest of the dessert's abandoned once Billy and Dominic are both absorbed in the short film and laughing, softly but still aloud, and Dominic feels Billy's relaxed behind him, his hand curved at Dominic's waist, his fingers caressing Dominic's stomach. Dominic tips his face up to kiss Billy again and then sits higher, moving into every available inch of space he can against Billy, looking for that familiar safety and starting to feel relaxed himself. "Be nice if we could stay like this forever. Maybe set up a camera so you could webcast your lectures, yeah? I can email the rest of my assignments. I think it could work."
Billy's happy to bark out a laugh at that thought, tugging gently at Dominic's growing hair where it stands up in tufts and spikes. "And how d'you think we'd keep this mess out of the frame? I love a camera, Dom, but I don't like being in front of one. And even I don't dress badly enough to be on Open University. Let's not even go into what we'd have to do before this place was presentable."
His ramble complete, Billy continues to stroke Dominic's hair as the movie goes on, scratchy and slightly blurred. "Forever's in your head more than anything else, Dom," he says softly. "'s like we were talking about in class; surrender to an abstracted sort of peace, something you find inside yourself. You made an impassioned enough defense of that idea, Dom; you must believe in it very much. Sometimes when you're up for discussion, I just listen, you know. I'm glad you're doing it again--participating. Talking, not just to me. If I could get away with closing my eyes to hear you speak, I would. Lucky for me I get t'listen to you more than anyone else."
"You do more than listen," Dominic says, his fingers finding a button on Billy's shirt and turning it idly. "And I wouldn't be talking at all in that class if you hadn't talked to me first. I really did think of quitting, Billy. I thought about withdrawing from your class, that first week."
"Y'didn't, though." Billy lowers his voice and his head, too, until he's speaking so quietly Dominic has to strain to listen. "There's only certain kinds of surrender I'll accept, Dom, and that wouldn't have been one of them. It's over now, that bit. You'll do whatever it takes now, yeah? You're not going to fail your classes, or me, or yourself, and that's it."
Billy's certainty should be enough, Dominic thinks, and as the movie continues he goes mostly silent, giving up argument in favour of pratfalls and bad jokes. By the time the film reaches its end, though, Dominic's caught again between restlessness and exhaustion, and need that overwhelms both. When Billy starts to move behind him, clearly ready to go for another DVD or drink, Dominic catches him, pulling him into another kiss and feeling a small surge of victory when Billy doesn't fight him, and instead slides his hands inside Dominic's shirt, bringing him closer. Memory leads Dominic's hand to Billy's belt, working it loose and then off as Billy shifts beneath him, his expression mostly unreadable but for the need in his eyes until Dominic tugs at his zipper and Billy grabs his wrist, holding Dominic still and kissing him hard, as if dragging his attention back where Billy thinks it's safest.
"Billy--" Dominic starts, and Billy shakes his head, kissing him again, but Dominic turns his chin away, needing to speak. "We don't have to wait for everything, Billy. I want--I want you. I want this."
"You can't possibly think I don't," Billy says, his voice thick, but then he takes a deep breath and pushes his hands through Dominic's hair again. "And we will, Dom, just not--now. Alright?" Dominic ducks his head, but Billy tips it up again gently but firmly, tilting his own head. "Dom."
Tugging Billy closer, Dominic kisses him again, softly before he pulls away, feeling tired and ragged again suddenly. He's furious with Elijah and angry with Billy for not allowing him this when he most needs it, and he bites back the apologies that always seem to be on the tip of his tongue--he's tired of making them, and believing that maybe Billy is tired of hearing them. Elijah's voice comes back unbidden and Dominic has to fight through the wave of frustration that would send him on another circuit of the room if he let it. The rain picks up outside as if mirroring Dominic's state of mind, and Dominic reaches for the remote before Billy beats him to it, turning off the television and leaving the room dark now except for the small banker's lamp on Billy's desk that Dominic had forgot to turn off. The wind whistles down the chimney, making the fire dance brighter for a moment before it calms, and Dominic leans heavily on Billy, closing his eyes once more.
"You've had a bastard of a day," Billy says softly. "And you've had something else on your mind, Dom, and I think I want to know what it is."
Dominic shakes his head but Billy is silent, waiting. "I'm just frustrated, Billy. By this whole thing. I know it's my fault--"
"Not all of it."
"Most of it."
"Not even, Dom. You can't start thinking these things--"
"I was thinking about having a run in the morning."
Billy barely blinks at the change in direction of their conversation, but he doesn't look convinced that it's the best idea. "Not if it's still raining like this."
"I've run in the rain before."
"I remember." Dominic brings his head up sharply, catching something in the twist of Billy's lips that fuels his frustration even more, knowing that nothing will happen tonight, either, just as nothing has happened beyond this searching, eager kissing since he'd found his way back inside this house.
"I feel like I need to--like if I don't, I'll crawl out of my skin. I need to do something."
"Alright," Billy murmurs. "We'll find something, then. I don't know that you should be running, Dom. You're underweight, the doctor said, and--" Billy pauses, sitting back a little and pushing a hand up through his hair.
"What else did he say?" Billy opens his mouth but nothing comes quickly enough for Dominic, who sits up and tilts his head when Billy does, too, unwilling to give ground here. "When I was getting dressed and you talked, Billy. What did he say?"
"Nothing he hadn't tried to explain t'you first, Dom."
Dominic bares his teeth a little then backs down from it, too tired to fight as hard as he wants. "I can't play this the way you do, Billy," he whispers. "You can get the truth out of a man who's never told it, but getting it out of you's like--"
"I'm telling you the truth," Billy says, just as quietly. "You asked what he said, not what I did. Were you wanting that, Dom? Because I can give it to you. I can tell you that I told him I thought I might have lost you weeks ago, and that we got lucky, and that you were the bravest fucking thing I've set eyes on because you came back and you wanted to fix this and you wanted to do so with me."
"Billy--"
"No, you wanted to hear this. You wanted the truth, and you're right, it isn't as easy for me to tell as it is for you." Billy takes another breath and lets his hands fall back to Dominic's waist, playing there as he speaks. "I told the doctor about us. Not that he couldn't have figured it out himself, but I felt like I had to. I should have asked if you were ready for that. I made an assumption, and it might not be the last, so you're warned there, yeah? I needed him to know why I'd brought you; it's not in the jurisdiction of a professor to take his student to see a doctor. And I wanted to tell him that I intend to be with you for a long time." Billy's expression is more serious than any Dominic's seen from him all week, and Dominic forces himself not to blink under the weight of Billy's stare. "As long as you want to stay with me. I'm starting to believe we're invincible, Dom. You need to believe that, too. In a few days maybe we'll have a bit of proof. In the meantime, just believe it, yeah?"
"I'm trying." Dominic looks down again, and Billy relaxes, sliding his hands inside Dominic's shirt again. Dominic arches a little when Billy's fingers trace his spine, and he feels Billy giving in a bit, pushing the shirt higher until Dominic sits up and removes it himself, a flush of relief on his skin. Billy doesn't stop him when Dominic works button after button loose on Billy's shirt, spreading it open so Dominic can touch him, and the next kiss they share is rougher than the others before, greedy and almost harsh, leaving Billy breathless and shifting underneath Dominic again. Dominic's determined to have something from this tonight, from Billy, whatever it is, and every minute that passes Billy seems more able to give him that; it won't and can't be everything Dominic wants, but it could come close to what he needs.
Dominic turns his head slightly, brushing his lips against Billy's neck before he drags his teeth over the same spot, and something there sparks Billy, leading him to push one hand between them to open his trousers properly, his fingers moving over Dominic's cock as well, still trapped in those boxers. Dominic lets out a shocked, happy breath and grinds down on Billy's hand before he sits back and trails kisses down Billy's chest to his stomach, listening for Billy's own breathing to change as it always has. It's only when Dominic's lips rest above the waistband of Billy's boxers and his hand drifts inside Billy's trousers that Billy gasps and closes his eyes, his expression tense and desperate and his hands grasping Dominic's shoulders hard.
"Billy--" Dominic starts again, and Billy's eyes open, flashing bright as he curves his hands and drags Dominic back up against him. They're face to face once more, and when Dominic opens his mouth to speak, Billy silences him with a fierce kiss and then arches up in a challenge Dominic reads before Dominic can form another word.
"Like this," Billy says, raspy and certain, and Dominic nods, leaning to kiss him as he lowers his hips in retaliation and response. Billy guides them, his hands on Dominic's ass, short fingernails leaving marks as his fingers slip inside the hem of the boxers. It's messy and greedy and there's more than a trace of teenaged scramble to it, but Dominic needs the contact more than he needs to think about it, and Billy does too, from the look and feel of things; after a moment he shoves his hand between them again and guides Dominic up and back just enough so that Billy can push at his trousers and free himself a little more, letting their cocks touch through the fabric, both warmed by Billy's curving hand again. Billy releases a laugh, low and filthy, and Dominic shivers, twisting his hips and then pushing his knees forward at Billy's sides, trapping him and grinding harder as Billy's laughter splinters into caught breath and his hand curls tightly around Dominic's cock.
Dominic goes still, closing his eyes and willing Billy to do something, anything, and he isn't surprised when Billy relaxes again, the palm of his free hand sliding from inside Dominic's boxers to the back of his thigh, guiding him up. "Dominic," Billy says sharply, though when Dominic opens his eyes again, he finds that Billy's are soft, focused only as much as they need to be, and his expression is still greedy, just in a different way Dominic suddenly recognizes, one that makes him break out in a familiar sweat. Billy's next movement is a slow one, releasing Dominic's cock but only to push his fingers inside the fabric and finally touch Dominic, humming when Dominic shivers again and then taking his hand away before Dominic can register the change. Dominic's thoughts and his heart rate race and slow, slow and race, over and over again as Billy controls their pace, dragging Dominic against him leisurely but hard and then quickly but just skimming. Dominic feels himself at the edge and wants to tumble over it gratefully; in seconds he could be as satisfied as he knows Billy will allow them both. Billy's drawing it all out of him, though; only when Dominic hears himself begging please does Billy let up, after a fashion. His grip becomes tighter, the strength of his body more evident as he shoves Dominic's hips down to his own and arches and hisses, another filthy laugh tumbling from his lips as Dominic comes with a long, low noise of release, half-buried in Billy's shoulder. Dominic's barely cognizant of Billy's own scattershot movements after that; he knows Billy's coming from the way his breath splinters again and his fingernails dig hard into Dominic's skin, but Dominic doesn't have the strength to offer Billy anything more, and Billy knows it, letting them both just rest afterward.
"I love you," Dominic whispers after several minutes have passed, unable to open his eyes and see Billy's reaction, but amazed that he's able to say it at all. Billy hums in response, clearly not able to do much of anything else still, and Dominic wishes again that they could stay where they are for a long time to come, if not forever; the moment either of them moves, reality will set in again, and Dominic will have to face the absurdities of cleaning up after this and the knowledge that he can't ask for more just yet. Frustration laps at the edges of his thoughts again, and Dominic grits his teeth to push it away and just enjoy the feel of Billy's hand stroking down his back as Billy finds his own way out of his own depths. It's hard to not demand to know what Billy's thinking, what he would say if he could, but Dominic fights the urge, only moving when Billy finally does, sitting them both up and falling into a run of messy, exhausted kisses and slow touches.
"s brilliant," Billy murmurs finally, leaning his forehead against Dominic's. "'m sorry. That it couldn't. I couldn't."
Dominic grits his teeth again and then shakes his head, his lips covering Billy's. "We will. You said we will."
Billy nods and pulls Dominic for another kiss before he takes a deep breath and laughs. "Fucking mess, we are. That's not a complaint."
Dominic laughs too, shakily, and stands as Billy guides them both to do so. They shamble in the direction of the bathroom and neither looks in the mirror this time as they clean up, too absorbed in each other to care. Dominic feels better and worse at once, and when Billy's eyes close and he staggers where he's standing, Dominic bites his lip and steadies Billy, who returns the gesture with a thin smile and a comfortable, easy kiss. Once they've found their way to Billy's bed, Dominic measures the evening against others and determines that Billy's perhaps eighty percent there with him; that twenty percent remains elusive and hides with it the measure of peace Dominic still needs between them, and he has no idea how to get it back, to make it rise from under Billy's surface. His body's too relaxed to allow Dominic the mental energy he needs to think it through anymore, and when Billy's hands find him beneath the sheets Dominic decides he doesn't have to; the fact is that he's here, with as much of Billy as he can have. He'll find and keep the rest when he can.
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy/Dominic
Word count: 5976
Summary: Moving on, moving in.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
From childhood Dominic had found it easy to slip into his thoughts and sometimes his dreams while on a long drive, and now, already exhausted from this day, it seems even easier to do so in the passenger seat of Billy's car. Caught between sleep and waking, Dominic can hear snatches of Billy's singing along with a line or two of the songs playing on the CD that's been on repeat since they'd left the house earlier that afternoon, and combined with the rhythmic beat of the windshield wipers and the motion of the car, the sound lulls Dominic almost thoroughly. He's grateful for that, as Billy seems to have taken the longest shortcut ever on their way home.
"Where are we?" Dominic asks. He clears his throat, sitting up to scrub the sleep from his eyes and pull the seatbelt away from his skin, wincing at the bright score of pain it leaves on top of other marks that have been slow to heal. Looking out the windows, he finds has no idea where they are, and Billy's answering smile doesn't make him feel much better.
"Very nearly home."
"Doesn't look familiar."
"Well, it wouldn't. I don't think I've ever made this approach before with you in the car." Billy's smile widens a little. "Good thing I know what I'm doing. Mostly."
Dominic hums in a kind of agreement and continues to stare out the window, leaning back into his seat again.
Neither of them had missed any lectures that morning, though Billy had cancelled his office hours so that he could drive Dominic to the doctor. The experience had been exactly what Billy had promised it would be, and not nearly as harrowing as Dominic had feared. The doctor had dealt with several of Billy's small ailments for the past few years, and he hadn't blinked at the sight of Billy's exhausted face or the sound of Dominic's feet and hands tapping nervously. And then when it was over--after Dominic had filled in a stack of paperwork, offered his arm for his blood to be tested, and spoken softly everything he knew and remembered about what he'd taken and what it had done to and for him--Dominic had watched Billy retreat into a quieter conversation with the man, barely catching the words they'd shared but taking from them easily how concerned Billy had become and, Dominic thinks, a measure of what Dominic's come to mean to Billy. Whatever response the doctor had given Billy, it seemed to have offered Billy a peace of mind he'd worked quietly to send Dominic's way, too, through the rest of the day.
"Alright?" Billy asks, interrupting Dominic's thoughts.
"Yeah." Dominic reaches to turn the volume lower on the radio and stretches his legs and leans back, covering Billy's hand with his own on his thigh. "Tired. I shouldn't be, but I am."
"We'll get some rest this weekend, yeah? Doctor's orders."
"I liked him."
"I thought you might."
They're silent for a moment as each remembers the things they'd been told by Billy's doctor, and both shift uncomfortably before Dominic just comes out with it.
"I wish we didn't have to wait so long for the results of the tests."
"They'll be fine," Billy says firmly, his eyes on the road. "Everything will be fine. We'll call on Wednesday, if the office doesn't call before them. You're going to be fine."
Dominic isn't as sure, and can't turn to face Billy even if Billy were to look his way. "What if I'm not."
"You will be."
Dominic doesn't want to tell Billy the things he remembers now, some of those things less clear than others, some he's not even sure are real. He knows he's slept with Elijah, had known it all along, but can't remember if they used condoms. A messy, unwanted memory of Elijah fucking his mouth returns to the surface of his thoughts, but Dominic can't remember the worst of the details, and hasn't much tried to. Even worse than those thoughts have been the two times he's been confronted with Elijah in the past week. Once, cornering Dominic in the law library, Elijah had apologized so sincerely that Dominic had almost believed him--almost, though he knew it was too late for apologies. He'd simply grabbed his books and left, returning to his bare room to study, something he'd found himself doing more frequently than he ever had before he'd mostly moved in with Billy. The second time Elijah had found him had been harder; Elijah had sidled up to him outdoors, near the spreading trees under which Dominic had been hoping to find a little peace and quiet. He had mostly been able to ignore Elijah's questions and assurances, but when he'd stepped in front of Dominic, eyes flashing even though his smile had been sweet, the apologies from earlier in the week were gone, replaced by the things that spurred the ugly images and even uglier memories. Dominic hadn't told Billy about either incident; he's hesitant to bring up Elijah's name, much less anything about him, preferring for the moment to pretend it's not happening--it didn't happen, but the weight of keeping this secret from Billy isn't a light one, and he hates to bear it.
"I'm scared," he says now, quietly, his fingers wrapping over the top of Billy's hand tightly.
"I know," Billy says, changing gears hard under Dominic's grasp. "Let's just not, Dom. Let's not think about it now. We have a bit to go, yeah? I might have taken a wrong turn back there." Billy takes a breath and turns to smile again at Dominic, not even trying to pretend he hadn't gotten lost somewhat on purpose. "I think we're headed further south than I meant. We'll get off at the next junction that doesn't look like it might lead to our deaths, and we'll get some dinner." Dominic nods and takes a breath, too, pushing away his frustration for the moment. Billy's making a conscious choice to not think now; why shouldn't he try the same.
It's dark by the time they finally arrive home, warmed and sated by Italian food and their own company, and as Dominic makes his way down the hall to the bedroom, he can hear Billy's yawn behind him. Billy doesn't follow him, though; the next sound Dominic hears is the groan of Billy's desk chair as Billy falls back into it. Dominic huffs quietly and begins to shuck his clothes as he stands staring at their unmade bed, giving serious thought to just crawling between the sheets. Instead he slips into a faded pair of Billy's boxer shorts and an old shirt of his own from the pile of clean laundry that never seems to find its way into the drawers. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he grabs his journal from where he'd abandoned it the night before. He'd only managed to write one line then, and he taps his pen over it now, trying to form words that won't come. He can't quite replay the day in his head the way he ordinarily might when he faced with the desire to write it out, and finds that he doesn't actually want to. Instead he closes the journal and leaves it on the bed as before, escaping its pull and the room itself.
Dominic moves around the front room, trying not to disturb Billy, but too restless to remain in any one place for long. He wonders if he should call his mother or try to study, draft an essay or wander back to the bedroom to perform stretches and deep breaths. The bedroom's the most tempting option, but he doesn't want to surrender to that temptation any more than to others; Dominic would like to think that he can manage a normal evening back in this house, after these more increasingly normal days. He squats down to look at the DVDs lined on Billy's shelves before moving over to the stereo, fiddling with the buttons and catching Billy's smile from the corner of his eye. Another circuit around the room, and Dominic begins picking up things--framed pictures, books, the very few of his possessions that have found their way into this room--before he finally settles down on the couch again and closes his eyes.
In his head Dominic can almost hear Billy's typical offhand admonishment to be still, but when Dominic opens his eyes again and tilts his head back toward where Billy sits, he finds that Billy's attention is on his papers; he's allowing Dominic to find his own occupation, for better or worse, rather than force him still. He must feel Dominic's eyes on his back, however, because after a moment Billy looks over his shoulder and the rims of his glasses, meeting Dominic's eyes, and he sighs and stands up himself, crossing to the couch and leaning over it slightly to run his fingers through Dominic's hair.
"Did you want to talk, Dom? You look a bit--"
Dominic shakes his head, silencing Billy, and retreats back into his own thoughts for a few seconds before he finally answers. "No. M' just tired, I guess," Dominic says quietly. Billy smiles down at him, and Dominic can tell Billy is exhausted, too. He regrets, again, his decisions over the last several weeks--wishes he could erase at least the memory from Billy's mind. Instead of talking about it, however, Dominic pushes it down and keeps it inside, both not wanting to burden Billy further and not really wanting to talk about Elijah. After a while, Dominic lies still as Billy's fingers stroke through his hair. It's calming, and Dominic uncurls his fists and relaxes into the cushions.
"Have you got room there for me?"
Dominic blinks at the sound of Billy's voice again and sits up, watching Billy ease himself into the cushions after taking a glimpse at the fire to make sure it doesn't need any coaxing. Once he's settled, Billy nods and pulls Dominic back against him almost greedily, looking for a different kind of comfort than what Dominic wants, but likely needing it just as much. His hand flits back up into Dominic's hair, and Billy threads the strands between his fingers as if he's comparing blond to brown, light to dark. "'s nice, isn't it? That fire warm enough for you?"
Dominic nods, curling into Billy even more, and Billy looks down at Dominic, tilting his head. "It's going to be alright, you know," he says softly. "And you were fucking strong today, Dom. I can't stand it when they take blood from me; I've never liked it, and when you've seen it being taken from others for worse reasons--" Billy stops himself and takes a breath.
"I know, Billy." An image of Matt resting quietly in a hospital bed comes to Dominic's mind, but then he looks up at Billy, wondering what it is Billy's seen, why it could have been worse. Billy's mouth has flattened into a hard line again, but he eventually takes a breath and shakes his head.
"You've got a much stronger spine than I do."
"No." Dominic inches closer and shakes his head, too. "My mum used to tell Matt--used to tell us to look away from it. From the needle. Count off in our heads or think of a story or the last brilliant thing we saw."
"Good advice."
"It helped. Helps. To take yourself away from the ... pain or whatever." Dominic suddenly remembers doing something similar when he'd been with Elijah and he ducks his head, wanting to hide the flush of heat in his face. He hears Billy murmur something before Billy's hand falls over the back of Dominic's neck, drawing him away from the edge of the rabbit hole his darker thoughts have become, and Dominic blinks hard as he looks up again. Billy's eyes are narrowed, but not in anger or confusion; Dominic can tell he's willing strength to make itself felt inside them both.
"Was that not the best Italian you've ever tasted?" Billy muses, then, changing the subject, and Dominic smiles as he leans against Billy again, grateful. "I swear if we hadn't rolled ourselves out of that restaurant we would have depleted their inventory for tonight. I hope we can find it again."
"We brought dessert home."
Billy's hand stills in Dominic's hair, and Dominic closes his eyes and smiles a bit wider, knowing Billy's negotiating with himself about whether he has the energy to leap up from the couch. "I'll get it in a minute. Just when I think I'm sure I couldn't eat any more tonight, you make me remember that." Billy's fingers travel, then, drumming lightly on Dominic's arm. "I like this shirt on you. Irritant. It's almost evocative, isn't it. Like onamona--what is that, Dom? When the word sounds like itself."
Dominic smiles beneath his closed eyes. "Onomatopoeia."
"That's the one." Billy sighs, his fingers drifting now inside Dominic's pushed-up sleeve. "Beyond everything today, Dom, it was brilliant just having a drive with you. I would have said before, but you were knackered. We'll do more of that, I think. No, I'm making a promise. We will."
Dominic nods against Billy's shirt, the fabric rough but cool on his cheek. "I'd like that."
"Maybe next weekend. Next Saturday."
"I told Gian that I would sit for him." Dominic feels Billy tense up slightly, but all that comes from Billy is a curious hum. "I could cancel."
"No." Billy shakes his head. "No, you've made your own promise. You've got obligations we haven't created for you together, Dom, and they're your friends, you said, Gian and his girlfriend. 's not such bad thing being part of someone else's art and getting friendship in the bargain." Billy looks as if he might say something more, but then he shakes his head. "Just enjoy the process, and that bit of money, too. We'll go next weekend. We'll just ... drive. Till we run out of road or cash."
Dominic nods again, happy to think of running off anywhere and nowhere with Billy. By that time, the doctor's office will have been able to tell them something, Dominic thinks, and they'll both feel better. That's the plan, anyway; that's the theory Dominic wants desperately to put into practice.
"I saw you messing about with the movies, Dom," Billy says around a yawn, stretching behind Dominic and then sitting him up to make room for Billy to stand. "Did you want to put one in while we destroy that sachertorte? I'll sort that out if you pull out the television. And then we'll just sit here, yeah?" Billy lowers his voice. "Good thing we're home, with or without dessert."
It's on the tip of Dominic's lips to tell Billy, again, how happy he is that everything's worked out this far; but then Billy is out of the room and Dominic is left alone, reminding himself to slow down and not to push things. Everything is working out, but they're not quite where he wants to be yet. Things are not quite the same, and Dominic isn't sure that he wants that--the same, of anything. He wants more. Needs more, and better. He needs Billy to touch him with something more than concern about his health or his mental state. Dominic's whole body aches for it, and it's a need entirely different from any he'd had for what Elijah had been able to give him.
Dominic chooses one of Billy's many DVDs, some disaster or another, and then drags the television from its hiding place in a corner of the room. It's dusty, and Dominic instinctively knows that has more to do with Billy's limited attention span than his evening work ethic. Dominic brushes off the screen and checks the cables and remote, content to have something to do, but he bores with it soon enough and wanders the room a bit more, turning out lights and folding the blanket back onto the couch before he crouches to prod at the fire Billy had lit earlier. He can hear the rain pound against the window and goes to look out over the patch of green and brown behind Billy's house, the patch he's certain he can turn into a garden and safe space for both of them, given the chance. Dominic watches leaves make slow, sticky falls from branches to against trunks and then finally to the ground, and he finds that his thoughts move in the direction of Elijah again unwillingly, in the direction of the filthy things Elijah had said to and about him when they'd last met. Dominic shivers but can't ignore the echo of Elijah's words in his head.
"Dominic."
Dominic jumps, startled out of his thoughts, and then calms down at the touch of Billy's hand on his shoulder. "Dirty weather," Billy sighs, frowning at the window. "It's nasty out there now. Could be worse, though--"
"It's getting worse, I think," Dominic says quietly, though for a moment he's not sure what he means. He turns and tugs at Billy's sleeves, leaning in for a kiss before he pulls back just a little, waiting with his eyes closed for Billy to return the attention and feeling like he might collapse with relief when Billy does. Billy's touch is not as possessive as it's ever been, but it feels real, given freely and happily, and it feels good, though Dominic can't keep himself from moving against Billy harder, wanting that elusive more. Billy hums against Dominic's cheek and then kisses him again, just a touch deeper, his fingers drifting gently inside Dominic's waistband, making Dominic swallow hard and clench his hands in Billy's shirt.
"'m warming up something t'drink, Dom," Billy murmurs. "Tea and cake, you'd think we were old men." Dominic smiles, but kisses Billy again rather than talk; he doesn't want any distraction now, anything that'll let his mind wander to thoughts of Elijah again. Billy allows it for a little while, and Dominic can feel him sagging a bit, but then Billy laughs quietly and pulls back from Dominic's last kiss with a resigned little drop of his shoulders. "I'm probably burning something. I don't think we should end the day with m'house on fire, either. Hold that thought, yeah?"
Dominic releases him and makes what he hopes will be a final push to rid his mind of Elijah tonight. Everything Elijah had said and done and threatened the last few days--it was all rubbish, Dominic decides; more of Elijah's games, and Dominic's determined to not fall victim to them again. He puts back the movie he had originally chosen and instead retrieves a comedy from Billy's stash: an old Marx Brothers' film, one they've watched several times but Dominic still finds funny. There's a kind of comfort in any repetition--Dominic's tried to find such routine comfort for himself, and it's been hard but not impossible with Billy--and Dominic's always enjoyed the release of laughter that's not been taken from him uncomfortably. He sets the film running, his finger on the button to play the actual feature, then looks up to see Billy beside him, laden down with an old tray he eventually sets down on the table before he settles into the space left for him behind Dominic on the couch.
"Duck Soup," Billy says, settling in. "Perfect. Last time we watched this, you fell asleep here with me after we'd laughed ourselves senseless. That was a good night, yeah?" Stabbing at a piece of cake, Billy offers Dominic the first bite and then takes one for himself. "There we go. Start the movie, yeah?"
Most of the rest of the dessert's abandoned once Billy and Dominic are both absorbed in the short film and laughing, softly but still aloud, and Dominic feels Billy's relaxed behind him, his hand curved at Dominic's waist, his fingers caressing Dominic's stomach. Dominic tips his face up to kiss Billy again and then sits higher, moving into every available inch of space he can against Billy, looking for that familiar safety and starting to feel relaxed himself. "Be nice if we could stay like this forever. Maybe set up a camera so you could webcast your lectures, yeah? I can email the rest of my assignments. I think it could work."
Billy's happy to bark out a laugh at that thought, tugging gently at Dominic's growing hair where it stands up in tufts and spikes. "And how d'you think we'd keep this mess out of the frame? I love a camera, Dom, but I don't like being in front of one. And even I don't dress badly enough to be on Open University. Let's not even go into what we'd have to do before this place was presentable."
His ramble complete, Billy continues to stroke Dominic's hair as the movie goes on, scratchy and slightly blurred. "Forever's in your head more than anything else, Dom," he says softly. "'s like we were talking about in class; surrender to an abstracted sort of peace, something you find inside yourself. You made an impassioned enough defense of that idea, Dom; you must believe in it very much. Sometimes when you're up for discussion, I just listen, you know. I'm glad you're doing it again--participating. Talking, not just to me. If I could get away with closing my eyes to hear you speak, I would. Lucky for me I get t'listen to you more than anyone else."
"You do more than listen," Dominic says, his fingers finding a button on Billy's shirt and turning it idly. "And I wouldn't be talking at all in that class if you hadn't talked to me first. I really did think of quitting, Billy. I thought about withdrawing from your class, that first week."
"Y'didn't, though." Billy lowers his voice and his head, too, until he's speaking so quietly Dominic has to strain to listen. "There's only certain kinds of surrender I'll accept, Dom, and that wouldn't have been one of them. It's over now, that bit. You'll do whatever it takes now, yeah? You're not going to fail your classes, or me, or yourself, and that's it."
Billy's certainty should be enough, Dominic thinks, and as the movie continues he goes mostly silent, giving up argument in favour of pratfalls and bad jokes. By the time the film reaches its end, though, Dominic's caught again between restlessness and exhaustion, and need that overwhelms both. When Billy starts to move behind him, clearly ready to go for another DVD or drink, Dominic catches him, pulling him into another kiss and feeling a small surge of victory when Billy doesn't fight him, and instead slides his hands inside Dominic's shirt, bringing him closer. Memory leads Dominic's hand to Billy's belt, working it loose and then off as Billy shifts beneath him, his expression mostly unreadable but for the need in his eyes until Dominic tugs at his zipper and Billy grabs his wrist, holding Dominic still and kissing him hard, as if dragging his attention back where Billy thinks it's safest.
"Billy--" Dominic starts, and Billy shakes his head, kissing him again, but Dominic turns his chin away, needing to speak. "We don't have to wait for everything, Billy. I want--I want you. I want this."
"You can't possibly think I don't," Billy says, his voice thick, but then he takes a deep breath and pushes his hands through Dominic's hair again. "And we will, Dom, just not--now. Alright?" Dominic ducks his head, but Billy tips it up again gently but firmly, tilting his own head. "Dom."
Tugging Billy closer, Dominic kisses him again, softly before he pulls away, feeling tired and ragged again suddenly. He's furious with Elijah and angry with Billy for not allowing him this when he most needs it, and he bites back the apologies that always seem to be on the tip of his tongue--he's tired of making them, and believing that maybe Billy is tired of hearing them. Elijah's voice comes back unbidden and Dominic has to fight through the wave of frustration that would send him on another circuit of the room if he let it. The rain picks up outside as if mirroring Dominic's state of mind, and Dominic reaches for the remote before Billy beats him to it, turning off the television and leaving the room dark now except for the small banker's lamp on Billy's desk that Dominic had forgot to turn off. The wind whistles down the chimney, making the fire dance brighter for a moment before it calms, and Dominic leans heavily on Billy, closing his eyes once more.
"You've had a bastard of a day," Billy says softly. "And you've had something else on your mind, Dom, and I think I want to know what it is."
Dominic shakes his head but Billy is silent, waiting. "I'm just frustrated, Billy. By this whole thing. I know it's my fault--"
"Not all of it."
"Most of it."
"Not even, Dom. You can't start thinking these things--"
"I was thinking about having a run in the morning."
Billy barely blinks at the change in direction of their conversation, but he doesn't look convinced that it's the best idea. "Not if it's still raining like this."
"I've run in the rain before."
"I remember." Dominic brings his head up sharply, catching something in the twist of Billy's lips that fuels his frustration even more, knowing that nothing will happen tonight, either, just as nothing has happened beyond this searching, eager kissing since he'd found his way back inside this house.
"I feel like I need to--like if I don't, I'll crawl out of my skin. I need to do something."
"Alright," Billy murmurs. "We'll find something, then. I don't know that you should be running, Dom. You're underweight, the doctor said, and--" Billy pauses, sitting back a little and pushing a hand up through his hair.
"What else did he say?" Billy opens his mouth but nothing comes quickly enough for Dominic, who sits up and tilts his head when Billy does, too, unwilling to give ground here. "When I was getting dressed and you talked, Billy. What did he say?"
"Nothing he hadn't tried to explain t'you first, Dom."
Dominic bares his teeth a little then backs down from it, too tired to fight as hard as he wants. "I can't play this the way you do, Billy," he whispers. "You can get the truth out of a man who's never told it, but getting it out of you's like--"
"I'm telling you the truth," Billy says, just as quietly. "You asked what he said, not what I did. Were you wanting that, Dom? Because I can give it to you. I can tell you that I told him I thought I might have lost you weeks ago, and that we got lucky, and that you were the bravest fucking thing I've set eyes on because you came back and you wanted to fix this and you wanted to do so with me."
"Billy--"
"No, you wanted to hear this. You wanted the truth, and you're right, it isn't as easy for me to tell as it is for you." Billy takes another breath and lets his hands fall back to Dominic's waist, playing there as he speaks. "I told the doctor about us. Not that he couldn't have figured it out himself, but I felt like I had to. I should have asked if you were ready for that. I made an assumption, and it might not be the last, so you're warned there, yeah? I needed him to know why I'd brought you; it's not in the jurisdiction of a professor to take his student to see a doctor. And I wanted to tell him that I intend to be with you for a long time." Billy's expression is more serious than any Dominic's seen from him all week, and Dominic forces himself not to blink under the weight of Billy's stare. "As long as you want to stay with me. I'm starting to believe we're invincible, Dom. You need to believe that, too. In a few days maybe we'll have a bit of proof. In the meantime, just believe it, yeah?"
"I'm trying." Dominic looks down again, and Billy relaxes, sliding his hands inside Dominic's shirt again. Dominic arches a little when Billy's fingers trace his spine, and he feels Billy giving in a bit, pushing the shirt higher until Dominic sits up and removes it himself, a flush of relief on his skin. Billy doesn't stop him when Dominic works button after button loose on Billy's shirt, spreading it open so Dominic can touch him, and the next kiss they share is rougher than the others before, greedy and almost harsh, leaving Billy breathless and shifting underneath Dominic again. Dominic's determined to have something from this tonight, from Billy, whatever it is, and every minute that passes Billy seems more able to give him that; it won't and can't be everything Dominic wants, but it could come close to what he needs.
Dominic turns his head slightly, brushing his lips against Billy's neck before he drags his teeth over the same spot, and something there sparks Billy, leading him to push one hand between them to open his trousers properly, his fingers moving over Dominic's cock as well, still trapped in those boxers. Dominic lets out a shocked, happy breath and grinds down on Billy's hand before he sits back and trails kisses down Billy's chest to his stomach, listening for Billy's own breathing to change as it always has. It's only when Dominic's lips rest above the waistband of Billy's boxers and his hand drifts inside Billy's trousers that Billy gasps and closes his eyes, his expression tense and desperate and his hands grasping Dominic's shoulders hard.
"Billy--" Dominic starts again, and Billy's eyes open, flashing bright as he curves his hands and drags Dominic back up against him. They're face to face once more, and when Dominic opens his mouth to speak, Billy silences him with a fierce kiss and then arches up in a challenge Dominic reads before Dominic can form another word.
"Like this," Billy says, raspy and certain, and Dominic nods, leaning to kiss him as he lowers his hips in retaliation and response. Billy guides them, his hands on Dominic's ass, short fingernails leaving marks as his fingers slip inside the hem of the boxers. It's messy and greedy and there's more than a trace of teenaged scramble to it, but Dominic needs the contact more than he needs to think about it, and Billy does too, from the look and feel of things; after a moment he shoves his hand between them again and guides Dominic up and back just enough so that Billy can push at his trousers and free himself a little more, letting their cocks touch through the fabric, both warmed by Billy's curving hand again. Billy releases a laugh, low and filthy, and Dominic shivers, twisting his hips and then pushing his knees forward at Billy's sides, trapping him and grinding harder as Billy's laughter splinters into caught breath and his hand curls tightly around Dominic's cock.
Dominic goes still, closing his eyes and willing Billy to do something, anything, and he isn't surprised when Billy relaxes again, the palm of his free hand sliding from inside Dominic's boxers to the back of his thigh, guiding him up. "Dominic," Billy says sharply, though when Dominic opens his eyes again, he finds that Billy's are soft, focused only as much as they need to be, and his expression is still greedy, just in a different way Dominic suddenly recognizes, one that makes him break out in a familiar sweat. Billy's next movement is a slow one, releasing Dominic's cock but only to push his fingers inside the fabric and finally touch Dominic, humming when Dominic shivers again and then taking his hand away before Dominic can register the change. Dominic's thoughts and his heart rate race and slow, slow and race, over and over again as Billy controls their pace, dragging Dominic against him leisurely but hard and then quickly but just skimming. Dominic feels himself at the edge and wants to tumble over it gratefully; in seconds he could be as satisfied as he knows Billy will allow them both. Billy's drawing it all out of him, though; only when Dominic hears himself begging please does Billy let up, after a fashion. His grip becomes tighter, the strength of his body more evident as he shoves Dominic's hips down to his own and arches and hisses, another filthy laugh tumbling from his lips as Dominic comes with a long, low noise of release, half-buried in Billy's shoulder. Dominic's barely cognizant of Billy's own scattershot movements after that; he knows Billy's coming from the way his breath splinters again and his fingernails dig hard into Dominic's skin, but Dominic doesn't have the strength to offer Billy anything more, and Billy knows it, letting them both just rest afterward.
"I love you," Dominic whispers after several minutes have passed, unable to open his eyes and see Billy's reaction, but amazed that he's able to say it at all. Billy hums in response, clearly not able to do much of anything else still, and Dominic wishes again that they could stay where they are for a long time to come, if not forever; the moment either of them moves, reality will set in again, and Dominic will have to face the absurdities of cleaning up after this and the knowledge that he can't ask for more just yet. Frustration laps at the edges of his thoughts again, and Dominic grits his teeth to push it away and just enjoy the feel of Billy's hand stroking down his back as Billy finds his own way out of his own depths. It's hard to not demand to know what Billy's thinking, what he would say if he could, but Dominic fights the urge, only moving when Billy finally does, sitting them both up and falling into a run of messy, exhausted kisses and slow touches.
"s brilliant," Billy murmurs finally, leaning his forehead against Dominic's. "'m sorry. That it couldn't. I couldn't."
Dominic grits his teeth again and then shakes his head, his lips covering Billy's. "We will. You said we will."
Billy nods and pulls Dominic for another kiss before he takes a deep breath and laughs. "Fucking mess, we are. That's not a complaint."
Dominic laughs too, shakily, and stands as Billy guides them both to do so. They shamble in the direction of the bathroom and neither looks in the mirror this time as they clean up, too absorbed in each other to care. Dominic feels better and worse at once, and when Billy's eyes close and he staggers where he's standing, Dominic bites his lip and steadies Billy, who returns the gesture with a thin smile and a comfortable, easy kiss. Once they've found their way to Billy's bed, Dominic measures the evening against others and determines that Billy's perhaps eighty percent there with him; that twenty percent remains elusive and hides with it the measure of peace Dominic still needs between them, and he has no idea how to get it back, to make it rise from under Billy's surface. His body's too relaxed to allow Dominic the mental energy he needs to think it through anymore, and when Billy's hands find him beneath the sheets Dominic decides he doesn't have to; the fact is that he's here, with as much of Billy as he can have. He'll find and keep the rest when he can.