the evolution of a misunderstanding...
"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Experience teaches only the teachable." - Aldous Huxley
You know the phrase "take a walk in somebody elses shoes"? I think we all do. I've been thinking about the way people interpret things, and how those interpretations create ideas and perceptions. If you've ever read the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell you will understand in greater detail what I'm touching on. That is beside the point.
It's amazing how much we will never know about a person. Astonishing really. You never ever ever know what somebody is thinking, but they are. Each person interprets a situation differently. Take for instance, candles. I met a guy who was dating a girl while he was travelling in Africa. He wanted to have a romantic dinner so he lit several candles and the mood was set. When his girlfriend arrived she told him to turn on the lights because the candles reminded her of when she was poor and had no electricity.
Some misunderstandings can be far less passive. Some can evolve into racism, hatred and prejudice. If someone has a negative experience they may develop a similar negative opinion. While this opinion may be well deserved, it gets dangerous when this negative opinion is applied to similar situations. It is alarming because these negative "opinions" are more than likely sub-conscious feelings that the person may not recognize.
I can give you so many examples of situations I've been in personally where I've felt the effects of misunderstandings. I am about to make a very broad generalization, but forgive me if you think I'm overstepping my bounds. Most foreigners who come to Thailand are passing through, cannot speak Thai, have lots of money to spend and don't understand the culture but are fascinated by it some way. They are here to enjoy themselves, and rightly so. Now, the Thais are put in an odd situation. They see all these people coming through, spending in one day what they may make in a month. They see them sitting in cafes and drinking cold beer. They watch the old expat men buying their young girls. Even worse is when travelers get confused, lost and sometimes angry because of this "stress". (Maybe they lost their Lonely Planet guide and felt ripped off because they had to pay 50 baht for water instead of 10.) Who knows? Getting angry in public is a HORRIBLE thing to do in Thailand and is looked down upon here. You lose a lot of face by getting impatient or angry. A lot. I can't blame some Thai people for not liking foreigners, but it sucks that this "dislike" has developed into racism.
How can I help to fix this? By being myself. As kind and patient as I can.
On a daily basis I have to deal with situations that should be simple and easy. Buying coffee, ordering food, asking directions, etc. They aren't simple and easy. There is an invisible wall between me and the Thai person. When I speak Thai the wall begins to crumble. They all react the same way... it is a certain look that appears and I'm serious when I say it is a look of relief. No struggling.
There are other situations that aren't so easy.
I eat at the SAME restaurant every single day. The people that work there are friendly (once they found out I was a teacher) and treat me like just another customer. One day there was a new girl. I was ordering "cow mun gai" (chicken with rice) and I asked for take away, very politely might I add. She turned around and said to her friend "mai mee cow mun gia, mee cooooooow mun gia". Translation: "We don't have cow mun gai, we have coooooow mun gai". She was correcting my pronunciation of rice, but in a really rude way. I wanted to say (in Thai) "can you speak english?" and she would have said no. Then I would have said "well since you can't speak english, I have to speak thai, right?"... etc. Instead I just took my food home, not in the mood to begin an attitude check on this lady.
Similar situation with a new girl working at the sausage vendor outside 7-11. I asked for 20 baht worth, but the girl didn't even LISTEN to me. She saw that I was white and immediately turned around while pointing at me and laughing to her friend with a look on her face like "oh my god it's a foreigner, i can't deal with this". I just walked away.
I try not to let these situations affect my opinion of Thais. I really try to take each situation for what it is, with a clear mind and no assumptions. When I deal with people like the girls I just described, who obviously have some stereotypes I feel conflicted about how to handle it. I usually just walk away, but it really makes me angry sometimes.
So, going back to the "walk a day in someone elses shoes" thing. When you experience prejudice and stereotypes it really opens your eyes to your own perceptions of people. I don't like the feeling I get when someone is rude to me. I don't take it personally, as I said before the Thais have developed their prejudices for a reason. Experiencing that has really taught me a valuable lesson, which is to treat each person with respect and accept their individual value for what it is. I truly believe that if Thais were to travel in a place like, lets say, Russia they would also get lost, confused and maybe even a bit angry. They would gain a new understanding because they had been in a similar situation themselves.
Step out of your bounds and experience something new. Do it with an open mind. I find that I always lived my life knowing that racism was bad, ignorance is even worse etc. Until I experienced what it is like to be the minority I had no idea how frustrating it can be.
"Experience teaches only the teachable." - Aldous Huxley
You know the phrase "take a walk in somebody elses shoes"? I think we all do. I've been thinking about the way people interpret things, and how those interpretations create ideas and perceptions. If you've ever read the book "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell you will understand in greater detail what I'm touching on. That is beside the point.
It's amazing how much we will never know about a person. Astonishing really. You never ever ever know what somebody is thinking, but they are. Each person interprets a situation differently. Take for instance, candles. I met a guy who was dating a girl while he was travelling in Africa. He wanted to have a romantic dinner so he lit several candles and the mood was set. When his girlfriend arrived she told him to turn on the lights because the candles reminded her of when she was poor and had no electricity.
Some misunderstandings can be far less passive. Some can evolve into racism, hatred and prejudice. If someone has a negative experience they may develop a similar negative opinion. While this opinion may be well deserved, it gets dangerous when this negative opinion is applied to similar situations. It is alarming because these negative "opinions" are more than likely sub-conscious feelings that the person may not recognize.
I can give you so many examples of situations I've been in personally where I've felt the effects of misunderstandings. I am about to make a very broad generalization, but forgive me if you think I'm overstepping my bounds. Most foreigners who come to Thailand are passing through, cannot speak Thai, have lots of money to spend and don't understand the culture but are fascinated by it some way. They are here to enjoy themselves, and rightly so. Now, the Thais are put in an odd situation. They see all these people coming through, spending in one day what they may make in a month. They see them sitting in cafes and drinking cold beer. They watch the old expat men buying their young girls. Even worse is when travelers get confused, lost and sometimes angry because of this "stress". (Maybe they lost their Lonely Planet guide and felt ripped off because they had to pay 50 baht for water instead of 10.) Who knows? Getting angry in public is a HORRIBLE thing to do in Thailand and is looked down upon here. You lose a lot of face by getting impatient or angry. A lot. I can't blame some Thai people for not liking foreigners, but it sucks that this "dislike" has developed into racism.
How can I help to fix this? By being myself. As kind and patient as I can.
On a daily basis I have to deal with situations that should be simple and easy. Buying coffee, ordering food, asking directions, etc. They aren't simple and easy. There is an invisible wall between me and the Thai person. When I speak Thai the wall begins to crumble. They all react the same way... it is a certain look that appears and I'm serious when I say it is a look of relief. No struggling.
There are other situations that aren't so easy.
I eat at the SAME restaurant every single day. The people that work there are friendly (once they found out I was a teacher) and treat me like just another customer. One day there was a new girl. I was ordering "cow mun gai" (chicken with rice) and I asked for take away, very politely might I add. She turned around and said to her friend "mai mee cow mun gia, mee cooooooow mun gia". Translation: "We don't have cow mun gai, we have coooooow mun gai". She was correcting my pronunciation of rice, but in a really rude way. I wanted to say (in Thai) "can you speak english?" and she would have said no. Then I would have said "well since you can't speak english, I have to speak thai, right?"... etc. Instead I just took my food home, not in the mood to begin an attitude check on this lady.
Similar situation with a new girl working at the sausage vendor outside 7-11. I asked for 20 baht worth, but the girl didn't even LISTEN to me. She saw that I was white and immediately turned around while pointing at me and laughing to her friend with a look on her face like "oh my god it's a foreigner, i can't deal with this". I just walked away.
I try not to let these situations affect my opinion of Thais. I really try to take each situation for what it is, with a clear mind and no assumptions. When I deal with people like the girls I just described, who obviously have some stereotypes I feel conflicted about how to handle it. I usually just walk away, but it really makes me angry sometimes.
So, going back to the "walk a day in someone elses shoes" thing. When you experience prejudice and stereotypes it really opens your eyes to your own perceptions of people. I don't like the feeling I get when someone is rude to me. I don't take it personally, as I said before the Thais have developed their prejudices for a reason. Experiencing that has really taught me a valuable lesson, which is to treat each person with respect and accept their individual value for what it is. I truly believe that if Thais were to travel in a place like, lets say, Russia they would also get lost, confused and maybe even a bit angry. They would gain a new understanding because they had been in a similar situation themselves.
Step out of your bounds and experience something new. Do it with an open mind. I find that I always lived my life knowing that racism was bad, ignorance is even worse etc. Until I experienced what it is like to be the minority I had no idea how frustrating it can be.