...wah wah wah all the way home...
so tonight i'm rawkin' out with a six year old. dustin had to work tonight, but he brought natalie down to visit for the weekend, so that means a few hours of hangin' out with her before she goes to sleep and he comes home from work. no big deal i suppose, but the one night that i was actually going to impose myself on someone to go somewhere with me. nathan went with me to dinner before dustin got back from bringing natalie from her parents house. woot! i don't ever go out to dinner anymore. going out by yourself is weird, and dustin's always gone at dinnertime. ah well, i think the only reason that i wanted to go anywhere tonight is because i knew that i couldn't. my own conscience playing games with me. natalie's taken up the entire bed, and although she's requested that both dustin and i sleep with her in it, i just don't think that there's enough room. its nice though...that's there's no animosity on her part...because you know how those things can be, and honestly...she's a pretty funny little kid. i still continue to hold fast as a member of the 'no offspring club,' but renting a kid for a weekend or two isn't so bad. i think it allows me to appreciate my independence so much more.
this week i've kind of layed it on the line with my job. although my manager is a sweet sweet guy and someone i consider to be a good friend, i still need to figure out what i'm doing with my life...as it seems as though its been idling in neutral for months now. i've been hunting furiously for something else, but i'm so fucking tired of staffing places calling me and that being the only means to finding a job that i probably wouldn't want anyway. there was a really neat add in the paper, and i responded to it, but i always feel like those things are some kind of scam waiting to happen. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong in this job search thang, but i hope that eventually something will happen in payment for the bazillion resumes i've sent to what seems to be ever corner of the freaking united states. i even have one guy that's urging me to teach in korea, but i don't know. it would be an awesome experience, but i really feel like an entire year away from everyone and being completely alone in a foreign country would be a lot to bear. not only that, but i talked to a girl that actually participated in the program, and she said that she had a lot of problems with it, although she said it turned out to be an amazing experience. i just don't know what i want to do. he's still calling all the time, and sending emails, but the more i think about it, the more unsure i become. although it would solve a problem for a year, it doesn't pay THAT much, and one year later, I'd be in the same boat I am now, only without a shitty job at caribou coffee. i shouldn't say that. caribou isn't horrible, but...it's a food service/retail job, and honestly...they all end up being kind of the same.
i've been so fucking sad lately. just being completely isolated from everyone. last saturday, i just layed in bed and stared at the ceiling for four hours. you know when a poet or artist does that, its an integral part of the creative process, but when i do it...i think it just means that i'm bummed out. the heat doesn't help either...summer ushers in another reason to fucking hate everyone...as shorts get shorter and girls think its necessary to wear a bathing suit as an outfit. apparently, i missed the memo when it said that this was really appropriate. hooches.
this week i've kind of layed it on the line with my job. although my manager is a sweet sweet guy and someone i consider to be a good friend, i still need to figure out what i'm doing with my life...as it seems as though its been idling in neutral for months now. i've been hunting furiously for something else, but i'm so fucking tired of staffing places calling me and that being the only means to finding a job that i probably wouldn't want anyway. there was a really neat add in the paper, and i responded to it, but i always feel like those things are some kind of scam waiting to happen. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong in this job search thang, but i hope that eventually something will happen in payment for the bazillion resumes i've sent to what seems to be ever corner of the freaking united states. i even have one guy that's urging me to teach in korea, but i don't know. it would be an awesome experience, but i really feel like an entire year away from everyone and being completely alone in a foreign country would be a lot to bear. not only that, but i talked to a girl that actually participated in the program, and she said that she had a lot of problems with it, although she said it turned out to be an amazing experience. i just don't know what i want to do. he's still calling all the time, and sending emails, but the more i think about it, the more unsure i become. although it would solve a problem for a year, it doesn't pay THAT much, and one year later, I'd be in the same boat I am now, only without a shitty job at caribou coffee. i shouldn't say that. caribou isn't horrible, but...it's a food service/retail job, and honestly...they all end up being kind of the same.
i've been so fucking sad lately. just being completely isolated from everyone. last saturday, i just layed in bed and stared at the ceiling for four hours. you know when a poet or artist does that, its an integral part of the creative process, but when i do it...i think it just means that i'm bummed out. the heat doesn't help either...summer ushers in another reason to fucking hate everyone...as shorts get shorter and girls think its necessary to wear a bathing suit as an outfit. apparently, i missed the memo when it said that this was really appropriate. hooches.