...so whatever...
...not that i really talk to anyone anymore about anything other than coffee and bills, but perhaps an update is in order for those that still find it acceptable to speak with me...
yesterday, my mother found my grandmother laying on her bedroom floor. the ambulance took her to the hospital, and there they found that she has bronchitis and a UTI. doesn't seem that bad you think, but as of this morning, she's been put on a respirator, and there's not guarantees that she'll ever be taken off. this set my mother and i into the ultimate discussion...as we both know that my grandmother never wished to live life even for one second, thinking that she would be hooked up to a machine for ever and ever. so, that's pretty much awful. i'm not going in tonight to see her, but i will tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure that it will devastate me. my mother's getting pretty angry about the whole thing with me, because i suggested that maybe its time for her to start living with assisted care, but i know its because she's feeling the loss already, guilt, and everything else a child feels. i feel like crawling into a hole until it all goes away...but the only way to get rid of life is way too permanent for me.
i'm working this entire weekend, so my hopeful plans of possibly visiting 'skangum are shot. i shouldn't go anyway, this saturday is dustin's 30th birthday, and our three month anniversary (yes, i'm a fucking retard by saying that, i realize this), so spending the day with the boy is probably a good idea. i miss everyone terribly though, but i think that its partly just missing human interaction with people that aren't caribou employees or dustin.
the pictures are on their way, but i realized after i took them, that most of them are of the ridiculous things i've found at thrift stores since i moved here...including a catholic baby jesus statue that dustin authenticates as part of a former churchy altar thingee...complete with fancy satin outfit and swanky golden crown. a 3-d moving picture of jesus knocking on a front door (whose front door you ask? maybe yours), and a dean martin record that sits on a floating wall shelf in my foyer that i speak to almost everyday before i leave for work. that's right...the depths of my sanity...well, perhaps the shallowness of my sanity.
i worked in the a.m., which is that double-edged sword of being up at the crack of dawn, but also having the rest of the day off by lunchtime...so now it's only 2pm, and i've got lots of time to do whatever i want. i wish that there were closer goodwill stores.
yesterday, my mother found my grandmother laying on her bedroom floor. the ambulance took her to the hospital, and there they found that she has bronchitis and a UTI. doesn't seem that bad you think, but as of this morning, she's been put on a respirator, and there's not guarantees that she'll ever be taken off. this set my mother and i into the ultimate discussion...as we both know that my grandmother never wished to live life even for one second, thinking that she would be hooked up to a machine for ever and ever. so, that's pretty much awful. i'm not going in tonight to see her, but i will tomorrow, and i'm pretty sure that it will devastate me. my mother's getting pretty angry about the whole thing with me, because i suggested that maybe its time for her to start living with assisted care, but i know its because she's feeling the loss already, guilt, and everything else a child feels. i feel like crawling into a hole until it all goes away...but the only way to get rid of life is way too permanent for me.
i'm working this entire weekend, so my hopeful plans of possibly visiting 'skangum are shot. i shouldn't go anyway, this saturday is dustin's 30th birthday, and our three month anniversary (yes, i'm a fucking retard by saying that, i realize this), so spending the day with the boy is probably a good idea. i miss everyone terribly though, but i think that its partly just missing human interaction with people that aren't caribou employees or dustin.
the pictures are on their way, but i realized after i took them, that most of them are of the ridiculous things i've found at thrift stores since i moved here...including a catholic baby jesus statue that dustin authenticates as part of a former churchy altar thingee...complete with fancy satin outfit and swanky golden crown. a 3-d moving picture of jesus knocking on a front door (whose front door you ask? maybe yours), and a dean martin record that sits on a floating wall shelf in my foyer that i speak to almost everyday before i leave for work. that's right...the depths of my sanity...well, perhaps the shallowness of my sanity.
i worked in the a.m., which is that double-edged sword of being up at the crack of dawn, but also having the rest of the day off by lunchtime...so now it's only 2pm, and i've got lots of time to do whatever i want. i wish that there were closer goodwill stores.