Death's House- Thursday night Fandom time, supposedly
It was entirely possible that Susan, who had been planning on coming here anyway to check the books for Dany's friend anyway, was summoned here in a one shot post I'll put up the day of was here for a completely different reason.
That would be quite the coincidence, though.
The rat had insisted she come, and Susan did, realizing she felt slightly more comfortable seeing the house than she had the first time she'd been here. She didn't know how she felt about that. She didn't knock, but made sure to use the door as she stepped inside and looked down the infinite corridor. Maybe she'd expected to be greeted, she wasn't sure. Maybe Death didn't greet his guests. Or maybe she shouldn't consider herself a guest.
She took it upon herself to head to what seemed to be his office, the too large room with a desk that didn't work as a desk and a chair with such deep grooves in the seat that you knew someone spent a lot of time in it.
"You wanted to see me, Granddad?"
DEATH, SUSAN'S GRANDDAD
Death was seated behind his desk, passing the time that never actually passed with another human oddity. When he heard Susan enter, he put the yo-yo down on his desk.
He thought he was starting to get the hang of it.
HELLO, SUSAN. I TRUST YOU ARE WELL AND YOU'RE KEEPING UP WITH YOUR STUDIES?
Susan
Susan felt it might be a good idea to learn how to adjust to the fact that he'd greet her with small talk and pleasantries. That might take her a bit.
"I am," she tried anyway. "I had a rat for a visitor today."
DEATH
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THAT HAPPENS FROM TIME TO TIME, Death said. He didn't add that it would be because of him, and it would probably only happen to her. Susan was a smart girl, after all. She knew that already. WHAT ELSE IS NEW IN FANDOM?
Susan
"Oh, things," said Susan. "People disappearing in different universes. Other people having trouble getting around thanks to a system I don't understand."
DEATH
YOU'LL NEVER FIND A SYSTEM MORE RELIABLE THAN BINKY, Death said with more than a hint of pride. NOT THAT IT WILL EVEN BE A COMPETITION FOR MUCH LONGER AT THIS RATE.
Susan
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.
DEATH
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, Death said. YOU AREN'T TAKING AN ACCOUNTING CLASS BY ANY CHANCE, ARE YOU?
Susan
What she assumed was a subject change could have just about given her whiplash.
"Why would I do a thing like that?" she asked. "I like maths, but there's a limit."
DEATH
USUALLY, Death said. BUT THERE ARE THOSE WHO DON'T PAY HEED TO THAT LIMIT. THEY'RE CALLED AUDITORS.
Yes, he was talking about accountants in grave tones. But it wasn't as though Death had many other tones.
Susan
"You sent the rat for me to talk about taxes?" Susan asked.
DEATH
IN A SENSE, YES, Death said. BUT IT'S NOT A FINANCIAL SENSE.
Susan
Why did she have a bad feeling about this? "Then what sense is it?"
DEATH
A VERY REAL SENSE*, Death said. SOME THINGS AUDIT REALITY.
*This was a pun, or a play on words.
Susan
"How can you audit reality?" asked Susan. "It's not something neat and orderly, to be reconciled."
DEATH
NO? THEY SEE TO IT THAT GRAVITY WORKS AND ATOMS SPIN, OR WHATEVER IT IS ATOMS DO, Death said, trying to make that sound reasonable. AND THEY HATE LIFE.
Susan
Susan thought there was probably no way to make that sound reasonable. Or perhaps it was so reasonable that it backfired on itself.
"Why?"
DEATH
IT IS... IRREGULAR. IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. THEY LIKE STONES, MOVING IN CURVES. AND THEY HATE HUMANS MOST OF ALL. Death sighed. IN MANY WAYS, THEY LACK A SENSE OF HUMOR.
Susan
"So they're... interfering with things?" she concluded. "People? Because they're irregular?"
DEATH
NOT DIRECTLY. IT'S NOT ALLOWED, Death said. BEINGS LIKE US MUST KEEP OUR DISTANCE.
Susan
"But if they're interfering at all, they're bending the rules," she insisted.
DEATH
THEY'RE GOOD AT THAT. THEY'LL TAKE APART ANYTHING, INCLUDING THE RULES, JUST TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORK, Death said.
Susan
"But that isn't fair!"
This was a running theme with Susan.
"There are real people involved, who are losing family and friends and homes to... whatever's going on, because they want to know how things work? One girl says her soul is being affected, however that's possible. Can't you stop them?"
DEATH
UNLIKE THE AUDITORS, I ALREADY KNOW WHERE MY RESTRICTIONS LIE, Death said. I CAN'T BREAK THE RULES TO CONFRONT THEM. AND THEY CAN'T BE KILLED, SO I CAN'T COLLECT THEM. I'M AFRAID MY HANDS ARE TIED.
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING. AND I DON'T HAVE THE GLANDS TO BE AFRAID. BUT YOU UNDERSTAND MY MEANING.
Susan
"So you can't do anything, they can't be killed, and... and what? That's supposed to be it?" she said. "But that's stupid."
And if he couldn't do anything, then... then she was going to have to find another way. Fine. If that was what had to happen, that was just fine. Best to fix the problem herself somehow instead of letting stupid things continue to happen.
DEATH
I DOUBT THEY WOULD AGREE WITH YOUR SENTIMENT. ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO BE SURE, Death said. WHILE YOU CAN DECLARE SOMETHING STUPID INSTANTLY, AN AUDITOR WILL CONFER WITH TWO COLLEAGUES BEFORE COMING TO ANY CONCLUSION. HIGHLY INEFFICIENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
Susan
"Oh, so it took a consensus for them to decide we're worthy of them bending the rules?" Susan said dryly.
DEATH
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, IT WAS ALMOST CERTAINLY UNANIMOUS, Death said. It was almost as if he was no good at being consoling for some reason.
Susan
"It's not!" she said.
DEATH
OH DEAR. I CERTAINLY DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU WITH THIS NEWS, Death said. I APOLOGIZE IF I'VE ANGERED YOU AT ALL.
Susan
"What did you expect? People are vanishing, are being completely forgotten, and that can't just be it. What if it's happening here, too?"
Not long from now she'd begin to regret letting him know how to make her mad enough to do things she thought she had no business doing.
DEATH
THEN IT WILL BE VERY LONELY HERE, Death said. Which wasn't a huge change from normal, no.
Susan
Susan pursed her lips and counted to three. It was, she found, a good way to make sure she kept her temper at times. "Fine then. If you're not going to do anything about it, I guess someone else will have to," she said, and turned to stomp out.
The counting would help with not yelling. It did nothing to stop stomping.
DEATH
I HOPE THIS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND CAUSE TROUBLE, Death pleaded as Susan turned away.
There. He was on the record asking her not to interfere. Nobody could say that he didn't make his intentions abundantly clear throughout this conversation.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. Thanks to willbethenight for being my Death! Wait, that sounds wrong.]
That would be quite the coincidence, though.
The rat had insisted she come, and Susan did, realizing she felt slightly more comfortable seeing the house than she had the first time she'd been here. She didn't know how she felt about that. She didn't knock, but made sure to use the door as she stepped inside and looked down the infinite corridor. Maybe she'd expected to be greeted, she wasn't sure. Maybe Death didn't greet his guests. Or maybe she shouldn't consider herself a guest.
She took it upon herself to head to what seemed to be his office, the too large room with a desk that didn't work as a desk and a chair with such deep grooves in the seat that you knew someone spent a lot of time in it.
"You wanted to see me, Granddad?"
DEATH, SUSAN'S GRANDDAD
Death was seated behind his desk, passing the time that never actually passed with another human oddity. When he heard Susan enter, he put the yo-yo down on his desk.
He thought he was starting to get the hang of it.
HELLO, SUSAN. I TRUST YOU ARE WELL AND YOU'RE KEEPING UP WITH YOUR STUDIES?
Susan
Susan felt it might be a good idea to learn how to adjust to the fact that he'd greet her with small talk and pleasantries. That might take her a bit.
"I am," she tried anyway. "I had a rat for a visitor today."
DEATH
I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THAT HAPPENS FROM TIME TO TIME, Death said. He didn't add that it would be because of him, and it would probably only happen to her. Susan was a smart girl, after all. She knew that already. WHAT ELSE IS NEW IN FANDOM?
Susan
"Oh, things," said Susan. "People disappearing in different universes. Other people having trouble getting around thanks to a system I don't understand."
DEATH
YOU'LL NEVER FIND A SYSTEM MORE RELIABLE THAN BINKY, Death said with more than a hint of pride. NOT THAT IT WILL EVEN BE A COMPETITION FOR MUCH LONGER AT THIS RATE.
Susan
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked.
DEATH
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT, Death said. YOU AREN'T TAKING AN ACCOUNTING CLASS BY ANY CHANCE, ARE YOU?
Susan
What she assumed was a subject change could have just about given her whiplash.
"Why would I do a thing like that?" she asked. "I like maths, but there's a limit."
DEATH
USUALLY, Death said. BUT THERE ARE THOSE WHO DON'T PAY HEED TO THAT LIMIT. THEY'RE CALLED AUDITORS.
Yes, he was talking about accountants in grave tones. But it wasn't as though Death had many other tones.
Susan
"You sent the rat for me to talk about taxes?" Susan asked.
DEATH
IN A SENSE, YES, Death said. BUT IT'S NOT A FINANCIAL SENSE.
Susan
Why did she have a bad feeling about this? "Then what sense is it?"
DEATH
A VERY REAL SENSE*, Death said. SOME THINGS AUDIT REALITY.
*This was a pun, or a play on words.
Susan
"How can you audit reality?" asked Susan. "It's not something neat and orderly, to be reconciled."
DEATH
NO? THEY SEE TO IT THAT GRAVITY WORKS AND ATOMS SPIN, OR WHATEVER IT IS ATOMS DO, Death said, trying to make that sound reasonable. AND THEY HATE LIFE.
Susan
Susan thought there was probably no way to make that sound reasonable. Or perhaps it was so reasonable that it backfired on itself.
"Why?"
DEATH
IT IS... IRREGULAR. IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. THEY LIKE STONES, MOVING IN CURVES. AND THEY HATE HUMANS MOST OF ALL. Death sighed. IN MANY WAYS, THEY LACK A SENSE OF HUMOR.
Susan
"So they're... interfering with things?" she concluded. "People? Because they're irregular?"
DEATH
NOT DIRECTLY. IT'S NOT ALLOWED, Death said. BEINGS LIKE US MUST KEEP OUR DISTANCE.
Susan
"But if they're interfering at all, they're bending the rules," she insisted.
DEATH
THEY'RE GOOD AT THAT. THEY'LL TAKE APART ANYTHING, INCLUDING THE RULES, JUST TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEY WORK, Death said.
Susan
"But that isn't fair!"
This was a running theme with Susan.
"There are real people involved, who are losing family and friends and homes to... whatever's going on, because they want to know how things work? One girl says her soul is being affected, however that's possible. Can't you stop them?"
DEATH
UNLIKE THE AUDITORS, I ALREADY KNOW WHERE MY RESTRICTIONS LIE, Death said. I CAN'T BREAK THE RULES TO CONFRONT THEM. AND THEY CAN'T BE KILLED, SO I CAN'T COLLECT THEM. I'M AFRAID MY HANDS ARE TIED.
FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING. AND I DON'T HAVE THE GLANDS TO BE AFRAID. BUT YOU UNDERSTAND MY MEANING.
Susan
"So you can't do anything, they can't be killed, and... and what? That's supposed to be it?" she said. "But that's stupid."
And if he couldn't do anything, then... then she was going to have to find another way. Fine. If that was what had to happen, that was just fine. Best to fix the problem herself somehow instead of letting stupid things continue to happen.
DEATH
I DOUBT THEY WOULD AGREE WITH YOUR SENTIMENT. ALTHOUGH IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO BE SURE, Death said. WHILE YOU CAN DECLARE SOMETHING STUPID INSTANTLY, AN AUDITOR WILL CONFER WITH TWO COLLEAGUES BEFORE COMING TO ANY CONCLUSION. HIGHLY INEFFICIENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.
Susan
"Oh, so it took a consensus for them to decide we're worthy of them bending the rules?" Susan said dryly.
DEATH
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, IT WAS ALMOST CERTAINLY UNANIMOUS, Death said. It was almost as if he was no good at being consoling for some reason.
Susan
"It's not!" she said.
DEATH
OH DEAR. I CERTAINLY DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU WITH THIS NEWS, Death said. I APOLOGIZE IF I'VE ANGERED YOU AT ALL.
Susan
"What did you expect? People are vanishing, are being completely forgotten, and that can't just be it. What if it's happening here, too?"
Not long from now she'd begin to regret letting him know how to make her mad enough to do things she thought she had no business doing.
DEATH
THEN IT WILL BE VERY LONELY HERE, Death said. Which wasn't a huge change from normal, no.
Susan
Susan pursed her lips and counted to three. It was, she found, a good way to make sure she kept her temper at times. "Fine then. If you're not going to do anything about it, I guess someone else will have to," she said, and turned to stomp out.
The counting would help with not yelling. It did nothing to stop stomping.
DEATH
I HOPE THIS DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND CAUSE TROUBLE, Death pleaded as Susan turned away.
There. He was on the record asking her not to interfere. Nobody could say that he didn't make his intentions abundantly clear throughout this conversation.
[NFB, NFI, OOC okay. Thanks to willbethenight for being my Death! Wait, that sounds wrong.]