Month 42
Dear Desi,
Happy three-and-a-half! This is my favorite age in a little girl. Because you've started speaking your mind and coming up with your own ideas (even making up your own words) but you haven' t reached the incessant kulit chattering that girls tend to do at the age of 4 till death. I love talking to you and listening to you because you say the most interesting, fascinating funny things.
Like just this evening, we had this conversation over dinner.
You: Mommy, how do you make milk?
Me: (After wondering if I should explain about mammals and babies and breastfeeding I settled with:) You get it from a cow.
You: I know how you make milk! You get a cup, and put the powdey, and get some watey and put it in the cup, and get a spoon and mix it all up and WALA! You made milk!
That blew me away. You got me there, babe. That is definitely how you make milk.
This year, you joined a new class. You are in Nursery A. But you are still classmates with your best friend Cassie. Teacher Anne tells me that you and Cassie have to be seated as far apart from each other in class or you would spend all the time hugging each other and talking and whispering and pinching and playing with each other. It seems you and Cassie really love each other very much. Sometimes I see you and her play in the playground, a you talk to each other, and I can't understand a word of what she is saying, but it doesn't seem to matter if the words you tell each other make sense or not, the affection you have for each other is adorable and I hope you and Cassie continue to be friends for many years to come.
Speaking of friends, in the few times that I've been able to observe you in class, it seems that even if you're not the most talkative or active kid in your class, and that in fact you can be quite shy sometimes, all your classmates seem to like you. Sometimes a bunch of them would compete to be next to you in the line. One of them, James, even put his arm around you when I wanted to take your picture together. I think it's great that you are a likable, popular girl. This means you know how to make friends and be friendly, and you know how to treat other people well. I know that at home, Ate Lia tends to boss you around, and Ramon is still a baby so he tends to grab toys from you. And sometimes this frustrates you and makes you yell NO! at your siblings. But I also know that most of the time you are kind and generous. You know how to share and take turns. There are adults who don't even know how to do this, so I am very proud and happy that even at three and a half, you are already basically a good human being.
But of course, even if you are good and kind, it doesn't mean you're a pushover. Once, Lia yelled and said, "Mommy! Desi hit me with the iPad!" (just in case by the time you read this, the iPad is a flimsy lightweight sheet of thin plastic, you should know that the first iPad, the one we have right now, is quite substantial and could seriously hurt if you hit someone with it) And I immediately asked you, "Desi, did you hit your sister with the iPad?" And you said, "Yes." I said, "Why?" And you refused to answer. I asked you again and again, and you didn't say anything. I said, say sorry to Ate. You still refused to talk. I said, either you say sorry, or you have to stand in the corner. Sullen silence. I counted to 5. No response from you. Finally I dragged you, kicking and screaming to the corner. You cried and yelled and wailed while at the corner. When suddenly, Lia approached me and said, "Mommy, it was an accident." I felt so angry and ashamed at the same time. "Lia, why didn't you say so?" I asked. Ate said, "Because I wanted to borrow the iPad and Desi wouldn't let me." I told her to apologize to you, and she did. And I apologized to you as well. But by then you were too upset, you couldn't stop crying. I tried to soothe you and and tell you I was sorry, and told you that next time, all you had to do was say, "Mommy, I'm sorry, it was an accident." And I wouldn't punish you. Finally, I sat you on a chair in the office so you can be alone and finish crying. You sat there quietly for like 20 minutes. When I came to you to ask if you were finished crying, you said, "No." I said, would you like to color while you finish crying? You said, "Yes." So I gave you some crayons and a printed out coloring sheet and soon you were happily coloring away and you finally finished crying. When I told Daddy about this when he got home, he laughed and said, Ok yan. She stuck to her guns. Sigh. Yes, I suppose, that could be a good thing. For some reason your Daddy is proud of the streak of pride in all his children. Hopefully this streak with motivate you all to be achievers. (For the record, this only happened once. And you and Lia rarely fight over the iPad anymore. Normally the two of you are good at sharing or taking turns. And you're also both kind enough to let Ramon play with the iPad all for himself, knowing he doesn't know yet what sharing means.)
Even Teacher Anne has a story about how you don't mind being different. The day you all learned about vegetables, Teacher Anne showed everyone some kangkong and you shouted, I LOVE KANGKONG! All your classmates said yuck and none of them liked kangkong but you didn't change your mind. You really love your vegetables (and you do. Lolo Fel would be very proud of you for eating vegetables at every meal) and you don't care if none of your friends like it too. You are original, and a good example. You really are an awesome kid.
Another time, Teacher Anne asked me if you could read. I had to think. I said, I don't think so. I know she can read her name, and I know she knows the sounds of different letters, but I don't think she knows to string letter sounds together to form words. Teacher Anne asked me because she said that during free play, you like to sit in a corner and get books and look at them as if you were reading. And I thought, oh my gosh, maybe you can read! So I tried to test you, with some books and words, and came to the conclusion that you can read SOME words, like Desi, Lia, and Cat. But most other words don't make sense to you, not even when I lead you through the sounding out of each letter. So I guess there are words you have memorized on sight, but you can't really read yet. But, the fact that you can spell C-A-T CAT! Is already way advanced for your level. So no rush, Desi. You don't have to read yet. I know you will eventually, and when you do, you'll be awesome at it. And then again, we don't know, maybe you CAN read! Sometimes you like to pretend you don't know things that we know you really do. Teacher Anne noticed this about you as well. So, we never really know. Maybe it's a secret power of yours. And maybe you have other secret powers you don't like to show people. Like how you like to dance and sing when no one is watching. Hmm... Maybe you're a secret super hero!
In anycase, whether you can read or not, spell or not, outgoing or shy, agreeable or stubborn, independent or helpless, it seems you are all these contradictions and more. And that's ok because I'm like that too. Well, most girls are like that. One thing AND the other. It only means you're interesting and fascinating and complex. But even as you are any and all of these things, you are most definitely good. You are a good girl, a good person. And you will be a beautiful, successful, and powerful woman. You will have it all, Desi. This I know. As I am your mother.
And then, when you are that woman, you will still be my baby. My darling daughter, my dearest sweetest Desi.
I love you forever and ever.
Mommy
Happy three-and-a-half! This is my favorite age in a little girl. Because you've started speaking your mind and coming up with your own ideas (even making up your own words) but you haven' t reached the incessant kulit chattering that girls tend to do at the age of 4 till death. I love talking to you and listening to you because you say the most interesting, fascinating funny things.
Like just this evening, we had this conversation over dinner.
You: Mommy, how do you make milk?
Me: (After wondering if I should explain about mammals and babies and breastfeeding I settled with:) You get it from a cow.
You: I know how you make milk! You get a cup, and put the powdey, and get some watey and put it in the cup, and get a spoon and mix it all up and WALA! You made milk!
That blew me away. You got me there, babe. That is definitely how you make milk.
This year, you joined a new class. You are in Nursery A. But you are still classmates with your best friend Cassie. Teacher Anne tells me that you and Cassie have to be seated as far apart from each other in class or you would spend all the time hugging each other and talking and whispering and pinching and playing with each other. It seems you and Cassie really love each other very much. Sometimes I see you and her play in the playground, a you talk to each other, and I can't understand a word of what she is saying, but it doesn't seem to matter if the words you tell each other make sense or not, the affection you have for each other is adorable and I hope you and Cassie continue to be friends for many years to come.
Speaking of friends, in the few times that I've been able to observe you in class, it seems that even if you're not the most talkative or active kid in your class, and that in fact you can be quite shy sometimes, all your classmates seem to like you. Sometimes a bunch of them would compete to be next to you in the line. One of them, James, even put his arm around you when I wanted to take your picture together. I think it's great that you are a likable, popular girl. This means you know how to make friends and be friendly, and you know how to treat other people well. I know that at home, Ate Lia tends to boss you around, and Ramon is still a baby so he tends to grab toys from you. And sometimes this frustrates you and makes you yell NO! at your siblings. But I also know that most of the time you are kind and generous. You know how to share and take turns. There are adults who don't even know how to do this, so I am very proud and happy that even at three and a half, you are already basically a good human being.
But of course, even if you are good and kind, it doesn't mean you're a pushover. Once, Lia yelled and said, "Mommy! Desi hit me with the iPad!" (just in case by the time you read this, the iPad is a flimsy lightweight sheet of thin plastic, you should know that the first iPad, the one we have right now, is quite substantial and could seriously hurt if you hit someone with it) And I immediately asked you, "Desi, did you hit your sister with the iPad?" And you said, "Yes." I said, "Why?" And you refused to answer. I asked you again and again, and you didn't say anything. I said, say sorry to Ate. You still refused to talk. I said, either you say sorry, or you have to stand in the corner. Sullen silence. I counted to 5. No response from you. Finally I dragged you, kicking and screaming to the corner. You cried and yelled and wailed while at the corner. When suddenly, Lia approached me and said, "Mommy, it was an accident." I felt so angry and ashamed at the same time. "Lia, why didn't you say so?" I asked. Ate said, "Because I wanted to borrow the iPad and Desi wouldn't let me." I told her to apologize to you, and she did. And I apologized to you as well. But by then you were too upset, you couldn't stop crying. I tried to soothe you and and tell you I was sorry, and told you that next time, all you had to do was say, "Mommy, I'm sorry, it was an accident." And I wouldn't punish you. Finally, I sat you on a chair in the office so you can be alone and finish crying. You sat there quietly for like 20 minutes. When I came to you to ask if you were finished crying, you said, "No." I said, would you like to color while you finish crying? You said, "Yes." So I gave you some crayons and a printed out coloring sheet and soon you were happily coloring away and you finally finished crying. When I told Daddy about this when he got home, he laughed and said, Ok yan. She stuck to her guns. Sigh. Yes, I suppose, that could be a good thing. For some reason your Daddy is proud of the streak of pride in all his children. Hopefully this streak with motivate you all to be achievers. (For the record, this only happened once. And you and Lia rarely fight over the iPad anymore. Normally the two of you are good at sharing or taking turns. And you're also both kind enough to let Ramon play with the iPad all for himself, knowing he doesn't know yet what sharing means.)
Even Teacher Anne has a story about how you don't mind being different. The day you all learned about vegetables, Teacher Anne showed everyone some kangkong and you shouted, I LOVE KANGKONG! All your classmates said yuck and none of them liked kangkong but you didn't change your mind. You really love your vegetables (and you do. Lolo Fel would be very proud of you for eating vegetables at every meal) and you don't care if none of your friends like it too. You are original, and a good example. You really are an awesome kid.
Another time, Teacher Anne asked me if you could read. I had to think. I said, I don't think so. I know she can read her name, and I know she knows the sounds of different letters, but I don't think she knows to string letter sounds together to form words. Teacher Anne asked me because she said that during free play, you like to sit in a corner and get books and look at them as if you were reading. And I thought, oh my gosh, maybe you can read! So I tried to test you, with some books and words, and came to the conclusion that you can read SOME words, like Desi, Lia, and Cat. But most other words don't make sense to you, not even when I lead you through the sounding out of each letter. So I guess there are words you have memorized on sight, but you can't really read yet. But, the fact that you can spell C-A-T CAT! Is already way advanced for your level. So no rush, Desi. You don't have to read yet. I know you will eventually, and when you do, you'll be awesome at it. And then again, we don't know, maybe you CAN read! Sometimes you like to pretend you don't know things that we know you really do. Teacher Anne noticed this about you as well. So, we never really know. Maybe it's a secret power of yours. And maybe you have other secret powers you don't like to show people. Like how you like to dance and sing when no one is watching. Hmm... Maybe you're a secret super hero!
In anycase, whether you can read or not, spell or not, outgoing or shy, agreeable or stubborn, independent or helpless, it seems you are all these contradictions and more. And that's ok because I'm like that too. Well, most girls are like that. One thing AND the other. It only means you're interesting and fascinating and complex. But even as you are any and all of these things, you are most definitely good. You are a good girl, a good person. And you will be a beautiful, successful, and powerful woman. You will have it all, Desi. This I know. As I am your mother.
And then, when you are that woman, you will still be my baby. My darling daughter, my dearest sweetest Desi.
I love you forever and ever.
Mommy