Ate Mommy
Five years ago, Lia was born and my world turned upside down. I was 26. Not too young to be a new mother, but no one close to me was a new mom back then. I was the first in my family to get married and have a child. All my friends were single, let alone having babies. And I felt severely disconnected from the rest of the world. It seemed no one in my life was going through what I was going through plus the fact that for the first time in my life, I did not have a job, nor did I have to go to school, so I didn't have anyone outside my home to talk to. And it wasn't even my own home. I moved in with Mike's family when we got married. So those few months, getting married and giving birth, my life turned literally, inside out. Everything was different, everything was new, and I had no one in my life to relate this with.
So I turned to the internet and blogged and blogged and blogged. Take note that this was before Facebook. Everyone who was on the internet was on Friendster (ew!), Livejournal, or Multiply. And by Everyone, I mean just my mother and my groupie friends. Back then I hadn't been able to reconnect with my high school friends. I had no idea they were having babies of their own. And even if I did, there wasn't really a platform for us to keep each other updated. Nope, no one in my real life understood how painful it was to breastfeed, or how exhausting motherhood can be, and so I tried to find people to relate to on the internet. I read mom blogs like dooce.com. I even joined a community here in LJ of mothers who all gave birth on the same month and I read their entries, and was comforted to know that even if they lived half a world away, we all had the same fears, hopes, dreams, frustrations and confusions when it came to motherhood. The new ones like me had all sorts of "tanga ba ako?" questions, like "what do you do about hiccups?" and the moms who were already on their second, third or fourth, would be ready to say, "hindi ka tanga" and offer advice and support ("can't do anything about hiccups, dear. Anyway, they don't hurt"). It was nice. But it wasn't the same as having an actual friend who was going through the same things. Plus none of them had yayas, so I had no one to share yaya concerns with, among other issues peculiar to Pinoys in Manila.
Eventually, I either met people who were having babies too, or found old friends who had kids the same age as mine, or other people started having babies, and we weren't really friends before, but because we were moms, we had an instant connection. Plus suddenly there was facebook and I knew just who what where when everyone was getting married or having babies. And I didn't feel so disconnected from the world anymore. I settled into motherhood, twice, three times over. I had less issues, I blogged less, I lived more.
Fast forward to this year. Two of my college friends had given birth two weeks ago. And suddenly I had texts asking me, "What can I do about the baby's hiccups?" Wow! I wasn't the confused mommy anymore. I was the one with the advice and support. It reminded me of when I was in high school. And "coolness" was a mystery to awkward geeky me. I wished I had an older sister who had cool friends and wore cool clothes who was so cool, she would lend her younger sister her cool clothes and introduce me to her cool friends. But I didn't. So I had to figure these things out on my own. And then I hit college and was more or less cool in my own way, I realized that my younger sister looked up to me as the Ate I wished I had. So I lent her my clothes and introduced her to my rockstar friends. And now they're closer to her than to me, because I became a mom, but she would still attend their gigs from time to time.
This morning, I delivered a helper to my friend Maui's house to alleviate the insanity of having to do all the household chores AND co-manage their business, AND breastfeed all day. And when she had to complete something on the computer, I got to pick up the fussy two-week-old baby and sing and dance her back to sleep. (she was so light! I can't believe all my babies were once that teeny tiny!) And then in the afternoon, Cey texted me a question about breastfeeding and pumping so I called her back and told her to relax and stop pressuring herself to do more than she can. And tried to cheer her up by telling her I read the book she wrote to my children at bedtime. And I listened to their fears and joys and frustrations and confusions and heard myself from five years ago. And I am happy I went through all that, so I can offer them help and advice today. They seem to think I'm some kind of Super Mom or whatever, but I know I'm not. I was just like them. And everything I had given them, was given to me as well all those years ago.
I have graduated from breastfeeding and 24 hour pooping. Today I am discovering the wonderful new world of classmates and homework. And before I know it, I will be potty training a boy. Which I'm not sure I know how to do. But I'm sure I'll figure it out, or get help. And then eventually, I will again help other mommies in return. I'm just happy to have come full circle. And we all know what happens when we've gone around in a circle. We start another one and go around again.
So I turned to the internet and blogged and blogged and blogged. Take note that this was before Facebook. Everyone who was on the internet was on Friendster (ew!), Livejournal, or Multiply. And by Everyone, I mean just my mother and my groupie friends. Back then I hadn't been able to reconnect with my high school friends. I had no idea they were having babies of their own. And even if I did, there wasn't really a platform for us to keep each other updated. Nope, no one in my real life understood how painful it was to breastfeed, or how exhausting motherhood can be, and so I tried to find people to relate to on the internet. I read mom blogs like dooce.com. I even joined a community here in LJ of mothers who all gave birth on the same month and I read their entries, and was comforted to know that even if they lived half a world away, we all had the same fears, hopes, dreams, frustrations and confusions when it came to motherhood. The new ones like me had all sorts of "tanga ba ako?" questions, like "what do you do about hiccups?" and the moms who were already on their second, third or fourth, would be ready to say, "hindi ka tanga" and offer advice and support ("can't do anything about hiccups, dear. Anyway, they don't hurt"). It was nice. But it wasn't the same as having an actual friend who was going through the same things. Plus none of them had yayas, so I had no one to share yaya concerns with, among other issues peculiar to Pinoys in Manila.
Eventually, I either met people who were having babies too, or found old friends who had kids the same age as mine, or other people started having babies, and we weren't really friends before, but because we were moms, we had an instant connection. Plus suddenly there was facebook and I knew just who what where when everyone was getting married or having babies. And I didn't feel so disconnected from the world anymore. I settled into motherhood, twice, three times over. I had less issues, I blogged less, I lived more.
Fast forward to this year. Two of my college friends had given birth two weeks ago. And suddenly I had texts asking me, "What can I do about the baby's hiccups?" Wow! I wasn't the confused mommy anymore. I was the one with the advice and support. It reminded me of when I was in high school. And "coolness" was a mystery to awkward geeky me. I wished I had an older sister who had cool friends and wore cool clothes who was so cool, she would lend her younger sister her cool clothes and introduce me to her cool friends. But I didn't. So I had to figure these things out on my own. And then I hit college and was more or less cool in my own way, I realized that my younger sister looked up to me as the Ate I wished I had. So I lent her my clothes and introduced her to my rockstar friends. And now they're closer to her than to me, because I became a mom, but she would still attend their gigs from time to time.
This morning, I delivered a helper to my friend Maui's house to alleviate the insanity of having to do all the household chores AND co-manage their business, AND breastfeed all day. And when she had to complete something on the computer, I got to pick up the fussy two-week-old baby and sing and dance her back to sleep. (she was so light! I can't believe all my babies were once that teeny tiny!) And then in the afternoon, Cey texted me a question about breastfeeding and pumping so I called her back and told her to relax and stop pressuring herself to do more than she can. And tried to cheer her up by telling her I read the book she wrote to my children at bedtime. And I listened to their fears and joys and frustrations and confusions and heard myself from five years ago. And I am happy I went through all that, so I can offer them help and advice today. They seem to think I'm some kind of Super Mom or whatever, but I know I'm not. I was just like them. And everything I had given them, was given to me as well all those years ago.
I have graduated from breastfeeding and 24 hour pooping. Today I am discovering the wonderful new world of classmates and homework. And before I know it, I will be potty training a boy. Which I'm not sure I know how to do. But I'm sure I'll figure it out, or get help. And then eventually, I will again help other mommies in return. I'm just happy to have come full circle. And we all know what happens when we've gone around in a circle. We start another one and go around again.