Comments | in_xanadu: So, there was this boy... {Chapter 1: Rude Awakening}

in_xanadu

So, there was this boy... {Chapter 1: Rude Awakening}

Jun 19, 2011 22:34

Chapter 1: Rude Awakening ( Read more... )

Comments 2

chameleon_18 June 23 2011, 00:38:17 UTC

I noticed you've changed the names, but I think you missed one unless you're making "Taylor" a middle name? "...she will never be built like Cleo.” Taylor said in a mock..."

I always loved Cleo's off-the-wall fashion sense.

Your writing is, as always, spectacular. And I am going to continue to jump forward.

carpe_spero June 23 2011, 04:35:14 UTC

This could be because I'm tired, but I feel like the pacing in this chapter could be sped up a bit, I'll re-read it again tomorrow when I'm more fresh though, just to be sure :) As always, I love Cleo. I think what may be pulling at me is that we jump right in with the boys, when I almost feel like it might need the background we no longer have since they're not Hanson anymore? If that makes sense? Again though, I could be just slow because I'm so freakin tired.