Guardian Fic: For Always (No Regrets) - 自始自终(无悔）1/1
Title: For Always (No Regrets) - 自始自终(无悔）[Zì shǐ zì zhōng (wú huǐ)]
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Guardian 镇魂 TV
Word count: ~5200
Pairing: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Rating: NC17
Summary: "There was a locked drawer in Shen Wei’s study. In this drawer was a simple wooden box, almost as big as the drawer itself. In the box were the random bits of scrap paper, post-it notes, and cards."
Author's notes: I wrote this in 4 days. This fandom, IDEK.... Many thanks to yantantether for the speedy beta! Any other mistakes are mine.
Written for the smallfandomfest prompt by china_shop: “Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan - love letter”
It was meant to me short and fluffy and it… got away from me, just a bit. Post series canon divergence, everyone lives. In my head, we have a slightly different version of the novel ending in the drama-verse, so just run with that. Also partially inspired by novel-verse Shen Wei who has a preference for written correspondence instead of the impersonal text messages and Zhao Yunlan bombards him with… ;)
There was a purple post-it note stuck to the freezer door when Shen Wei got home from the university.
Dinner with the dictators at the Ministry, don’t wait up. xoxo YL
With Shen Wei refusing to give in and get himself a mobile phone, it wasn’t long before Zhao Yunlan had resorted to leaving Shen Wei notes all over the place, whether it was to let him know where he'd gone, what he wanted for dinner, or just some random stupid jokes he wanted to share with Shen Wei when he wasn’t around in person.
There was a locked drawer in Shen Wei’s study. In this drawer was a simple wooden box, almost as big as the drawer itself. In the box were the random bits of scrap paper, post-it notes, and cards. Some in pristine condition, others wrinkled or stained; they were all from Zhao Yunlan, filled with his chicken scratch handwriting.
Sitting down at his desk, Shen Wei took out the box, adding the latest note to the collection in the multi-coloured post-it pile. Most of them were nothing of importance, like the most recent addition tonight. Rarer, were the cards Zhao Yunlan had picked out for Valentine's Day, and Shen Wei's "birthday". And there was the one letter Zhao Yunlan had sent Shen Wei, when he'd been picked by the university to accompany a small group of his students on a two month summer exchange programme with Dragon City University's sister university in Phoenix City, over four hour’s flight away.
That was the longest time Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan had spent apart ever since Dixing was cut off from Haixing over three years ago. It was also the only time Shen Wei was tempted to give in and get a mobile phone instead of relying on the landline in his visiting professor’s office to call Zhao Yunlan.
Picking out the envelope from the box, Shen Wei unfolded the letter, reading the familiar words he had long since memorised.
It was two days before the official end date of the programme when Shen Wei had received the letter. He could still remember the surprise he felt when he held the envelope addressed to him, with the familiar scrawls of Zhao Yunlan's handwriting. At least he'd made a better effort on the envelope so that Shen Wei’s name and the university’s dorm address were mostly legible.
It had taken all of Shen Wei's rather considerable amount of self-control to wait until he was back in the privacy of his own room before he carefully unsealed the envelope to reveal the three full pages of an actual letter from Zhao Yunlan. Unlike the writing on the envelope, the handwriting in the letter was classic Zhao Yunlan, one could almost have mistaken the words for some form of cursive Egyptian hieroglyphs if such things existed, but Shen Wei had no problems deciphering them. He’d had plenty of practice.
"Xiao Wei," the letter started. Some might think that it was a rather abrupt way to start a letter, not at all romantic, and would perhaps add a 'Dear' or even 'Beloved' in front, but that was not Zhao Yunlan's style, at least not when he was being serious enough to put pen to paper. In person, however, there was no end to the pet names and endearments that Zhao Yunlan had come up for him, most of them Shen Wei was sure, were just to see if he could make Shen Wei blush in public… or in private. Shen Wei would never admit it to anyone even on pain of death, and especially not to Zhao Yunlan, but he secretly liked the pet names.
Beside, whenever Zhao Yunlan called him Xiao Wei -- he was the only one who ever called him Xiao Wei -- Shen Wei knew, just like he knew the sun would rise from the east and set in the west, that 'beloved' was more than implied with that particular nickname. The same way he knew that Zhao Yunlan knew Shen Wei really didn’t minded the nicknames. It was just how they worked, it was how they’d always worked.
The letter had started with a paragraph on how the team at the SID was doing and the trouble Da Qing had managed to get Xiao Guo into, before that section ended with "those bastards miss you."
Shen Wei couldn’t help but smile at the wording, thinking to himself that perhaps what the team had missed wasn’t actually Shen Wei himself, but his influence on Zhao Yunlan. Chief Zhao had no doubt been crankier than usual without Shen Wei around, making the team’s work life just a little bit more difficult.
The rest of the letter was almost like a stream of consciousness. From the tone, it was obvious to Shen Wei that the letter had been written in the middle of the night, perhaps even after a couple of drinks. Despite having spoken to each other almost every day on the phone, the words on the pages were infused with a sense of yearning that Shen Wei was more than familiar with. The feelings between them that were rarely spoken out loud now irrefutably etched in black and white.
Zhao Yunlan would often lightheartedly tease Shen Wei or make some crude jokes, always figuring out new ways to get Shen Wei to ‘relax’ in public, and unless things were dire, he would never bare his heart and show his vulnerability in such a way. Shen Wei often thought that it was because somewhere deep down, Zhao Yunlan doubted he was good enough for the university’s rising star Professor Shen and the Black Cloak Envoy, hero of Dixing. The signs were there for Shen Wei to read, especially in between the lines of the pages Shen Wei held in his hands.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would’ve been like for you if we didn’t meet back in this time. Whether you’d be happier back in Dixing with your people instead of having to put up with all my nonsense. Whether you regret your decision to stay with me, to continue to play the role of the professor when you could have been the ruler of Dixing. Then I’d imagine my life without you, and I couldn’t see anything but the deep dark void in the depths of my soul. Am I selfish to be glad that you’re here with me instead of back with your people? Have I trapped you here in a life that you did not want or ask for? What does it make me when I’m happy for you to be trapped here with me?
You told me you’d fallen for me the very first time you saw me on the battlefield all those years ago, but I never did tell you it was the same for me. The very first time I saw you ten thousand years later, you were like a barnacle that refused to let go, and every time we met after, there was nothing I could do but to sink into this bottomless ocean with you.
It had taken every ounce of Shen Wei’s considerable resolve not to teleport himself back to Dragon City, just so he could see his Yunlan, his Kunlun, in person and to hold him.
Ever since the pathways to Dixing had been sealed shut, the remaining Dixingren who were now trapped on Haixing had had to keep a low profile. The attack orchestrated by Ye Zun was still fresh in everyone’s mind and the city was still recovering. Despite the best efforts of the SID, the general population was still highly suspicious of anyone with superhuman abilities. It was too much of a risk to Professor’s Shen identity and his life with Zhao Yunlan just to satisfy his own selfish impulse to see Zhao Yunlan sooner. So he had waited, reading the letter over and over again, until he took out his own pen and paper and wrote a reply.
Shen Wei wasn’t sure when Zhao Yunlan got his letter, but it was most likely after his return to Dragon City. Zhao Yunlan didn’t say anything, and so Shen Wei followed his cue and didn’t mention it either. Although he often wondered what went through Zhao Yunlan’s head when he’d read Shen Wei’s reply.
“There you are.”
Shen Wei’s head snapped up at the sound of Zhao Yunlan’s voice, so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard the other man coming in.
“So that’s what in that drawer,” Zhao Yunlan said as he walked into the room and perched himself on the edge of Shen Wei’s desk, careful not to sit on any of the files and papers. He had taken off his jacket and was only wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and his jeans. “Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I was kinda drunk when I wrote that,” he continued. “Or at the very least, a little tipsy.”
“I did think you might’ve had a few drinks,” Shen Wei replied with a small smile, folding the letter carefully, putting it back in its envelope before shutting it back in the box, all the time aware that Zhao Yunlan was watching his every move.
“Still meant every word,” Zhao Yunlan said, his voice soft.
Shen Wei looked back up to Zhao Yunlan after he’d put the box away, safely back in the locked drawer. “I know,” he replied, not hiding his feelings for the man before him.
Without saying anything further, Zhao Yunlan reached towards his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He then fished out a neatly folded piece of paper and waved it before Shen Wei. It took a moment before Shen Wei finally recognised it as his letter to Zhao Yunlan and his breath caught. For some inexplicable reason, he felt his heartbeat speeding up, somehow suddenly… nervous.
“You kept it.”
“Of course I kept it,” Zhao Yunlan’s tone seemed to implied that Shen Wei was being stupid to even have thought otherwise, and maybe he was; for Zhao Yunlan hadn’t just kept Shen Wei’s letter, he’d kept it in his wallet and carried it with him all this time. The casual, yet completely deliberate way he put the letter back into its compartment in the wallet also told Shen Wei all he needed to know about the importance of the letter to Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei didn’t know how it was possible to fall even more in love with the man casually sitting before him, like he wasn’t at all responsible in making all of Shen Wei’s long thought impossible dreams come true. Yet, here he was, feeling like the first time he’d been hit by the tornado that was Zhao Yunlan all over again. Utterly overwhelmed, all he could do was to stand up and pull Zhao Yunlan across the desk and kiss him.
If Zhao Yunlan was surprised by Shen Wei’s action, he did not let it show. His lips parted willingly to let Shen Wei in at the barest of suggestions, reaching out himself to pull Shen Wei closer.
Time seemed to lose all meaning to Shen Wei and all his senses were focused on Zhao Yunlan. There was a faint taste of beer, and the sweetness of the artificial grape flavour from a lollipop, and beneath that all, was the familiar taste of the man Shen Wei has loved since time immemorial.
When Zhao Yunlan finally pulled away he was panting, his eyes dark with a desire that Shen Wei was certain was reflected in his own. “I’d have you over your desk, but I’m afraid if we mess up your files more than I already have, you’d kill me with your pout.”
“I do not pout,” Shen Wei had to bite his lips to stop himself from laughing at Zhao Yunlan’s comment.
“You totally do. Not in public, maybe, but when it’s just you and me, you totally pout. In public, you just… frown at me, oh, yup, just like that.” Zhao Yunlan exclaimed, pointing at Shen Wei’s brow. “Definitely just like that.”
“Bedroom,” Shen Wei said, making sure he wasn’t frowning when he took two steps to cross over to the other side of the desk, holding his hand out to Zhao Yunlan.
“You and your sense of propriety,” Zhao Yunlan took his hand without question. “Imagine all the fun we could have on the sofa, or the kitchen count... umph…” Shen Wei pulled Zhao Yunlan into another kiss before the other man could go on.
Over the course of their relationship, Shen Wei had discovered that the only completely effective way to shut Zhao Yunlan up was to really occupy his mouth. He was proud to admit that it was a skill he’d perfected.
Without the desk between them, Shen Wei could clearly feel Zhao Yunlan’s desire for him, if the wandering hands weren’t enough of an indication. Almost without Shen Wei noticing, Zhao Yunlan’s hands had slipped passed his waistband at his back, and were snaking further downwards.
“We’re still in the study. What do you think your hands are doing on my backside?” Shen Wei asked, feeling slightly breathless.
“Nothing, I’m not doing anything to your back.” The feigned innocent look Zhao Yunlan gave him wouldn’t have fooled Shen Wei in the first place, much less when it was paired with the squeeze that Zhao Yunlan gave his… backside.
“Not my back.”
“No? You have to be more specific, darling.”
Shen Wei knew this was one of Zhao Yunlan’s shameless ploys, knowing that even after all this time they’ve been together Shen Wei was still quite self-conscious and shy about certain aspects of their life as a couple.
“Yunlan,” if Shen Wei was anyone else but the Black Cloak Envoy, the tone of his voice might be called a whine, but that was beneath his dignity. “Behave yourself, and your hands, if you can…”
“Yes?” The smirk on Zhao Yunlan’s face was more than sufficient evidence that he knew exactly what he was doing to Shen Wei. “What about my hands?” Another light squeeze.
“You know what,” Shen Wei tried to be stern, but it was a hopeless battle in the face of Zhao Yunlan. It didn’t help that Zhao Yunlan’s rather talented hands were also stirring Shen Wei’s already growing desire for his lover.
“Do I? Can’t you be a little more specific?”
Shen Wei could feel the blush creeping up as his face grew hotter, yet the word just would not form.
“I love it when you blush.”
Faced with Zhao Yunlan’s exasperating grin, instead of giving in and admitting defeat, Shen Wei grabbed Zhao Yunlan’s wrists, pulling those wandering hands out of his waistband, and literally dragged Zhan Yunlan out of the study and towards their bedroom.
“Someone’s impatient tonight,” Zhao Yunlan leered as they stopped in front of the bedroom door, but then his smile turned tender. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Shen Wei rested his forehead against Zhao Yunlan’s, “And I’m not letting you go,” he said in a whisper, clutching Zhao Yunlan’s hands between their chests.
But Zhao Yunlan wouldn’t be his Yunlan if he didn’t take a serious moment and turn it on its head. “Are you sure you don’t want to try this on the sofa? I mean it would -- “
“No,” Shen Wei didn’t even let him finish. “Don’t even think about it. That’s just... unsanitary.” And before Zhao Yunlan’s brain could come up with any more indecent ideas, Shen Wei spun him around and pushed him into their bedroom, Zhao Yunlan went as he was directed without protest.
Shen Wei shut the bedroom door behind them only to turn around to find himself with an armful of Zhao Yunlan, trying to undo his belt and unbutton his shirt at the same time.
“Who’s impatient now?” Shen Wei asked, cupping Zhao Yunlan’s face in his palms and leaning forward to kiss him once more. He could feel Zhao Yunlan melting against him, even as his hands snuck back beneath Shen Wei’s clothing. The man definitely had a one track mind tonight.
Before Zhao Yunlan’s hands could move further south, Shen Wei untangled himself from his grasp, tugging at the other man’s t-shirt. “Naked. Now.” The demand came out sounding a lot more like the Envoy than Shen Wei had expected, but the darkening desire in Zhao Yunlan’s eyes was unmistakable.
Zhao Yunlan pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it into a corner, he then flopped onto the bed and kicked off his jeans. Sprawled out on the bed like some sacrificial offering, he threw Shen Wei what could only be described as a come hither look, one hand reaching downwards and giving himself a couple of quick strokes.
Despite being the one who was still mostly dressed, Shen Wei still felt like a helpless fish being reeled in by Zhao Yunlan as he approached the bed, shrugging off his shirt and for once, just letting it land where it fell. When he got close enough, Zhao Yunlan yanked Shen Wei down by his belt loop so that he was laying on top of him. Shen Wei didn’t get to enjoy that position for long, within moments, Zhao Yunlan had flipped them and was instead straddling Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan took off Shen Wei’s glasses and carefully put them on the bedside table before he got to work stripping him of his trousers and underwear, all the while not saying a single word.
There were times when Shen Wei would be content just to hold Zhao Yunlan in his arms, and Zhao Yunlan would happily let him, but tonight was most definitely not one of those times. Once he’d divested Shen Wei of all his clothing, Zhao Yunlan’s lips met his once more, the kiss almost desperate and all Shen Wei wanted was more of it.
“Don’t move,” Zhao Yunlan said against Shen Wei’s lips when they finally broke apart.
It was only once Shen Wei nodded that Zhao Yunlan moved downwards, shifting Shen Wei’s thighs further apart to make room for himself between them. Shen Wei would’ve felt self-conscious about the position he was in, naked, spread out and exposed on top of the bed, but he was beyond caring about anything other than the fire that seemed to burn within him as it sought for a way out. Everywhere Zhao Yunlan’s lips and tongue touched was carefully placed to hit all of Shen Wei’s sensitive spots, adding fuel to flame; leaving Shen Wei breathless, aching with unfulfilled need. Relief could only be granted by the same man who was making him burn. He wanted to reach out, to touch, to taste, to have just a little bit more of Zhao Yunlan than what he was being given, but he held back.
“Yunlan.” A plea, or a prayer? Shen Wei wasn’t sure. Looking down, he could see the top of Zhao Yunlan’s head and feel his breath against his navel.
At the sound of his name Zhao Yunlan looked up and their eyes met. The hunger in his gaze was unmistakable, but underneath all the passion there was also an adoration that Shen Wei was not quite sure he deserved.
Shen Wei wasn’t certain what Zhao Yunlan saw in turn, but when the words “Xiao Wei” left his lips, Zhao Yunlan’s voice was hoarse, like it hurt to even speak his name. Shen Wei’s heart ached at hearing those two words, for within them existed the million more that had been left unsaid, yet were clear as day to them both.
In that moment, nothing could’ve stopped Shen Wei from reaching out. As though reading his mind, Zhao Yunlan caught his hand and threaded their fingers together, gripping. Anchored to each other, so that no matter where the tides took them, they’d still be together.
Then Zhao Yunlan flashed him a smirk and ducked his head. That was the only warning Shen Wei got before all he could feel was wet heat and suction.
“Yunlan!” the cry soon turned into a moan as the pleasure built, his grip on Zhao Yunlan’s hand tightened, and he felt an answering squeeze.
“Please.” Resisting the urge to thrust so he didn’t accidentally choke Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei could only beg. For more, for everything; he was not settling for anything less than all of Zhao Yunlan because Zhao Yunlan already had all of Shen Wei.
Zhao Yunlan pulled off of Shen Wei’s erection, giving it one last kiss before moving back up so they were once again face to face, kissing him, deep and frantic.
“Tell me what you want,” he asked between gentle bites at Shen Wei’s lips.
“You. Just you,” Shen Wei breathe, his free hand reaching out to rest at the small of Zhao Yunlan’s back, pressing them closer together, chest to chest, the heat of Zhao Yunlan’s hardness hot against his inner thigh. “Your body, your heart, your soul, I want it all, I want your entirety.”
“You have it. All of me in this life and the next is yours.” It was rare for Zhao Yunlan to be this serious when they weren’t facing a life or death situation, but it didn’t take long for the cheeky dork Shen Wei fell in love with to make an appearance. “So, tonight my darling, how do you want your hubby to take care of you?”
Shen Wei couldn’t help letting out a giggle at the over the top wiggling eyebrows and leer from Zhao Yunlan, the other man looking proud at himself for managing to make Shen Wei laugh in this moment of intimacy.
“At your age you still have to ask how does one’s husband take care of his lover? Are you sure you aren’t a little slow on the uptake?” Shen Wei retorted.
“You….” the stunned dumbfoundedness at Shen Wei’s quip didn’t hamper Zhao Yunlan for long. “I didn’t ask how in general, I asked how you want it.”
And Shen Wei wouldn’t be Shen Wei if he couldn’t calm his Yunlan’s playfulness with a little of his own brand of earnestness. Gently stroking the soft skin of Zhao Yunlan’s back, Shen Wei replied softly, “However my husband wants me, I’ll take it all.”
Zhao Yunlan couldn’t hide the quick intake of breath or the shudder that went through him at Shen Wei’s reply.
“Xiao Wei,” Zhao Yunlan whined, looking helplessly down at Shen Wei. “You…. “ he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.
While Shen Wei enjoyed the moments when he could render Zhao Yunlan speechless, now really wasn’t the time. Leaning up, he captured Zhao Yunlan’s lips in an open mouthed kiss, letting his tongue remind Zhao Yunlan where they’d left off, reigniting the flame between them.
One of Zhao Yunlan’s free hands reached out blindly towards the bedside table searching the drawer for the bottle of lube they kept there. Shen Wei bucked up against Zhao Yunlan, restless, and seeking some friction to relieve his growing need. “Yunlan.” It was most definitely a plea this time.
And Shen Wei didn’t have to wait long until he felt Zhao Yunlan’s slicked fingers between his legs. Zhao Yunlan finally let go of Shen Wei’s hand to get into a more comfortable position and proceeded to make sure Shen Wei lose all ability to speak. The same moment Zhao Yunlan swallowed Shen Wei’s member down to the root in one smooth move, his slicked finger also worked its way into Shen Wei, unerringly hitting his prostate at the first try.
Shen Wei cried out, the pleasure almost overwhelming. Zhao Yunlan was relentless in his attempt to make Shen Wei lose his mind. Reaching down, Shen Wei fisted his hand in Zhao Yunlan’s hair, needing the touch to ground him, at the same time pushing back against Yunlan’s fingers in him, silently demanding more.
Never the one to deny Shen Wei anything, Zhao Yunlan soon had two fingers inside him, stretching him open for what was to come. While his hand was busy inside Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan’s mouth hadn’t been idle either, alternating between shallow teasing licks and deep swallows. His familiarity with Shen Wei’s body and reactions also made sure that Zhao Yunlan kept him on the brink, enough to stoke his fire, but not sufficient to push him over the edge.
Shen Wei’s instincts had always been to have Zhao Yunlan to himself, to possess and protect the man who owned his heart and soul so utterly, but tonight he needed Zhao Yunlan to know that Shen Wei was his as well. His to shield, to support, to love, for without Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei would not be here today. He wanted, needed Zhao Yunlan inside him.
The fingers weren’t enough. His heart was pounding, every fiber of his being burned for Zhao Yunlan. “Yunlan, please,” he groaned. “Stop teasing.”
Zhao Yunlan finally lifted his head from Shen Wei’s erection, given the tip one last kiss that made Shen Wei tremble at the sensation. Shen Wei felt a third finger entering him, but that wasn’t enough either. Pushing down against Zhao Yunlan’s hand, he let his body speak the words he no longer had the ability to verbalise. Please let me know you own me, that I’m yours as much as you are mine, that you will keep my heart safe as I have kept yours.
When Zhao Yunlan finally withdrew his fingers, Shen Wei couldn’t help but whimper at the loss, but Zhao Yunlan was back on top of him, kissing him, face flushed and pupils blown wide with arousal.
Bucking up against Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei could only continue to beg with his body. Even without words, his Yunlan knew exactly what he wanted and he felt Yunlan pushing his thighs further apart and finally entering him. Slowly, as though Shen Wei was something precious and fragile.
“The things you do to me,” Zhao Yunlan said when he was finally completely buried within Shen Wei. “I never thought that love like this was possible until I met you.”
Shen Wei had long since stopped trying to figure out how Zhao Yunlan managed to retain his ability to speak so coherently even during their most passionate moments. He wrapped his legs around Zhao Yunlan’s waist, crossing his ankles to give himself some leverage and pulled Zhao Yunlan down towards him, deeper into him.
“I never knew what love felt like until I met you,” Shen Wei breathed against Zhao Yunlan’s lips. He couldn’t help but close his eyes when Zhao Yunlan finally started moving within him.
“Xiao Wei,” a breathless moan, and Shen Wei made himself open his eyes, not wanting to miss a single moment of the sight of Zhao Yunlan above him, being as close as two people physically could possibly be. His hands reached out to cup and trace the contours of Zhao Yunlan’s face, the face that had haunted his dreams for millennia, his fingers ghosting over the lips that he has kissed a thousand times since.
Push, pull, their bodies moving in a rhythm that had long since become familiar. Shen Wei groaned as every thrust against his prostate brought him closer to the edge. His legs tightened around Zhao Yunlan’s waist even as his arm reached around to hold his lover closer to him, bodies flush against each other. He buried his face against Zhao Yunlan’s neck and gently bit at the skin of his shoulder, surrounding and losing himself with the touch, taste, and scent of his soulmate.
The bite seemed to spur Zhao Yunlan on as his movements became quicker, with the sound of their passion loud in the otherwise quiet room. And it was exactly what Shen Wei needed, so close to the precipice of the blinding pleasure he was on the verge of falling over. “Yunlan, I…”
There was no need for Shen Wei to say more, because Zhao Yunlan knew exactly what he was saying. “Together?” he asked, breath tickling Shen Wei’s ear.
Shen Wei could only nod against Zhao Yunlan’s neck, holding on as the thrusts became harder and deeper, pleasure lighting up the nerve endings of his entire being. He was vaguely aware of Zhao Yunlan’s voice in his ear, but it was only when Zhao Yunlan got a little louder that Shen Wei could make out the words.
“...mine. You’re mine. Just mine,” each claim was punctuated with a thrust of his hips, as though driving the point home.
“Yes, yours,” Shen Wei’s heart swelled with the overwhelming love and devotion he felt for the man in his arms. “Just yours. Always yours, Yunlan,” he babbled. Helpless against the wave of emotions, Shen Wei clung onto Zhao Yunlan and bit down on his shoulder again, only to have Zhao Yunlan return the favour.
The pain of the bites sent both of them tumbling over the cliff together. Shen Wei felt as though his vision had whited out when the tension finally snapped and the pleasure washed over him, satiating the flames within.
Zhao Yunlan collapsed on top of Shen Wei, and Shen Wei held onto him, the weight on top of him a familiar comfort. Turning his head, he met Zhao Yunlan’s gaze, the other man looking as raw in the moment as Shen Wei had ever seen him. The only thing Shen Wei could do was to kiss him; a reassurance and a promise that Shen Wei would always be by his side.
When Zhao Yunlan softened and finally slipped out of Shen Wei, he tightened his hold on Zhao Yunlan, irrationally fearing that the man in his arms would also slip away. Zhao Yunlan shifted a little so that his head was resting more comfortably on Shen Wei’s chest, and his right arm reached out for Shen Wei’s left hand, clasping their palms together.
Not a further word was spoken as their breathing and heartbeat calmed in the quiet afterglow. Shen Wei thought that Zhao Yunlan had fallen asleep when he finally spoke, voice soft and still tinged with a hint of vulnerability that made Shen Wei’s heart ache. “Did you mean it? What you wrote in the letter?”
The letter that Zhao Yunlan had kept on his person all this time. The one line reply to Zhao Yunlan’s three page confession that Shen Wei had always feared was not enough.
“‘I have loved you for ten thousand years; of everything that has happened in my life, this I will never regret.’” Shen Wei recited from memory the simple sentence that had taken him almost the whole night to compose. “I meant every single word.”
“Good.” Zhao Yunlan said as he drifted off to sleep, as though finally satisfied that Shen Wei really was his.
Watching the peacefully sleeping figure in his arms, Shen Wei swore to himself he would do everything in his considerable power to keep Zhao Yunlan by his side in this lifetime and the lifetimes beyond.
恋君之情长万年，今世独此永无悔。
FIN
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Guardian 镇魂 TV
Word count: ~5200
Pairing: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Rating: NC17
Summary: "There was a locked drawer in Shen Wei’s study. In this drawer was a simple wooden box, almost as big as the drawer itself. In the box were the random bits of scrap paper, post-it notes, and cards."
Author's notes: I wrote this in 4 days. This fandom, IDEK.... Many thanks to yantantether for the speedy beta! Any other mistakes are mine.
Written for the smallfandomfest prompt by china_shop: “Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan - love letter”
It was meant to me short and fluffy and it… got away from me, just a bit. Post series canon divergence, everyone lives. In my head, we have a slightly different version of the novel ending in the drama-verse, so just run with that. Also partially inspired by novel-verse Shen Wei who has a preference for written correspondence instead of the impersonal text messages and Zhao Yunlan bombards him with… ;)
There was a purple post-it note stuck to the freezer door when Shen Wei got home from the university.
Dinner with the dictators at the Ministry, don’t wait up. xoxo YL
With Shen Wei refusing to give in and get himself a mobile phone, it wasn’t long before Zhao Yunlan had resorted to leaving Shen Wei notes all over the place, whether it was to let him know where he'd gone, what he wanted for dinner, or just some random stupid jokes he wanted to share with Shen Wei when he wasn’t around in person.
There was a locked drawer in Shen Wei’s study. In this drawer was a simple wooden box, almost as big as the drawer itself. In the box were the random bits of scrap paper, post-it notes, and cards. Some in pristine condition, others wrinkled or stained; they were all from Zhao Yunlan, filled with his chicken scratch handwriting.
Sitting down at his desk, Shen Wei took out the box, adding the latest note to the collection in the multi-coloured post-it pile. Most of them were nothing of importance, like the most recent addition tonight. Rarer, were the cards Zhao Yunlan had picked out for Valentine's Day, and Shen Wei's "birthday". And there was the one letter Zhao Yunlan had sent Shen Wei, when he'd been picked by the university to accompany a small group of his students on a two month summer exchange programme with Dragon City University's sister university in Phoenix City, over four hour’s flight away.
That was the longest time Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan had spent apart ever since Dixing was cut off from Haixing over three years ago. It was also the only time Shen Wei was tempted to give in and get a mobile phone instead of relying on the landline in his visiting professor’s office to call Zhao Yunlan.
Picking out the envelope from the box, Shen Wei unfolded the letter, reading the familiar words he had long since memorised.
It was two days before the official end date of the programme when Shen Wei had received the letter. He could still remember the surprise he felt when he held the envelope addressed to him, with the familiar scrawls of Zhao Yunlan's handwriting. At least he'd made a better effort on the envelope so that Shen Wei’s name and the university’s dorm address were mostly legible.
It had taken all of Shen Wei's rather considerable amount of self-control to wait until he was back in the privacy of his own room before he carefully unsealed the envelope to reveal the three full pages of an actual letter from Zhao Yunlan. Unlike the writing on the envelope, the handwriting in the letter was classic Zhao Yunlan, one could almost have mistaken the words for some form of cursive Egyptian hieroglyphs if such things existed, but Shen Wei had no problems deciphering them. He’d had plenty of practice.
"Xiao Wei," the letter started. Some might think that it was a rather abrupt way to start a letter, not at all romantic, and would perhaps add a 'Dear' or even 'Beloved' in front, but that was not Zhao Yunlan's style, at least not when he was being serious enough to put pen to paper. In person, however, there was no end to the pet names and endearments that Zhao Yunlan had come up for him, most of them Shen Wei was sure, were just to see if he could make Shen Wei blush in public… or in private. Shen Wei would never admit it to anyone even on pain of death, and especially not to Zhao Yunlan, but he secretly liked the pet names.
Beside, whenever Zhao Yunlan called him Xiao Wei -- he was the only one who ever called him Xiao Wei -- Shen Wei knew, just like he knew the sun would rise from the east and set in the west, that 'beloved' was more than implied with that particular nickname. The same way he knew that Zhao Yunlan knew Shen Wei really didn’t minded the nicknames. It was just how they worked, it was how they’d always worked.
The letter had started with a paragraph on how the team at the SID was doing and the trouble Da Qing had managed to get Xiao Guo into, before that section ended with "those bastards miss you."
Shen Wei couldn’t help but smile at the wording, thinking to himself that perhaps what the team had missed wasn’t actually Shen Wei himself, but his influence on Zhao Yunlan. Chief Zhao had no doubt been crankier than usual without Shen Wei around, making the team’s work life just a little bit more difficult.
The rest of the letter was almost like a stream of consciousness. From the tone, it was obvious to Shen Wei that the letter had been written in the middle of the night, perhaps even after a couple of drinks. Despite having spoken to each other almost every day on the phone, the words on the pages were infused with a sense of yearning that Shen Wei was more than familiar with. The feelings between them that were rarely spoken out loud now irrefutably etched in black and white.
Zhao Yunlan would often lightheartedly tease Shen Wei or make some crude jokes, always figuring out new ways to get Shen Wei to ‘relax’ in public, and unless things were dire, he would never bare his heart and show his vulnerability in such a way. Shen Wei often thought that it was because somewhere deep down, Zhao Yunlan doubted he was good enough for the university’s rising star Professor Shen and the Black Cloak Envoy, hero of Dixing. The signs were there for Shen Wei to read, especially in between the lines of the pages Shen Wei held in his hands.
Sometimes, I wonder what it would’ve been like for you if we didn’t meet back in this time. Whether you’d be happier back in Dixing with your people instead of having to put up with all my nonsense. Whether you regret your decision to stay with me, to continue to play the role of the professor when you could have been the ruler of Dixing. Then I’d imagine my life without you, and I couldn’t see anything but the deep dark void in the depths of my soul. Am I selfish to be glad that you’re here with me instead of back with your people? Have I trapped you here in a life that you did not want or ask for? What does it make me when I’m happy for you to be trapped here with me?
You told me you’d fallen for me the very first time you saw me on the battlefield all those years ago, but I never did tell you it was the same for me. The very first time I saw you ten thousand years later, you were like a barnacle that refused to let go, and every time we met after, there was nothing I could do but to sink into this bottomless ocean with you.
It had taken every ounce of Shen Wei’s considerable resolve not to teleport himself back to Dragon City, just so he could see his Yunlan, his Kunlun, in person and to hold him.
Ever since the pathways to Dixing had been sealed shut, the remaining Dixingren who were now trapped on Haixing had had to keep a low profile. The attack orchestrated by Ye Zun was still fresh in everyone’s mind and the city was still recovering. Despite the best efforts of the SID, the general population was still highly suspicious of anyone with superhuman abilities. It was too much of a risk to Professor’s Shen identity and his life with Zhao Yunlan just to satisfy his own selfish impulse to see Zhao Yunlan sooner. So he had waited, reading the letter over and over again, until he took out his own pen and paper and wrote a reply.
Shen Wei wasn’t sure when Zhao Yunlan got his letter, but it was most likely after his return to Dragon City. Zhao Yunlan didn’t say anything, and so Shen Wei followed his cue and didn’t mention it either. Although he often wondered what went through Zhao Yunlan’s head when he’d read Shen Wei’s reply.
“There you are.”
Shen Wei’s head snapped up at the sound of Zhao Yunlan’s voice, so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard the other man coming in.
“So that’s what in that drawer,” Zhao Yunlan said as he walked into the room and perched himself on the edge of Shen Wei’s desk, careful not to sit on any of the files and papers. He had taken off his jacket and was only wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and his jeans. “Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure I was kinda drunk when I wrote that,” he continued. “Or at the very least, a little tipsy.”
“I did think you might’ve had a few drinks,” Shen Wei replied with a small smile, folding the letter carefully, putting it back in its envelope before shutting it back in the box, all the time aware that Zhao Yunlan was watching his every move.
“Still meant every word,” Zhao Yunlan said, his voice soft.
Shen Wei looked back up to Zhao Yunlan after he’d put the box away, safely back in the locked drawer. “I know,” he replied, not hiding his feelings for the man before him.
Without saying anything further, Zhao Yunlan reached towards his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He then fished out a neatly folded piece of paper and waved it before Shen Wei. It took a moment before Shen Wei finally recognised it as his letter to Zhao Yunlan and his breath caught. For some inexplicable reason, he felt his heartbeat speeding up, somehow suddenly… nervous.
“You kept it.”
“Of course I kept it,” Zhao Yunlan’s tone seemed to implied that Shen Wei was being stupid to even have thought otherwise, and maybe he was; for Zhao Yunlan hadn’t just kept Shen Wei’s letter, he’d kept it in his wallet and carried it with him all this time. The casual, yet completely deliberate way he put the letter back into its compartment in the wallet also told Shen Wei all he needed to know about the importance of the letter to Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei didn’t know how it was possible to fall even more in love with the man casually sitting before him, like he wasn’t at all responsible in making all of Shen Wei’s long thought impossible dreams come true. Yet, here he was, feeling like the first time he’d been hit by the tornado that was Zhao Yunlan all over again. Utterly overwhelmed, all he could do was to stand up and pull Zhao Yunlan across the desk and kiss him.
If Zhao Yunlan was surprised by Shen Wei’s action, he did not let it show. His lips parted willingly to let Shen Wei in at the barest of suggestions, reaching out himself to pull Shen Wei closer.
Time seemed to lose all meaning to Shen Wei and all his senses were focused on Zhao Yunlan. There was a faint taste of beer, and the sweetness of the artificial grape flavour from a lollipop, and beneath that all, was the familiar taste of the man Shen Wei has loved since time immemorial.
When Zhao Yunlan finally pulled away he was panting, his eyes dark with a desire that Shen Wei was certain was reflected in his own. “I’d have you over your desk, but I’m afraid if we mess up your files more than I already have, you’d kill me with your pout.”
“I do not pout,” Shen Wei had to bite his lips to stop himself from laughing at Zhao Yunlan’s comment.
“You totally do. Not in public, maybe, but when it’s just you and me, you totally pout. In public, you just… frown at me, oh, yup, just like that.” Zhao Yunlan exclaimed, pointing at Shen Wei’s brow. “Definitely just like that.”
“Bedroom,” Shen Wei said, making sure he wasn’t frowning when he took two steps to cross over to the other side of the desk, holding his hand out to Zhao Yunlan.
“You and your sense of propriety,” Zhao Yunlan took his hand without question. “Imagine all the fun we could have on the sofa, or the kitchen count... umph…” Shen Wei pulled Zhao Yunlan into another kiss before the other man could go on.
Over the course of their relationship, Shen Wei had discovered that the only completely effective way to shut Zhao Yunlan up was to really occupy his mouth. He was proud to admit that it was a skill he’d perfected.
Without the desk between them, Shen Wei could clearly feel Zhao Yunlan’s desire for him, if the wandering hands weren’t enough of an indication. Almost without Shen Wei noticing, Zhao Yunlan’s hands had slipped passed his waistband at his back, and were snaking further downwards.
“We’re still in the study. What do you think your hands are doing on my backside?” Shen Wei asked, feeling slightly breathless.
“Nothing, I’m not doing anything to your back.” The feigned innocent look Zhao Yunlan gave him wouldn’t have fooled Shen Wei in the first place, much less when it was paired with the squeeze that Zhao Yunlan gave his… backside.
“Not my back.”
“No? You have to be more specific, darling.”
Shen Wei knew this was one of Zhao Yunlan’s shameless ploys, knowing that even after all this time they’ve been together Shen Wei was still quite self-conscious and shy about certain aspects of their life as a couple.
“Yunlan,” if Shen Wei was anyone else but the Black Cloak Envoy, the tone of his voice might be called a whine, but that was beneath his dignity. “Behave yourself, and your hands, if you can…”
“Yes?” The smirk on Zhao Yunlan’s face was more than sufficient evidence that he knew exactly what he was doing to Shen Wei. “What about my hands?” Another light squeeze.
“You know what,” Shen Wei tried to be stern, but it was a hopeless battle in the face of Zhao Yunlan. It didn’t help that Zhao Yunlan’s rather talented hands were also stirring Shen Wei’s already growing desire for his lover.
“Do I? Can’t you be a little more specific?”
Shen Wei could feel the blush creeping up as his face grew hotter, yet the word just would not form.
“I love it when you blush.”
Faced with Zhao Yunlan’s exasperating grin, instead of giving in and admitting defeat, Shen Wei grabbed Zhao Yunlan’s wrists, pulling those wandering hands out of his waistband, and literally dragged Zhan Yunlan out of the study and towards their bedroom.
“Someone’s impatient tonight,” Zhao Yunlan leered as they stopped in front of the bedroom door, but then his smile turned tender. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Shen Wei rested his forehead against Zhao Yunlan’s, “And I’m not letting you go,” he said in a whisper, clutching Zhao Yunlan’s hands between their chests.
But Zhao Yunlan wouldn’t be his Yunlan if he didn’t take a serious moment and turn it on its head. “Are you sure you don’t want to try this on the sofa? I mean it would -- “
“No,” Shen Wei didn’t even let him finish. “Don’t even think about it. That’s just... unsanitary.” And before Zhao Yunlan’s brain could come up with any more indecent ideas, Shen Wei spun him around and pushed him into their bedroom, Zhao Yunlan went as he was directed without protest.
Shen Wei shut the bedroom door behind them only to turn around to find himself with an armful of Zhao Yunlan, trying to undo his belt and unbutton his shirt at the same time.
“Who’s impatient now?” Shen Wei asked, cupping Zhao Yunlan’s face in his palms and leaning forward to kiss him once more. He could feel Zhao Yunlan melting against him, even as his hands snuck back beneath Shen Wei’s clothing. The man definitely had a one track mind tonight.
Before Zhao Yunlan’s hands could move further south, Shen Wei untangled himself from his grasp, tugging at the other man’s t-shirt. “Naked. Now.” The demand came out sounding a lot more like the Envoy than Shen Wei had expected, but the darkening desire in Zhao Yunlan’s eyes was unmistakable.
Zhao Yunlan pulled his t-shirt over his head, tossing it into a corner, he then flopped onto the bed and kicked off his jeans. Sprawled out on the bed like some sacrificial offering, he threw Shen Wei what could only be described as a come hither look, one hand reaching downwards and giving himself a couple of quick strokes.
Despite being the one who was still mostly dressed, Shen Wei still felt like a helpless fish being reeled in by Zhao Yunlan as he approached the bed, shrugging off his shirt and for once, just letting it land where it fell. When he got close enough, Zhao Yunlan yanked Shen Wei down by his belt loop so that he was laying on top of him. Shen Wei didn’t get to enjoy that position for long, within moments, Zhao Yunlan had flipped them and was instead straddling Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan took off Shen Wei’s glasses and carefully put them on the bedside table before he got to work stripping him of his trousers and underwear, all the while not saying a single word.
There were times when Shen Wei would be content just to hold Zhao Yunlan in his arms, and Zhao Yunlan would happily let him, but tonight was most definitely not one of those times. Once he’d divested Shen Wei of all his clothing, Zhao Yunlan’s lips met his once more, the kiss almost desperate and all Shen Wei wanted was more of it.
“Don’t move,” Zhao Yunlan said against Shen Wei’s lips when they finally broke apart.
It was only once Shen Wei nodded that Zhao Yunlan moved downwards, shifting Shen Wei’s thighs further apart to make room for himself between them. Shen Wei would’ve felt self-conscious about the position he was in, naked, spread out and exposed on top of the bed, but he was beyond caring about anything other than the fire that seemed to burn within him as it sought for a way out. Everywhere Zhao Yunlan’s lips and tongue touched was carefully placed to hit all of Shen Wei’s sensitive spots, adding fuel to flame; leaving Shen Wei breathless, aching with unfulfilled need. Relief could only be granted by the same man who was making him burn. He wanted to reach out, to touch, to taste, to have just a little bit more of Zhao Yunlan than what he was being given, but he held back.
“Yunlan.” A plea, or a prayer? Shen Wei wasn’t sure. Looking down, he could see the top of Zhao Yunlan’s head and feel his breath against his navel.
At the sound of his name Zhao Yunlan looked up and their eyes met. The hunger in his gaze was unmistakable, but underneath all the passion there was also an adoration that Shen Wei was not quite sure he deserved.
Shen Wei wasn’t certain what Zhao Yunlan saw in turn, but when the words “Xiao Wei” left his lips, Zhao Yunlan’s voice was hoarse, like it hurt to even speak his name. Shen Wei’s heart ached at hearing those two words, for within them existed the million more that had been left unsaid, yet were clear as day to them both.
In that moment, nothing could’ve stopped Shen Wei from reaching out. As though reading his mind, Zhao Yunlan caught his hand and threaded their fingers together, gripping. Anchored to each other, so that no matter where the tides took them, they’d still be together.
Then Zhao Yunlan flashed him a smirk and ducked his head. That was the only warning Shen Wei got before all he could feel was wet heat and suction.
“Yunlan!” the cry soon turned into a moan as the pleasure built, his grip on Zhao Yunlan’s hand tightened, and he felt an answering squeeze.
“Please.” Resisting the urge to thrust so he didn’t accidentally choke Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei could only beg. For more, for everything; he was not settling for anything less than all of Zhao Yunlan because Zhao Yunlan already had all of Shen Wei.
Zhao Yunlan pulled off of Shen Wei’s erection, giving it one last kiss before moving back up so they were once again face to face, kissing him, deep and frantic.
“Tell me what you want,” he asked between gentle bites at Shen Wei’s lips.
“You. Just you,” Shen Wei breathe, his free hand reaching out to rest at the small of Zhao Yunlan’s back, pressing them closer together, chest to chest, the heat of Zhao Yunlan’s hardness hot against his inner thigh. “Your body, your heart, your soul, I want it all, I want your entirety.”
“You have it. All of me in this life and the next is yours.” It was rare for Zhao Yunlan to be this serious when they weren’t facing a life or death situation, but it didn’t take long for the cheeky dork Shen Wei fell in love with to make an appearance. “So, tonight my darling, how do you want your hubby to take care of you?”
Shen Wei couldn’t help letting out a giggle at the over the top wiggling eyebrows and leer from Zhao Yunlan, the other man looking proud at himself for managing to make Shen Wei laugh in this moment of intimacy.
“At your age you still have to ask how does one’s husband take care of his lover? Are you sure you aren’t a little slow on the uptake?” Shen Wei retorted.
“You….” the stunned dumbfoundedness at Shen Wei’s quip didn’t hamper Zhao Yunlan for long. “I didn’t ask how in general, I asked how you want it.”
And Shen Wei wouldn’t be Shen Wei if he couldn’t calm his Yunlan’s playfulness with a little of his own brand of earnestness. Gently stroking the soft skin of Zhao Yunlan’s back, Shen Wei replied softly, “However my husband wants me, I’ll take it all.”
Zhao Yunlan couldn’t hide the quick intake of breath or the shudder that went through him at Shen Wei’s reply.
“Xiao Wei,” Zhao Yunlan whined, looking helplessly down at Shen Wei. “You…. “ he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words.
While Shen Wei enjoyed the moments when he could render Zhao Yunlan speechless, now really wasn’t the time. Leaning up, he captured Zhao Yunlan’s lips in an open mouthed kiss, letting his tongue remind Zhao Yunlan where they’d left off, reigniting the flame between them.
One of Zhao Yunlan’s free hands reached out blindly towards the bedside table searching the drawer for the bottle of lube they kept there. Shen Wei bucked up against Zhao Yunlan, restless, and seeking some friction to relieve his growing need. “Yunlan.” It was most definitely a plea this time.
And Shen Wei didn’t have to wait long until he felt Zhao Yunlan’s slicked fingers between his legs. Zhao Yunlan finally let go of Shen Wei’s hand to get into a more comfortable position and proceeded to make sure Shen Wei lose all ability to speak. The same moment Zhao Yunlan swallowed Shen Wei’s member down to the root in one smooth move, his slicked finger also worked its way into Shen Wei, unerringly hitting his prostate at the first try.
Shen Wei cried out, the pleasure almost overwhelming. Zhao Yunlan was relentless in his attempt to make Shen Wei lose his mind. Reaching down, Shen Wei fisted his hand in Zhao Yunlan’s hair, needing the touch to ground him, at the same time pushing back against Yunlan’s fingers in him, silently demanding more.
Never the one to deny Shen Wei anything, Zhao Yunlan soon had two fingers inside him, stretching him open for what was to come. While his hand was busy inside Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan’s mouth hadn’t been idle either, alternating between shallow teasing licks and deep swallows. His familiarity with Shen Wei’s body and reactions also made sure that Zhao Yunlan kept him on the brink, enough to stoke his fire, but not sufficient to push him over the edge.
Shen Wei’s instincts had always been to have Zhao Yunlan to himself, to possess and protect the man who owned his heart and soul so utterly, but tonight he needed Zhao Yunlan to know that Shen Wei was his as well. His to shield, to support, to love, for without Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei would not be here today. He wanted, needed Zhao Yunlan inside him.
The fingers weren’t enough. His heart was pounding, every fiber of his being burned for Zhao Yunlan. “Yunlan, please,” he groaned. “Stop teasing.”
Zhao Yunlan finally lifted his head from Shen Wei’s erection, given the tip one last kiss that made Shen Wei tremble at the sensation. Shen Wei felt a third finger entering him, but that wasn’t enough either. Pushing down against Zhao Yunlan’s hand, he let his body speak the words he no longer had the ability to verbalise. Please let me know you own me, that I’m yours as much as you are mine, that you will keep my heart safe as I have kept yours.
When Zhao Yunlan finally withdrew his fingers, Shen Wei couldn’t help but whimper at the loss, but Zhao Yunlan was back on top of him, kissing him, face flushed and pupils blown wide with arousal.
Bucking up against Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei could only continue to beg with his body. Even without words, his Yunlan knew exactly what he wanted and he felt Yunlan pushing his thighs further apart and finally entering him. Slowly, as though Shen Wei was something precious and fragile.
“The things you do to me,” Zhao Yunlan said when he was finally completely buried within Shen Wei. “I never thought that love like this was possible until I met you.”
Shen Wei had long since stopped trying to figure out how Zhao Yunlan managed to retain his ability to speak so coherently even during their most passionate moments. He wrapped his legs around Zhao Yunlan’s waist, crossing his ankles to give himself some leverage and pulled Zhao Yunlan down towards him, deeper into him.
“I never knew what love felt like until I met you,” Shen Wei breathed against Zhao Yunlan’s lips. He couldn’t help but close his eyes when Zhao Yunlan finally started moving within him.
“Xiao Wei,” a breathless moan, and Shen Wei made himself open his eyes, not wanting to miss a single moment of the sight of Zhao Yunlan above him, being as close as two people physically could possibly be. His hands reached out to cup and trace the contours of Zhao Yunlan’s face, the face that had haunted his dreams for millennia, his fingers ghosting over the lips that he has kissed a thousand times since.
Push, pull, their bodies moving in a rhythm that had long since become familiar. Shen Wei groaned as every thrust against his prostate brought him closer to the edge. His legs tightened around Zhao Yunlan’s waist even as his arm reached around to hold his lover closer to him, bodies flush against each other. He buried his face against Zhao Yunlan’s neck and gently bit at the skin of his shoulder, surrounding and losing himself with the touch, taste, and scent of his soulmate.
The bite seemed to spur Zhao Yunlan on as his movements became quicker, with the sound of their passion loud in the otherwise quiet room. And it was exactly what Shen Wei needed, so close to the precipice of the blinding pleasure he was on the verge of falling over. “Yunlan, I…”
There was no need for Shen Wei to say more, because Zhao Yunlan knew exactly what he was saying. “Together?” he asked, breath tickling Shen Wei’s ear.
Shen Wei could only nod against Zhao Yunlan’s neck, holding on as the thrusts became harder and deeper, pleasure lighting up the nerve endings of his entire being. He was vaguely aware of Zhao Yunlan’s voice in his ear, but it was only when Zhao Yunlan got a little louder that Shen Wei could make out the words.
“...mine. You’re mine. Just mine,” each claim was punctuated with a thrust of his hips, as though driving the point home.
“Yes, yours,” Shen Wei’s heart swelled with the overwhelming love and devotion he felt for the man in his arms. “Just yours. Always yours, Yunlan,” he babbled. Helpless against the wave of emotions, Shen Wei clung onto Zhao Yunlan and bit down on his shoulder again, only to have Zhao Yunlan return the favour.
The pain of the bites sent both of them tumbling over the cliff together. Shen Wei felt as though his vision had whited out when the tension finally snapped and the pleasure washed over him, satiating the flames within.
Zhao Yunlan collapsed on top of Shen Wei, and Shen Wei held onto him, the weight on top of him a familiar comfort. Turning his head, he met Zhao Yunlan’s gaze, the other man looking as raw in the moment as Shen Wei had ever seen him. The only thing Shen Wei could do was to kiss him; a reassurance and a promise that Shen Wei would always be by his side.
When Zhao Yunlan softened and finally slipped out of Shen Wei, he tightened his hold on Zhao Yunlan, irrationally fearing that the man in his arms would also slip away. Zhao Yunlan shifted a little so that his head was resting more comfortably on Shen Wei’s chest, and his right arm reached out for Shen Wei’s left hand, clasping their palms together.
Not a further word was spoken as their breathing and heartbeat calmed in the quiet afterglow. Shen Wei thought that Zhao Yunlan had fallen asleep when he finally spoke, voice soft and still tinged with a hint of vulnerability that made Shen Wei’s heart ache. “Did you mean it? What you wrote in the letter?”
The letter that Zhao Yunlan had kept on his person all this time. The one line reply to Zhao Yunlan’s three page confession that Shen Wei had always feared was not enough.
“‘I have loved you for ten thousand years; of everything that has happened in my life, this I will never regret.’” Shen Wei recited from memory the simple sentence that had taken him almost the whole night to compose. “I meant every single word.”
“Good.” Zhao Yunlan said as he drifted off to sleep, as though finally satisfied that Shen Wei really was his.
Watching the peacefully sleeping figure in his arms, Shen Wei swore to himself he would do everything in his considerable power to keep Zhao Yunlan by his side in this lifetime and the lifetimes beyond.
恋君之情长万年，今世独此永无悔。
FIN