Guardian Fic: Aftermath 1/1
Title: Aftermath - 余波 (yú bō)
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Guardian 镇魂 - novel and drama
Word count: 2230+
Pairing: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Rating: G?
Summary: The fallout after the dust has settled.
Author's notes: First of all, many thanks to yantantether for the beta! Any other mistakes are mine.
I actually starting writing this in Chinese, but after about 2 paragraphs, I decided I was writing it waaaay too slowly and switched to English. Given that all the canon (the novel and drama) are all in Chinese, it was a bit weird to be writing the characters in English, but the bunny needed to be freed.
This is set after the last epilogue of the novel (4th extra scene) which if you're not familiar with, can be found here. Its also set after the ending of the drama series, so big huge honking spoilers to the series here!
Enough of me going on.
After three whole days of playing tourist all around Nanhai, Shen Wei grew worried. Or rather, he grew even more worried. On the face of it, Zhao Yunlan seemed to be his normal self; excited to explore all the tacky tourist shops and make Shen Wei try on increasingly ridiculous hats and outfits, chattering away while trying out all sorts of local delicacies and feeding said ‘delicacies’ to Shen Wei. He also seemed rather excessively enthusiastic about having what was essentially a whole seafood banquet with just the two of them. Of course, it was far too much food for two people, though that didn’t seem to bother Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei knew Zhao Yunlan better than anyone, perhaps even Zhao Yunlan himself, which was also how he knew, sooner rather than later, Zhao Yunlan would be making a call to his mother. Though, it has been three days and there was no sign of Zhao Yunlan picking up his phone other than to take silly pictures of Shen Wei. While being enthusiastic about showing Shen Wei how to ‘enjoy life’, as Zhao Yunlan put it, seemed normal behaviour to most people who knew him, there was something about it that just wasn’t quite right...
It was the last night of their impromptu holiday. With Zhao Yunlan's phone set to divert all calls to voicemail, and Shen Wei's phone having died a valiant death in the sea, they had three full uninterrupted days of just being together. There were concerns when Zhao Yunlan had turned off his phone, but Shen Wei reminded himself that if anything really urgent came up, the team had other more... unorthodox ways of letting them know, so he had gone along with Zhao Yunlan's plan.
Dinner had been another night of seafood, though this was a buffet rather than a banquet. Zhao Yunlan then gleefully dragged Shen Wei to a local amusement park when Shen Wei accidentally let slipped that he had never actually been to one before. After experiencing it for himself, Shen Wei concluded that he really hadn't missed much and he honestly couldn't figure out what was so amusing about an amusement park, other than perhaps seeing Zhao Yunlan’s excitement over something as innocent as the games and rides.
Just as Shen Wei thought they were finally heading back to their hotel, Zhao Yunlan surprised him once more by instead heading towards the beach.
"How do you like the beach now?" Zhao Yunlan asked, shooting Shen Wei a cheeky, self satisfied smile, like he already knew what Shen Wei's answer would be.
Given that it was after midnight, the crowds that had been there earlier in the day had disappeared, giving way to a peaceful surroundings that were indeed more to Shen Wei's liking. Perhaps he wasn't the only one who knew the other well.
Unexpectedly, Zhao Yunlan grabbed Shen Wei's left hand and entwined their fingers together as they strolled down the beach, lit only by the distant street lights and the half moon that was partially covered by clouds. Zhao Yunlan had never really been physically demonstrative in openly public spaces, knowing Shen Wei's preference for discretion and propriety. Even if he would shamelessly flirt and tease, he respected Shen Wei's wishes. In return, Shen Wei made room for Zhao Yunlan's inclinations to be affectionate at the SID headquarters and when they were among friends. In the cover of darkness, with virtually no one around them except another couple lost in their own world in the distance, there was no harm in indulging Zhao Yunlan.
They strolled in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the sea breeze and the gentle sound of the waves, and just being with each other. Ever since Zhao Yunlan had regained his memories of Kun Lun, along with his powers, he had been a little calmer than before; even Da Qing had commented about how Zhao Yunlan appeared more grown up. Not that anyone seeing him in the last three days could tell.
“What is it?” Shen Wei finally asked. While Zhao Yunlan was usually more open with his feelings than Shen Wei - Zhao Yunlan would probably said that compared to Shen Wei, even a corpse would be more open with their feelings - there were times when he got a little lost in his own head and Shen Wei would be the one to pull him out.
“Nothing,” Zhao Yunlan said, giving him one of his carefree smiles that Shen Wei wished he could believe in at this moment. Zhao Yunlan must have seen his expression because the smile turned a little melancholic. “Can’t hide anything from you, can I?” he paused, looking out into the darkness beyond the seas. “I miss them.”
Of all the reincarnation cycles they had went through while trapped in the reincarnation bubble worlds, the last one had been both the best and the worst of them all. If it weren’t for Zhao Yunlan regaining Kun Lun’s powers, and Shen Wei's status as the practically immortal Ghost Slayer, they would probably have lost their own sense of self in the multiple lifetimes they had to live through. The normal human mind just wasn't built to handle that much information; that was one of the purposes of Meng Po's potion, to forget one's previous life and to start anew once each soul crosses the Bridge of Helplessness over the River of Forgetfulness.
That last reincarnated world of Haixing and Dixing that was so like their own, yet not. Filled with people that they knew, but not quite. Though deep down, they were the same souls, just shaped by a different set of rules and circumstances that governed that particular world, a world that was now forging ahead on its own path, one that was without its Black Cloak Envoy, and with a Chief Zhao that was not really himself.
“Even that stupid cat that was more human than cat in that world, and that napping good for nothing tech monk.” Despite the harshness of the words, Zhao Yunlan's tone was…sentimental, with a tinge of sadness and worry that Shen Wei was sure no one else but himself would have been able to detect.
Shen Wei understood; they were Zhao Yunlan's people, his chosen family. Even though he knew from the start that he would not be able to remain with them, he still chose them. That was just who he was and why Shen Wei had stood by his side and continued to love him across so many lifetimes. Shen Wei couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t loved Kun Lun, because, how could he not?
“They will be fine,” Shen Wei said, squeezing Zhao Yunlan's hand in a gesture of reassurance. “You left them in good hands.” However, Shen Wei was sure this wasn’t the only thing on Zhao Yunlan's mind.
Zhao Yunlan stopped when they reached a large rock that marked the start of the rockier parts of the beach. He turned around to rest his back against the stone surface, pulling Shen Wei close by their still joined hands, his other arm stretching around Shen Wei's waist to hold him. Closing his eyes, Zhao Yunlan leaned in and rested his forehead against Shen Wei's shoulder, letting out a sigh. Shen Wei's free arm reached up to cradle the back of Zhao Yunlan's head, holding Zhao Yunlan in his embrace.
After a moment of silence, "You lied," came the quiet accusation that Shen Wei could barely make out from the sound of the waves.
"I did?"
"You said you would stop trying to sacrifice yourself for my sake, but..." Zhao Yunlan stopped, seemingly unable to continue. Suddenly, everything in the last three days made sense to Shen Wei; the long looks, the fact that Zhao Yunlan hadn't let Shen Wei out of his sight for more than five minutes ever since they got back, to the point where he would almost follow Shen Wei into the toilet if Shen Wei didn’t stop him. Shen Wei could've slapped himself for how stupid he had been not to have seen this. He was lucky Zhao Yunlan hadn't decided to just leave him like he had before, after that first time.
"We had to get out of the reincarnation bubbles."
"You could've done that without having to step between me and Ye Zun." The grip around Shen Wei's waist tightened, and Shen Wei could feel the tension in Zhao Yunlan's body, as though holding himself back against the tide of emotions that Shen Wei was sure was threatening to overflow. After all, that would be what he himself would be going through if their roles were reversed.
"I couldn't let him hurt you."
"How do you think I felt when you fell right next to me? I couldn't even get to you. How do you think it was for me to watch you get hurt over and over again by that manic and not be able to lift even a single finger to help? I’ve told you before, we are part of each other’s lives, how do you think it was for me to see you get... get...." Zhao Yunlan couldn’t seem to continue.
Shen Wei felt a growing patch of wetness soaking through to his shirt onto his shoulder even as Zhao Yunlan took a gasp of air in a futile effort to keep the tears in. The grip on Shen Wei's left hand had tightened to the point where it was almost painful, but Shen Wei did not let go; he couldn’t.
"I'm sorry," he apologised, his right hand caressing the back of Zhao Yunlan's head. Remembering how Zhao Yunlan had struggled against his bonds, screaming at Ye Zun after Shen Wei had been struck down, the anguish on Zhao Yunlan’s face. At that moment, it didn’t matter that they both knew time would reset itself when they found the right trigger, all that mattered was the person they loved hurting - dying - in front of them. Knowing that he was the cause of Zhao Yunlan’s pain, the sudden stab of agony in Shen Wei’s heart was unbearable.
"I'm sorry," Shen Wei repeated, turning to brush his lips against Zhao Yunlan's temple. “Yunlan, I’m sorry.” He had never been good with words, and the apologies falling from his lips were nowhere near enough to make up this to Zhao Yunlan. He could only pray to the creators above that they would have sufficient time together for Shen Wei to atone for his actions.
"Xiao Wei,” that name, a term of endearment uttered by Zhao Yunlan and only ever by Zhao Yunlan, never failed to weaken Shen Wei. “You need to stop breaking my heart like this. I... I can't take it, I really can't take it if I have to watch you... I just can't."
And that was the crux of their problem wasn’t it? Shen Wei couldn't bear watching Zhao Yunlan get hurt when he could've done something to stop it, even if it meant getting hurt himself, and Zhao Yunlan was exactly the same when it came to Shen Wei.
Shen Wei didn’t know what he could say or do to reassure Zhao Yunlan other than the almost meaningless words he was muttering into Zhao Yunlan’s hair and holding him close. Nothing he said or did would erase the memory from Zhao Yunlan’s mind, and he would only be in deeper trouble with Zhao Yunlan if he even offered to take that memory, no matter how painful. He had learned that lesson well.
“I’m here, Yunlan, I’m here,” he continued to murmur even as Zhao Yunlan clung to him.
Shen Wei wasn’t sure how long they stood there on the beach, holding onto each other, but the pleasant breeze from earlier was turning into a chillier wind, with the moon now completely covered by clouds.
“You’re shivering,” Shen Wei said as he tried to shield Zhao Yunlan from the wind that was picking up speed. It looked like the good weather from the last few days would be giving way to a storm soon. “Let’s head back.”
Zhao Yunlan nodded mutely against Shen Wei’s shoulder, but showed no sign of letting go.
“Yunlan?” Shen Wei prompted gently.
Zhao Yunlan took a deep breath, as though steeling himself against facing the world once more, before he reluctantly disentangled himself from Shen Wei. “Okay,” he finally said, sounding tired. “We should probably go before it starts raining.”
As if on cue, a flash of lightning momentarily lit up their surroundings, followed by a low rumble of thunder.
“Remind me to call the Queen Mother when we get back,” Zhao Yunlan added some time later when they were halfway back to their hotel, sounding somewhat normal again.
It was just as Shen Wei had predicted. “Of course,” he replied with a small smile, knowing that for the next few weeks, he would also be dealing with a much more affectionate Zhao Yunlan that would no doubt cause Shen Wei some embarrassment among his students and colleagues. But it was a very small price he was more than happy to pay for being able to be with Zhao Yunlan. Who was Shen Wei if he hadn’t been created to love this man, whether from afar or by his side? Shen Wei knew it was a question he did not wish to ever have to answer.
The End
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Guardian 镇魂 - novel and drama
Word count: 2230+
Pairing: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Rating: G?
Summary: The fallout after the dust has settled.
Author's notes: First of all, many thanks to yantantether for the beta! Any other mistakes are mine.
I actually starting writing this in Chinese, but after about 2 paragraphs, I decided I was writing it waaaay too slowly and switched to English. Given that all the canon (the novel and drama) are all in Chinese, it was a bit weird to be writing the characters in English, but the bunny needed to be freed.
This is set after the last epilogue of the novel (4th extra scene) which if you're not familiar with, can be found here. Its also set after the ending of the drama series, so big huge honking spoilers to the series here!
Enough of me going on.
After three whole days of playing tourist all around Nanhai, Shen Wei grew worried. Or rather, he grew even more worried. On the face of it, Zhao Yunlan seemed to be his normal self; excited to explore all the tacky tourist shops and make Shen Wei try on increasingly ridiculous hats and outfits, chattering away while trying out all sorts of local delicacies and feeding said ‘delicacies’ to Shen Wei. He also seemed rather excessively enthusiastic about having what was essentially a whole seafood banquet with just the two of them. Of course, it was far too much food for two people, though that didn’t seem to bother Zhao Yunlan.
Shen Wei knew Zhao Yunlan better than anyone, perhaps even Zhao Yunlan himself, which was also how he knew, sooner rather than later, Zhao Yunlan would be making a call to his mother. Though, it has been three days and there was no sign of Zhao Yunlan picking up his phone other than to take silly pictures of Shen Wei. While being enthusiastic about showing Shen Wei how to ‘enjoy life’, as Zhao Yunlan put it, seemed normal behaviour to most people who knew him, there was something about it that just wasn’t quite right...
It was the last night of their impromptu holiday. With Zhao Yunlan's phone set to divert all calls to voicemail, and Shen Wei's phone having died a valiant death in the sea, they had three full uninterrupted days of just being together. There were concerns when Zhao Yunlan had turned off his phone, but Shen Wei reminded himself that if anything really urgent came up, the team had other more... unorthodox ways of letting them know, so he had gone along with Zhao Yunlan's plan.
Dinner had been another night of seafood, though this was a buffet rather than a banquet. Zhao Yunlan then gleefully dragged Shen Wei to a local amusement park when Shen Wei accidentally let slipped that he had never actually been to one before. After experiencing it for himself, Shen Wei concluded that he really hadn't missed much and he honestly couldn't figure out what was so amusing about an amusement park, other than perhaps seeing Zhao Yunlan’s excitement over something as innocent as the games and rides.
Just as Shen Wei thought they were finally heading back to their hotel, Zhao Yunlan surprised him once more by instead heading towards the beach.
"How do you like the beach now?" Zhao Yunlan asked, shooting Shen Wei a cheeky, self satisfied smile, like he already knew what Shen Wei's answer would be.
Given that it was after midnight, the crowds that had been there earlier in the day had disappeared, giving way to a peaceful surroundings that were indeed more to Shen Wei's liking. Perhaps he wasn't the only one who knew the other well.
Unexpectedly, Zhao Yunlan grabbed Shen Wei's left hand and entwined their fingers together as they strolled down the beach, lit only by the distant street lights and the half moon that was partially covered by clouds. Zhao Yunlan had never really been physically demonstrative in openly public spaces, knowing Shen Wei's preference for discretion and propriety. Even if he would shamelessly flirt and tease, he respected Shen Wei's wishes. In return, Shen Wei made room for Zhao Yunlan's inclinations to be affectionate at the SID headquarters and when they were among friends. In the cover of darkness, with virtually no one around them except another couple lost in their own world in the distance, there was no harm in indulging Zhao Yunlan.
They strolled in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the sea breeze and the gentle sound of the waves, and just being with each other. Ever since Zhao Yunlan had regained his memories of Kun Lun, along with his powers, he had been a little calmer than before; even Da Qing had commented about how Zhao Yunlan appeared more grown up. Not that anyone seeing him in the last three days could tell.
“What is it?” Shen Wei finally asked. While Zhao Yunlan was usually more open with his feelings than Shen Wei - Zhao Yunlan would probably said that compared to Shen Wei, even a corpse would be more open with their feelings - there were times when he got a little lost in his own head and Shen Wei would be the one to pull him out.
“Nothing,” Zhao Yunlan said, giving him one of his carefree smiles that Shen Wei wished he could believe in at this moment. Zhao Yunlan must have seen his expression because the smile turned a little melancholic. “Can’t hide anything from you, can I?” he paused, looking out into the darkness beyond the seas. “I miss them.”
Of all the reincarnation cycles they had went through while trapped in the reincarnation bubble worlds, the last one had been both the best and the worst of them all. If it weren’t for Zhao Yunlan regaining Kun Lun’s powers, and Shen Wei's status as the practically immortal Ghost Slayer, they would probably have lost their own sense of self in the multiple lifetimes they had to live through. The normal human mind just wasn't built to handle that much information; that was one of the purposes of Meng Po's potion, to forget one's previous life and to start anew once each soul crosses the Bridge of Helplessness over the River of Forgetfulness.
That last reincarnated world of Haixing and Dixing that was so like their own, yet not. Filled with people that they knew, but not quite. Though deep down, they were the same souls, just shaped by a different set of rules and circumstances that governed that particular world, a world that was now forging ahead on its own path, one that was without its Black Cloak Envoy, and with a Chief Zhao that was not really himself.
“Even that stupid cat that was more human than cat in that world, and that napping good for nothing tech monk.” Despite the harshness of the words, Zhao Yunlan's tone was…sentimental, with a tinge of sadness and worry that Shen Wei was sure no one else but himself would have been able to detect.
Shen Wei understood; they were Zhao Yunlan's people, his chosen family. Even though he knew from the start that he would not be able to remain with them, he still chose them. That was just who he was and why Shen Wei had stood by his side and continued to love him across so many lifetimes. Shen Wei couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t loved Kun Lun, because, how could he not?
“They will be fine,” Shen Wei said, squeezing Zhao Yunlan's hand in a gesture of reassurance. “You left them in good hands.” However, Shen Wei was sure this wasn’t the only thing on Zhao Yunlan's mind.
Zhao Yunlan stopped when they reached a large rock that marked the start of the rockier parts of the beach. He turned around to rest his back against the stone surface, pulling Shen Wei close by their still joined hands, his other arm stretching around Shen Wei's waist to hold him. Closing his eyes, Zhao Yunlan leaned in and rested his forehead against Shen Wei's shoulder, letting out a sigh. Shen Wei's free arm reached up to cradle the back of Zhao Yunlan's head, holding Zhao Yunlan in his embrace.
After a moment of silence, "You lied," came the quiet accusation that Shen Wei could barely make out from the sound of the waves.
"I did?"
"You said you would stop trying to sacrifice yourself for my sake, but..." Zhao Yunlan stopped, seemingly unable to continue. Suddenly, everything in the last three days made sense to Shen Wei; the long looks, the fact that Zhao Yunlan hadn't let Shen Wei out of his sight for more than five minutes ever since they got back, to the point where he would almost follow Shen Wei into the toilet if Shen Wei didn’t stop him. Shen Wei could've slapped himself for how stupid he had been not to have seen this. He was lucky Zhao Yunlan hadn't decided to just leave him like he had before, after that first time.
"We had to get out of the reincarnation bubbles."
"You could've done that without having to step between me and Ye Zun." The grip around Shen Wei's waist tightened, and Shen Wei could feel the tension in Zhao Yunlan's body, as though holding himself back against the tide of emotions that Shen Wei was sure was threatening to overflow. After all, that would be what he himself would be going through if their roles were reversed.
"I couldn't let him hurt you."
"How do you think I felt when you fell right next to me? I couldn't even get to you. How do you think it was for me to watch you get hurt over and over again by that manic and not be able to lift even a single finger to help? I’ve told you before, we are part of each other’s lives, how do you think it was for me to see you get... get...." Zhao Yunlan couldn’t seem to continue.
Shen Wei felt a growing patch of wetness soaking through to his shirt onto his shoulder even as Zhao Yunlan took a gasp of air in a futile effort to keep the tears in. The grip on Shen Wei's left hand had tightened to the point where it was almost painful, but Shen Wei did not let go; he couldn’t.
"I'm sorry," he apologised, his right hand caressing the back of Zhao Yunlan's head. Remembering how Zhao Yunlan had struggled against his bonds, screaming at Ye Zun after Shen Wei had been struck down, the anguish on Zhao Yunlan’s face. At that moment, it didn’t matter that they both knew time would reset itself when they found the right trigger, all that mattered was the person they loved hurting - dying - in front of them. Knowing that he was the cause of Zhao Yunlan’s pain, the sudden stab of agony in Shen Wei’s heart was unbearable.
"I'm sorry," Shen Wei repeated, turning to brush his lips against Zhao Yunlan's temple. “Yunlan, I’m sorry.” He had never been good with words, and the apologies falling from his lips were nowhere near enough to make up this to Zhao Yunlan. He could only pray to the creators above that they would have sufficient time together for Shen Wei to atone for his actions.
"Xiao Wei,” that name, a term of endearment uttered by Zhao Yunlan and only ever by Zhao Yunlan, never failed to weaken Shen Wei. “You need to stop breaking my heart like this. I... I can't take it, I really can't take it if I have to watch you... I just can't."
And that was the crux of their problem wasn’t it? Shen Wei couldn't bear watching Zhao Yunlan get hurt when he could've done something to stop it, even if it meant getting hurt himself, and Zhao Yunlan was exactly the same when it came to Shen Wei.
Shen Wei didn’t know what he could say or do to reassure Zhao Yunlan other than the almost meaningless words he was muttering into Zhao Yunlan’s hair and holding him close. Nothing he said or did would erase the memory from Zhao Yunlan’s mind, and he would only be in deeper trouble with Zhao Yunlan if he even offered to take that memory, no matter how painful. He had learned that lesson well.
“I’m here, Yunlan, I’m here,” he continued to murmur even as Zhao Yunlan clung to him.
Shen Wei wasn’t sure how long they stood there on the beach, holding onto each other, but the pleasant breeze from earlier was turning into a chillier wind, with the moon now completely covered by clouds.
“You’re shivering,” Shen Wei said as he tried to shield Zhao Yunlan from the wind that was picking up speed. It looked like the good weather from the last few days would be giving way to a storm soon. “Let’s head back.”
Zhao Yunlan nodded mutely against Shen Wei’s shoulder, but showed no sign of letting go.
“Yunlan?” Shen Wei prompted gently.
Zhao Yunlan took a deep breath, as though steeling himself against facing the world once more, before he reluctantly disentangled himself from Shen Wei. “Okay,” he finally said, sounding tired. “We should probably go before it starts raining.”
As if on cue, a flash of lightning momentarily lit up their surroundings, followed by a low rumble of thunder.
“Remind me to call the Queen Mother when we get back,” Zhao Yunlan added some time later when they were halfway back to their hotel, sounding somewhat normal again.
It was just as Shen Wei had predicted. “Of course,” he replied with a small smile, knowing that for the next few weeks, he would also be dealing with a much more affectionate Zhao Yunlan that would no doubt cause Shen Wei some embarrassment among his students and colleagues. But it was a very small price he was more than happy to pay for being able to be with Zhao Yunlan. Who was Shen Wei if he hadn’t been created to love this man, whether from afar or by his side? Shen Wei knew it was a question he did not wish to ever have to answer.
The End