(no subject)
"If you don’t know what you want, figure it out, and align yourself with those needs." .. from a writing keny shared with me.
had a rough few days, broke it off with ray on sunday, treated my body like shit and one by one had to rid of all the problems, dehydration, lightheadedness, extreme physical discomfort, consciousness, malnutrition, constipation. the latter being by far the worst and causing me to lose a whole day because of it.
so hopefully tomorrow all will be well once again. i've been reading stuff about ending relationships with people you love and still want to preserve friendships with. which i am not familiar with as far as examples from friends.. so yeah. that and many other aspects. it makes me sad that maybe i could have done a lot more a long time ago to fix problems rather than just dwell of the fact that it was never gonna work out. now i know. but it's pointless to go back now, considering what i've been through for the past three days. it could be a bajillion times worse, but why would i care to do that, and figured i'd thrown away these last three days for nothing. plus there are reasonable reasons why we shouldn't be with each other. so it's okay.
i know i can get through this, i mean that sounds stupid probably to you but i need to remind myself of this. i was used to being with somebody, so i can just as easily get used to not having a special somebody. we both need to work on ourselves, plus he's graduated and finding his path, which starts in new zealand and then who knows where that will bring him next. me.. i just need to find myself and establish who i am. so far i'm optimistic, just gotta stick to mah guns and stuff, look beyond the fact that i miss him. be confident in my decision, be confident with myself.. there's nothing to worry about. all else will follow.
had a rough few days, broke it off with ray on sunday, treated my body like shit and one by one had to rid of all the problems, dehydration, lightheadedness, extreme physical discomfort, consciousness, malnutrition, constipation. the latter being by far the worst and causing me to lose a whole day because of it.
so hopefully tomorrow all will be well once again. i've been reading stuff about ending relationships with people you love and still want to preserve friendships with. which i am not familiar with as far as examples from friends.. so yeah. that and many other aspects. it makes me sad that maybe i could have done a lot more a long time ago to fix problems rather than just dwell of the fact that it was never gonna work out. now i know. but it's pointless to go back now, considering what i've been through for the past three days. it could be a bajillion times worse, but why would i care to do that, and figured i'd thrown away these last three days for nothing. plus there are reasonable reasons why we shouldn't be with each other. so it's okay.
i know i can get through this, i mean that sounds stupid probably to you but i need to remind myself of this. i was used to being with somebody, so i can just as easily get used to not having a special somebody. we both need to work on ourselves, plus he's graduated and finding his path, which starts in new zealand and then who knows where that will bring him next. me.. i just need to find myself and establish who i am. so far i'm optimistic, just gotta stick to mah guns and stuff, look beyond the fact that i miss him. be confident in my decision, be confident with myself.. there's nothing to worry about. all else will follow.