you only tell me you love me when you're drunk.
i'm admitting right now that i'm a terrible first date. a decent second date. but a great third date. it's something that i'd like all of you to familiarize yourself with, so if we ever happen to go on a few dates in the future, you'll expect the first two to be pretty bad and give me a third chance.
i guess i just don't always like to follow the blue-print formula of what a first date entails; a casual dinner, some desert or coffee followed by a walk up to the door, keeping it brief only to leave that person wanting more. sometimes i'd rather mix it up and ride some go-carts or hit up a theme park to bring the kid out in them. for one, it eliminates any possible awkwardness. because let's face it...you can manage to have a great time riding bumper cars and going mini golfing with virtually any semi-pleasant human being, because the activity itself takes the pressure off your date from being the main source of entertainment. sounds like a much safer bet for a first date instead of risking a nerve-racking dinner consisting of mediocre food and "the interviewing process", which, if going into it unprepared with funny jokes, you'll most likely bomb it and lose the option of taking that person out again for a second date. i believe it's important to build a level of comfort with the person before doing anything that can be potentially uneasy.
not to say that i don't enjoy dinner dates, because then i'd be lying. i love food and i love conversing. a lot, actually. you just can't always expect to hit it off with your date so well without knowing them. but now i'm just bringing up a whole new topic of my personal opinion on the do's and don't of dating, which not only do i care not to discuss right now, but i fail to have any creditability of the topic. who am i to offer any sort of advice on this subject? hah..if anything, i could use a little.
p.s don't give me any advice...i'm not asking.
by the way, i never claimed to be an expert in the field of dating, picking up women, or anything of the sort. granted, i wrote some content that would suggest otherwise, but you need to remember that this is all for not only entertainment purposes only, but to cure my late night boredom. most guys jerk off to internet porn at 1:28 in the A.M. i write. different strokes for different folks. no pun intended.
let's talk music, shall we? oh wait...talking about music is like dancing about architecture, right? right. but let's forget about that for a few good seconds.
i love oldies music. it's something my parents turned me on to ever since i was shitting my diapers and sucking my thumb. and right now i'm currently going through a mini oldies phase, if you haven't noticed. so it got me thinking, what will oldies be called/labeled 30 years into the future? extreme oldies? aesthetic oldies? because fast-forwarding that far into the future, contemporary pop music definitely can not fall under the same label as it does now. we cannot be expected to find a Pink album in the rock/pop section of a record store 30 years into the future. and we can't possibly ever consider the music today to change into oldies but goodies in the future, because quite frankly, i think current mainstream music is garbage, for the most part. but notice how i said "mainstream". not to sound like a pretentious, elitist piece of crap. but in the future, i think genres will be labeled by decades. a whole mess of isles divided by decades, then sub-divided into genres. record stores will definitely have to be 3 stories high.
you all know this by now...le disko by shiny toy guns is in the Razor2 phone commercial. they're marketing the razor, and they don't even use the "razor sharp, razor clean" line that is in the first verse of the song. one would think that that's the whole purpose of using le disko in the first place. not for the "hello littles boys, little toys" line. that does nothing for the Razor. gay! oh, and that song is officially ruined, by the way. never play it again. not even you, tommie sunshine.
what's up with that myspace celeb bitch with the fake tits getting her own show? "hi, i'm tequilla and you may be one of the millions of my friends online, but what you don't know about me is that i'm a bisexual freak." huh? i thought she was going to say "but what you don't know about me is that i'm getting my own show that i don't deserve at all." fuckers.
girls:
how to lose a guy in 10 days.
1.) complain about everything. PMS.
2.) never answer their calls nor return them.
3.) condescend.
4.) give them shit for things that haven't happened yet.
5.) pretend like you know everything about everything.
6.) burp and fart.
7.) expect a lot of gifts and gushy love letters. complain when you don't get them.
8.) make fun of their taste in music
9.) lie constantly
10.) tell them you think their friends are cute or 'other guys.'
there's more, but lists of 10 look better than lists of 14.
i'll only date a girl that finds JUST ME attractive. no one else. in fact, i want a girl that's not even attracted to the male gender. she's kind of lesbian, but finds me ridiculously attractive and enticing. the thought of a naked man, other than me of course, makes her vomit.
i want to use sunlight to make hydrogen because i believe it would reduce our dependency on foreign fuel. however, i'm not all that into science, so it'll never happen...at least not from me. but i DO know that leaves convert sunlight into fuel. in fact, in 2 seconds, the sun releases enough energy to fuel a million cars for 2 years. this is the part where you say "big fucking woop."
hey guys, let's talk about the VMA's. only let's not bag on britney spears performance, because 50 cent did FAR worse. well, maybe not, but i had higher expectations for him. did you guys catch his performance? 50 cent had a backing track playing throughout the whole song, with his monotone/dull unenthusiastic voice flowing over it like a cheap karaoke performance from your local hole-in-the-wall bar. seriously. i know personal friends of mine that can flow over 50 cents song better than he can. and this raises another question in my head. why is it completely unacceptable for a pop artist to sing to a backing track but acceptable for a hip-hop artist? not to say that every single rapper out there uses a backing track, but most mainstream MC's definitely do. youtube it if you're in denial, i don't care. and i didn't even bring up the fact that famous MC's enjoy inviting their whole neighborhood on stage to yell irrelevant shit over the track like "that's right" "here we go" "aww yeah". who are you and why are you drowning out the main vocals? backing tracks should be unacceptable for all forms of music, by the way.
exclamation points rock! especially through text messaging. I can say "hey" to you. or i can smart up and use "hey!" and the second one makes me sounds excited to hear from you even though i may not be. i mean, chances are i'm not.
i wish myspace never had a built-in spell check. i had fun distinguishing the retards from the intellectuals. pfft. now we all appear to be adequate spellers.
ever since jenny jones aired, it has been very popular to perform make-over's through television. see, now we have shows like the pick-up artist, beauty and the geek, mtv's made, extreme make-over and a bunch of other ones i don't care to get into that gives us a "nerd", then makes them over into someone less of a "nerd". but what i want to know is why do these make-overs only equal highlights and waxed eye-brows? and if it's a guy, they'll trim his hair and throw a blazer on him. call that a make-over? looks like a nerd in a sports coat to me. i'm terrible.
watch me write bullshit pseudo-intellect out of complete boredom. ready?
hmmm...
okay...let's go...
life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life. It is a well known fact that life needs more life in order to exist. On one hand, life survives through the death of other lives. On the other hand, life must merge with other lives to make new life. Sex and death are inextricably linked in life. The existence of one predicted the existence of another. With no death, there is no need for sex. Reproduction becomes futile. Without sex, you have no death, because eventually no one is left to die. Sex is life is death is life. By definition, death is the act of dying, or the state of being dead. This means something must live in order to die. Something cannot die without once existing. All living things eventually die off in time. Some die sooner than others, and some live longer. But ultimately, all living things diminish. However, life cannot die without the reproduction of a new life. Life must end to live. All that is born must die. So new life is needed. Conversely, to make room for this new life, the old must end. In time, the new life will then die, and be replaced. This is a cycle that cannot be stopped. It is how the world works. What comes in must come out. Call it a domino effect if you will. sex is death.
i can be 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag sometimes. i'll consider it a talent. however, i promise never to bring up such a dull lack-luster conversation piece if we ever share an appetizer at applebee's. we can talk about entourage.
here's to another ordinary tuesday night,
i write too much.
-jem
p.s. if that dog next door doesn't stop barking, i will go in my garage, grab my bee-bee gun, and shoot it in the face. "omg animal cruelty!" spare me, i'm a cat person.
i guess i just don't always like to follow the blue-print formula of what a first date entails; a casual dinner, some desert or coffee followed by a walk up to the door, keeping it brief only to leave that person wanting more. sometimes i'd rather mix it up and ride some go-carts or hit up a theme park to bring the kid out in them. for one, it eliminates any possible awkwardness. because let's face it...you can manage to have a great time riding bumper cars and going mini golfing with virtually any semi-pleasant human being, because the activity itself takes the pressure off your date from being the main source of entertainment. sounds like a much safer bet for a first date instead of risking a nerve-racking dinner consisting of mediocre food and "the interviewing process", which, if going into it unprepared with funny jokes, you'll most likely bomb it and lose the option of taking that person out again for a second date. i believe it's important to build a level of comfort with the person before doing anything that can be potentially uneasy.
not to say that i don't enjoy dinner dates, because then i'd be lying. i love food and i love conversing. a lot, actually. you just can't always expect to hit it off with your date so well without knowing them. but now i'm just bringing up a whole new topic of my personal opinion on the do's and don't of dating, which not only do i care not to discuss right now, but i fail to have any creditability of the topic. who am i to offer any sort of advice on this subject? hah..if anything, i could use a little.
p.s don't give me any advice...i'm not asking.
by the way, i never claimed to be an expert in the field of dating, picking up women, or anything of the sort. granted, i wrote some content that would suggest otherwise, but you need to remember that this is all for not only entertainment purposes only, but to cure my late night boredom. most guys jerk off to internet porn at 1:28 in the A.M. i write. different strokes for different folks. no pun intended.
let's talk music, shall we? oh wait...talking about music is like dancing about architecture, right? right. but let's forget about that for a few good seconds.
i love oldies music. it's something my parents turned me on to ever since i was shitting my diapers and sucking my thumb. and right now i'm currently going through a mini oldies phase, if you haven't noticed. so it got me thinking, what will oldies be called/labeled 30 years into the future? extreme oldies? aesthetic oldies? because fast-forwarding that far into the future, contemporary pop music definitely can not fall under the same label as it does now. we cannot be expected to find a Pink album in the rock/pop section of a record store 30 years into the future. and we can't possibly ever consider the music today to change into oldies but goodies in the future, because quite frankly, i think current mainstream music is garbage, for the most part. but notice how i said "mainstream". not to sound like a pretentious, elitist piece of crap. but in the future, i think genres will be labeled by decades. a whole mess of isles divided by decades, then sub-divided into genres. record stores will definitely have to be 3 stories high.
you all know this by now...le disko by shiny toy guns is in the Razor2 phone commercial. they're marketing the razor, and they don't even use the "razor sharp, razor clean" line that is in the first verse of the song. one would think that that's the whole purpose of using le disko in the first place. not for the "hello littles boys, little toys" line. that does nothing for the Razor. gay! oh, and that song is officially ruined, by the way. never play it again. not even you, tommie sunshine.
what's up with that myspace celeb bitch with the fake tits getting her own show? "hi, i'm tequilla and you may be one of the millions of my friends online, but what you don't know about me is that i'm a bisexual freak." huh? i thought she was going to say "but what you don't know about me is that i'm getting my own show that i don't deserve at all." fuckers.
girls:
how to lose a guy in 10 days.
1.) complain about everything. PMS.
2.) never answer their calls nor return them.
3.) condescend.
4.) give them shit for things that haven't happened yet.
5.) pretend like you know everything about everything.
6.) burp and fart.
7.) expect a lot of gifts and gushy love letters. complain when you don't get them.
8.) make fun of their taste in music
9.) lie constantly
10.) tell them you think their friends are cute or 'other guys.'
there's more, but lists of 10 look better than lists of 14.
i'll only date a girl that finds JUST ME attractive. no one else. in fact, i want a girl that's not even attracted to the male gender. she's kind of lesbian, but finds me ridiculously attractive and enticing. the thought of a naked man, other than me of course, makes her vomit.
i want to use sunlight to make hydrogen because i believe it would reduce our dependency on foreign fuel. however, i'm not all that into science, so it'll never happen...at least not from me. but i DO know that leaves convert sunlight into fuel. in fact, in 2 seconds, the sun releases enough energy to fuel a million cars for 2 years. this is the part where you say "big fucking woop."
hey guys, let's talk about the VMA's. only let's not bag on britney spears performance, because 50 cent did FAR worse. well, maybe not, but i had higher expectations for him. did you guys catch his performance? 50 cent had a backing track playing throughout the whole song, with his monotone/dull unenthusiastic voice flowing over it like a cheap karaoke performance from your local hole-in-the-wall bar. seriously. i know personal friends of mine that can flow over 50 cents song better than he can. and this raises another question in my head. why is it completely unacceptable for a pop artist to sing to a backing track but acceptable for a hip-hop artist? not to say that every single rapper out there uses a backing track, but most mainstream MC's definitely do. youtube it if you're in denial, i don't care. and i didn't even bring up the fact that famous MC's enjoy inviting their whole neighborhood on stage to yell irrelevant shit over the track like "that's right" "here we go" "aww yeah". who are you and why are you drowning out the main vocals? backing tracks should be unacceptable for all forms of music, by the way.
exclamation points rock! especially through text messaging. I can say "hey" to you. or i can smart up and use "hey!" and the second one makes me sounds excited to hear from you even though i may not be. i mean, chances are i'm not.
i wish myspace never had a built-in spell check. i had fun distinguishing the retards from the intellectuals. pfft. now we all appear to be adequate spellers.
ever since jenny jones aired, it has been very popular to perform make-over's through television. see, now we have shows like the pick-up artist, beauty and the geek, mtv's made, extreme make-over and a bunch of other ones i don't care to get into that gives us a "nerd", then makes them over into someone less of a "nerd". but what i want to know is why do these make-overs only equal highlights and waxed eye-brows? and if it's a guy, they'll trim his hair and throw a blazer on him. call that a make-over? looks like a nerd in a sports coat to me. i'm terrible.
watch me write bullshit pseudo-intellect out of complete boredom. ready?
hmmm...
okay...let's go...
life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life. It is a well known fact that life needs more life in order to exist. On one hand, life survives through the death of other lives. On the other hand, life must merge with other lives to make new life. Sex and death are inextricably linked in life. The existence of one predicted the existence of another. With no death, there is no need for sex. Reproduction becomes futile. Without sex, you have no death, because eventually no one is left to die. Sex is life is death is life. By definition, death is the act of dying, or the state of being dead. This means something must live in order to die. Something cannot die without once existing. All living things eventually die off in time. Some die sooner than others, and some live longer. But ultimately, all living things diminish. However, life cannot die without the reproduction of a new life. Life must end to live. All that is born must die. So new life is needed. Conversely, to make room for this new life, the old must end. In time, the new life will then die, and be replaced. This is a cycle that cannot be stopped. It is how the world works. What comes in must come out. Call it a domino effect if you will. sex is death.
i can be 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag sometimes. i'll consider it a talent. however, i promise never to bring up such a dull lack-luster conversation piece if we ever share an appetizer at applebee's. we can talk about entourage.
here's to another ordinary tuesday night,
i write too much.
-jem
p.s. if that dog next door doesn't stop barking, i will go in my garage, grab my bee-bee gun, and shoot it in the face. "omg animal cruelty!" spare me, i'm a cat person.