when you're a jet...you're a jet all the way.
first and definitely not foremost, i'm starting to misunderstand the meaning of "hook-up". is it sex or making out? i just don't know anymore. it used to mean "meet up." like "let's hook up later." "ew, no way creepazoid." shit, i meant for a burger. maybe i'll look it up in wilkepedia. but probably not.
fergie. sorry for consistently putting you on blast, girl. but can you please go back into the studio and change your lyric to "i'm gonna miss you like a child misses his game boy."
i think it's funny when people sing along to the song 'glamorous' by fergie ferg. because the lyrics discuss the life of a star. riding first class, drinking champagne, but not allowing the fame to get to her head. so when you see these middle-class average joe's and josephine's bumping it and singing along with a cocky smile painted across their face, with all the hand movements, i laugh out loud to myself. especially when that person is a little kid. paris hilton should be the only one allowed to sing along to "glamorous". make that an amendment. the fox-a-foxaayy.
i was watching a temper-pedic matress commercial and they said "we don't believe a bed should be just for sleeping...we believe it should do more!" right...like jerk me off and clean the mess up after, and possibly make me eggs.
i like talib kweli and n.e.r.d. that's good party rap. not that noisy yellling and barking shit with laser sounds and pit bulls fighting in the background. get at me! grrr, rawr rawr! and when rap artists write about nothing but money. how many different ways can you say you're richer than most people before you start repeating yourself?
i saw that michael myers movie. his mask gives him the attractive appearance of a chiseled jawline and a flawless complexion. when the main girl is hiding in the attic from him, i thought to myself "that would be hilarious if a black widow came out and bit her and she died. cue the theme song and roll the credits. movie over.
he's SO strong and stealth-like. phil and i contemplate who would win in a fight...michael myers vs. batman. phil said it depends on who's movie it is. michael myers would kill him in halloween, but batman would win in batman returns. i want to see michael myers vs. super shredder.
i can't believe they're still making supernatural haunted house/ghost flicks. people still pay to see this garbage? How can any of the viewers even relate? “oh, that reminds me of the time this ghost wouldn’t leave me alone for a week.
like...two weekends ago a few friends and i were in the city and this girl i met asked me how jaratt and i knew each other. i said "we met a long time ago when we were just kids. i was leaving the field from a little league game, and jaratt was in a boy-scout uniform near the dugout selling cookies. he got a marrit badge for it. haha, i'm funny.
speaking of jaratt. he made a bet with me that in a month, he'd be able to bench more than i can. that's like saying "hey james...want 20 bucks in a month?" sure jaratt. He couldn’t hit 95 then, what makes him think he can now?
i'm secretly envious of those that find love and happiness with another person. it's the ultimate form of success, in my opinion. and i'm afraid i'll never find it. Sad face. however, i'll confess to the fact that i much rather be in a famous band than to ever find true love. that way, i can truly love more than one girl. wink face.
i want a million dollars. more, actually. but i'd still be happy with a mill.
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
those mtv teen reality shows, like the hills and newport harbor, are so funny to me. the whole format. the terrible dialogue. if you haven't been fortunate enough to catch the show, imagine two teenagers hanging out...like playing basketball or washing a car, and out of the blue they suddenly plop their butts on the floor and be like "so how are things with you and chase?" who does that? who walks out to their backyard when their friend comes over, parks their keester in the closest vacant seat, and open up a conversation with "sooo....what's the deal with you and chrissy?" i'd say "i don't know, and i don't want to talk about it. Let’s go out and do something." MTV would fire me on the spot and replace me with a so cal bro that spits out gold for conversation like "oh really?" and "whoa, that was random." i'm not knocking the shows. i love them and they make me laugh. only i don't like the show for the same reasons you do.
halloween is around the corner? have any constume ideas? i was panic! last year, but this year i'm going to be _______. i never have a good time on halloween. i remember last year, not on halloween day but a few days shy of it, i was at the great plate tossing shots back as usual, and found myself dancing with a knock-out dressed as little red riding hood or some shit. anyways, we were both having a good time, until the bouncer pulls me aside and says "be careful, buddy...that's her man standing over there and he just got out of prison." so? what are doing wrong? i don't understand these small-dick jealous boyfriend types. big woop, we're dancing. don't get mad at me. get mad at her. or better yet, get mad at yourself for being an insecure shit-head with trust issues. go date a blow-up doll.
teaching children to write shouldn't be a part of the educations curriculum anymore. instead, they should be teaching kids how to type. other than signing off receipts and filling out my time card, i can't remember the last time i used a pen to write something down. it's the computer age. no one writes anymore. We type. Point made.
first impressions are freakishly overrated. i believe it's the 3rd and 4th impressions that count most. take my word for it. unless you come across a person crouched over a bloody corpse with a kitchen knife in his hand...then that impression definitely counts.
no lie...i saw a commercial selling a razor for 20 bucks...but get this, they even throw in a free kitchen knife. i am not even kidding. buy this razor in the next 20 minutes, and we'll throw in a kitchen knife! don't start your local massacre until you're clean shaved!
if your life was a movie, who would play your supporting actor, not including siblings?
would you take all the money in the world, but you can never speak to your best friend ever again?
scenario questions like these are super fun, especially on dates. i like asking them. i don't give two shits about your goals or hobbies. well, i do...but i'd rather know how much someone would have to pay you to wear nothing but a santa suit for 40 days straight.
will public telephones exist in 10 years?
it's interesting to see how human names have changed over time. in the 50's you had common names like mary ellen, clarenc eand peggue sue. then 20 years later it was richard, katherine and beth. 20 more years and you have justin, kaylee and corey. now it's names like toby, skylar, and riley. fast foward another 20 years into the future and we'll probably have names like laser, o-zone, cosmo and celestial. i never met an adult named justin. i think that nam was invented in the 80's, along with morgan. i love my name. some intelligent and respectable people throughout history were named james. i never went by jimmy. maybe when i'm way older. maybe. that reminds me...self-proclaimed nick-names are so stupid. others are supposed to tag you with one, not yourself. otherwise my nick-name would be "cool ass mother fucking james."
it's becoming a habit for me to prepare a glass of chocolate milk before writing. this is why i could never be a professional writer. i'd be a bloated fat-ass from all the chocolate milk being consumed.
i saw a fly chilling on a flyswatter the other day. is that stupidity on the fly's part, or sheer genius? does it know that i can't go about killing it while it's resting on the swatter? or was it a beautiful mistake?
i enjoy...
- the finer things in life, although i often forget what those are exactly.
- lots of milk in my cereal.
- mustard on my sandwiches.
- self-help books on relationships. not that i read them, i just love the idea of a complete stranger telling me how to run my sex-life.
- sarcasm. refer to line above.
- americanized chinese food. If such a thing even exists.
- going out for pizza. but only on the weekends. it's a social thing, really. and i think pizza was intended to be a social delicacy. a meal to be shared by a crowd of people, with a pitcher of your favorite soda/beer. it's divided into slices for a reason. i don't think i'd ever order or go out for a pizza alone.
- i only enjoy eating junk food on sundays. weird? i'd say.
i still want to race someone in a mile.
-jem
p.s. i retire.
fergie. sorry for consistently putting you on blast, girl. but can you please go back into the studio and change your lyric to "i'm gonna miss you like a child misses his game boy."
i think it's funny when people sing along to the song 'glamorous' by fergie ferg. because the lyrics discuss the life of a star. riding first class, drinking champagne, but not allowing the fame to get to her head. so when you see these middle-class average joe's and josephine's bumping it and singing along with a cocky smile painted across their face, with all the hand movements, i laugh out loud to myself. especially when that person is a little kid. paris hilton should be the only one allowed to sing along to "glamorous". make that an amendment. the fox-a-foxaayy.
i was watching a temper-pedic matress commercial and they said "we don't believe a bed should be just for sleeping...we believe it should do more!" right...like jerk me off and clean the mess up after, and possibly make me eggs.
i like talib kweli and n.e.r.d. that's good party rap. not that noisy yellling and barking shit with laser sounds and pit bulls fighting in the background. get at me! grrr, rawr rawr! and when rap artists write about nothing but money. how many different ways can you say you're richer than most people before you start repeating yourself?
i saw that michael myers movie. his mask gives him the attractive appearance of a chiseled jawline and a flawless complexion. when the main girl is hiding in the attic from him, i thought to myself "that would be hilarious if a black widow came out and bit her and she died. cue the theme song and roll the credits. movie over.
he's SO strong and stealth-like. phil and i contemplate who would win in a fight...michael myers vs. batman. phil said it depends on who's movie it is. michael myers would kill him in halloween, but batman would win in batman returns. i want to see michael myers vs. super shredder.
i can't believe they're still making supernatural haunted house/ghost flicks. people still pay to see this garbage? How can any of the viewers even relate? “oh, that reminds me of the time this ghost wouldn’t leave me alone for a week.
like...two weekends ago a few friends and i were in the city and this girl i met asked me how jaratt and i knew each other. i said "we met a long time ago when we were just kids. i was leaving the field from a little league game, and jaratt was in a boy-scout uniform near the dugout selling cookies. he got a marrit badge for it. haha, i'm funny.
speaking of jaratt. he made a bet with me that in a month, he'd be able to bench more than i can. that's like saying "hey james...want 20 bucks in a month?" sure jaratt. He couldn’t hit 95 then, what makes him think he can now?
i'm secretly envious of those that find love and happiness with another person. it's the ultimate form of success, in my opinion. and i'm afraid i'll never find it. Sad face. however, i'll confess to the fact that i much rather be in a famous band than to ever find true love. that way, i can truly love more than one girl. wink face.
i want a million dollars. more, actually. but i'd still be happy with a mill.
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
those mtv teen reality shows, like the hills and newport harbor, are so funny to me. the whole format. the terrible dialogue. if you haven't been fortunate enough to catch the show, imagine two teenagers hanging out...like playing basketball or washing a car, and out of the blue they suddenly plop their butts on the floor and be like "so how are things with you and chase?" who does that? who walks out to their backyard when their friend comes over, parks their keester in the closest vacant seat, and open up a conversation with "sooo....what's the deal with you and chrissy?" i'd say "i don't know, and i don't want to talk about it. Let’s go out and do something." MTV would fire me on the spot and replace me with a so cal bro that spits out gold for conversation like "oh really?" and "whoa, that was random." i'm not knocking the shows. i love them and they make me laugh. only i don't like the show for the same reasons you do.
halloween is around the corner? have any constume ideas? i was panic! last year, but this year i'm going to be _______. i never have a good time on halloween. i remember last year, not on halloween day but a few days shy of it, i was at the great plate tossing shots back as usual, and found myself dancing with a knock-out dressed as little red riding hood or some shit. anyways, we were both having a good time, until the bouncer pulls me aside and says "be careful, buddy...that's her man standing over there and he just got out of prison." so? what are doing wrong? i don't understand these small-dick jealous boyfriend types. big woop, we're dancing. don't get mad at me. get mad at her. or better yet, get mad at yourself for being an insecure shit-head with trust issues. go date a blow-up doll.
teaching children to write shouldn't be a part of the educations curriculum anymore. instead, they should be teaching kids how to type. other than signing off receipts and filling out my time card, i can't remember the last time i used a pen to write something down. it's the computer age. no one writes anymore. We type. Point made.
first impressions are freakishly overrated. i believe it's the 3rd and 4th impressions that count most. take my word for it. unless you come across a person crouched over a bloody corpse with a kitchen knife in his hand...then that impression definitely counts.
no lie...i saw a commercial selling a razor for 20 bucks...but get this, they even throw in a free kitchen knife. i am not even kidding. buy this razor in the next 20 minutes, and we'll throw in a kitchen knife! don't start your local massacre until you're clean shaved!
if your life was a movie, who would play your supporting actor, not including siblings?
would you take all the money in the world, but you can never speak to your best friend ever again?
scenario questions like these are super fun, especially on dates. i like asking them. i don't give two shits about your goals or hobbies. well, i do...but i'd rather know how much someone would have to pay you to wear nothing but a santa suit for 40 days straight.
will public telephones exist in 10 years?
it's interesting to see how human names have changed over time. in the 50's you had common names like mary ellen, clarenc eand peggue sue. then 20 years later it was richard, katherine and beth. 20 more years and you have justin, kaylee and corey. now it's names like toby, skylar, and riley. fast foward another 20 years into the future and we'll probably have names like laser, o-zone, cosmo and celestial. i never met an adult named justin. i think that nam was invented in the 80's, along with morgan. i love my name. some intelligent and respectable people throughout history were named james. i never went by jimmy. maybe when i'm way older. maybe. that reminds me...self-proclaimed nick-names are so stupid. others are supposed to tag you with one, not yourself. otherwise my nick-name would be "cool ass mother fucking james."
it's becoming a habit for me to prepare a glass of chocolate milk before writing. this is why i could never be a professional writer. i'd be a bloated fat-ass from all the chocolate milk being consumed.
i saw a fly chilling on a flyswatter the other day. is that stupidity on the fly's part, or sheer genius? does it know that i can't go about killing it while it's resting on the swatter? or was it a beautiful mistake?
i enjoy...
- the finer things in life, although i often forget what those are exactly.
- lots of milk in my cereal.
- mustard on my sandwiches.
- self-help books on relationships. not that i read them, i just love the idea of a complete stranger telling me how to run my sex-life.
- sarcasm. refer to line above.
- americanized chinese food. If such a thing even exists.
- going out for pizza. but only on the weekends. it's a social thing, really. and i think pizza was intended to be a social delicacy. a meal to be shared by a crowd of people, with a pitcher of your favorite soda/beer. it's divided into slices for a reason. i don't think i'd ever order or go out for a pizza alone.
- i only enjoy eating junk food on sundays. weird? i'd say.
i still want to race someone in a mile.
-jem
p.s. i retire.