(no subject)
May 25, 2007 1:01 AM
Subject my mind is a dangerous place to be.
Body: dontcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? no, cause she'd probably cheat on me at a party.
fergie is the HOTTEST ugly girl in the whole fucking world.
i just got home from the gym. and to be completely honest, i don't feel any better. so i figured i might as well quit. it's a waste of time and most of the music they play sucks. i won't be going on any dustin diamond donut diet, so i shouldn't get too much fatter. and even if i do blow up in size, it's a proven fact that girls go for fat dudes. they say it's their personality they fall for. yeah sure. what did he do, hold up a boombox over his head playing "in your eyes"? take you ice skating or something? more like ice cream. haha.
wait. that just made me think. i have tons of fat friends and none of them get girls.
it's alright, guys. i have this method of getting noticed by the opposite sex without even speaking a word. you let the music do all the ice breaking. when you're around girls, let's say at a party, at a beach, or just driving by a pack of them at your local starbucks, the key is to play a song that will make them jump up and shoot you a look. but what kind of song, james? something that is popular enough for them to recognize, but obscure enough for them to think that they're the only ones in the world that have heard it...thus making YOU "special".
paris hilton might work in some areas, but you're also risking jocks calling you a faggot and throwing jack in the box trash at your car, so you might need to go more subtle. fergie won't work, either. because then you're just attracting the attention of little kids that are being dragged by the hand of their mom.
generally, i find that on-the-rise pop bands with still some sort of underground cred works. bands such as the sounds, the go! team, goldfrapp, teddybears, peaches, etc. and le disko by shiny toy guns always works. undefeated, actually.
you'll know if you've succeeded when they yell "hey! i love this song! how do you know it?" and you start conversation from there. from that point on, you can just nod and agree on every band they bring up. make them feel special. "seriously? you like them? i love them! i wish there were more girls like you with good taste."
girls. don't worry. you don't need this method at all considering that guys are completely uninterested in anything having to do with the female's personalty. you can be playing a rap song that goes "i'm a trick. i have sex with farm animals. i'm gross and have a rash where the sun don't shine" and a guy will still throw his hands up and go "SUP GIRL!" that is of course if you're wearing BIG glasses.
girls either think BIG glasses make them look hot, or guys think that all girls in BIG glasses ARE hot, so girls wear them for that reason.
"dude follow those girls. they were totally hot!"
oh yeah. it also helps if a girl is driving a white neon or civic. or a new VW bug or black jetta. guys go gah gah over that crap.
so if you're a girl. go out and get yourself some big glasses and find a white dodge neon to drive around in. make sure something cute is dangling from your rear view mirror, and bob your head back and forth to...let's say a kelly clarkson song. sing along loud and if you have a sun roof, use it! if it's a convertable, have the top down and throw your hands in the air. girls sitting in the back, sit on the trunk and avoid using seatbelts.
guys will totally follow you and be like "sup ladies!!"
speaking of kelly clarkson, anyone see american idol tonight? jordin sparks won. not a surprise there. so she's an american idol, right? that means america is going to go out and buy her records, right? wrong. she just beat a white version of sanjaya with a beatbox lodged down his throat.
they should've just voted simon as the next american idol. he can release a cd with his 100 greatest insults. that would be a terrible cd to have sex to. "you're completely awful. terrible."
it's my semi-annual "Oh shit, i lost my phone again" tradition. so i need all of your numbers. well, anyone that is actually interested in kicking it this summer. my new phone came in, so tomorrow at work i plan on programming all my new numbers in it. so fork it over or have a nice life. your call. :)
my number hasn't changed.
memorial day weekend. i do not work monday. i'm thinking about going to oakland to get my drums. at any rate, if you're in town and wanna do something. get some food or hang out, then let's do it do it real good. kick off the summer right. little shits.
saturday night, lawrence and jerry are both taking out this girl crystal. it's a battle of the fittest. reminiscent of that old mtv dating show "dismissed". and very reminiscent of the zack, slater and kelly triangle from saved by the bell. who will prevail? who will stand on top and win the heart of dear crystal? log in and vote now. phil has his money on lawrence, but jerry can be very sneaky in his ways. it'll be an interesting face-off.
so i conclude you with that.
like they say in paris, goodnight!
-jem
Subject my mind is a dangerous place to be.
Body: dontcha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? no, cause she'd probably cheat on me at a party.
fergie is the HOTTEST ugly girl in the whole fucking world.
i just got home from the gym. and to be completely honest, i don't feel any better. so i figured i might as well quit. it's a waste of time and most of the music they play sucks. i won't be going on any dustin diamond donut diet, so i shouldn't get too much fatter. and even if i do blow up in size, it's a proven fact that girls go for fat dudes. they say it's their personality they fall for. yeah sure. what did he do, hold up a boombox over his head playing "in your eyes"? take you ice skating or something? more like ice cream. haha.
wait. that just made me think. i have tons of fat friends and none of them get girls.
it's alright, guys. i have this method of getting noticed by the opposite sex without even speaking a word. you let the music do all the ice breaking. when you're around girls, let's say at a party, at a beach, or just driving by a pack of them at your local starbucks, the key is to play a song that will make them jump up and shoot you a look. but what kind of song, james? something that is popular enough for them to recognize, but obscure enough for them to think that they're the only ones in the world that have heard it...thus making YOU "special".
paris hilton might work in some areas, but you're also risking jocks calling you a faggot and throwing jack in the box trash at your car, so you might need to go more subtle. fergie won't work, either. because then you're just attracting the attention of little kids that are being dragged by the hand of their mom.
generally, i find that on-the-rise pop bands with still some sort of underground cred works. bands such as the sounds, the go! team, goldfrapp, teddybears, peaches, etc. and le disko by shiny toy guns always works. undefeated, actually.
you'll know if you've succeeded when they yell "hey! i love this song! how do you know it?" and you start conversation from there. from that point on, you can just nod and agree on every band they bring up. make them feel special. "seriously? you like them? i love them! i wish there were more girls like you with good taste."
girls. don't worry. you don't need this method at all considering that guys are completely uninterested in anything having to do with the female's personalty. you can be playing a rap song that goes "i'm a trick. i have sex with farm animals. i'm gross and have a rash where the sun don't shine" and a guy will still throw his hands up and go "SUP GIRL!" that is of course if you're wearing BIG glasses.
girls either think BIG glasses make them look hot, or guys think that all girls in BIG glasses ARE hot, so girls wear them for that reason.
"dude follow those girls. they were totally hot!"
oh yeah. it also helps if a girl is driving a white neon or civic. or a new VW bug or black jetta. guys go gah gah over that crap.
so if you're a girl. go out and get yourself some big glasses and find a white dodge neon to drive around in. make sure something cute is dangling from your rear view mirror, and bob your head back and forth to...let's say a kelly clarkson song. sing along loud and if you have a sun roof, use it! if it's a convertable, have the top down and throw your hands in the air. girls sitting in the back, sit on the trunk and avoid using seatbelts.
guys will totally follow you and be like "sup ladies!!"
speaking of kelly clarkson, anyone see american idol tonight? jordin sparks won. not a surprise there. so she's an american idol, right? that means america is going to go out and buy her records, right? wrong. she just beat a white version of sanjaya with a beatbox lodged down his throat.
they should've just voted simon as the next american idol. he can release a cd with his 100 greatest insults. that would be a terrible cd to have sex to. "you're completely awful. terrible."
it's my semi-annual "Oh shit, i lost my phone again" tradition. so i need all of your numbers. well, anyone that is actually interested in kicking it this summer. my new phone came in, so tomorrow at work i plan on programming all my new numbers in it. so fork it over or have a nice life. your call. :)
my number hasn't changed.
memorial day weekend. i do not work monday. i'm thinking about going to oakland to get my drums. at any rate, if you're in town and wanna do something. get some food or hang out, then let's do it do it real good. kick off the summer right. little shits.
saturday night, lawrence and jerry are both taking out this girl crystal. it's a battle of the fittest. reminiscent of that old mtv dating show "dismissed". and very reminiscent of the zack, slater and kelly triangle from saved by the bell. who will prevail? who will stand on top and win the heart of dear crystal? log in and vote now. phil has his money on lawrence, but jerry can be very sneaky in his ways. it'll be an interesting face-off.
so i conclude you with that.
like they say in paris, goodnight!
-jem