i haven't posted for a month...

[in_c0ntr0l]

and my mindset has been challenged while i was away. I've learned many things about myself. (1) I'm losing weight for my own peace of mind; changing others' opinions of me is merely a bonus in the scheme of things. (2) I'm not as pretty as people tell me, they're just too kind to be honest. (3) I can hide taking diet pills and not feel guilty about it. (4) My fiancee does treat me differently when I'm thinner even if he doesn't acknowledge it. (5) I'm proud of how far I've come, but I'm ashamed that I haven't made it further. (6) I'd give up almost anything to feel skinny comfortable in my own skin when I fall asleep at night. (7) My New Year's resolution used to be "lose weight" but now it is self-discipline in every part of my life. (8) I hate not being in control of any given situation. (9) As wonderful as you all are, I'd still be focusing on losing weight without you. Which leads me to (10): Since I will always be obsessed with my figure, I might as well stay here and keep from being lonely all the time.

I can't run from who I am... I'm obsessed with getting thinner.

I love you all! valie, kissofmorphine, mkae, and many more... i miss you!!

<3