Raw
Shiori Matsumoto
I've been struggling with this need to open myself up again, wondering what belongs here and what I can include there. I remember when I could readily slice myself open for everyone to see, and I would write pages long entries on every detail of my life. I was so sure of my words then, as well as my need to write. I had such a passion, and now, lately, it seems more like a chore. I never want my writing to become a chore, because then what is the point?
Ever since I’ve had some very emotion-filled entries stolen and posted on her website, and not just once but multiple times, I venus-flytrapped back inside where it was 'safe'. I lost the ability to write it all down. The words that she stole were written at such a confusing and depressing time in my life. I poured myself into those words and to see them used so freely and without even knowing the meaning behind them was like a slap in the face, or worse, like a kick in the gut.
I miss the way it used to be. That is one of the drawbacks to writing only in paper journals; the complete lack of interaction. It's a sole dialogue between you and your thoughts, and so sometimes you end up with more questions than answers. On one hand, it's very liberating to be able to write without the multiple fears of judgment and thievery, but sometimes I still long for the simple contact and comfort of relating to another human being.