time, it passes and it tells us what we're left with..we become the things we do
so i have a lot to say because it's been a really long time. and neither of you probably even read this anymore. but the most important thing is, i'm sitting here at my desk while maria is asleep attempting to read over 80+ textbook pages and notes that i dont even have because i lost them/never took them and i am positive i am going to fail this anatomy final. not to mention, i have to do an entire case study and put my sign language video onto a disc for my teacher to send it to blessid union of souls because i did it to "i believe" and she's bff with the singer. so now i'm just sitting here, eating an entire can of chickpeas. and i like rob kind of. this boy who is amazing and also lives 10 minutes from my house in columbus. maybe i will just tell this story.
today is monday, 5-7. er... technically it's 5-8 right now but like not really. you know? ok. so last weekend was the pig roast, there were 30 kegs between 5 houses and they roasted a pig aand everyone was drunk by around 2pm. it started at 10 am but we didn't go until 4 or 430 so as to not pass out before 8pm. we go, drink a lot, like a lot, and come back to eat dinner. i eat like 4 dinners because i'm drunk. like my friend danny is outside with a plate of philipino food becuase apparently there was a phillipino festival while we were all at the pigroast or soemthing. so everyone else goes to the caf to eat but i go on a mission to get phillipino food from gallagher center. which is kind of funny becuase i'm pretty drunk. also, i ate danny's eggroll and it was the last eggroll they had hahahah like i just picked it up. i meant to just take a bite of it but it turns out i was out of control and just ate the entire thing without even asking him. so then i eat my plate of food and we go to the caf and about 95% of the people in there were drunk. it was prety funny to watch really becuase no one could eat or drink properly and everyone kept missing their mouths. so then we went to danny's room and i fell asleep in his bed hahaha and then they woke me up and we went to the party again. this beast of a lady i son the front porch yelling at us, telling us we have to suck up to her if we don't already know her in order to get beer. so i go "i like your hair." hahahahhaha and elaine goes "we have the same color hair." and amanda goes 'i REALLY want to get drunk." and then she just walked away hahaa nad the butch girl was like that was the saddest thing i've ever heard.
so we hangout and i see this car door open like 3 houses down. keep in mind this party is 5 houses long. so i take another mission to go over there and shut th door. i'm pretty drunk now. so i shut it and someone from the garage goes "who's there!?" and i look and it's this old man. hahahaha apparently i had the wrong house. i apologize profusely and leave. 10 minutes later, i go back and apoogize again for my recent behavior.
later, this boy rob shows up and i've had like a mini crush on him since october. i was on this retreat called getaway and he was on it too except he was a leader/dancer person where they dressed up in cowboy outfits and danced with us and stuff. so like he kept looking at me and stuff. i remmeber that. and then a few times, he's come up to me, mostly when he's drunk, and he's said 'what's your name again, i'mhorrible with names, i always forget your name.." and then i tell him and he forgets. one time, he was ridiculuosly drunk at a party like he couldn't walk and he came up to me and acutally come to think of it i think i had my hand on his hip, and he goes "laura....you're very pretty, laura." but then later i saw him wiht this girl and he was istting really close to her kind of and stuff but i said hi anyway. so whatever. so then we;re at this party and i remmeber him coming and i got really excited kindn of because the nigh tbefore, we had a boat dance and he came up to me and all my friends and asked us how we were doing and he asked for all of our names (again) and he started with amanda but when he asked for mine amanda said he was really just asking for mine inconspicuously because like he kept staring at me and stuff and was mostly talking to me and not my friends. so whatever. so i got excited and i get bold when i'm drunk and i dont know how, but i end up talking to him. so then we are talking on the stairs or somehting for a while and then we go for a walk and end up sitting on a bench in the middle of the ghetto right next to a busy street hahaha. so whatever. we talk and then we end up kissing and like i was waering a hat and i think it kept hitting him in the head but i dont really remember because i kind of blacked out most of the time i was talking to him. so then it's late i think probably like 3 so we go back and he says do you want to stay in my room? so i do. which is bad. but i dont know. so i do and we makeout hardcore and i apparently cried when i stopped blacking out and came to my senses. so then i wake up at 530 and i seriosuly try to do a spy mission and climb over him without him waking up. ps he is on th ebottom bunk of bunkbeds with his roommate on the top. so i crawl out as if there are invisible alarms everywehre and i look for my like clothes or whatever and he wakes up when i'm in the middle of my search. he's like what are you dong? and i'm like i'm just gona go. an dhe's like no, please stay. and stuff. so i do and i try to sleep but i can't. and then his roommate wakes up and is like on facebook and stuff. so that's weird. he sees me and goes "HOLY SHIT DUDE." and i just pretend to be asleep. we wake up again at like 11 or something but rob was still asleep and i kept trying to wake him up so i was acting likie a 3 year old child and being like "wakkkkeee upppppp its sooooo late wakeup!" i was actually being really annoying. but then he really did wake up around 12 and he was rubbing my back and stroking my faace and stuff and like i dont know. so we kind of recap the night for one another...actually he recaps for me since i'm the blackout drunk/alcoholic, and we get to know each other a littl ebetter like he tells me about his life but i have extremely bad beer breath and i'm gross and stuff
when we talk, he says he wants to get to know me better when i tell him that i like him and he asks if i have a boyfriend adn that's kind of awkward because me and justinlike are just breaking up at that point and then he tells me he's been tlkaing to htis girl since like january and they were like "talking" meaning kind of dating but never officially and they had a falling out and didn't talk for a month but at the boat dance, they talked for the first time and they danced together and hung out a little but he said he doens't know where that is going and he thought it was finsihed. so then he calls me later and says he wants to have lunch together the next day and i'm really really nervous and stuff and like we meet but i already ate because i got scared and it's kind of awkward because like we were together the night before or whatever and then like i dont konw. he's really funny though. and we get to know each other a littl ebetter. so then we continue light texting and one or two phone calls after that. then this past weekend, i got really really drunk off of 2 l.5 liter bottles of wine with amanda. i took a shower when i was drunk after attempting to pregame bingo on friday night. we walked all the way across campus and then just sat and had life discussions for a while. i came back and took a shwoer and got dressed and did my makeup drunk so i probably looked incredibly stupid. and then i put on my gold sparkly prom shoes! which is really funny. i wore them out. we went to a party and this is where i black out. so apparenlty i call him and ask him to meet me in gallagher, our student center, and we meet and talk for about an hour and like i guess try to decide what to do like if we are going to date or something. but i dont even remmeber seeing him. all i remmeber is callling caroline richardson at 3am and literally balling to her about something. i couldn't even remeber what when we broke up. the only clues i had were one message in my inbox from rob saying " i will. can we talk tomorrow?" and one message in my outbox to rob saying "no not at all. fuck you". i never drop the f-bomb actually TO people. i did once to justin when we brokeup in dcember. and like i knew i was really upset at something that he said. the only other clue i had was a race number reading "musketeer race 5K 729" that's it. those are my only clues. so i call caroline richardson after i throw up for like 2 hours because i'm hungover (i swear, i've never been taht hungover before) and she says "well it's all kind of unclear, you were slurring and sobbing so it was hard to make out but i think that you said that rob doesn't like you and that he doesn't want to be with you? maybe? does that make sense?"
i figure that's what happene dbecause she obviously remebers better than me. i call my brother brian and we have a heart to heart like every weeka nd he tells me i really need to call rob and find out what the fuck happened last night. i'm nervous but i figure he's probably right. when he picks up, i'm just lik e"hiiii...robbbb...' he says hi and we talk and i ask him what hpapened and i said what did we establish? like it's ok if you said this, but i was a little upset at soemthign you said, so i'ts ok if you said you didn't like me or wanted to date other people or whatever but did you actually say that? he's like, ' actually, no not at all. taht's what you kept saying i said. you kept putting words in my mouth and saying 'you like that other girl don't you, you don't even like me, you don't wnat to date me.' and i dind't let him finish his sentences, i would ask him questions and not let him answer and then i just taked about the table in the student center and how i had that in my house. he asid i was "all over the place". normally i'm a good drunk and no one can tell but i guess not when i'm ridiculously wasted. so then i dont call him or text him after taht because i'm embaressed and like it's weird and al of my friends sayu jsut wait for him to call. so i don't call or text or anything, even when i'm drunk on saturday night.
todayh, i'm walking back from lunch with amanda and elaine and they know the whole story. i see him and i'm like oh god is that rob? i NEVER see him on campus like ever. i've seen him on ampus like 5 times all year. he's with 3 other girls and they're talking and amanda's like we wll just slow downa nd he won't see us. but then they stop right next to the path we are taking like we are going to have to cross them! and i'm chowing down on a cookie! so i drop the cookie and i'm holding pile of cookies in the napkin and i look like crap ad i'm wearing sport shorts and we walk by and amanda is just like oh god there's rob hahahah. so we slow down but to no avail and we walk by and i basically pretend i dont see him and he goes "HEY LAURA!" and i go, 'hi, rob." and i say it embaressed and kind of ashamed and i dont really look at him. amanda and elaine said it was probably the most perfect reaction for the situation they ever could have imagined. like they just kept talking about how good it was hahaha. so they're like i bet he feels really bad and realizes that you are sorry and embaressed and everything and now he'll call you or contact you. so then i'm outside studying and i go into our student center to print something but i dont bring my phone and he ends up calling me and leaving a ridiculously long, obnoxious message on my phone well i liked it and thought itwas funny. but he calls and he's just like
"so i'm walking to my car in r1 parking lot but then i thought maybe my car was in r2 parking lot on the top of the hill and i go up there but then i realize it's not actually up there so i'm walkign to my car basically and i thought i'd call someone fortehlong walk and i though, 'hey why not call laura?' so i figured i'd call and say hi and see how your studying is gonig .....etc etc etc...." it's jsut really long. so i call him back about 10 minutes later and we only talk for 5 minutes but he's going to a bar because his friend is playing there on stage or whatever and he wanted to support him and he said last week he actually played on stage too and he has an 830 test that he thinks he's going to fail. i said, oh yeah i remmebr you talked about that class. he was surprised that i remembered and i go yeah well i have an impeccable memory. and he starts to say something and i cut him ff and go "well...except for friday night." and he laughs and was like i was going to say...what happened to friday? so basically i'm still in love with him. like actually not love just really obsessed with him. like he's really really funny, actually i think he's way funnier than danny ever was to me, and like he's just such a sweet, sweet boy. he has such agood heart. he's working at a daycamp this year maybe hoepfully and he's really envolved in all of xavier's stuff like filters, a leadership club thing, and like he is majoring in social work as of nowand i dont know he's just amazing. like i still love justin. i really do. i'ts jsut taht right now, my mo is right, i'm looking for a partner for life, someone that will do everything with me and we can share eeveryday life together. and i couldu see myself with justin like that except that i dno't really know for sure because are so ridiuclously far apart. i dont get to experience everyday little thigns with him. and also i want to share funny moments and stuff and i just feel like rob would be better than dan verdel with taht stuff you know? i feel like we would really really get along and have a really good time togheter.
did i mention he only lives 10 minutes from my house? we're ridiuclous close. my house in columbus. he said i could hang out with him and his friends over the summer and maybe go to osu with them and stay there for a night or smoethign because that's where i want to go next eyar and stuff. so i dont nkow. that's the rob story.
today is monday, 5-7. er... technically it's 5-8 right now but like not really. you know? ok. so last weekend was the pig roast, there were 30 kegs between 5 houses and they roasted a pig aand everyone was drunk by around 2pm. it started at 10 am but we didn't go until 4 or 430 so as to not pass out before 8pm. we go, drink a lot, like a lot, and come back to eat dinner. i eat like 4 dinners because i'm drunk. like my friend danny is outside with a plate of philipino food becuase apparently there was a phillipino festival while we were all at the pigroast or soemthing. so everyone else goes to the caf to eat but i go on a mission to get phillipino food from gallagher center. which is kind of funny becuase i'm pretty drunk. also, i ate danny's eggroll and it was the last eggroll they had hahahah like i just picked it up. i meant to just take a bite of it but it turns out i was out of control and just ate the entire thing without even asking him. so then i eat my plate of food and we go to the caf and about 95% of the people in there were drunk. it was prety funny to watch really becuase no one could eat or drink properly and everyone kept missing their mouths. so then we went to danny's room and i fell asleep in his bed hahaha and then they woke me up and we went to the party again. this beast of a lady i son the front porch yelling at us, telling us we have to suck up to her if we don't already know her in order to get beer. so i go "i like your hair." hahahahhaha and elaine goes "we have the same color hair." and amanda goes 'i REALLY want to get drunk." and then she just walked away hahaa nad the butch girl was like that was the saddest thing i've ever heard.
so we hangout and i see this car door open like 3 houses down. keep in mind this party is 5 houses long. so i take another mission to go over there and shut th door. i'm pretty drunk now. so i shut it and someone from the garage goes "who's there!?" and i look and it's this old man. hahahaha apparently i had the wrong house. i apologize profusely and leave. 10 minutes later, i go back and apoogize again for my recent behavior.
later, this boy rob shows up and i've had like a mini crush on him since october. i was on this retreat called getaway and he was on it too except he was a leader/dancer person where they dressed up in cowboy outfits and danced with us and stuff. so like he kept looking at me and stuff. i remmeber that. and then a few times, he's come up to me, mostly when he's drunk, and he's said 'what's your name again, i'mhorrible with names, i always forget your name.." and then i tell him and he forgets. one time, he was ridiculuosly drunk at a party like he couldn't walk and he came up to me and acutally come to think of it i think i had my hand on his hip, and he goes "laura....you're very pretty, laura." but then later i saw him wiht this girl and he was istting really close to her kind of and stuff but i said hi anyway. so whatever. so then we;re at this party and i remmeber him coming and i got really excited kindn of because the nigh tbefore, we had a boat dance and he came up to me and all my friends and asked us how we were doing and he asked for all of our names (again) and he started with amanda but when he asked for mine amanda said he was really just asking for mine inconspicuously because like he kept staring at me and stuff and was mostly talking to me and not my friends. so whatever. so i got excited and i get bold when i'm drunk and i dont know how, but i end up talking to him. so then we are talking on the stairs or somehting for a while and then we go for a walk and end up sitting on a bench in the middle of the ghetto right next to a busy street hahaha. so whatever. we talk and then we end up kissing and like i was waering a hat and i think it kept hitting him in the head but i dont really remember because i kind of blacked out most of the time i was talking to him. so then it's late i think probably like 3 so we go back and he says do you want to stay in my room? so i do. which is bad. but i dont know. so i do and we makeout hardcore and i apparently cried when i stopped blacking out and came to my senses. so then i wake up at 530 and i seriosuly try to do a spy mission and climb over him without him waking up. ps he is on th ebottom bunk of bunkbeds with his roommate on the top. so i crawl out as if there are invisible alarms everywehre and i look for my like clothes or whatever and he wakes up when i'm in the middle of my search. he's like what are you dong? and i'm like i'm just gona go. an dhe's like no, please stay. and stuff. so i do and i try to sleep but i can't. and then his roommate wakes up and is like on facebook and stuff. so that's weird. he sees me and goes "HOLY SHIT DUDE." and i just pretend to be asleep. we wake up again at like 11 or something but rob was still asleep and i kept trying to wake him up so i was acting likie a 3 year old child and being like "wakkkkeee upppppp its sooooo late wakeup!" i was actually being really annoying. but then he really did wake up around 12 and he was rubbing my back and stroking my faace and stuff and like i dont know. so we kind of recap the night for one another...actually he recaps for me since i'm the blackout drunk/alcoholic, and we get to know each other a littl ebetter like he tells me about his life but i have extremely bad beer breath and i'm gross and stuff
when we talk, he says he wants to get to know me better when i tell him that i like him and he asks if i have a boyfriend adn that's kind of awkward because me and justinlike are just breaking up at that point and then he tells me he's been tlkaing to htis girl since like january and they were like "talking" meaning kind of dating but never officially and they had a falling out and didn't talk for a month but at the boat dance, they talked for the first time and they danced together and hung out a little but he said he doens't know where that is going and he thought it was finsihed. so then he calls me later and says he wants to have lunch together the next day and i'm really really nervous and stuff and like we meet but i already ate because i got scared and it's kind of awkward because like we were together the night before or whatever and then like i dont konw. he's really funny though. and we get to know each other a littl ebetter. so then we continue light texting and one or two phone calls after that. then this past weekend, i got really really drunk off of 2 l.5 liter bottles of wine with amanda. i took a shower when i was drunk after attempting to pregame bingo on friday night. we walked all the way across campus and then just sat and had life discussions for a while. i came back and took a shwoer and got dressed and did my makeup drunk so i probably looked incredibly stupid. and then i put on my gold sparkly prom shoes! which is really funny. i wore them out. we went to a party and this is where i black out. so apparenlty i call him and ask him to meet me in gallagher, our student center, and we meet and talk for about an hour and like i guess try to decide what to do like if we are going to date or something. but i dont even remmeber seeing him. all i remmeber is callling caroline richardson at 3am and literally balling to her about something. i couldn't even remeber what when we broke up. the only clues i had were one message in my inbox from rob saying " i will. can we talk tomorrow?" and one message in my outbox to rob saying "no not at all. fuck you". i never drop the f-bomb actually TO people. i did once to justin when we brokeup in dcember. and like i knew i was really upset at something that he said. the only other clue i had was a race number reading "musketeer race 5K 729" that's it. those are my only clues. so i call caroline richardson after i throw up for like 2 hours because i'm hungover (i swear, i've never been taht hungover before) and she says "well it's all kind of unclear, you were slurring and sobbing so it was hard to make out but i think that you said that rob doesn't like you and that he doesn't want to be with you? maybe? does that make sense?"
i figure that's what happene dbecause she obviously remebers better than me. i call my brother brian and we have a heart to heart like every weeka nd he tells me i really need to call rob and find out what the fuck happened last night. i'm nervous but i figure he's probably right. when he picks up, i'm just lik e"hiiii...robbbb...' he says hi and we talk and i ask him what hpapened and i said what did we establish? like it's ok if you said this, but i was a little upset at soemthign you said, so i'ts ok if you said you didn't like me or wanted to date other people or whatever but did you actually say that? he's like, ' actually, no not at all. taht's what you kept saying i said. you kept putting words in my mouth and saying 'you like that other girl don't you, you don't even like me, you don't wnat to date me.' and i dind't let him finish his sentences, i would ask him questions and not let him answer and then i just taked about the table in the student center and how i had that in my house. he asid i was "all over the place". normally i'm a good drunk and no one can tell but i guess not when i'm ridiculously wasted. so then i dont call him or text him after taht because i'm embaressed and like it's weird and al of my friends sayu jsut wait for him to call. so i don't call or text or anything, even when i'm drunk on saturday night.
todayh, i'm walking back from lunch with amanda and elaine and they know the whole story. i see him and i'm like oh god is that rob? i NEVER see him on campus like ever. i've seen him on ampus like 5 times all year. he's with 3 other girls and they're talking and amanda's like we wll just slow downa nd he won't see us. but then they stop right next to the path we are taking like we are going to have to cross them! and i'm chowing down on a cookie! so i drop the cookie and i'm holding pile of cookies in the napkin and i look like crap ad i'm wearing sport shorts and we walk by and amanda is just like oh god there's rob hahahah. so we slow down but to no avail and we walk by and i basically pretend i dont see him and he goes "HEY LAURA!" and i go, 'hi, rob." and i say it embaressed and kind of ashamed and i dont really look at him. amanda and elaine said it was probably the most perfect reaction for the situation they ever could have imagined. like they just kept talking about how good it was hahaha. so they're like i bet he feels really bad and realizes that you are sorry and embaressed and everything and now he'll call you or contact you. so then i'm outside studying and i go into our student center to print something but i dont bring my phone and he ends up calling me and leaving a ridiculously long, obnoxious message on my phone well i liked it and thought itwas funny. but he calls and he's just like
"so i'm walking to my car in r1 parking lot but then i thought maybe my car was in r2 parking lot on the top of the hill and i go up there but then i realize it's not actually up there so i'm walkign to my car basically and i thought i'd call someone fortehlong walk and i though, 'hey why not call laura?' so i figured i'd call and say hi and see how your studying is gonig .....etc etc etc...." it's jsut really long. so i call him back about 10 minutes later and we only talk for 5 minutes but he's going to a bar because his friend is playing there on stage or whatever and he wanted to support him and he said last week he actually played on stage too and he has an 830 test that he thinks he's going to fail. i said, oh yeah i remmebr you talked about that class. he was surprised that i remembered and i go yeah well i have an impeccable memory. and he starts to say something and i cut him ff and go "well...except for friday night." and he laughs and was like i was going to say...what happened to friday? so basically i'm still in love with him. like actually not love just really obsessed with him. like he's really really funny, actually i think he's way funnier than danny ever was to me, and like he's just such a sweet, sweet boy. he has such agood heart. he's working at a daycamp this year maybe hoepfully and he's really envolved in all of xavier's stuff like filters, a leadership club thing, and like he is majoring in social work as of nowand i dont know he's just amazing. like i still love justin. i really do. i'ts jsut taht right now, my mo is right, i'm looking for a partner for life, someone that will do everything with me and we can share eeveryday life together. and i couldu see myself with justin like that except that i dno't really know for sure because are so ridiuclously far apart. i dont get to experience everyday little thigns with him. and also i want to share funny moments and stuff and i just feel like rob would be better than dan verdel with taht stuff you know? i feel like we would really really get along and have a really good time togheter.
did i mention he only lives 10 minutes from my house? we're ridiuclous close. my house in columbus. he said i could hang out with him and his friends over the summer and maybe go to osu with them and stay there for a night or smoethign because that's where i want to go next eyar and stuff. so i dont nkow. that's the rob story.