Three tears I've saved for you.
ive never felt so alone before. its like some kind of rude awakening. awakening from what, im not sure.
Last night i thought i was doing my sister a favor and brought her to see my other sister. i picked up steve and me steve and alysa went. alysa was so obnoxious and annoying in the car. steve and here were fighting. then we got there and i was ignored from the moment i got there then like 5 mins before i left i was noticed. steve noticed it and said that it made him feel funny too.I understand how things are and they havent seen eachother but im still here, ive made the effort the past years, alysa hasnt made shit. yeah im a little jealous, but im just kinda mad.
kathryn told alysa she was creative, well maybe because she is stealing all my ideas, my artwork, and my writtings. She told alysa she knew that alysa would move in with her before i ever did. i was kind of hurt. then she continued to say how much more alysa was like her than i was. I try to protect alysa. as an older sister thing. i dont want her to drink or smoke pot, so i try not to encourage it. and theres alysa saying oh whats xanax, when she never even mentioned that she "heard about them" to me before. john and steve got along good. im glad about that.
so basically i wont be going over there again if i bring alysa. it felt like a slap in the face. it hurt me. it made me realize alot. i dont have family to fall back on. alysa would sell me out in a second. mom and dad are crazy. i wont have steve forever. i hate being alone more than anything, and right now thats i all i see in my future. being alone. i love both my sisters, but after last night, i dont even know. it just upset me and pissed me off.
keith is getting me shit, so maybe i wont think about things as much today. i hope.
i hate myself.
so much.
Last night i thought i was doing my sister a favor and brought her to see my other sister. i picked up steve and me steve and alysa went. alysa was so obnoxious and annoying in the car. steve and here were fighting. then we got there and i was ignored from the moment i got there then like 5 mins before i left i was noticed. steve noticed it and said that it made him feel funny too.I understand how things are and they havent seen eachother but im still here, ive made the effort the past years, alysa hasnt made shit. yeah im a little jealous, but im just kinda mad.
kathryn told alysa she was creative, well maybe because she is stealing all my ideas, my artwork, and my writtings. She told alysa she knew that alysa would move in with her before i ever did. i was kind of hurt. then she continued to say how much more alysa was like her than i was. I try to protect alysa. as an older sister thing. i dont want her to drink or smoke pot, so i try not to encourage it. and theres alysa saying oh whats xanax, when she never even mentioned that she "heard about them" to me before. john and steve got along good. im glad about that.
so basically i wont be going over there again if i bring alysa. it felt like a slap in the face. it hurt me. it made me realize alot. i dont have family to fall back on. alysa would sell me out in a second. mom and dad are crazy. i wont have steve forever. i hate being alone more than anything, and right now thats i all i see in my future. being alone. i love both my sisters, but after last night, i dont even know. it just upset me and pissed me off.
keith is getting me shit, so maybe i wont think about things as much today. i hope.
i hate myself.
so much.