Would you meet me...?
They call them midnight snacks, although I wouldn't say that they always happen at midnight. I woke up with this overwhelming urge to -leave-, and really - where can you go at this hour? It would be one thing if I was dressed and hadn't already been in bed. So, I venture to the kitchen - where I slice my thumb, cutting up an apple, and curse before sticking it in my mouth.
What's up with that reflex, anyway? It still stings like hell, and now all I can taste is blood. Brilliant.
I don't remember sucking my thumb when I was younger, though I'm sure, like the vast majority - I did. The only reason this thought even came to mind was how -foreign- it seemed to actually do. My hand still fucking stings.
I guess I thought waking up all the time in the middle of the night - and not bringing them up anymore... everyone would forget about the nightmares. The hell these past few months have been.
Do you know how hard it is to -hide- something, when you don't live alone?
I knew by Alphonse's actions - how he bolted from the house before I even woke up, for the day. How he... said and did certain things - but insisted that nothing was wrong.
So, what makes me think I can pull it off?
Especially when I'm inevitablly honest -here-.
That's why I've been lax in updating...
I've been busy, and really what was there to say that- wasn't incriminating, in the end?
Guess it's just the protective reflex - don't make people worry. They're not so bad anymore. They're few and far between. Those are the nights I -do- sleep the whole night through.
I just... have too much on my mind.
And, I'm worried too, damn it.
about everyone else.
I don't have time to think about some stupid cough when I have countless other things going on - it's gone now, anyway. The whole thing, I'm fine. I've grown loathe to use those two words together in person with someone. 'I'm fine.' is often construed as a flippant dismissive answer.
Some stupid little headache isn't going to kill me, that's all.
I appreciate it, really - but don't we have bigger concerns to deal with?
Everyone seems to finally be getting what they wanted. That doesn't make me worry any less - actually, it only makes it worse. Because- how much of this is really going on like we want? -because- we want it to?
but- if he's happy, and he's happy-
And if they're happy.
Doesn't that mean....
I should be, too?
My biggest fear right now, is myself.
There's just- so much going on...
How -could- I sleep?
and I'm confused.
I don't know what I'm doing, sometimes.
If I fall down, will you help me carry on?
What's up with that reflex, anyway? It still stings like hell, and now all I can taste is blood. Brilliant.
I don't remember sucking my thumb when I was younger, though I'm sure, like the vast majority - I did. The only reason this thought even came to mind was how -foreign- it seemed to actually do. My hand still fucking stings.
I guess I thought waking up all the time in the middle of the night - and not bringing them up anymore... everyone would forget about the nightmares. The hell these past few months have been.
Do you know how hard it is to -hide- something, when you don't live alone?
I knew by Alphonse's actions - how he bolted from the house before I even woke up, for the day. How he... said and did certain things - but insisted that nothing was wrong.
So, what makes me think I can pull it off?
Especially when I'm inevitablly honest -here-.
That's why I've been lax in updating...
I've been busy, and really what was there to say that- wasn't incriminating, in the end?
Guess it's just the protective reflex - don't make people worry. They're not so bad anymore. They're few and far between. Those are the nights I -do- sleep the whole night through.
I just... have too much on my mind.
And, I'm worried too, damn it.
about everyone else.
I don't have time to think about some stupid cough when I have countless other things going on - it's gone now, anyway. The whole thing, I'm fine. I've grown loathe to use those two words together in person with someone. 'I'm fine.' is often construed as a flippant dismissive answer.
Some stupid little headache isn't going to kill me, that's all.
I appreciate it, really - but don't we have bigger concerns to deal with?
Everyone seems to finally be getting what they wanted. That doesn't make me worry any less - actually, it only makes it worse. Because- how much of this is really going on like we want? -because- we want it to?
but- if he's happy, and he's happy-
And if they're happy.
Doesn't that mean....
I should be, too?
My biggest fear right now, is myself.
There's just- so much going on...
How -could- I sleep?
and I'm confused.
I don't know what I'm doing, sometimes.
If I fall down, will you help me carry on?