manifesto
I've gotta write this somewhere while I'm feeling it, and feeling like it. May as well be here, for me.
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I think moving to California to become a legal distributer of pot would be a *great job*. I could be someone's official caregiver (I have experience in this field), and not only be connected to legal sources (learning tools) but also be able to sell weed to good people on the side (extra income!).
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/07/28/080728fa_fact_samuels?currentPage=all
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I could join the Peace Corps Master's International program, and combine graduate school w/ Peace Corps service. I'd like to go abroad and it'd give me a good idea for something to research... I'd try to focus on international environmental policy or something like that, or environmental studies/anthropology, something like that.
http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn.whyvol.eduben.mastersint.partschool
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I could always just move somewhere where I don't seem as crazy, or where it's more OK to be as crazy as me. Maybe Japan (like Tokyo) or back somewhere in West Africa, but maybe more like Benin, Ghana, Senegal, somewhere like that. I keep having these dreams about Benin or Niger (again), and this whole fascination with living in Japan is only intensifying. Saw a cool art film (Sunless) this evening, set partly in Tokyo and partly in Guinea Bissau (West Africa). It was pretty cool, I thought.
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I may as well "pursue my writing interest" in a way that enables me to make money and also travel. Journalism maybe, or just keep writing on the side (more seriously, probably) about my experiences and continuing life's adventure.
---
Oh, I felt more optimistic and motivated about the future before I started writing anything. Oh yeah!
---
I could keep looking for other jobs around here, maybe higher paying. Or I could request a raise at the end of this year from my current job. Wouldn't it be nice if I was actually *saving* money??
---
The most important thing is that I not give up, and I keep in mind that I will be moving to a new place within a couple of years and my idea of traveling and/or beginning an advanced degree program is still vivid and possible. I am enjoying this time now, and I think it'd be cool to keep enjoying it to the fullest.
---
Man, the main thing is like.... do I stay living with Mark? On the one hand, I love him and our relationship. Living together feels nice and is fun. I love our apartment and I have no real reason to leave. On the other hand, I would really like to have more independence. Now is the time for that, if ever there was a time. Sometimes living here makes me feel like I am not capable of taking care of myself/everything on my own-- not true! Mark gets very jealous and sad when I hang out with other guys. I'll have more me time: I'll be staring myself in the face figuring out what I really want to do next. Also, I could live somewhere cheaper. I found a place $575/mo. in Lincoln Square, that's all utilities included! Here rent is just that $575 PLUS our substantial electric bill and our pricey$ gas bill (esp. esp. in winter...... like over $200 total on average pricey).
I'd prob. spend less on food living alone, too.
Oh geez, I know I'm not gonna move out. We have a kitty now. And a mermaid statue. And our rock garden is so pretty. And we have new sheets. It's just so nice here! We have such nice plants and everything, too. But you know..... I feel living with Mark now means we will live like this for a long time. I suppose eventually I will want to move for school or another job or something. I wouldn't mind staying here for the rest of the time I'm in this city. But I dunno.
Chicago is weird for me because my family is so close, and they always want to hang out or talk to me--- and they act like I'm going to be moving back in at home any minute and they don't trust that I'm "OK" or living my life as an adult or something. Like they are worried about me because I am living here, like they don't think it's what I want or good for me. Or they think I'm scared to do something else? I don't understand, I've been wanting to live in this city as an adult forever! And I'm having many good times, plus - Hello! - I have a good job that I enjoy!! So I'm doing everything "right" and "proper."
Ugh it's like the debate is more really something like: practicality versus living, really living. No no I know it's so not one or the other like that. It's just, I'd like to feel more free. But what with the job and the boyfriend and the family... don't feel so free so often. Too much freedom messes me up big time, but too little drives me nuts. So, hm. ha ha.
Oh bedtime.
---
I think moving to California to become a legal distributer of pot would be a *great job*. I could be someone's official caregiver (I have experience in this field), and not only be connected to legal sources (learning tools) but also be able to sell weed to good people on the side (extra income!).
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/07/28/080728fa_fact_samuels?currentPage=all
---
I could join the Peace Corps Master's International program, and combine graduate school w/ Peace Corps service. I'd like to go abroad and it'd give me a good idea for something to research... I'd try to focus on international environmental policy or something like that, or environmental studies/anthropology, something like that.
http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn.whyvol.eduben.mastersint.partschool
---
I could always just move somewhere where I don't seem as crazy, or where it's more OK to be as crazy as me. Maybe Japan (like Tokyo) or back somewhere in West Africa, but maybe more like Benin, Ghana, Senegal, somewhere like that. I keep having these dreams about Benin or Niger (again), and this whole fascination with living in Japan is only intensifying. Saw a cool art film (Sunless) this evening, set partly in Tokyo and partly in Guinea Bissau (West Africa). It was pretty cool, I thought.
---
I may as well "pursue my writing interest" in a way that enables me to make money and also travel. Journalism maybe, or just keep writing on the side (more seriously, probably) about my experiences and continuing life's adventure.
---
Oh, I felt more optimistic and motivated about the future before I started writing anything. Oh yeah!
---
I could keep looking for other jobs around here, maybe higher paying. Or I could request a raise at the end of this year from my current job. Wouldn't it be nice if I was actually *saving* money??
---
The most important thing is that I not give up, and I keep in mind that I will be moving to a new place within a couple of years and my idea of traveling and/or beginning an advanced degree program is still vivid and possible. I am enjoying this time now, and I think it'd be cool to keep enjoying it to the fullest.
---
Man, the main thing is like.... do I stay living with Mark? On the one hand, I love him and our relationship. Living together feels nice and is fun. I love our apartment and I have no real reason to leave. On the other hand, I would really like to have more independence. Now is the time for that, if ever there was a time. Sometimes living here makes me feel like I am not capable of taking care of myself/everything on my own-- not true! Mark gets very jealous and sad when I hang out with other guys. I'll have more me time: I'll be staring myself in the face figuring out what I really want to do next. Also, I could live somewhere cheaper. I found a place $575/mo. in Lincoln Square, that's all utilities included! Here rent is just that $575 PLUS our substantial electric bill and our pricey$ gas bill (esp. esp. in winter...... like over $200 total on average pricey).
I'd prob. spend less on food living alone, too.
Oh geez, I know I'm not gonna move out. We have a kitty now. And a mermaid statue. And our rock garden is so pretty. And we have new sheets. It's just so nice here! We have such nice plants and everything, too. But you know..... I feel living with Mark now means we will live like this for a long time. I suppose eventually I will want to move for school or another job or something. I wouldn't mind staying here for the rest of the time I'm in this city. But I dunno.
Chicago is weird for me because my family is so close, and they always want to hang out or talk to me--- and they act like I'm going to be moving back in at home any minute and they don't trust that I'm "OK" or living my life as an adult or something. Like they are worried about me because I am living here, like they don't think it's what I want or good for me. Or they think I'm scared to do something else? I don't understand, I've been wanting to live in this city as an adult forever! And I'm having many good times, plus - Hello! - I have a good job that I enjoy!! So I'm doing everything "right" and "proper."
Ugh it's like the debate is more really something like: practicality versus living, really living. No no I know it's so not one or the other like that. It's just, I'd like to feel more free. But what with the job and the boyfriend and the family... don't feel so free so often. Too much freedom messes me up big time, but too little drives me nuts. So, hm. ha ha.
Oh bedtime.