(no subject)
so i really cant believe myself. three guys in one week. i dont know what i'm turning into. maybe it was just this one time. but its scary to me that the things i'm doing don't even phase me as anything intimate anymore. i guess they never really did since the first guy i did "intimate things" with was somebody meaningless and unimportant. but what does that say about me? i'm still a virgin, in the technical sense. and i'm glad that still holds true. i feel like i'm okay with what ive done but i think i'm upset that i'm okay with it. it's just become so commonplace to me; so casual. that can't be good. but i dont do these things to get attention or to get these guys to like me. i do it because i WANT to do it; i physically enjoy doing it. i know i can honestly say that but i feel like maybe nobody else would really take it seriously. but i suppose that shouldn't be of any concern to me; it's my life, it's my body, it's my decisions. i know what i'm doing. it's always so much more fun with a boyfriend though, and i've always known that. but i havent had a boyfriend in awhile and a girl has needs haha so i'm doing what i have to do to feel good and enjoy myself.
these are the things i think about at 3 am.
i dont know what to do with myself.
i'm happy; gotta love meds.
but i love that i can say to my friends here "goodnight, i'll see you tomorrow", and actually see them tomorrow.
i love that we're going to the poconos next weekend.
i joined the secular student alliance and even though there was only six people at the meeting, it's the one thing i've joined that actually makes me feel like i'm learning something about myself. i like where it's headed.
i love my bed at college.
it's 3:05 am, i'm in the lounge by myself with the light off completely sober ... and the irony of that is that four drunk people just walked in.
that's my cue to go to sleep.
these are the things i think about at 3 am.
i dont know what to do with myself.
i'm happy; gotta love meds.
but i love that i can say to my friends here "goodnight, i'll see you tomorrow", and actually see them tomorrow.
i love that we're going to the poconos next weekend.
i joined the secular student alliance and even though there was only six people at the meeting, it's the one thing i've joined that actually makes me feel like i'm learning something about myself. i like where it's headed.
i love my bed at college.
it's 3:05 am, i'm in the lounge by myself with the light off completely sober ... and the irony of that is that four drunk people just walked in.
that's my cue to go to sleep.