It was a little easier than I thought...
Muahahaha.... I own. look at my new icon. It's a pic of me on Halloween. I love that pic.
Last night Matt finally replied to my message. He gave me his cell number and we ended up talking for an hour and a half. Let's just say... it was a little easier than I thought it would be. It was still awkward tho.
I checked my email probably 50 times yesterday. Morning, no reply; at lunch, no reply; when I got home, no reply; When I was at Abbey's, no reply. At 6 o'clock I got home, still... no reply. Then later that night I checked my mail about 7, and there was an unidentified sender sending me email, (which usually means they aren't in my contacts list, so it's usually junk mail, LJ comments, or myspace comments). I scroll down the list, and there it is... "esotericheart replied to a comment you left". My heart began to pound so hard in my chest that I could feel it and the beat rang through my ears. I began to shake.
...I thought "What am I going to say?". It took me a while to think. It had been 7, maybe 8 months since we had last talked. It was April when I last acknowledged him. You do the math. I was sure there would be something to talk about though, due to time... and if conversation ended up going nowhere, I would take it as a sure sign that we weren't supposed to be talking. It was nearing 8:30. I picked up my cell phone and called him. My heart began to pound again as the phone rang. I had this nervous butterfly/gurgling feeling in my stomach. The unstillness in my arms began again. I just wanted to make sure he would be around at 8:30, b/c I needed half an hour to unload and load the dishwasher. He picked up the phone.
"Hello?" ...The sound of his voice was smoothe, strange, & yet so familliar. I was still scared, and didn't know how he felt toward me, so in a mousy voice I said "...Matt?". He sounded confused. "Yeah?" I said "Hey, it's Kaleigh..."His voice didn't sound of dread, nor was it exactly excited. It was more like a caring sort of upbeat, expectant kind of "hey". I said "Hey. I have to do the dishes, and it's getting late. I was just wondering if you're going to be around in half an hour." He said "Well, you're calling me on my cell phone, of course I'm not going to be around. That's the whole point of a cell phone isn't it? To get a hold of someone when they're not home..." ...The absurdity of his pun made me giggle. "I suppose." I replied. "So, is it okay to call you in 1/2 an hour?" "Sure" he said. I still had a smile on my face from when he made me giggle. Somehow I felt a little more at ease. I thought to myself "Well this can't get much worse. He made me smile..." So, we hung up. I did the dishes and called him back.
I called him back at 9. ...Odd... isn't it Matt? Even after numerous months of healing, the one time I end up calling you is coincidentally the time that used to be habit for us. We talked small talk for a little bit. Nothing deep. Then Matt finally cut to the point. "So, what exactly is it that you wanted to talk to me about?". "I... I'm honestly not sure. I've just had a whole bunch of stuff happen lately and they led my heart to tell me that it was time to talk. I honestly don't know my point in calling." I explained. I proceeded to tell him a few things that happened to lead me to want to do this. We talked about what went wrong between us, and it was all in an understanding manner. There were no feelings hurt. There were no rude comments. He still made his little jokes like he used to. He and I both realized our mistakes and that what we didn't understand then, we understood now. We talked about how learning from our mistakes helped us grow. The changes Matt's made in his life seem wonderful and I'm glad he's happy.
At about 11 fatigue had struck us both and I still had to call Marcus and do my homework. Matt and I both decided that since we'd been on the phone for an hour and a half and we'd been completely civil the entire time, we would talk again and maybe if we can understand eachother a little more and we can continue to be civil, that maybe we would consider being friends. We've decided to take things very, very, very slowly. He understands that at the first sign of trouble I will back away and this won't happen again.
I just hope that there will be a significant difference in the way we work things out now than the way we did in the past, b/c THAT will get us nowhere.
*Sigh*... so that's that for now.
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On another note, this weekend is going to be crazy. Tonight Robyn's taking me to the WSHS game. Woot. Then tomorrow's the UCF game. I'm so excited. It's their homecoming, and apparently it's their last home game. Abbey is taking me and we're going to tailgate w/ my Uncle Gordon. Then Abbey's gonna spend the night at my house. Then Sunday I'm going to hang out w/ Marcus at his house. WOOOOOT!!!!
...K, well, I'm hungry. Gotta go.
END.