CM Fic: Step Up (Part 3 of 3)

[impulsiveanswer]

Title: Step Up

Part: 3 of 3

Pairing: Reid/Hotch

Characters: (this part): Reid and Hotch; (entire story): Reid, Hotch, Rossi, Jessica, and a cameo by Jack

Rating: M

Warnings: Slash, angst, some fluff

Disclaimer: I don’t own Criminal Minds; there wouldn’t have been such an uproar this week if I did!

Summary for the story: Reid’s mother dies. As Reid struggles to deal with it, Hotch has to decide whether or not he should act on his feelings.

Summary for this chapter: Hotch takes a leap; Reid takes a step; and the future begins to take shape.

Part 1

Part 2


Step Up (Part 3 of 3)

Aaron was practically vibrating with nerves and excitement as he put his box down next to the apartment door. He braced his hands against his legs and drew in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. After years of denying and controlling his feelings it was still hard to believe he deserved to pursue having this love in his life, but he knew he had to try. Jessica was right: Reid - no, Spencer now, always Spencer outside of work, where hopefully there’d be no place for professional distance after that night - deserved to have his say in whether or not something could…would…happen between them.

And now that the idea of them being together and happy had taken hold it refused to let him go.

This wasn’t going to be easy; he was well aware of that. He knew Spencer loved him, but Spencer most likely had no idea how much Aaron loved him back. It wouldn’t be easy for young man to accept it, but he was ready to do what he needed to do to make sure Spencer never doubted it again.

‘Remember,’ Aaron coached himself. ‘Be calm, be patient, and be constant. Don’t let him hide from his feelings and don’t talk yourself out of this.’ Once Aaron was sure he was as ready as possible he knocked on the door.

There was the muffled sound of footsteps followed by the few moments of silence it took to look out a peephole; then the door opened and Spencer, dressed for bed in his blue pajamas, peered out at him. “Hotch?” he asked uncertainly. “What are you doing here? Is everything all right? Do we have a case?”

“No case,” Aaron assured him with a smile. Spencer looked at him strangely and he realized how long it had been since he’d truly smiled at anyone except his son. “Everything’s fine, Spencer. I just…may I come in?”

If Aaron’s showing up announced so close to bedtime had confused him, him using Spencer’s first name had left the younger man positively perplexed. Still, he hesitantly opened the door wider and stepped to the side. “Sure, I guess,” he said slowly. Then he shook his head, as if suddenly remembering the rules of etiquette. “I mean, please come in.”

“Actually...” Aaron glanced down at the box and then back up at Spencer. He was going to do this right; he was going to make this one of the most romantic and memorable nights either of them had ever have. “Could you sit down and close your eyes?”

Spencer looked a little alarmed. “It’s all right!” promised Aaron as he gave him his most reassuring smile. “I just…please trust me, Spencer.”

Spencer nervously licked his upper lip, but said, “All right” and made his way over to a worn but comfortable-looking couch facing away from the door.

When Aaron was sure he wasn’t looking he picked up the box, shut the door behind him as he entered the apartment, and sat on his knees on the floor in front of Spencer, sliding the box just out of view at the end of the couch. The young man’s nose twitched, obviously picking up the scents of the box’s contents. “Hotch?” he asked again with several unspoken questions in that one word.

“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Aaron told him. Spencer opened his eyes and blinked, clearly unsure about what was going on. Aaron smiled gently at him. “It’s okay, really. I…I have a few things to give you and I wanted them to be a surprise. I’m going to need your help, though.”

“What do you mean?” asked Spencer, sounding a bit uneasy. He’d never liked surprises, especially when he didn’t understand the reasons for them (it reminded him too much of the cruel jokes played on him in school). Having a surprise he didn’t understand that brought his boss and the man he loved to his apartment - alone - was starting to make him panic a little.

“I had to go on a bit of a scavenger hunt to find everything I needed,” confessed Aaron. “And I had to rely on the internet and the people who were selling me all this to make sure I was getting the right things. Can you - when I give them to you, can you tell me if they mean what they’re supposed to mean? I want to make sure you understand exactly what I’m about to say.”

Spencer nodded apprehensively and sucked in a quick breath when Aaron squeezed his knee. “Thank you,” said Aaron. Then he reached over and pulled out the first gift. “Well, Dr. Spencer Reid; what can you tell me?”

“They’re hyacinths - purple hyacinths to be precise,” said Spencer. His voice was one hundred percent academic but his eyes shone with a mixture of wonder and confusion as he accepted the glass bowl. He brushed a finger against the fragrant flowers before clearing his throat and continuing: “While the hyacinth symbolizes both ‘sports and games’ and ‘constancy and sincerity’, the purple hyacinth has a more specific meaning.   It means…it means ‘sorrow’; and can also be an apology and a plea for forgiveness.”

“Good,” nodded Aaron, looking into the young man’s eyes. “That’s exactly what it’s supposed to be. I am so sorry, Spencer. I let my own issues get in the way when I should have been there for you -“

“Hotch, this isn’t necessary,” interrupted Spencer quickly, “I never expected you to - I don’t know - support me through my mother…through my mother’s death. You have so much going on -“

“That’s no excuse,” Aaron broke in firmly. “And I’m not just talking about the last two weeks. For so long, Spencer, you’ve deserved so much better than…. Your feelings are every bit as important as mine and I am sincerely and utterly sorry I haven’t been acting like they are.”

Spencer sucked in a mortified breath when Aaron said ‘your feelings’, instinctively tightening his grip on the hyacinths. “I forgive you,” he hastily said, embarrassed that his feelings had apparently made the other man think he was guilty of something. “There’s nothing to forgive, but if it makes you feel better I forgive you.”

Aaron gave him a sad but patient smile as he gently took the glass bowl and placed it on the nearby battered coffee table. “For once in your life you’re wrong,” he said wistfully, staring straight into Spencer’s wide, flustered eyes. “But I won’t bother arguing the point with you right now. I have more to give you.”

He reached into the box and pulled out a vase with another floral arraignment. “Yes, I know it’s a little unusual,” he said, taking in the odd look Spencer gave the bouquet as he handed it to him. “But I want you to focus on each different type of flower.  What do they all mean?”

“Well,” said Spencer, his voice starting to shake just a little as he decided where to start. “Roses of course have many different connotations depending on their color; the burgundy roses here are symbolic of an unconscious or uncontrived beauty. Calla lilies also means beauty, but it stands for a magnificent, splendid beauty. The kennedia symbolize intellectual beauty and the gladioli represent strength of character and…and…“

Aaron knew the rest: they also represent infatuation, meant to let the recipient know he’d “pierced his heart with passion.” He’d had asked the salesgirl to add more the arrangement after she’d told him that.

“And the rest isn’t poss…isn’t pertinent,” finished Spencer. He stared intently at the bouquet, silently trying to figure out how the pieces fit together while trying very hard not to look at the man who’d just given it to him. “I don’t - I don’t think I’ve ever seen them put together like this before.”

“I have,” stated Aaron simply, resolutely. “I see all of them together every time I see you.”

Spencer’s head snapped up and Aaron could see the deer-in-the-headlights look in eyes. “No,” he finally said, shaking his head a little too hard as he let out a half-hysterical laugh. “No, you don’t have to say that. That’s - that’s silly.”

“It’s not silly,” Aaron told him, his tone growing more impassioned as he spoke. “And I’m saying this because it’s true. Your mind, Spencer, it’s beautiful - not just because of how smart you are, but also because each and every day you choose to use that intellect to help others. Your character and integrity is remarkable because even at the FBI you could have used your intelligence to stay safely behind a desk and yet you chose the field. It’s absolutely breathtaking how you’re always strong enough to go back no matter what horrible things you face out there.”

“What?” Spencer asked sharply, his alarm coming through loud and clear. He all but shoved the vase back at Aaron, as if rejecting the flowers would somehow unsay all the confusing-alarming-impossible things the other man had just said. “No, that’s - that’s just…no!”

Aaron placed firm hands over Spencer’s, holding the vase in place. “And you’re just as exquisite on the outside,” he continued. He looked intently at Spencer’s panic-laced face and felt like a bit of a monster, but knew he had to press on. “You don’t know it, you don’t try to be it, but every time I see you - every time, Spencer - you take my breath away.”

Spencer’s face threatened to crumble into sobs and Aaron could see the remnants of a little boy trying not to cry as bullies taunted him with words he didn’t quite understand but knew were cruel. “No,” Spencer half-whispered and half-whimpered. “Stop - please stop. It’s not true. You can’t be saying this…”

“It is true and I am saying this,” insisted Aaron with quiet but intense passion. He forced himself not to grab Spencer’s face and make him look him in the eyes. “Your mind is beautiful. Your character - your heart - is beautiful. You are beautiful both inside and out. In light of all that, how could I possibly see you as anything other than magnificent?”

“Stop - I can’t -“ Spencer gasped, his throat constricting.

Aaron realized he was hyperventilating. The older man loosened his grip on his hands, allowing Spencer to push the flowers away. “Breathe,” he instructed, trying to keep his tone calm. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, Spencer; just please breathe.”

“I just - I need - I’m sorry.” Spencer abruptly jumped to his feet and ran into the bedroom.

Aaron drew in a deep, steadying breath as he placed the vase on the table. That hadn’t gone exactly as he’d hoped, but pretty much as he’d expected. After all, Spencer had been on his own for a long time, nursing what he’d believed to be unrequited love and thinking no one really wanted to be around him in the way he needed them to be. Asking him to just set all of that aside was a tall order. His heart twisted as he watched Spencer sitting hunched over on the edge of his bed with his arms wrapped around his middle…

Wait. Aaron blinked. The door was still open. Whether it was consciously or subconsciously, Spencer had literally left the door open for him.

‘Be patient but not cautious,’ Aaron reminded himself, pulling the final vase out of the box. He forced himself to wait two minutes - nearly going out of his mind in the process, but somehow he made it - before slowly walked into Spencer’s bedroom. Spencer froze when he came in, so he stopped while there was still some distance between them, not wanting to spook the younger man. Then he waited, vowing with each agonizing moment of silence neither to leave nor to speak until Spencer was ready.

“I’m sorry,” Spencer finally said miserably, not looking at Aaron. “I don’t…I wasn’t…this is all so….”

“I know,” Aaron assured him gently, fighting the cry of his heart to rush over and take Spencer into his arms.

“You just - you were - so nice,” bemoaned Spencer, “and I ruined - I’m just…”

“Spencer, I know this is - overwhelming,” said Aaron sincerely. “But I can promise you two things: one is that everything I have said and will say tonight is the absolute truth.”

Spencer drew in a shaky breath. “The second,” Aaron continued, ignoring the way his chest constricted, “is that nothing is going to happen between us tonight that you don’t want to happen, or that you’re not ready to have happen. All I ask, Spencer, is for you to let me give you the last of the flowers. I need you to know how I feel before you make your decision.”

It wasn’t until he set them down on the bedside table and took a few steps back that Spencer was able to look at it. All of his biorhythms seemed to shut down at the sight of a vase filled with as many red tulips as could fit in there. “T-t-tulips - tulips are the symbol of perfect - perfect - love…perfect love,” he dutifully said, struggling to get the words out. A tear slipped down his cheek. “And red tulips specifically - they’re a declaration…a declaration of love.”

Aaron couldn’t help himself any longer. He went to Spencer, falling before him on his knees and wiping away the tear with his thumb. “That’s right,” he whispered softly. Spencer closed his eyes, but he wasn’t deterred. “I love you; I’ve loved you for so long it’s as natural to me as my heart beating.”

The last of Spencer’s composure was slipping away. “Hotch?” he asked with all the anguish, confusion, love, and hope inside of him in that one word.

“What happens next is up to you,” Aaron promised him. “If you don’t want this, then we’ll pretend tonight never happened. I swear things will go back to what they were before and I won’t treat you any differently.” He took a deep breath and just let himself want. “But I do love you and I do want us to be together for as long as you’ll have me.”

“You…you love me?”

Aaron raised one of Spencer’s hands and pressed it against his cheek. “Completely, utterly, and totally; with every fiber of my being; with all I was, am, and will be, Spencer, I love you.”

More tears - Spencer couldn’t stop them. “Why?” he asked, the only question there was for him at the moment.

And to Aaron there was only one answer that was true: “Because you’re you.”

Time seemed to stand still as the younger man just stared at him; then suddenly Spencer threw himself forward, falling into Aaron’s embrace. Aaron gasped like a drowning man suddenly rescued as they wrapped their arms around each other. “Me too,” burst out Spencer against his shoulder, his voice still tremulous. “I love you too, so much - for so long. I love you, I do…”

“I know,” admitted Aaron. “I’ve known for years, and I’ve loved you for all of them. I’m so sorry I was such a coward about it.”

Spencer leaned back just enough to look into the other man’s eyes. “Stop apologizing,” he scolded Aaron, trying to sound stern. He couldn’t stop grinning, however, and the words were accompanied by an almost hysterical but undeniably happy laugh.

Aaron grinned back, cupping one of Spencer’s cheeks as he leaned forward and kissed him for the first time. It started out slow and chaste as they both marveled that this was actually happening; then Spencer opened his mouth - a reflex, as he needed to breathe - and Aaron took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. The younger man tasted…intoxicating. The little noises Spencer was making made him delightfully dizzy, and the way he curiously massaged his tongue against the one that was mapping the inside of his mouth left Aaron more than a little turned on. This was better than any dream - this was a Spencer he could see, hear, smell, taste, and touch; a Spencer who was…

Who was almost violently shaking.

“What’s wrong?” asked Aaron with gentle concern, backing off as much as he could without letting him go. “Am I going to fast?”

“No!” breathed Spencer a little too quickly. He offered Aaron a shaky smile. “Everything fine, I’m fine.”

“I can practically hear your heart beating,” chided Aaron soothingly. “The truth, please: are you okay? Is - is this okay?”

“This is more than okay!” blurted out Spencer. His face flushed with embarrassment and just a hint of arousal as he started to babble: “I mean, I want to do…this, and I definitely want to do this with you. And I’ve done this - well, this, the kissing I’ve done - before - but I’ve never really done anything beyond - you see, I was a prepubescent in high school and under 18 until I was in graduate school and after that I was never really comfortable enough with anyone - and the two people I’ve, you know, kissed, circumstances as they were - well, nothing else happened and  they live in other parts of the country anyway - and I could never have…have intercourse with someone I don’t - I guess a part of me decided that since I’d waited for so long I might as well keep waiting until there was someone I cared about as much as I cared about you - and now here’s you and there’s you and me and there’s this and -“

“Spencer, breathe,” ordered Aaron. He couldn’t help smiling as Spencer noisily sucked in some air and held onto it for a beat before noisily exhaling. “Remember I promised that nothing is going to happen that you’re not ready for. We’re not going to have sex tonight.”

A mixture of relief and shame shone in Spencer’s eyes as he dropped his head. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” he all-but-whispered.

“You will never disappoint me,” Aaron promised him. He took the younger man’s hands and rested their foreheads together. “I didn’t bring any condoms or other supplies with me tonight, Spencer. I didn’t want you to think I expected anything like that; and now that you’re here in my arms I know I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do everything in my power to make the first time we make love nothing short of perfect. I’m not ready to for us to be together tonight either.”

“Good,” Spencer graced him with a small smile. “I do want to be with you, Hotch; but I think I’d probably pass out if we tried right now. But…we can still do other stuff, though, right?”

Aaron arched an eyebrow. “What ‘stuff’ do you have in mind?” he teased.

“I want to see you,” murmured Spencer, a beautiful, shy blush reddening his cheeks. “Touch you…feel you touch me…fall asleep in each other’s arms…”

“Oh, that stuff” grinned Aaron, wrapping his arms around Spencer’s waist. “We can definitely do that, but only if you start calling me ‘Aaron’. Hotch and Reid are boss and subordinate at the FBI; Aaron and Spencer are equals in their relationship.”

“Aaron,” mused Spencer, testing it out. “Aaron.” He smiled. “I’m so happy you’re here…Aaron.  I love you…Aaron.”

Aaron kissed him soundly, and this time he didn’t stop.

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Spencer woke up the next morning stretched out diagonally across his bed with his face buried in a pillow. He did not want to be awake. He’d had the most wonderful, vivid dream: Hotch had come over with flowers, declaring his love and passionately kissing him before both of them shed their clothes and got into his bed.   They’d touched each other all over, exploring and mapping, until their bodies finally shuddered under the force of their orgasms. Spencer sighed happily as he remembered and almost cooed as he imagined he could smell Hotch’s scent on the pillow.

He rolled over to straighten out his body, opened his eyes, and found himself staring at a glass vase stuffed full of red tulips next to a note that said: Coffee run. Be back soon. I love you.

Dear God, it had actually happened. A thrill ran through Spencer’s body and he felt so happy he was sure his heart was going to explode. Hotch - no, Aaron - had said and done all those romantic things. He’d been patient and understanding about how nervous he was to have sex without making him feel like a child. He’d touched him in ways that made Spencer feel like his body was coming alive for the first time, and made him feel comfortable enough to reciprocate. And the look on his face…in his eyes… the sound of his voice when he cried out his release…Spencer had never witnessed anything so stunning in his life. Aaron had even been thoughtful enough to retrieve a warm, wet hand towel from the bathroom and clean them both off before taking him into his arms. Spencer couldn’t remember a time he’d felt safer or more content than when he’d fallen asleep in Aaron’s arms…

And now Aaron would be coming back any minute with coffee (and hopefully sugar since, he grouchily remembered, Dave had decided to ration his access to it in all forms). A wave of giddy panic washed over Spencer. Should he wash his face before Aaron got back? Shave? Shower? This was his first ‘morning after’, as it were, and he wasn’t sure what etiquette demanded he do. He knew he wanted to look as good as he could (‘Aaron thinks I’m beautiful!’) but didn’t want to be too obvious about it.

Maybe he should just comb his hair. At the very least he should brush his teeth, floss, and use copious amounts of mouthwash.

Spencer dashed to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him before changing his mind and leaving it open a crack so he could hear in case Hotch (‘Aaron,’ he reminded himself, though he knew that was going to take a little getting used to) came back. He quickly pulled his toothpaste, toothbrush, and floss out of the medicine cabinet and then started the usual routine of groping under the sink for the mouthwash. This was ridiculous, he knew; it wasn’t as if Aaron would really think he woke up with naturally minty breath - not to mention he’d be thoroughly embarrassed if the other man came back while he was in the middle of his irrational oral hygiene binge. Plus, all of this would make the coffee Aaron was thoughtfully out getting taste nasty.

Yet his fingers still searched, brushing over an electric razor he never used but couldn’t get rid of because it had been a gift, bars of soap he’d purchased in a packet because it was cheaper than buying them one bar at a time when he’d use them all anyway, first aid kit…

Spencer froze, everything else forgotten. The first aid kit! Morgan and Garcia had given it to him when he first came home from the hospital after getting shot. While he’d never been able to throw away for the same irrational reason he never threw away the razor, he had put it under the sink and out of his mind almost immediately because Morgan had apparently thought it would be just hilarious to tuck in a few condoms and tubes of lubricant next to the band-aids.

He slowly put the kit on the sink and opened it. There they were, just as he remembered; and according to the expiration dates they were still okay to use. Spencer ran his hands through his hair anxiously.   Aaron had deliberately not brought supplies like these because he hadn’t wanted to pressure him or make him nervous, and now they were right in front of him. He could have sex with Aaron right now (or, more accurately, when he came back) if he wanted to.

Did he want to? Was he ready? ‘Yes,’ he realized. He hadn’t been the night before - everything seemed to be happening so fast and he’d been more than a little overwhelmed - but now…now he’d had time to process the change in their relationship and he could do this. Wanted to do this. In fact, it wouldn’t be incorrect to say he ached to take this next step with Aaron, even if he couldn’t shake that last little bit of apprehension.

Spencer plucked out a condom and a tube of lubricant and walked deliberately out of the bathroom before his boldness failed him and he talked himself out of it.

He paused when he passed by the team photo on his end table in the living room. They could probably never know, but how would they react if they ever found out about him and Aaron? Morgan might get a kick out of him finally finding use for his gag gift, although he’d most likely be less jovial about Spencer’s choice in partner. The girls would be thrilled: Garcia would probably squeal and set out trying to catch him and Aaron in the act; Emily wouldn’t be able to stop herself from grilling him at first, but she’d eventually find a way to balance her curiosity with her respect for his boundaries; and JJ would be totally happy for him after making sure he was happy. He had no idea how Dave would respond in light of how strangely he’d been acting lately, but he was Aaron’s friend and Spencer believed he’d want them both to be happy.

It was hard to believe that just one week ago he’d fled his apartment in the middle of the night, convinced he’d lost the only person who would ever care about him. He picked up the picture and examined each face, his eyes finally resting on that silly young man whose heart had been pounding because the man he’d secretly loved had put a hand on his back. He would always miss his mom, but as he sank down on the couch, still studying the photo in his hands, he realized he still had a family.

He was still sitting there when Aaron quietly crept back into the apartment. The older man couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed that he was awake and out of bed - he’d wanted a few extra minutes to soak in how pure and radiant Spencer looked when he slept. Then he realized Spencer was still completely naked and that made up for it. “Good morning,” he greeted.

“Aaron,” said Spencer, startled. He lost his nerve and hastily set the photo down beside him so it hid the condoms and lubricant, praying the older man wouldn’t notice. Then he smiled as he breathed in the heavenly smell of coffee as Aaron passed him a cup and a paper bag with at least a couple of handfuls of sugar packets at the bottom. “Thank you so much.”

Aaron chuckled. “I’ve known you long enough to know you need caffeine and sugar to function properly,” he said. He drained the last bit of coffee from his own cup and tossed it in the kitchen garbage while Spencer mixed about half the packs into his drink and took a large gulp. “And there are definite benefits to you functioning properly this morning.”

“Aaron Hotchner, are you trying to seduce me?” teased Spencer, blushing a bit at his own audacity.

“With coffee? Give me some credit,” scoffed Aaron playfully as he sat down on his knees in front of Spencer. He reached into the second bag and pulled out a doughnut hole covered in powered sugar. “Now I’m trying to seduce you.”

“Wow,” breathed Spencer excitedly as he gazed lustfully at the forbidden treat. He closed his eyes and moaned as Aaron fed it to him. “Oh, I love you, Aaron.”

Those words he’d never get tired of, that moan, the way Spencer’s lips and tongue had slid over his fingers as he took the doughnut hole - Aaron’s whole body clenched as he restrained himself from ravishing the young man right then and there. He didn’t stop himself from stealing a sugary kiss, however. “I love you too,” he smiled. He glanced down at the framed picture sitting next to Spencer. “What’s this?”

Spencer looked down and was relieved to see the picture was still covering what he’d concealed underneath it. “Oh, I was just thinking,” he explained a little too casually. “You know….”

“I know,” mused Aaron, squinting down at the image of himself and Spencer. “I put my hand on your back in this picture; I remember how I could still feel how warm you were when I went home that night. God, I was ridiculously nervous - I thought everyone would take one look at this and know how I felt about you.”

“Well, don’t worry,” said Spencer, feeling a little self-conscious all of the sudden. “No one said anything, at least not to me.”

“To me either,” replied Aaron. He frowned a little at the images of his teammates smiling up at him. “I spent a lot of time torturing myself about the worst-case scenarios, though. I think I’ll have to wear a cup when we tell Morgan, for my own peace of mind if nothing else.”

“What?” Spencer’s heart skipped a beat. “You…you want to tell them about - about this?”

Aaron felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of his lungs. Damn! Had he just pushed Spencer too far? “You don’t?”

“I do!” blurted out Spencer. He slapped a hand over his mouth and tried to calm himself. “I mean, I do want to, but I thought…you know, with us working together and all…”

Aaron felt himself relax. “Of course we’ll have to be discreet when it comes to Strauss and the other higher-ups,” he conceded as he looked firmly yet lovingly into Spencer’s eyes, “but this relationship is not a dirty little secret. The team is our family and I want them to know how we feel about each other.”

And with that Spencer’s insecurity and apprehension were gone, and the ache was back full-force. He tugged Aaron up between his knees until the older man was flush against him and pulled him into a deep kiss that hopefully conveyed exactly what he was feeling.

It did. Aaron could feel his already-frayed restraint starting to snap. “Spencer,” he breathed, trying and failing to keep himself from kissing him again. He could feel Spencer’s awakening erection against his stomach and became acutely aware of his own. He had to stop this before things went too far! “Spencer, we can’t…we don’t have anything…”

“Yes, we do,” Spencer told him, tightening his legs on either side of Aaron so the older man would have to work to move away. He pulled the supplies from under the picture and held them up half triumphantly and half sheepishly. “Morgan…uh, it was a gag gift - but they’re not joke condoms or anything like that. We can - Aaron, I - I love you. I trust you. There’s no one else on earth I’d want to do this with, and I’m ready now.”

Aaron’s fingers unconsciously closed around the condom and lube, but he didn’t know if he was accepting them or trying to put them aside. His desire was warring with his determination to do the right thing and it wasn’t clear which side was going to win. “Spencer,” he tried again, almost trembling with the effort. “Our first time…it’s going to be perfect…”

Spencer cocked his head curiously. “Perfect,” he repeated, bemused. “What exactly does that mean?”

“It means…perfect,” Aaron insisted earnestly. “You know: a beautiful room with a gorgeous view, candles everywhere and a king-sized bed with sheets that have an outrageously high thread count and red rose petals strewn all over them. I’ll wine and dine you at a dimly-lit restaurant with excellent cuisine and then we’ll take a moonlit walk somewhere incredibly romantic before going back to our room. Then I’d take you to that bed and try to show you with my body just how much I truly, deeply love you.”

“Wow.” Spencer was momentarily speechless. “God, Aaron, that’s - that’s…wow. But I don’t need all that.”

“What?”

Spencer silently berated himself - the last thing he wanted was for Aaron to think he was ungrateful!  “I mean, it sound very romantic and I’d certainly appreciate it,” he said hurriedly. “It’s just - I don’t need fancy dinners and hotel rooms and rose petals for it to be perfect.” He bit his lower lip. “Is that…is that what you need?”

Aaron was so bewildered he almost didn’t understand the question. “No,” he finally answered. “No, I don’t. But Spencer, you’ve waited -“

“For you,” Spencer reminded him with a small but happy smile. “Now you’re here with me and we’re together. That’s perfect, and you gave it to me.”

It had been so long since ‘you’re here with me’ had been enough that Aaron was afraid to believe it. He leaned forward until their lips were just barely brushing, but he couldn’t let himself take the kiss - and everything else - he so desperately wanted. “You deserve everything I can give you,” he whispered almost pleadingly.

“I want you,” Spencer told him, leaning in enough to brush a butterfly kiss against Aaron’s lips. “You are everything I’ve ever wanted for almost six years. So please give me everything you can give me and let me do the same for you.”

Aaron couldn’t help but marvel at this wise, generous young man in his arms, who was so sweet and sensual and…perfect. The last of his restraint shattered and he finally allowed himself to let go. Surging forward, he captured Spencer’s lips, massaging his tongue with his own as he let his hands caress down the young man’s sides…hips…slight curves of his ass…thighs…before coming to a rest on his knees. He thrust his body forward, savoring the way Spencer squeezed his legs around him and moaned into his mouth as the friction against his erection sent a wave a pleasure though his slight body, and tucked his arms under Spencer’s knees. “Not out here,” he panted.

Spencer let out a surprised yelp as Aaron suddenly lifted him up. He tightened his arms and legs around the older man’s body, trying to shift so Aaron could carry him like that without throwing out his back. “What are you doing?” he demanded, laughing.

“Bed,” said Aaron simply, trotting as quickly as he could manage across the living room and through the bedroom door. He deposited his precious load on said bed and then ripped his sweater off over his head. “I am going to make love to you in this bed right now.”

“You’re wearing too many clothes for that,” Spencer told him, reaching for Aaron’s pants and opening his fly. He slid his soon-to-be lover’s pants and boxer-briefs together down to mid-thigh before he could no longer resist the urge to press a lingering kiss to the skin where Aaron’s happy trail met his pubic hair.

Aaron moaned, surprise heightening his pleasure, as he instinctively twisted his fingers in Spencer’s wavy hair. He could become very addicted to the feel of Spencer’s mouth on his body, and to the shy but coquettish way he was looking up at him through his eyelashes.  “I need you,” he gasped out.

Spencer efficiently and deliberately pulled the rest of Aaron’s clothes off. “I’m right here,” he said, his body and voice trembling both with anticipation and just a little apprehension.

Aaron’s molten chocolate brown eyes held Spencer’s as he slowly, purposefully lowered himself to his knees between the younger man’s legs. Then without prelude he lunged forward and swallowed Spencer’s erection to the hilt. Spencer cried out sharply; he’d never felt anything so…so unbelievably good before and it all he could do not to orgasm right then and there. He tried to thrust - wanted to thrust, had to for the sake of his sanity - into that moist heat, but Aaron held his hips in place and continued to suck…lick…oh, God, hum…

“Hotch,” he babbled pleadingly. “Aaron, Aaron -ah, Aaron! - good - so good, Aaron - too good, too good…”

Aaron pulled off and looked up at Spencer’s desperate, debauched expression. “Nothing is ever too good for you,” he declared with fiery passion. He gently pushed the younger man down and crawled up between his legs, dragging his mouth against his body, going up from his erection to his stomach, chest, and neck before finally stopping at his jaw line, sucking and kissing. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how good you can feel.”

“Start now,” Spencer practically begged. He tilted his face, mouth open, towards Aaron’s lips and was supremely grateful when Aaron got the message and gave him a deep, wet kiss. “Please, inside me now. Aaron, please - I need to know good how you feel inside me.”

It took everything Aaron had not give in to the plea that instant. “I have to prepare you first,” he told him tenderly, using his hands to urge Spencer onto his stomach. The young man complied, and Aaron ran his hands up and down those thin, tense thighs before gently massaging his ass cheeks open. He stopped to open the lube and spread a generous amount on his fingers. “You told me you’ve never done this with another person; but have you done anything like this to yourself before?”

Spencer fought down his sudden, stupid embarrassment. Now was not the time to worry about modesty and propriety. “I’ve - I’ve stuck a finger into myself a few times,” he said in a gasp as Aaron’s finger brushed up against his opening. “Pre-pretended it was you.”

Aaron closed his eyes, struggling to maintain control. “Then you know you have to relax,” he coached soothingly as he oh-so-slowly pushed his finger inside Spencer. He quivered at the feel of that fantastic tight-heat and the way his lover’s - his lover’s - body gave way to him. Crooking the finger, he rubbed the prostrate and was rewarded with a blissful cry from Spencer.

“Oh, Aaron…oh God, it’s so…more, more-more, please more -”

“I won’t lie to you: it’s going to hurt at first,” murmured Aaron tenderly as he added a second finger, scissoring them before rubbing both against that knot against. Spencer keened and thrust down, trying to maximize the contact. “But I’ll get you through that and then it’s going to feel even better than this, I swear.”

The young man arched as a third finger joined the others in that mind-blowing pleasure-torment-bliss his lover was creating inside his body. “Won’t,” he whimpered as Aaron reached under him, running his hand down his chest and stomach before cupping his genitals. He rocked his hips, thrusting against the hand in front and the fingers within. “Not possible. Nothing - nothing -can feel - better - than - this.”

Aaron pulled his fingers out of Spencer, cooing nonsense noises at the groan of protest, and slid the condom on over his very hard erection. Pressing a kiss against that long neck, he turned Spencer onto his side, spooning him for behind and pushing slightly against his opening. “Trust me,” he whispered into his lover’s ear, and then began the excruciatingly slow slide inside.

Spencer couldn’t help tensing. It did hurt - Aaron’s erection was bigger than his fingers and he wasn’t like he was used to having someone inside of him like this. He felt a momentary pang of panic as Aaron paused, erection fully buried in his body. What if he wasn’t able to get through this? What if he ended up disappointing Aaron after he was the one who all-but-insisted on doing this in the first place?

Then Aaron pressed the sweetest kiss ever between his shoulder blades. “Relax,” the older man managed to get out, his voice strained with the effort not to start thrusting. One of his hands found Spencer’s wilting arousal and began stroking while the other one took one of Spencer’s hands and laced fingers. “I love you. Please trust that I’m going to make you feel so good.”

He already was, with that hand bringing his erection back. Spencer shakily focused on soaking in the sensation while getting used to the new feeling in his backside and after a moment the pain began to give way to a much nicer feeling. “Okay,” he breathed out. “I’m - I’m ready. Move, please.”

Aaron did just that and was thusly rewarded with both a surge of pleasure through his body and a cry-shriek from Spencer that told him he’d once again found the prostate. Spencer’s eyes glazed over as he gasped out in time with each thrust; Aaron could almost see him thinking, trying to catalog this new sensation in the vast vault of his memory. “Feel,” urged Aaron. He pressed in deeper still so he could keep constant pressure on Spencer’s prostate, so thrusting would only make him press against it even harder. “No thinking. Just feel.”

“Good - oh, so good - so very, very good - please,” choked out Spencer. He reached back to grip Aaron’s ass, trying to push him deeper and deeper still inside. Aaron let out a breathy moan against his ear and continued to pound into him. “Please, Aaron. Please - please, Aaron - oh, Aaron - please - oh God, Aaron, please -“

Spencer wasn’t sure what exactly what he was begging for, but Aaron was giving it to him oh - so - well. Blissful pressure was building up inside him, and he couldn’t decide whether he wanted it to come to its peak or keeping going for the rest of eternity. Aaron gave him a particularly long, hard thrust; he cried out and knew he was almost there. “Please! I love - I - I love -” he gasped out.

Aaron surged back even longer and harder than before and everything went white. “You,” Spencer managed to finish before the indescribable pleasure that was his orgasm engulfed him.

Hearing Spencer say that and feeling the way his young lover clenched around him, the force of the orgasm making him pull Aaron into his body even deeper than he thought possible, drove the older man to the precipice. One more thrust and he came. “I love you too,” he gasped, certain he’d find out if someone could die of pleasure because no creature in the history of life on Earth could have ever felt as good as he did at that moment. “I love you too.”

CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM

Spencer burrowed his body against Aaron’s, savoring the feel of his lover’s arms around him as he tried to make sense of all the emotions running through him. He felt like laughing hysterically, like crying his eyes out, like standing in the middle of the BAU bullpen and shouting out how much he loved this man, like hiding in his arms forever. Most of all, he wished there was a way for him to burrow even closer. He suddenly found himself wishing Aaron weighed a thousand pounds so that he could nestle in close and be completely surrounded by the other man’s flesh.

He took a moment let that thought sink and had to laugh a little. ‘I’m losing my mind,’ he giggled to himself silently; and, for the first time since he was old enough to understand his mother’s condition, having that stray thought didn’t scare him. Now he could see a future full of love where he didn’t end up alone and lost in his own mind.

Aaron felt the warm breath of Spencer’s laughter against his chest and hummed happily when the younger man pressed a kiss against one of his nipples. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked lazily.

“I could get more for those on my worst day,” scoffed Spencer playfully. He blew out a breath. “I’m feeling a bit ridiculous right now.”

“A little giddy?” guessed Aaron.

Spencer leaned back down and caught the nipple between his lips, giving it an experimental squeeze. “Uh-hum,” he murmured as best he could.

Aaron gasped and a slow smile spread across his face. “A bit brazen too, I see,” he observed. He slid his hands through the hair on the back of Spencer’s head and let out a soft, pleasure-filled moan as his lover worked the nipple using only his lips.

The younger man hummed in affirmation. “Like suddenly the world is full of nothing but possibilities?” continued Aaron. The head under his fingers nodded and the lips squeezed deliciously tighter. Aaron keened and arched into that wonderful, wonderful mouth. “Oh, in three or four days I might have to consider asking you to stop doing that.”

Spencer kissed the nipple once more and lifted his head so he could look up at the older man. “We have to go to work tomorrow,” he reminded him wistfully.

“Right,” groaned Aaron regretfully. “And I need to get back home to relieve Jessica in - what time is it?”

“10:30,” replied Spencer, turning his face away so he could prepare his brave smile. Aaron had a son he loved and wanted to spend time with, and that was one of the things Spencer loved most about him. He would not make him feel guilty about it. He would not make a fuss just because he was having a little trouble getting a hold of his emotions. “I guess you need to go eat lunch with Jack.”

“Yes, at 2:00,” replied Aaron, unconsciously tightening his arms around that lithe body. He wasn’t quite ready to force himself out of Spencer’s bed just yet and he was so happy he didn’t have to. “Jack’s awful to wake up in the morning, so 2:00 is lunchtime in the Hotchner household on Sundays.” He kissed the top of Spencer’s head. “Hey, why don’t you join us?”

“What?” Spencer looked up sharply at him as a wave of panic bubbled up in his chest. “Hotch, I don’t - I shouldn’t intrude - and we’re still figuring this out - and I - Jack’s been through so much - he doesn’t - I’m a stranger - and I don’t want to upset him -“

Aaron pulled him up and silenced the babbling with a chaste kiss. “Hey, remember what I said: nothing’s going to happen that you’re not ready for,” he promised. Spencer looked at him with vulnerable eyes. “And I agree that we should take some time to figure all this out before letting telling Jack we’re a couple, but our relationship will not be a secret from him. I want you to be a part of all of my life and that includes being at my home with my son.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” protested Spencer hesitantly. “I mean, Jack doesn’t even know me.”

“He does,” Aaron told him. “He knows you from visiting me at work, and he couldn’t stop talking about you on the way home from the grocery store yesterday. And you won’t be intruding - you’ll be giving him the opportunity to start getting used to having you around the house before we tell him we’re together.” He sighed and ran a finger against the curve of Spencer’s neck and shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything like that. I just - I don’t want to - I want to be around you as much as humanly possible.”

“Really?” Spencer couldn’t help but ask.

The older man smiled tentatively against the top of his lover’s head. “Am I being too clingy?” Aaron asked.

Spencer felt himself relax. It was comforting to know Aaron didn’t want to let him go any more than he wanted to let Aaron go. “Not at all,” he smiled up at him. He laid a hand flat against his lover’s chest and rested a chin on it. “So, lunch, huh? Are you planning on seducing me with your culinary expertise?”

A huge grin lit up Aaron’s face. “You caught me!” he playfully admitted. “I know once you see how I spread peanut butter onto a slice of bread you’ll never be able to resist me …”

Spencer hoisted himself up. “It would be impossible for me to try…”

“Then I’ll really drive you to the brink of ecstasy by showing you how I can make a grilled cheese sandwich without burning it a solid sixty percent of the time…”

The younger man flung a knee over Aaron’s stomach to straddle his prone body. “I’m about to be overcome by this fever…”

“And finally,” Aaron went on as he stroked his hands over Spencer’s narrow hips, “you won’t be able to stop yourself from tearing off all of our clothes at the sight of me heating up soup from a can.”

“Take me, you culinary genius!” cried out Spencer. He turned bright red and clamped both hands over his mouth, laughing. “I can’t believe I just said that!”

Aaron quickly threw his arms around Spencer’ upper body and pulled his lover down flush against him. “Is that a yes?” he asked.

Spencer nodded. “It’s a yes,” he confirmed with a delighted smile that was only thirty percent bravado. He was still extremely nervous about spending time with Jack; but he’d also been nervous when Aaron had declared of love and about making love, and all of that had worked out better than he’d ever dreamed. Maybe it would be best for him just to plunge in with this as well. Still…. “If you’re sure I won’t be intruding, I mean.”

“You most definitely will not be,” Aaron assured him, pulling him into a deep kiss. “I know you’re not exactly comfortable around children but you and Jack are going to get along fine. You’ll become as much a part of his family as you are mine.”

And Spencer actually believed him. Two weeks ago when he’d lost his mother he’d been sure he was now alone in the world, but that couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe at the moment he couldn’t quite see how this would all work out, but now he was in Aaron Hotchner’s arms and he knew anything was possible.

The end

The series continues with Monday