Here I Sit

[improper_me]

Confession:

You don't know me. I hide behind this name 'improper_me" like a shield and a guard.

I entered ljidol to write and to put words out into the world in anonymity. I created a new Lj name and shared splatterings of what I thought you wanted to see and hear. I shared the face of someone you may want to get to know.

But I am more than the words I write here.

I am an avid churchgoer. This calls to mind many things but when you hear those words, what you picture in your mind is most likely incorrect.

I am the one that the evangelical faith may claim as 'not a real Christian' or a 'head Christian rather than a heart Christian.'

I am the one that the mainline liberal denominations would cry out as one who has not 'moved with the times.'

I am the one that those of the catholic faith would say was 'misguided.'

I belong to a smaller church that does worship with an organ, chanting, and little fanfare. I think the 'seeker-driven' contemporary songs are vapid, and as-a-whole terrible theologically.

I belong to a smaller church that believes in infant baptism. I have yet to hear a good argument for anything else.

I belong to a small church body that will never perform gay marriage. But I am for marriage as a right for everyone.

I belong to a small church body that will never ordain women. But I believe in equality.

I believe in a huge separation of church and state. That the church can govern itself in the way it chooses but that it should never legislate the morality of anyone else.

I am one of the Christians that manages to piss off all Christians and non-Christians by being me. My beliefs make me unlikable to all. And so I put my best foot forward.

As a youth, I was wild and unruly.

I am the one that has needed forgiveness and knows it.

As an adult, I am a wild and unruly.

I am the one that still needs forgiveness and knows it.

Forgiveness from my God, my friends, my family, and you for the deception.