Girls, Boys, And Oher Human Toys.
I just need to vent. First fo all, Why does it seem like the one ex girlfriend of mine whos attention i dont want need quite so much of, is the one who will never ever ever leave me alone? and why does she seem to insist on haning all over me? even when i'm sick? some people need to realise that they are not always the center of everyone's world. and Guilt games? childish bulshit. thats all that is. plain and simple.
OKay. Also. How the hell am i supposed to feel about a guy who i knew for one day, lost contact with for a year,became good friends with, found out that he had fallen in love with me, started falling for him, then found out he hadnt ended it with his previous girlfriend yet, not talked to him for a while, ran into him agian by chance, am told that everything is now over between him and the other girl, and they both agreed on the split, and that he still wants to be with me, and i at very least want to maintain friendship i think?!?!!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?! who the hell knows....... i have no clue how i feel about him.
As for the other guy........
I was in love with him. online. He treated me well, was a perfect gentlemean. then suddenly diassapeared around january of 05. recently he came back opnline. he says that he was kicked out of his house, and that he didnt try to get online because he thought i wouldnt like him anymore if i found out he was basically homeless, going from freinds house to friends house while he was saving up enough for his own place. he says he still loves mew, remembered me all this time and thought about me contantly. i dont know wether to belive him or not except that he seems to remember everything we used to talk about, all our old inside jokes and everything.
Part of me feels like i should be looking for someone new, even though i still hold lingering feelins for people from my past who i could have of i wanted.
I feel like i have changed recently, somehow. i cant explain it and im not even sure if its true or not but i feel different and i see myself differently. and i think i might want to find someone new, so that i can know that the person im with knows who i am now, instead of expecting me to be who i was or seeing me the way i used to be.
Maybe nothing has changed really. i sortof feel as though right now im closer to the real me thn i have been since i was about 12 years old. back then i was living life as my true self. i never hid. i wore no masks. i was just who i was. and i was happy. or at least i thought i was but that was all that mattered. perception is everything. if i can at least cnvince myself that i am happy then i can be happy. I feel like my true self has been hidden all this time, and im finally remembering it. i made myself into what i thought i wanted to be, but it wasnt really ME. i built all this, and i can tear it down.
OKay. Also. How the hell am i supposed to feel about a guy who i knew for one day, lost contact with for a year,became good friends with, found out that he had fallen in love with me, started falling for him, then found out he hadnt ended it with his previous girlfriend yet, not talked to him for a while, ran into him agian by chance, am told that everything is now over between him and the other girl, and they both agreed on the split, and that he still wants to be with me, and i at very least want to maintain friendship i think?!?!!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK?! who the hell knows....... i have no clue how i feel about him.
As for the other guy........
I was in love with him. online. He treated me well, was a perfect gentlemean. then suddenly diassapeared around january of 05. recently he came back opnline. he says that he was kicked out of his house, and that he didnt try to get online because he thought i wouldnt like him anymore if i found out he was basically homeless, going from freinds house to friends house while he was saving up enough for his own place. he says he still loves mew, remembered me all this time and thought about me contantly. i dont know wether to belive him or not except that he seems to remember everything we used to talk about, all our old inside jokes and everything.
Part of me feels like i should be looking for someone new, even though i still hold lingering feelins for people from my past who i could have of i wanted.
I feel like i have changed recently, somehow. i cant explain it and im not even sure if its true or not but i feel different and i see myself differently. and i think i might want to find someone new, so that i can know that the person im with knows who i am now, instead of expecting me to be who i was or seeing me the way i used to be.
Maybe nothing has changed really. i sortof feel as though right now im closer to the real me thn i have been since i was about 12 years old. back then i was living life as my true self. i never hid. i wore no masks. i was just who i was. and i was happy. or at least i thought i was but that was all that mattered. perception is everything. if i can at least cnvince myself that i am happy then i can be happy. I feel like my true self has been hidden all this time, and im finally remembering it. i made myself into what i thought i wanted to be, but it wasnt really ME. i built all this, and i can tear it down.