trauma and hilarity
well i've been sick all week. and i found out that when you feel like shit, and then combine that with pms, you can feel like even more shit. so today was not a good day for me. not to mention today was the day we had to hav our biggest caracters memorised for the show. so i went in, and i got onstage and started my first monolouge. i felt horrible, sick and shaky and stressed casue my gods, every single one of the girls there tonight has had more experiance and more training than i have. one of them is proffessional. she's been on broadway already and shes only 17! and so i started fiddling with my ring that Sage and i have a matching set of. i didnt ecven realise i was doing it at first, but its just what i do when im nervouse. so the director came up to me and made me take off all my rings and bracelets. and i just broke down. i started crying in front of half the cast. so i was offically the first person to lose it during this rehearsal process for this show. great. if i could have smacked myself right then and there, i would have. but that would have meant breaking character even more. shit. lol. so i just had to keep going. and i got better and by the end of the rehearsal he said i had improvd. one of the things he said to me kindof helped. he said "i turned down five girls for this show. you were not one of them. start treating yourself like it" you know....its like....hey.....ive never had private acting lessons in my life...the most ive ever had was a 4 week summer day camp taught by an ex braodway singer turned english teacher. and even without all kinds of fancy training, i still got in. i still made it. and yeah i know i have a damn long wqay to go. but i can do that. kevins a great direcytor and a great teacher. and i know i can learn from him.