Where Am I?
Okay so I know I am at home... but really where am I in this world? I am so afraid of losing my best friend! Sometimes I just don't think that he understands just how much he means to me... Yes, I understand that he has other friends...I ahve no problem because I have other friends too. I just wish that for once he would call me...and suprise me by wanting to kick it... on his own will! I wish for once that he would call me out of the blue to say hi... I have no problem that he likes to hang out with other friends... I am NOT asking for every single moment of his time. All I want is just a time where my plans with him are NOT canceled... A time with him when things are okay! Why is it that my plans are always the ones canceled? Why? I an tell you... because it's the fact that he knows that I will always come back... What about all the people earlier in the year who ahd no time for him... Who was there? What about when people left him at the school... who came to the rescue? Do I mean anything? All I really want is a day to chill with my best friend without having to hear, Oh I have to go so and so needs me... What about, Oh I have to go Niki needs me? What about all the times I call crying? There is no Why don't you tell me about it, or why dont you some over here and we'll talk... But as soon as someone says, I got drunk and I want you to come kick it with me, he is gone! Okay so you have to go abby sit him... What about me? I was always willing to put things on hold and do whatever for him... And in the end some of my friends are not as close... and I thought it was worth it... No other friend ever meant as much to me.. But now I feel I am getting skrewed into the ground.. And I am tired of it. I want my old best friend back.. Where he would take the time to make sure everything was okay if I did not look happy... Where he would take the time to call and say Hey whats up, wanna go do whatever? Do you not see that I love you? hello... I changed myself for you! really... did you not notice all of that? Everyone else did! I am afraid that I am going to lose you! And like I said before I'll be damned if I lose you without a fight... but it feels as if I am fighting to keep you right now... and I am fighting it my hardest... And I don't know how much more I can fight... how much more I can do... I am tired of always just being its okay I'll wait until you ahve time for me, and then be canceled on...and come back... I AM TIRED OF CRAWLING BACK! It freaking pathetic! I want to keep you..honestly I do! You are one of the best things in my life... You are one of the most important things in my life... So... I may be tired of fighting... but I can not stop fighting... I will NOT lose you! I love you... and I am going to tell you this right now.. I would do anything for you... would anyone else? I will get you back! I will have my old best friend back! I'll be damned to hell if I don't! I LOVE YOU! Call me as soon as you get this... please! You are my best friend... Always has been, alwasy will be! I LOVE YOU!