=(
I got some weird text messages from Tristan last night. I think he might be dead or dying but I don't really have enough details to know either way. The last I heard from him was at 11:30 last night. He mentioned TTX and so I don't know if it's a bad drug trip or if he ate something bad that made him sick or what. I couldn't get a straight answer out of him and I don't know what the fuck to think. I was pretty devastated last night but now I'm just too exhausted to be sad about something so uncertain.
I'm not sure why I'm so distraught about all of this. We only dated for four months and it was by far the worst relationship I've ever had in my life. And I still love him. And if he asked me to drop everything for him, I would. In a second. He's the only person I've ever been with that I could say without a doubt that I would marry. I've loved other people for longer and even loved them more but he is the only one that felt right. I wish I could explain this in some logical way but any way I could think of doing it would make me sound self-destructive and fucking insane.
But back to exhaustion -
I haven't eaten since C & I went to a late morning breakfast on Monday. I don't have any desire to either. My head isn't in a good place and all I really want to do is sleep for a few days. The idea and process of eating feels so disgusting and dirty to me right now. I'm not really comfortable talking about this in much depth though.
I started school again yesterday. Night classes. I have about a dozen or less classes to take before I have my degree. Let's hope I can make it through this time. This is the fifth college I've gone to, heh, and I'll still have to re-transfer back to CSULA in a few semesters.
Does anyone go to GCC?
I'm not sure why I'm so distraught about all of this. We only dated for four months and it was by far the worst relationship I've ever had in my life. And I still love him. And if he asked me to drop everything for him, I would. In a second. He's the only person I've ever been with that I could say without a doubt that I would marry. I've loved other people for longer and even loved them more but he is the only one that felt right. I wish I could explain this in some logical way but any way I could think of doing it would make me sound self-destructive and fucking insane.
But back to exhaustion -
I haven't eaten since C & I went to a late morning breakfast on Monday. I don't have any desire to either. My head isn't in a good place and all I really want to do is sleep for a few days. The idea and process of eating feels so disgusting and dirty to me right now. I'm not really comfortable talking about this in much depth though.
I started school again yesterday. Night classes. I have about a dozen or less classes to take before I have my degree. Let's hope I can make it through this time. This is the fifth college I've gone to, heh, and I'll still have to re-transfer back to CSULA in a few semesters.
Does anyone go to GCC?