If you want me to be gone. I've left already in my mind.
I'm feeling like crap. Literally.
I've been laid off since New Year. I remembered how bright I thought the road ahead was going to be.
Boy, was I wrong!
The place that fired me hired me back as a part-timer at half the price. I took it, because shitty income is better than no income at all. The demands were high. It used to be 40 hours of whatever comes; now it is 10 gruesome hours of non-stop work. More work, less money. Woo-effing-hoo, GO ME!
The place where I volunteered to work with the horses helped by paying me $10 a day for cleaning the stalls. That's $10 for an hour and a half of HARD LABOR. I don't mind so much since I quite enjoy cleaning the stalls, except now, it cuts into the time I could play with the horses. And since there's money involved now, there's RULES. Can't ride bareback. Can't play with this one. Can't get on that one. Must work this guy. Must walk this girl. It became work. Five hours has gone by; between cleaning, feeding, and working the "horses on the list", and I haven't even touch the horse that I wanted to play with. It's no longer freestyle as it used to be. My freedom got taken away from me.
The place I volunteered said that the place I work at is so lucky to have me.
My friends said that the barn is so lucky to have me.
If the world thinks that it is lucky to have me, why the f*ck doesn't anyone what to hire me?
Am I only good for free labor or ridiculously cheap labor? Do people just tolerate having me around as long as I pour my soul into the task and get pay at a shitty rate that even the illegal immigrate would snort at?
None of my friends want to spend any time with me. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who has extreme split-personalities problem either. Besides, I'm sure everybody has a busy life than to spend the valuable time with a pity-pissed like me.
Even my sister doesn't want to spend anytime with me. Sure she came to stay over during the weekend, but she usually brings her friend for a sleep over. And we do our best to avoid each other in the tiny little roof.
Am I useless? Am I that worthless? Am I such a shit that no one even wants to be near me? Do people just tolerate being around me only because I have something to give?
No. Please don't answer that.
I'm afraid to find out.
I've been laid off since New Year. I remembered how bright I thought the road ahead was going to be.
Boy, was I wrong!
The place that fired me hired me back as a part-timer at half the price. I took it, because shitty income is better than no income at all. The demands were high. It used to be 40 hours of whatever comes; now it is 10 gruesome hours of non-stop work. More work, less money. Woo-effing-hoo, GO ME!
The place where I volunteered to work with the horses helped by paying me $10 a day for cleaning the stalls. That's $10 for an hour and a half of HARD LABOR. I don't mind so much since I quite enjoy cleaning the stalls, except now, it cuts into the time I could play with the horses. And since there's money involved now, there's RULES. Can't ride bareback. Can't play with this one. Can't get on that one. Must work this guy. Must walk this girl. It became work. Five hours has gone by; between cleaning, feeding, and working the "horses on the list", and I haven't even touch the horse that I wanted to play with. It's no longer freestyle as it used to be. My freedom got taken away from me.
The place I volunteered said that the place I work at is so lucky to have me.
My friends said that the barn is so lucky to have me.
If the world thinks that it is lucky to have me, why the f*ck doesn't anyone what to hire me?
Am I only good for free labor or ridiculously cheap labor? Do people just tolerate having me around as long as I pour my soul into the task and get pay at a shitty rate that even the illegal immigrate would snort at?
None of my friends want to spend any time with me. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who has extreme split-personalities problem either. Besides, I'm sure everybody has a busy life than to spend the valuable time with a pity-pissed like me.
Even my sister doesn't want to spend anytime with me. Sure she came to stay over during the weekend, but she usually brings her friend for a sleep over. And we do our best to avoid each other in the tiny little roof.
Am I useless? Am I that worthless? Am I such a shit that no one even wants to be near me? Do people just tolerate being around me only because I have something to give?
No. Please don't answer that.
I'm afraid to find out.