(no subject)
it's my birthday manana. i'm going to be 20, and i'm confused. i have no idea what i'm doing in life. what am i gonna do for the rest of my life? will i be old and single and sad? will i be all paired up and happily living good life? will i have kids? will i have anything?
the most difficult thing about it is that i'm not even out. i'll be 20, and i'm still hiding somewhere hoping by being a kid, everything will just be fine. it's time to start taking responsibilities, yet i just want to dig myself a hole and never come out. what scares me is that my parents are going to think. they are such good parents, but that's precisely why i am afraid. the higher you are, the farther you fall, right?
and another thing...i do not understand why i've never really been pursued. i've gotten compliments about my looks, about my personality, but somehow it never adds up to a boyfriend. it makes me feel like it's because i'm so conservative about dating. if i am ever in a relationship, i will not give it up easy. i will not until i'm ready. until i'm sure i'm in love.
it baffles me that whorey people can have so many people pursuing them. honestly, i cannot bring myself to flirt with everything and anything that has legs. i get really bitter about it, because they don't deserve it. they don't. why do people date to validate themselves? and why do others fall for it? i guess what im' bitter about is just people's stupidity...
the most difficult thing about it is that i'm not even out. i'll be 20, and i'm still hiding somewhere hoping by being a kid, everything will just be fine. it's time to start taking responsibilities, yet i just want to dig myself a hole and never come out. what scares me is that my parents are going to think. they are such good parents, but that's precisely why i am afraid. the higher you are, the farther you fall, right?
and another thing...i do not understand why i've never really been pursued. i've gotten compliments about my looks, about my personality, but somehow it never adds up to a boyfriend. it makes me feel like it's because i'm so conservative about dating. if i am ever in a relationship, i will not give it up easy. i will not until i'm ready. until i'm sure i'm in love.
it baffles me that whorey people can have so many people pursuing them. honestly, i cannot bring myself to flirt with everything and anything that has legs. i get really bitter about it, because they don't deserve it. they don't. why do people date to validate themselves? and why do others fall for it? i guess what im' bitter about is just people's stupidity...