(no subject)
So, I suppose sometimes it takes a weekend out of town to clear up a lot of things I've been confused about in my life. Up until this weekend, I'd been trying in vain to figure out how I felt about the things going on with me. Maybe it was the fresh air, maybe it was the snow, possibly it was the people I was surrounded by and perhaps it was just that I was away, but everything finally seems clear.
The main thing that has become apparent is that if I want to be happy, then I've got to make a lot of changes in my life. Some of this has to do with things I'm doing, or in a few cases, things I'm not doing. Another part has to do with deciding what and who I'm going to devote my time to. I have to figure out what my priorities are. I need to stop trying to make everyone happy. I need to stop putting myself in situations that tempt me to do things I know I shouldn't do. I need to surround myself with people that want to and are able to be there for me. People who will love me regardless.
To be honest, I need to change practically everything about my life. Lately, my life has been constant screw ups. I hate the person that I've become. I hate a lot of the decisions I've been making. I hate what I've made my life about.
I'm not going to say I regret things. I wish I was strong enough that I didn't screw up and didn't have to come to these realizations, but the truth is, I'm not. I've been doing things I know keep me from being the person I want to be. And if I'd known that I'd be feeling the way I feel now, I know I would have listened to my better judgment, but these things are what has made it obvious to me that I've let what matters most get away from me.
For this, I'm truly sorry. I've strayed away, my attention has been turned, I gave in.
"I thought I could save myself, I've never been so wrong."
To the most important thing in my life, I never doubted. I chose to ignore. I thought I could do what I wanted and be okay. When I started to realize that I needed to change, I thought I could do it myself and then come back to you. I can't. I've put you on the back burner while I tried to get everything else figured out, but I know that through you all things come together as they should.
"Now behold the lamb
The precious lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious lamb of God
Now behold the lamb
The precious lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious Lamb of God
Holy is the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Holy is the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Now behold the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
He's the precious Lamb of God
When I always didn't do right
I went left
He told me to go right
But I'm standin' right here in the midst of my tears
Lord I claim you to be the lamb of God
Thank you for the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Because of your grace I can finish this race
The precious Lamb of God
Even when I broke, broke your heart
My sins tore us apart
But Im standin' right here in the midst of my tears
I claim you to be the lamb of God
New life can begin, yeah
For you washed away, washed away everyone of my sins
Whom the Son sets free is truly free indeed
I claim you to be the lamb of God
Now behold the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious lamb of God
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me somuch Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God"
John 1:29 "The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, 'Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!'"
Nehemiah 9:17 "...But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."
Psalm 28:2 "Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place."
Psalm 30:2 "Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me."
1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
To all of you who have read this far: If you've ever cared anything about me, I want you to watch this video because more than anything I want what's in this video for you. I want you to be taken back by this video, for it to resonate in you, for the amazing truth of this video to be revealed to you. It's 11 minutes long, but it's worth it. Please, just watch it. It's not just for me that I'm asking, but it's for you. All I'm asking is that you watch and listen and think about it. Okay?
http://www.nooma.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductID=270&Mode=WMV&PMID=122
I hope this clears things up.
The main thing that has become apparent is that if I want to be happy, then I've got to make a lot of changes in my life. Some of this has to do with things I'm doing, or in a few cases, things I'm not doing. Another part has to do with deciding what and who I'm going to devote my time to. I have to figure out what my priorities are. I need to stop trying to make everyone happy. I need to stop putting myself in situations that tempt me to do things I know I shouldn't do. I need to surround myself with people that want to and are able to be there for me. People who will love me regardless.
To be honest, I need to change practically everything about my life. Lately, my life has been constant screw ups. I hate the person that I've become. I hate a lot of the decisions I've been making. I hate what I've made my life about.
I'm not going to say I regret things. I wish I was strong enough that I didn't screw up and didn't have to come to these realizations, but the truth is, I'm not. I've been doing things I know keep me from being the person I want to be. And if I'd known that I'd be feeling the way I feel now, I know I would have listened to my better judgment, but these things are what has made it obvious to me that I've let what matters most get away from me.
For this, I'm truly sorry. I've strayed away, my attention has been turned, I gave in.
"I thought I could save myself, I've never been so wrong."
To the most important thing in my life, I never doubted. I chose to ignore. I thought I could do what I wanted and be okay. When I started to realize that I needed to change, I thought I could do it myself and then come back to you. I can't. I've put you on the back burner while I tried to get everything else figured out, but I know that through you all things come together as they should.
"Now behold the lamb
The precious lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious lamb of God
Now behold the lamb
The precious lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious Lamb of God
Holy is the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Holy is the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Now behold the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
He's the precious Lamb of God
When I always didn't do right
I went left
He told me to go right
But I'm standin' right here in the midst of my tears
Lord I claim you to be the lamb of God
Thank you for the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Because of your grace I can finish this race
The precious Lamb of God
Even when I broke, broke your heart
My sins tore us apart
But Im standin' right here in the midst of my tears
I claim you to be the lamb of God
New life can begin, yeah
For you washed away, washed away everyone of my sins
Whom the Son sets free is truly free indeed
I claim you to be the lamb of God
Now behold the Lamb
The precious Lamb of God
Born into sin that I may live again
The precious lamb of God
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
Why you loved me so much lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me so much Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God
Why you loved me somuch Lord I shall never know
The precious Lamb of God"
John 1:29 "The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, 'Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!'"
Nehemiah 9:17 "...But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."
Psalm 28:2 "Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place."
Psalm 30:2 "Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me."
1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
To all of you who have read this far: If you've ever cared anything about me, I want you to watch this video because more than anything I want what's in this video for you. I want you to be taken back by this video, for it to resonate in you, for the amazing truth of this video to be revealed to you. It's 11 minutes long, but it's worth it. Please, just watch it. It's not just for me that I'm asking, but it's for you. All I'm asking is that you watch and listen and think about it. Okay?
http://www.nooma.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductID=270&Mode=WMV&PMID=122
I hope this clears things up.