leggo my preggo!
and now I'm in SF. I'm missing my brothers 23rd b-day so that I can be out here for Mer's baby shower. She's huge! I love it. She looks so front heavy I don't know how she doesn't just tip over constantly :) I can't help it I just want to rub her tummy and huge the crap out of her. I hadn't been out here for awhile. I was missing the Bradley's. I've been missing a lot of people lately though.
When I was at home last week Gemma laid into me about a lot of shit. I'm really glad she did because 1. she was spot on, on pretty much everything and 2. . . duh she gave me lots to think about and made things seem a little more clear and straight forward in my head then they've been in a good while. I am feeling very grateful to her at the moment once again for being a true friend to me and being there and honest whether I like it or not.
I need to regain a sense of control and order in my life. That's what her redoing my room is all about. She wants to give me an anchor, a place that I feel comfortable and can call mine. I feel like at my age and this stage in the game I shouldn't need these legs up. I have this strong need to earn it myself, to find my own way. With their help it makes things so much easier and by fighting it it seems to be hurting their feelings and making it an issue where before there was none. How old and what stage in your life do you have to be before parents trying to help you isn't right? All they want is for you to be happy and successful right? Why do I have an issue letting my dad help me? I feel like I have to take a kick in the pride.
My brain is tired. I don't think this is coming out right.
Oh and on the man front. I've had a bit of a upheaval there as well. Gemma again pointed out my steal re-enforced barriers to letting guys get close to me. My over awareness to guys blah blah. My brother and his friends for the last few years have been driving home how every guy you meet wants to fuck you. I now seem overly aware of that shit and never really relax and just get to know somebody. It's bullshit. I'm going with trying to relax and get to know people without the over awareness of sex sex sex. I'm not having it anyway so why worry. I'm working on it. I don't want to be a closed off person. I don't want to be anxious or hide behind walls.
once again there is work to be done
K ramble over. Sleep now. night all
When I was at home last week Gemma laid into me about a lot of shit. I'm really glad she did because 1. she was spot on, on pretty much everything and 2. . . duh she gave me lots to think about and made things seem a little more clear and straight forward in my head then they've been in a good while. I am feeling very grateful to her at the moment once again for being a true friend to me and being there and honest whether I like it or not.
I need to regain a sense of control and order in my life. That's what her redoing my room is all about. She wants to give me an anchor, a place that I feel comfortable and can call mine. I feel like at my age and this stage in the game I shouldn't need these legs up. I have this strong need to earn it myself, to find my own way. With their help it makes things so much easier and by fighting it it seems to be hurting their feelings and making it an issue where before there was none. How old and what stage in your life do you have to be before parents trying to help you isn't right? All they want is for you to be happy and successful right? Why do I have an issue letting my dad help me? I feel like I have to take a kick in the pride.
My brain is tired. I don't think this is coming out right.
Oh and on the man front. I've had a bit of a upheaval there as well. Gemma again pointed out my steal re-enforced barriers to letting guys get close to me. My over awareness to guys blah blah. My brother and his friends for the last few years have been driving home how every guy you meet wants to fuck you. I now seem overly aware of that shit and never really relax and just get to know somebody. It's bullshit. I'm going with trying to relax and get to know people without the over awareness of sex sex sex. I'm not having it anyway so why worry. I'm working on it. I don't want to be a closed off person. I don't want to be anxious or hide behind walls.
once again there is work to be done
K ramble over. Sleep now. night all