rain that makes the flowers bloom; rain to leave you all alone.

[imp3rf3cti0n]

he said:
understanding is an action, a process
you are avoiding your own emotions
&it hit me. understanding is one of my positive attributes which i am thankful for.
&i know i dont talk about my feelings; i have a tendency to avoid them. because, it
has never been my place to discuss them.
&for the last month and a half, ive done a lot of understanding but very little feeling,
on my own part at least. i feel for others, i can empathize. i mean that i have not
felt anything for myself and allowed myself to process it all. solely because when
i think that something is happening that is larger than myself, i will disconnect
from it. ill only process it afterwards when i think it is my time. up until now,
i have not had the time or opportunity to pour my heart out to anyone or anything.
maybe, just maybe, after exams ill start letting myself feel something. or just about
anything that reminds me im human.
all i need is a park, a blankie, and preferably, someone i trust.

[edit 03.24.09]
boys will be boys.
no matter what.