extra! extra!
bought three British music magazines yesterday...wrote a blog about it...wanna hear about it? here it goes:
word, the.
'the word’ has apparently just caught up with the rest of the world (or they just put a lot more thought and reflection into the 2006-is-over issue than your average publication...or america is just way behind...shocking...)
but for me, it was significant...it pointed out something that has changed...something that had been true for the last 35 years, but in 2006...it changed. and because it is truly ironic, how could I not appreciate it?
#2 - yoko ono
i can only quothe the magazine here: “she [yoko] gets knocked down by...just you remind us again...you. could. not. make. it. up.
#1 - heather mills-mCcartney
the additional irony seemed lost on them, though not on me, that linda mCcartney was on the list of the best rock star wives. i mean, she seemed like a real fucking stick-in-the-mud, but i’ve learned that such traits are required to be with "interesting" men.
yeah, i was really groping for a word there that wouldn’t really compliment paul-fuck-face-mCcartney too much, but would acknowledge his “greatness.” you guys know what i mean.
NME Awards
matt attack:
helders seeks Best Live Act, bellamy yearns for Best British Band. too bad i predict a swap like ricky wilson predicts a riot.
*sidenote: helders has apparently taken a liking to day-time television (“i was up early enough for jeremy kyle this morning...it was a classic!”)...so though there are no telling photos, the prospect of his ass having actually expanded to the point of truly having no choice but to wear basketball shorts is quite likely...
so...muse & arctic monkeys are tied for the most nominations (it’s like my life- and you know where my loyalties lie). as bands (4), then you know, AT(1) and bells(1) have their nominations. no, no, they're not duking it out...never. they are both far too classy for that.
AT is but a “Hero of the Year” nominee...apparently snarling at complimentary journalism, firing your friends, and acting all aloof about your own genius is the kind of thing we could all use some looking up to. and bulking up to model vests, of course.
though he’s not up against matty b, the competition is stiff: pete doherty (nothing says hero like some crack and baggy eyes!), faris rotter (who?), gerard way (less sun, more bleach! sunscreen prevents skin cancer, and self-importance protects you from all the other kinds!), carl barât (eh, i’ll give it to him - singing, smoking, playing guitar and sporting a union jack sling? no one else is doing half that with the use of both limbs).
could their be a revolt, and it’s taken by, i don’t know...ryan jarman? i figured he was everyone’s hero after last year’s antics.
while it’s pretty obvious that matt bellamy could never be anyone’s hero (a talented albeit semi-eccentric musician who isn’t all in my facial and could care less about proving how cool he is to everyone? who wants that? give me those other assholes!), who could argue that putting on a good 20 lbs. and taking a liking to braces and belt buckles so big they put the olson twins to shame has made us all realize what a clear contender for “Sexiest Man” he really and truly is.
(in classic ‘who-me?’ bellamy fashion, he states: “not sure how i got in there” -and surely he knows the votes for sexiest man were write-ins from his bandmates...duh.)
but wait...no matt in "Hero"...no AT in "Sexy"...yet Matt’s competition is eerily familiar...
brandon flowers (well, that’s new...but as a general rule, mormon/bad facial hair/questionable twitching = sexy not), pete doherty (nothing sexier than crack and baggy eyes!), gerard way (not only is being pasty and bleached out to the point that you look kind of purple sure to prevent cancer...it’s sexy!), carl barat (again, i’ll give it to him. he’s pretty sexy).
i'd also like to point out kate moss as a nominee in the sexiest woman category...thus, this is not limited to musicians...matt bellamy is thus up for Sexiest Man...meaning, in all of britain. wow. our little boy is all growed up.
though both are clearly deserving of their respective nominations, the category that had to have alluded them only because the tie is so clear (considering ricky wilson was out of the picture this year): Best Dressed. uh, hellllllllllllloooooooooooo.
if i had a picture of AT in his cowboy hat, swimtrunks, tucked sleeves and canvas sneakers, it’d assuredly appear here. unfortunately, my camera phone nor i were in any condition to capture that moment. hope this will suffice:
and if matt's worthiness in this category isn't obvious from the previous two pictures...well, here's another:
(courtesy: l-ren...heh.)
*sidenote: though the captions are typically rather obnoxious, i did audibly laugh at “oh, that’s what happened to bono’s mullet.”
though, in fairness to AT (which i normally refuse to dish out), it's not really a mullet. at all. it's not short in the front...though i'm willing to bet it is a party in the back.
AND, for all those doubters, you could even reference it because this month’s ‘Q’ includes the feature, “THE COMPLETE U2”! my life is complete!
after said-reference, i decided it's not what happened to Bono's mullet...but what happened to Leif Garrett's coif:
he clearly just straightened it. it's uncanny. and matt isn't getting left behind on this side of the challenge:
oh wait, MCR has just as many nominations as MUSE/AMs...and gerard way’s response: “i’m almost speechless...” just almost. not quite totally speechless. not quite.
oh wait, still...the killers have JUST AS MANY NOMINATIONS...are these the only bands whose names the NME readers can spell? oh right...probably.
OH.
NO.
WAIT...they can spell ‘kasabian’ too...because they also have 5 nominations.
fuck you, NME.
new releases:
can you review the kaisers' new album without mentioning the automatics (ugh) or thinking you are originating the phrase “doing-a-darkness”? hmm...NME, Q, The Word...no, nope, it is apparently not possible. anyone care to give it a go? anyway, they all seem impressed...shocked by the fact that they are impressed, but nonetheless. good work, ricky and co. i knew you’d not fail me. other than gaining 20 lbs...i mean, come on, mr. wilson (heh) is always bitching about his lactose intolerance, so what the hell kind of high-fat-content, empty-calories is he eating? the only thing worse than a ginger is a fat ginger...i warn you.
*sidenote: ‘NME’s review of kcs has a giant arrow that says ‘this week’ pointed quite obviously and directly at nick hodgeson’s package. hilarious. you could see if i had a scanner...sorry. as it is, you’ll have to picture it.
TPC’s ‘cheer it on’ single was worthy of NME's attention: “sorta how you imagine the strokes might sound if they enjoyed dressing in full superhero garb...even better is the b-side [“citizens of tomorrow (space Ballad)]...sung by a man living in an apocalyptic future governed by evil robots.”
so either matt bellamy would like TPC...or he would lecture them, matter-of-factedly, “it’s not going to be robots, it’s going to be aliens.”
brandon flowers is looking at me and i don’t like it.
sir killers graces the cover of ‘Q’ for the second time in three months. as if his fucking dust-bunny covered face wasn’t annoying enough, he says he wants to sell more records with ‘sam’s town’ than ‘hot fuss,’ if only to prove 'rolling stone' wrong. this immediately follows him complaining that 'rolling stone' gave paris hilton more stars than it gave the killers. thus, it’s clearly time for him to make the grand connection that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT 'ROLLING STONE' ANYMORE...
and ‘Q’ seems to be taking a...uh, que...from RS with it’s cover material of late. although their lists are somewhat less self-congratulatory. and respectable older artists don’t have to die to make the cover (i guess young ones probably do), so i guess if they insist on having b. flow pointing at me mockingly, i’ll suck it up and be happy it’s not some fucking emo cunt with a fondness for cover girl outlast mascera.
lily allen and other bitches who annoy me.
nothing personal against lily allen, actually. it’s just that i’ve heard one of her songs...it wasn’t that great or interesting...wasn’t really too bad either. but there’s all this fucking hoopla about her in these magazines...and her album came out in the UK ages ago...it came out in the states this week. did they all have to re-shit their pants when 'OOS' was released here? did i just miss it? or did her US release coincide with her sucking every man in britain’s cock last month? i just don’t get it. who is she?
and who is faris rotter? i could look it up, but before i do, i’d put money on it being the singer for the Horrors...who are godawful, by the way. and also everywhere. as a person who really liked Marilyn Manson (the band), but couldn’t much tolerate their gimmicks, i have nothing but disdain for a gimmick accompanied by having nothing interesting to say, nor any musical talent. just because these kids can’t remember the cure doesn’t mean the generation between should have to put up with both. all those teased-hair cocks can just go away. well, at least the Cure was decent musically. really a bunch of pussies, though.
ps - looked him up. i was right. what a douche.
better points:
‘the word’ had a good article on how live music hasn’t been so exciting in 30 years...and a good reason is probably the fact that people download. It’s ridiculous to pay 15 bucks for a cd, but we’ll shell out 50 for a concert. interesting psychology, us crazy humans.
word, the.
'the word’ has apparently just caught up with the rest of the world (or they just put a lot more thought and reflection into the 2006-is-over issue than your average publication...or america is just way behind...shocking...)
but for me, it was significant...it pointed out something that has changed...something that had been true for the last 35 years, but in 2006...it changed. and because it is truly ironic, how could I not appreciate it?
#2 - yoko ono
i can only quothe the magazine here: “she [yoko] gets knocked down by...just you remind us again...you. could. not. make. it. up.
#1 - heather mills-mCcartney
the additional irony seemed lost on them, though not on me, that linda mCcartney was on the list of the best rock star wives. i mean, she seemed like a real fucking stick-in-the-mud, but i’ve learned that such traits are required to be with "interesting" men.
yeah, i was really groping for a word there that wouldn’t really compliment paul-fuck-face-mCcartney too much, but would acknowledge his “greatness.” you guys know what i mean.
NME Awards
matt attack:
helders seeks Best Live Act, bellamy yearns for Best British Band. too bad i predict a swap like ricky wilson predicts a riot.
*sidenote: helders has apparently taken a liking to day-time television (“i was up early enough for jeremy kyle this morning...it was a classic!”)...so though there are no telling photos, the prospect of his ass having actually expanded to the point of truly having no choice but to wear basketball shorts is quite likely...
so...muse & arctic monkeys are tied for the most nominations (it’s like my life- and you know where my loyalties lie). as bands (4), then you know, AT(1) and bells(1) have their nominations. no, no, they're not duking it out...never. they are both far too classy for that.
AT is but a “Hero of the Year” nominee...apparently snarling at complimentary journalism, firing your friends, and acting all aloof about your own genius is the kind of thing we could all use some looking up to. and bulking up to model vests, of course.
though he’s not up against matty b, the competition is stiff: pete doherty (nothing says hero like some crack and baggy eyes!), faris rotter (who?), gerard way (less sun, more bleach! sunscreen prevents skin cancer, and self-importance protects you from all the other kinds!), carl barât (eh, i’ll give it to him - singing, smoking, playing guitar and sporting a union jack sling? no one else is doing half that with the use of both limbs).
could their be a revolt, and it’s taken by, i don’t know...ryan jarman? i figured he was everyone’s hero after last year’s antics.
while it’s pretty obvious that matt bellamy could never be anyone’s hero (a talented albeit semi-eccentric musician who isn’t all in my facial and could care less about proving how cool he is to everyone? who wants that? give me those other assholes!), who could argue that putting on a good 20 lbs. and taking a liking to braces and belt buckles so big they put the olson twins to shame has made us all realize what a clear contender for “Sexiest Man” he really and truly is.
(in classic ‘who-me?’ bellamy fashion, he states: “not sure how i got in there” -and surely he knows the votes for sexiest man were write-ins from his bandmates...duh.)
but wait...no matt in "Hero"...no AT in "Sexy"...yet Matt’s competition is eerily familiar...
brandon flowers (well, that’s new...but as a general rule, mormon/bad facial hair/questionable twitching = sexy not), pete doherty (nothing sexier than crack and baggy eyes!), gerard way (not only is being pasty and bleached out to the point that you look kind of purple sure to prevent cancer...it’s sexy!), carl barat (again, i’ll give it to him. he’s pretty sexy).
i'd also like to point out kate moss as a nominee in the sexiest woman category...thus, this is not limited to musicians...matt bellamy is thus up for Sexiest Man...meaning, in all of britain. wow. our little boy is all growed up.
though both are clearly deserving of their respective nominations, the category that had to have alluded them only because the tie is so clear (considering ricky wilson was out of the picture this year): Best Dressed. uh, hellllllllllllloooooooooooo.
if i had a picture of AT in his cowboy hat, swimtrunks, tucked sleeves and canvas sneakers, it’d assuredly appear here. unfortunately, my camera phone nor i were in any condition to capture that moment. hope this will suffice:
and if matt's worthiness in this category isn't obvious from the previous two pictures...well, here's another:
(courtesy: l-ren...heh.)
*sidenote: though the captions are typically rather obnoxious, i did audibly laugh at “oh, that’s what happened to bono’s mullet.”
though, in fairness to AT (which i normally refuse to dish out), it's not really a mullet. at all. it's not short in the front...though i'm willing to bet it is a party in the back.
AND, for all those doubters, you could even reference it because this month’s ‘Q’ includes the feature, “THE COMPLETE U2”! my life is complete!
after said-reference, i decided it's not what happened to Bono's mullet...but what happened to Leif Garrett's coif:
he clearly just straightened it. it's uncanny. and matt isn't getting left behind on this side of the challenge:
oh wait, MCR has just as many nominations as MUSE/AMs...and gerard way’s response: “i’m almost speechless...” just almost. not quite totally speechless. not quite.
oh wait, still...the killers have JUST AS MANY NOMINATIONS...are these the only bands whose names the NME readers can spell? oh right...probably.
OH.
NO.
WAIT...they can spell ‘kasabian’ too...because they also have 5 nominations.
fuck you, NME.
new releases:
can you review the kaisers' new album without mentioning the automatics (ugh) or thinking you are originating the phrase “doing-a-darkness”? hmm...NME, Q, The Word...no, nope, it is apparently not possible. anyone care to give it a go? anyway, they all seem impressed...shocked by the fact that they are impressed, but nonetheless. good work, ricky and co. i knew you’d not fail me. other than gaining 20 lbs...i mean, come on, mr. wilson (heh) is always bitching about his lactose intolerance, so what the hell kind of high-fat-content, empty-calories is he eating? the only thing worse than a ginger is a fat ginger...i warn you.
*sidenote: ‘NME’s review of kcs has a giant arrow that says ‘this week’ pointed quite obviously and directly at nick hodgeson’s package. hilarious. you could see if i had a scanner...sorry. as it is, you’ll have to picture it.
TPC’s ‘cheer it on’ single was worthy of NME's attention: “sorta how you imagine the strokes might sound if they enjoyed dressing in full superhero garb...even better is the b-side [“citizens of tomorrow (space Ballad)]...sung by a man living in an apocalyptic future governed by evil robots.”
so either matt bellamy would like TPC...or he would lecture them, matter-of-factedly, “it’s not going to be robots, it’s going to be aliens.”
brandon flowers is looking at me and i don’t like it.
sir killers graces the cover of ‘Q’ for the second time in three months. as if his fucking dust-bunny covered face wasn’t annoying enough, he says he wants to sell more records with ‘sam’s town’ than ‘hot fuss,’ if only to prove 'rolling stone' wrong. this immediately follows him complaining that 'rolling stone' gave paris hilton more stars than it gave the killers. thus, it’s clearly time for him to make the grand connection that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT 'ROLLING STONE' ANYMORE...
and ‘Q’ seems to be taking a...uh, que...from RS with it’s cover material of late. although their lists are somewhat less self-congratulatory. and respectable older artists don’t have to die to make the cover (i guess young ones probably do), so i guess if they insist on having b. flow pointing at me mockingly, i’ll suck it up and be happy it’s not some fucking emo cunt with a fondness for cover girl outlast mascera.
lily allen and other bitches who annoy me.
nothing personal against lily allen, actually. it’s just that i’ve heard one of her songs...it wasn’t that great or interesting...wasn’t really too bad either. but there’s all this fucking hoopla about her in these magazines...and her album came out in the UK ages ago...it came out in the states this week. did they all have to re-shit their pants when 'OOS' was released here? did i just miss it? or did her US release coincide with her sucking every man in britain’s cock last month? i just don’t get it. who is she?
and who is faris rotter? i could look it up, but before i do, i’d put money on it being the singer for the Horrors...who are godawful, by the way. and also everywhere. as a person who really liked Marilyn Manson (the band), but couldn’t much tolerate their gimmicks, i have nothing but disdain for a gimmick accompanied by having nothing interesting to say, nor any musical talent. just because these kids can’t remember the cure doesn’t mean the generation between should have to put up with both. all those teased-hair cocks can just go away. well, at least the Cure was decent musically. really a bunch of pussies, though.
ps - looked him up. i was right. what a douche.
better points:
‘the word’ had a good article on how live music hasn’t been so exciting in 30 years...and a good reason is probably the fact that people download. It’s ridiculous to pay 15 bucks for a cd, but we’ll shell out 50 for a concert. interesting psychology, us crazy humans.