i'm not that girl
hello,
i don't know what to do with myself. i literally do nothing all day and then at night i try to call my friends and everyone is busy. i am not complaining that my friends have lives haha just i would like to come in every once in a while. maybe i am just fooling myself...probobly.
anyway, i don't know what my deal is lately. i do things that i don;t want to do and i say things that sometimes i don't mean. like i guess when i do it at the time i want to and feel like that but then 2 seconds later or if i reallly think about it i realize that that really wasn't me. what the hell does that even mean? am i just settling because i dont want to make waves? who knows. realization can kiss my butt for all i care haha. not really though. i have to stop thinking because it just brings me down but with nothing to do all day but make blankets and call places thinking has become something frequent. like things that made me happy sometimes don't anymore.....am i becoming desensitized? haha i can't even spell!
I have been thinking about something a lot lately. Are guys ever satisfied with the girl that they are with? like i have realized that men in realtionships sometimes go elsewhere to find stimulation whether it be mental or physical. why does this happen? if you pick a mate essentially, then they should posess all the qualities that you find attractive. So, why then would you go find another body to sleep with or another brain to stimulate your thoughts? something new? i mean then the argument comes in well if you want something new then why are you still with the original person? you can't have both. For instance, if you have someone who cares about you, why would you need to message other girls and flirt? i mean yes to feel cute or hot or just some self satisfaction that you can still charm the pants off of any girl that you try to. But if you already have a great one why jepardize it? Why give up that one to be adored but never loved by hundereds? i guess other people can see it but i can't. i just see it as a person who isn't happy with what they have so they need to find the happiness elsewhere. i could be wrong but i highly doubt it.
After thinking about this i then thought back to a realtionship i was in a while ago. He had my undying devotion and knew it. he loved that i was so into him and no one could change that. but still he would flirt with other girls and be nice or something to them. i realize now that he did it to actaully make me jelous. because if he could point out that flaw in me then nothing would go back to him. i am in the wrong so he could be right and therefore have power over me. its a little fucked up if you think about it but never the less that is how it was. it was never said but we both knew. a power struggle. i don't think that is the case with everyone at all. i really don't know the reason for it.
Maybe it's low self esteem, or maybe its fear of commitment but n reality you are committed to everyone you know. unless you are an asshole which then you probobly do not have friends! but think about it, you are committed to your friends and family so what is the difference in a relationship? you are with them for life? i am sorry but when you make friends don't you expect them to be there for life as well? and your family? maybe somone can explain this to me because i am lost.
Once i find someone i don't want anyone else. maybe i am old fashioned or maybe i am just stupid to give myself so freely. who knows anymore. anyway this is just my ramblings. i don't even think it makes sense haha. well to me it does. i have to make more blankets. adios
i don't know what to do with myself. i literally do nothing all day and then at night i try to call my friends and everyone is busy. i am not complaining that my friends have lives haha just i would like to come in every once in a while. maybe i am just fooling myself...probobly.
anyway, i don't know what my deal is lately. i do things that i don;t want to do and i say things that sometimes i don't mean. like i guess when i do it at the time i want to and feel like that but then 2 seconds later or if i reallly think about it i realize that that really wasn't me. what the hell does that even mean? am i just settling because i dont want to make waves? who knows. realization can kiss my butt for all i care haha. not really though. i have to stop thinking because it just brings me down but with nothing to do all day but make blankets and call places thinking has become something frequent. like things that made me happy sometimes don't anymore.....am i becoming desensitized? haha i can't even spell!
I have been thinking about something a lot lately. Are guys ever satisfied with the girl that they are with? like i have realized that men in realtionships sometimes go elsewhere to find stimulation whether it be mental or physical. why does this happen? if you pick a mate essentially, then they should posess all the qualities that you find attractive. So, why then would you go find another body to sleep with or another brain to stimulate your thoughts? something new? i mean then the argument comes in well if you want something new then why are you still with the original person? you can't have both. For instance, if you have someone who cares about you, why would you need to message other girls and flirt? i mean yes to feel cute or hot or just some self satisfaction that you can still charm the pants off of any girl that you try to. But if you already have a great one why jepardize it? Why give up that one to be adored but never loved by hundereds? i guess other people can see it but i can't. i just see it as a person who isn't happy with what they have so they need to find the happiness elsewhere. i could be wrong but i highly doubt it.
After thinking about this i then thought back to a realtionship i was in a while ago. He had my undying devotion and knew it. he loved that i was so into him and no one could change that. but still he would flirt with other girls and be nice or something to them. i realize now that he did it to actaully make me jelous. because if he could point out that flaw in me then nothing would go back to him. i am in the wrong so he could be right and therefore have power over me. its a little fucked up if you think about it but never the less that is how it was. it was never said but we both knew. a power struggle. i don't think that is the case with everyone at all. i really don't know the reason for it.
Maybe it's low self esteem, or maybe its fear of commitment but n reality you are committed to everyone you know. unless you are an asshole which then you probobly do not have friends! but think about it, you are committed to your friends and family so what is the difference in a relationship? you are with them for life? i am sorry but when you make friends don't you expect them to be there for life as well? and your family? maybe somone can explain this to me because i am lost.
Once i find someone i don't want anyone else. maybe i am old fashioned or maybe i am just stupid to give myself so freely. who knows anymore. anyway this is just my ramblings. i don't even think it makes sense haha. well to me it does. i have to make more blankets. adios