[SR] Fred Rogers quote
[Set in whenitsadream. Alice = scent_ofbooks and used with permission. Set quite a bit in the future.]
“There's a part of all of us that longs to know that even what's weakest about us is still redeemable and can ultimately count for something good.”
It always happened the same time every night. Just when he thought he was safe, the nightmares would hit. Everything he had done with Ruby, the thing he had become, it all came rushing back like a hard smack to the face. He saw Lilith’s death and the war against Lucifer. Things between him and Dean hadn’t been easy then, and the dreams only made the words he’d said all the louder.
Monster.
It was always in Dean’s voice, loud and angry, but that wasn’t anything new. He’d been having nightmares about him being a monster since the visions had started when he was twenty-two. Those weren’t the part of the dreams that ate away at him. It should have-his actions should have worried him more than the things that haunted him in his sleep, because in those days he had been the monster, but that wasn’t what it was. It was almost as though he had assimilated the title to himself-he knew that was what he was then. The part that got under his skin was Ruby.
She came to him in his dreams, visions so strong he could almost swear that she really was there. It reminded him of the times he and Dean had dabbled with dream root, where the dreams were in Technicolor and larger than life. He’d reach for her and feel her skin under his fingers, try to pull her closer or push her away, he wasn’t sure which. He heard her voice in his head, disjointed and disconnected, as he was reminded that this was all in his head, not outside in the real world.
Silly Sammy. You killed me remember?
He wanted to demand to know what she wanted, what she needed from him. If she was just there to use him again, manipulate him into releasing a whole other evil that he knew lurked beneath the surface of the world. He wanted to kill her all over again, just jab the knife into her stomach over and over again until she disappeared and would finally let him have some peace. But he couldn’t. You can’t kill what isn’t real, and Ruby wasn’t real. Not anymore.
Look at you, Sam. All grown up with your white picket fence and your tiny little family. Everything you ever wanted.
And it was, everything he ever wanted. Alice was more that that, really. She and their soon-to-be baby had become his world, and he would die before he let anything happen to them. Ruby knew that, knew that very well. She knew him, and it only made him angrier, because it only made it easier for her to get to him. The scene suddenly changed, and they were in a hospital delivery room, Alice holding their baby in her arms, and he would start to wonder
You know you can’t protect them, don’t you?
Suddenly, Lilith was there from out of nowhere, bright light shooting from her fingers and Sam couldn’t do anything bit watch helplessly as his family was incinerated in front of them, nothing but Ruby’s laughter ringing in his ears.
You can’t save them, Sammy. No matter how badly you want to.
He turned to around to charge at her, kill her for giving him away, but suddenly the knife was right there and he was jerking awake, sitting up suddenly from the shock of the moment, breathing heavy and eyes bleary as he tried to figure out where he was. There was a soft moan from the body next to him, probably from the loss of Sam’s body heat directly next to her. He started to calm slightly, realizing that it was only a dream, but that wasn’t going to help him edge back into sleep any. He shifted slightly, leaning over to drop a kiss against her shoulder lightly, before getting up and making his way downstairs into the kitchen.
All he’d ever wanted was a family. A family that was normal and safe and away from the risks of hunting. So far, he and Dean seemed to be succeeding, and he had been happy for so long, but as soon as Alice told him that she was pregnant, the nightmares started all over again. All he had wanted was peace and safety, but he knew the dreams were right. He wasn’t going to be able to protect them, not completely. There would always be something that would get in the way, always be something that would come after him, after his family. And there would never be anything he’d be able to do about it.
He stood at the sink for a long time, sipping a glass of water before he felt a pair of arms slide around him and pull him back against her. He closed his eyes at the touch, leaning into it and just soaking up the feel of having her close.
“You know, usually people are sleeping at three in the morning,” Alice said softly, pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder lightly.
“Yeah, I know,” he said with a nod, turning to face her with a heavy sigh. “Just couldn’t sleep.” One hand came to rest on her hip and he pulled her in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. He tilted his head to the side slightly, burying his nose in her hair and just inhaling the feeling of having her close.
“Anything I can do to help?” she asked, rubbing the back of his neck lightly. Sam was quiet for a moment, before pulling back to look down at her again.
“You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?” Sam’s hand over slightly, letting it come to rest on her stomach lightly. “Either of you.”
“Of course I do,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss him gently. She held the kiss for a moment, before starting to pull away from him, taking her hand in his and pulling him back towards the stairs. “Come back to bed, pretty boy.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, giving her a small smile as he followed her lead. His doubts weren’t completely at ease, not by a long shot, but he knew that somewhere along the way, things would start to get better. He was a hunter, after all.
He’d protect his family if it was the last thing he did.
1062 words
“There's a part of all of us that longs to know that even what's weakest about us is still redeemable and can ultimately count for something good.”
It always happened the same time every night. Just when he thought he was safe, the nightmares would hit. Everything he had done with Ruby, the thing he had become, it all came rushing back like a hard smack to the face. He saw Lilith’s death and the war against Lucifer. Things between him and Dean hadn’t been easy then, and the dreams only made the words he’d said all the louder.
Monster.
It was always in Dean’s voice, loud and angry, but that wasn’t anything new. He’d been having nightmares about him being a monster since the visions had started when he was twenty-two. Those weren’t the part of the dreams that ate away at him. It should have-his actions should have worried him more than the things that haunted him in his sleep, because in those days he had been the monster, but that wasn’t what it was. It was almost as though he had assimilated the title to himself-he knew that was what he was then. The part that got under his skin was Ruby.
She came to him in his dreams, visions so strong he could almost swear that she really was there. It reminded him of the times he and Dean had dabbled with dream root, where the dreams were in Technicolor and larger than life. He’d reach for her and feel her skin under his fingers, try to pull her closer or push her away, he wasn’t sure which. He heard her voice in his head, disjointed and disconnected, as he was reminded that this was all in his head, not outside in the real world.
Silly Sammy. You killed me remember?
He wanted to demand to know what she wanted, what she needed from him. If she was just there to use him again, manipulate him into releasing a whole other evil that he knew lurked beneath the surface of the world. He wanted to kill her all over again, just jab the knife into her stomach over and over again until she disappeared and would finally let him have some peace. But he couldn’t. You can’t kill what isn’t real, and Ruby wasn’t real. Not anymore.
Look at you, Sam. All grown up with your white picket fence and your tiny little family. Everything you ever wanted.
And it was, everything he ever wanted. Alice was more that that, really. She and their soon-to-be baby had become his world, and he would die before he let anything happen to them. Ruby knew that, knew that very well. She knew him, and it only made him angrier, because it only made it easier for her to get to him. The scene suddenly changed, and they were in a hospital delivery room, Alice holding their baby in her arms, and he would start to wonder
You know you can’t protect them, don’t you?
Suddenly, Lilith was there from out of nowhere, bright light shooting from her fingers and Sam couldn’t do anything bit watch helplessly as his family was incinerated in front of them, nothing but Ruby’s laughter ringing in his ears.
You can’t save them, Sammy. No matter how badly you want to.
He turned to around to charge at her, kill her for giving him away, but suddenly the knife was right there and he was jerking awake, sitting up suddenly from the shock of the moment, breathing heavy and eyes bleary as he tried to figure out where he was. There was a soft moan from the body next to him, probably from the loss of Sam’s body heat directly next to her. He started to calm slightly, realizing that it was only a dream, but that wasn’t going to help him edge back into sleep any. He shifted slightly, leaning over to drop a kiss against her shoulder lightly, before getting up and making his way downstairs into the kitchen.
All he’d ever wanted was a family. A family that was normal and safe and away from the risks of hunting. So far, he and Dean seemed to be succeeding, and he had been happy for so long, but as soon as Alice told him that she was pregnant, the nightmares started all over again. All he had wanted was peace and safety, but he knew the dreams were right. He wasn’t going to be able to protect them, not completely. There would always be something that would get in the way, always be something that would come after him, after his family. And there would never be anything he’d be able to do about it.
He stood at the sink for a long time, sipping a glass of water before he felt a pair of arms slide around him and pull him back against her. He closed his eyes at the touch, leaning into it and just soaking up the feel of having her close.
“You know, usually people are sleeping at three in the morning,” Alice said softly, pressing a kiss to the back of his shoulder lightly.
“Yeah, I know,” he said with a nod, turning to face her with a heavy sigh. “Just couldn’t sleep.” One hand came to rest on her hip and he pulled her in closer, resting her head against his shoulder. He tilted his head to the side slightly, burying his nose in her hair and just inhaling the feeling of having her close.
“Anything I can do to help?” she asked, rubbing the back of his neck lightly. Sam was quiet for a moment, before pulling back to look down at her again.
“You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?” Sam’s hand over slightly, letting it come to rest on her stomach lightly. “Either of you.”
“Of course I do,” she murmured, leaning in to kiss him gently. She held the kiss for a moment, before starting to pull away from him, taking her hand in his and pulling him back towards the stairs. “Come back to bed, pretty boy.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, giving her a small smile as he followed her lead. His doubts weren’t completely at ease, not by a long shot, but he knew that somewhere along the way, things would start to get better. He was a hunter, after all.
He’d protect his family if it was the last thing he did.
1062 words