it fucking figures (pt. 2)
okay...okay.. time for story time. I still feel hungover
I get ready, and find out that the car arranges are all strange and disoriented. I ride with heidi. We picked up Chelsea. It was already 7 pm. I had HIS present in my purse. All nicely wrapped. I couldnt wait to give it to him. We finally get there and everyone is sitting outside by the door. I didnt give him the present right then and there. I wanted to wait for the opportune moment, but yeah. i didnt even get that chance really. i walk away to the front with chelsea. we see the after effect. all walk in. set up for the show and i enjoy myself. Later on i figured i would just give up my 'plan' i walked up to him and gave it to him. looked happy and walked off to open it up. i wasnt able to go outside.showcase sucks. he comes back in and gives me a hug. A HUG. he loved the gift. im so happy he was happy. things were grand. show was great. best night ive had in a long time.....
Go home, and wait for Heidi to come back with jon. Heidi ends up not going to the after party with RLD and the after effect and yeah....so me, chelsea, jon,and matt all head over there, following justin's car. cause we didnt now whos house this was going to be at. We get there, and im just excited to hang out with everyone. Walk in, and everyone is sitting. i sit on the floor. jon and justin go for the beer run. we're left to just sit and talk till the beer arrived. Pillar and a friend of hers came. They were all talking, and mentioned HIM. things go downhill. my stomach sank. Pillar's friend was HIS ex....i felt somewhat miserable then. steven,robbie,and HIM finally arrived. they walk in, say hi. then HE comes and sits on the floor next to me, and robbie next to him. I moved a little, cause i felt weird sitting sorta close to him, at that point. from then on, its a bit of a blur. I got smashed. and i wish i would have opened my mouth and talked to him. Said what ive been wanting to say for the longest time. But i didnt manage to say anything but my jibberish of being drunk and whatnot. I kept falling. Kept drinking. I had lovely newcastle. Daniel is very flirtatious. Or maybe it was the drinking. Really....who would come and flirt to me?
What i immediatley find out, about 20 minutes before i left today to teh show,HE wrote something on his myspace. Mentioning the show and how great it was. That she was at the show, and she made him forget his lyrics. That he went home and cleaned himself up for her. He was going to talk to her. Apologize to her. say something...I felt so bad discovering all this. I suppose jealousy gets that half of me. I hate it, but i consume jealousy too easily. Its terrible. I felt torn and tattered, cause HE still has feelings for her, i know it. And me......im this girl. Unnoticed. Friend's sister. Some girl. Me. just...me. and well.. what am i? i am nothing but whatever this crazy situation is. A useless act. Useless and well....not worth the time. I screwed up, i know i have. I should have said something a long time ago. Im a failure. I want to quit cause im not getting any further than this. Its certain.
im never going to drink like that again. i benefitted nothing but a night of thinking of nothing but this,and him...And also the taste of vomit.
such a tragedy...
I'd show a smile, but im too weak. Id share with you, could i only speak. Just how much this hurts me....
how true.
I get ready, and find out that the car arranges are all strange and disoriented. I ride with heidi. We picked up Chelsea. It was already 7 pm. I had HIS present in my purse. All nicely wrapped. I couldnt wait to give it to him. We finally get there and everyone is sitting outside by the door. I didnt give him the present right then and there. I wanted to wait for the opportune moment, but yeah. i didnt even get that chance really. i walk away to the front with chelsea. we see the after effect. all walk in. set up for the show and i enjoy myself. Later on i figured i would just give up my 'plan' i walked up to him and gave it to him. looked happy and walked off to open it up. i wasnt able to go outside.showcase sucks. he comes back in and gives me a hug. A HUG. he loved the gift. im so happy he was happy. things were grand. show was great. best night ive had in a long time.....
Go home, and wait for Heidi to come back with jon. Heidi ends up not going to the after party with RLD and the after effect and yeah....so me, chelsea, jon,and matt all head over there, following justin's car. cause we didnt now whos house this was going to be at. We get there, and im just excited to hang out with everyone. Walk in, and everyone is sitting. i sit on the floor. jon and justin go for the beer run. we're left to just sit and talk till the beer arrived. Pillar and a friend of hers came. They were all talking, and mentioned HIM. things go downhill. my stomach sank. Pillar's friend was HIS ex....i felt somewhat miserable then. steven,robbie,and HIM finally arrived. they walk in, say hi. then HE comes and sits on the floor next to me, and robbie next to him. I moved a little, cause i felt weird sitting sorta close to him, at that point. from then on, its a bit of a blur. I got smashed. and i wish i would have opened my mouth and talked to him. Said what ive been wanting to say for the longest time. But i didnt manage to say anything but my jibberish of being drunk and whatnot. I kept falling. Kept drinking. I had lovely newcastle. Daniel is very flirtatious. Or maybe it was the drinking. Really....who would come and flirt to me?
What i immediatley find out, about 20 minutes before i left today to teh show,HE wrote something on his myspace. Mentioning the show and how great it was. That she was at the show, and she made him forget his lyrics. That he went home and cleaned himself up for her. He was going to talk to her. Apologize to her. say something...I felt so bad discovering all this. I suppose jealousy gets that half of me. I hate it, but i consume jealousy too easily. Its terrible. I felt torn and tattered, cause HE still has feelings for her, i know it. And me......im this girl. Unnoticed. Friend's sister. Some girl. Me. just...me. and well.. what am i? i am nothing but whatever this crazy situation is. A useless act. Useless and well....not worth the time. I screwed up, i know i have. I should have said something a long time ago. Im a failure. I want to quit cause im not getting any further than this. Its certain.
im never going to drink like that again. i benefitted nothing but a night of thinking of nothing but this,and him...And also the taste of vomit.
such a tragedy...
I'd show a smile, but im too weak. Id share with you, could i only speak. Just how much this hurts me....
how true.