& In the night We'll wish this never ends
Homecoming was Amazing. I had such a blast, better than i thought i would. Way better than last years =)
I just wish.. everyone could say that about this years homecoming..
Im actually Happy again!!! woop woop.
I like Jamie. (again)
Ive done alot of thinking over the past couple of days. and guess what? I actually created some answers. I just didnt know i had the answers to all these questions all this time. I was just blind with fear and pain. but not anymore.
Life is a Mystery.
What is my purpose to be on this earth?? Do you know yours?
Love.
At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them. But there are are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular...
HUGE Post, + Some Pictures UnderCut!
Friday we picked up alex and We watched movies =) I love him haha Than later Jen Ash n Andrew came over from the football game. WE BEAT SEAHOLM! woop woop!
hahaha That was alot of fun, but Ew, all of you best delete those Recordings on your phones! I SOUND LIKE A HYENA!!!!! lol
-Homecoming-
Saturday was Hectic and Crazy in the beginning lol We all were stressin out haha but it ending up really good.
I picked up Ash like an HOUR before everyone else was comin over, omg lol we didnt have anything done, but Us girls are amazing and we were ready on time.
Andrew Jen n Alex showed up, and We took a million pics! ill show you some on here, but Alex's are SO much better so ill scan them later tonight!!!
I had to tape my boobs cause my dress was falling off like no other! but finally i got them to stay, for a few hours hahaha
Alex looked too good in his suit and blue shirt. Mmmmmm
I thought everyone looked beautiful and sexy. ahhh!!
Than we went to Justins house to take MORE pics, and dammmmnnn!!! His house is HUGE! lol there were like 30 ppl there, oh fun haha
We ate at PF Changs! ahh Their food was so good, and everyone was like starring at our huge group! i loved every second of the attention hahaha
Than we ran to the Dance!! We were stressin out bout andrew maybe not gettin in, but in the end he got in!! =) and i loved seeing everyone, i was going CRAZY!
Ahhhhhh! I love Dirty Dancing! I was all up on everyone hahaha especailly Alex. damnnn that boy.. mmm. Anyways, I love my girls =) We all were hott and gettin DOWN! i loved it
I danced with my Brother!! andrew looked so cute!
Slow dancin with Alex was fun too, but i almost passed out hahaha
I love being at Groves, i just feel Wild and Crazy again! I was seriously goin insane at the Dance, ahhhh! haha i loved how people were starring at me. and OMG I SAW DREW! I LOVE HIM!!!!!
After the Dance we came back to my house and just chilled and Partayed! ahhhh Homecoming was a blast for me. I love you guys so much. IT WAS AMAZING
Everyone slept over my house, which was FUN! Boys boys boys + Sleepovers = Crazy Night.
Hey Date!! Get over herrrrr! lol
I wanna make outttt!!! --In a minuutttteee!!-- HAHA
The pig lady on the computer screen omg LMAO! nice
Goodtimes Goodtimes!!!!
So. At homecoming I saw Jamie, and wanted to Dance with him but i didnt lol He looked really good. awww. His date was Gorgeous.
I Went over Jamies house Sunday to watch Scary movies. He is so cute, I love how he holds me, cuddles, and just how he treats me.
We kissed.
Yup, I just went for it lol and guess what i found out? I still love kissing this kid.
We didnt finish the movie so of course the next day we had to chill again.
So, Yesterday I went over Jamies house again, and we talked and just hung out upstairs and watched the rest of the retarded ghetto ass Movie! lol (Shallow Ground) dont see it HAHAA
I like him. yup, I like jamie.
He is a cutie.
We kissed again, and we laughed about old times. We were smiling alot, and something i noticed, he makes me a better person. Just like hanging out with him for a day, made me a better person than who i was yesterday.
No, i dont wanna fall in love. and no i dont really believe in love that much anymore. but I do like Jamie. I like being with him. I like kissing him. (thats no lie, which means i really did move on) I like how he treats me. I like our memories. I like his Wierdness. I like how comfortable i am with him. I like how i feel like i dont need to impress him. I like how he said yesterday "I dont care how you look, i just wanna see you right now" I like how i dont have to put on makeup and tight shirt, tight pants, Thong, Perfume, Straighten my hair.. I can go over Jamies house with no makeup, my hair a mess, Smelling like ASS (which wont ever happen but im just sayin lol) The baggiest Cloths, Circles under my eyes, and forgot to brush my teeth, and he will still like me.
No, that will probably never happen but like i said before, im just sayin lol But i could go over with no makeup, hair a mess, baggy cloths, and he would still wanna cuddle with me.
and thats the kind of guy thats worth while.
No, i dont really want a boyfriend right now. I like being Single. I like flirting and being able to do anything i want, whenever i want. I like not being in love, and being free.
but. I also like Jamie alot.
I know alot of you say im not over one of my Ex's. but I am. Kissing Jamie and not thinking of him made me realize even more how over it all i really am. and please just Support me with that, with me being over him and it, cause im finally am happy again, and the last thing i need is for you guys to tell me i still and will always love him, and always care, and how he will be apart of me forever. I finally let go, and moved on from him. Why cant you guys just be supportive over this. cause thats what i need, that, or else nothing at all. Cause Im happy. Without him. FINALLY. so dont bring me down by saying shit about him. im slowly forgettin him, our stupid memories. i finally can say "I dont love him anymore" and have my heart not sink down cause id know it was a lie. so please, for me, just.. dont do that. thankya loves
Also, I know some of you think im not ready for a new boyfriend, but listen to me.. It aint that serious lol im 15 years old! i have 3 years left of high school. Whoever i date right now, its not like we will last forever. It wont last forever, Maybe a year? Couple months? Weeks? Days? or even hours. But see, I built a wall around my heart, and im waiting for "The one" to Knock it over and steal my heart away from me. Until then, I will like boys. I will date. I will go out with them. But dont worry guys lol I will be fine, Ya i might get a little bit hurt, But the worst is over. No one could hurt me as much as he did. So now only bright skys are left.
Ive been doing SO good latley. Every morning i will wake up before my alarm clock goes off and just sit there and think about all the good things i have to look forward to. What i have to be thankful for. and things that i still need to change. I smile and laugh alot now, and its all real. I dont cry anymore, no real reason to. I let go, of alot of things. I let go of some people that were lostcauses. and I gave up on things that really, werent ever coming back. I let go of things that i couldnt change, and most importantly i let go of what that guy did to me. I cant change what happend. and no i cant erase the memories, the dreams i still get, or the images that are engraved in my head, but if i do feel scared, or start feeling myself break down, if i feel weak and feel myself reliving it again, i just stop, take a deep breath, repeat over in my head "Its over, he isnt coming back, it wont happen again." and say a little prayer, than i feel okay. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and realized i have a better life than alot of people out there. I try to help others now, and if someone is sad, i try to cheer them up. Ive been doing things for myself too, like loosing wieght, and drawing again. Im going to my counselor soon, which im really looking forward to. Ive missed her so much, i cant wait to tell her everything. But something ive realized, You have to pick yourself up. Look at me, im okay now, after evertyhing that has happend to me, im actually happy. None of you will understand how hard it was or still is for me, but im getting through it. Just take a step at a time, and remember there is someone out there you loves you.
Also my self esteem and confidence is going sky high! I look in the mirror, and i dont just see this ugly, fat, pimple faced, who nose, girl. I see a girl, Who is a survivor, who is so strong, and who is pretty. Maybe not gorgeous, but i know i am good looking.
If you look around, than look at yourself in the mirror, even if this is bad or wrong or conceded, You know you are better looking than other people out there. just admitting that to yourself is the first step.
Im getting to be More outgoing again (damn i love it!!!)
I love laughing 24/7
and I love not caring what others think of me.
Im wild and Crazy and Free. and honestly? I dont give a FUCK what any of you think of me.
Yup, This is just who i am. Carissa fucking May.
Damn it feels so good to be back.
Wow, Im Single, and im happy. I dont need a boy to be happy. and neither do any of you. Remember that
WOA DAMN! I wrote so much. Well sorry everyone but i wanted to write this all out. Im really proud, and Happy right now. Even tho i know something can come and try to bring me down at any moment, Im not gonna let it. Im gonna stay up here, for as long as i can. Cause i know i deserve to be happy. and so do you guys.
I love my bestest Friends so much. Thanks for always being there for me, but now its my turn to help you guys out. Im here for you, I love you guys, your my world.
Also, No more grudges, im gonna live my life, free, and myself, no i dont hate anyone, sure people can be mean and annoying, but im not gonna hold a grudge against you. If we had a rocky past, please just, leave it in the past. Thats what im doing. Im starting New, and Fresh. and damn it feels so good.
©©©©
yea I'm the girl with her middle finger in the air;;
cuz for the first time in my life I don't fucking care
©©©©
heres to the future ;; cause im over the past
©©©©
& she doesnt care what they say about her..
.. because she realized ; they don't know shit
©©©©
PARTY LiKE A PiMP
BUT LOVE LiKE A LADY
-Homecoming Pics-
Me and JR!! Ya you tell them Jr hahahaHAHA
Date and Me!!!!!!!!!
Me and Ash!!!! ew why are we so pale in my pics lol!
Mmmm Sexy!!!
Dontcha wish your girlfriend was Hawt like ME!
Our Group!!! Andrew Ash Justin Jen Alex and ME
Oh alex, your so amazing. "Kiss me and im yours" LOL
-Unhomecoming pics! lol-
Jason ahhhhhh!!!!! Ya Mcdonalds rocks
You think you hurt me real good this time
But in reality, I dont hurt one bit inside
Cause i dont give a fuck about you.
The Bronco!! I ride in this Everday, ahahaha Its so pimp.
>>To be Continued<<
Quotes from the book DATEABLE! it pissed me off when i read it first, but now after everything, it makes so much sense!
Truth: Just because you date someone doesnt mean you will marry them
Truth: Your dating expierence will help shape your married life
&&
Dont make the mistake of being in love with being in love.
&&
How much you put in
Determines how much it will hurt when it ends!
&&
Sex creates a soul connection. So the more you give up sexually in a relationship, the more it rips your soul apart.
&&
Your crush doesnt need to know everything about you.
&&
Dont practice divorce, by playing house with each other.
&&
"He will become Prince Charming and I will be his princess." Ahh yes,the battle cry of the delusional.
&&
Easy girls are not keepers.
They are a temporary fix
'til the right one comes along.
&&
A guy will have a tendency to treat you
like you are dressed. If you are dressed like
a flesh buffet, dont be surprised when he
treats you like a piece of meat.
&&
Sex wont keep him.
&&
Girls, that rush the bad boy gives you is fear, because you dont know whats going to happen next
&&
Ever heard a guy say "she's smothering me"?
T R A N S L A T I O N
"Shes chasing me, and im bored with it."
Thanks Loves <3 lol Just think about this, cause its so true.
I just wish.. everyone could say that about this years homecoming..
Im actually Happy again!!! woop woop.
I like Jamie. (again)
Ive done alot of thinking over the past couple of days. and guess what? I actually created some answers. I just didnt know i had the answers to all these questions all this time. I was just blind with fear and pain. but not anymore.
Life is a Mystery.
What is my purpose to be on this earth?? Do you know yours?
Love.
At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them. But there are are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular...
HUGE Post, + Some Pictures UnderCut!
Friday we picked up alex and We watched movies =) I love him haha Than later Jen Ash n Andrew came over from the football game. WE BEAT SEAHOLM! woop woop!
hahaha That was alot of fun, but Ew, all of you best delete those Recordings on your phones! I SOUND LIKE A HYENA!!!!! lol
-Homecoming-
Saturday was Hectic and Crazy in the beginning lol We all were stressin out haha but it ending up really good.
I picked up Ash like an HOUR before everyone else was comin over, omg lol we didnt have anything done, but Us girls are amazing and we were ready on time.
Andrew Jen n Alex showed up, and We took a million pics! ill show you some on here, but Alex's are SO much better so ill scan them later tonight!!!
I had to tape my boobs cause my dress was falling off like no other! but finally i got them to stay, for a few hours hahaha
Alex looked too good in his suit and blue shirt. Mmmmmm
I thought everyone looked beautiful and sexy. ahhh!!
Than we went to Justins house to take MORE pics, and dammmmnnn!!! His house is HUGE! lol there were like 30 ppl there, oh fun haha
We ate at PF Changs! ahh Their food was so good, and everyone was like starring at our huge group! i loved every second of the attention hahaha
Than we ran to the Dance!! We were stressin out bout andrew maybe not gettin in, but in the end he got in!! =) and i loved seeing everyone, i was going CRAZY!
Ahhhhhh! I love Dirty Dancing! I was all up on everyone hahaha especailly Alex. damnnn that boy.. mmm. Anyways, I love my girls =) We all were hott and gettin DOWN! i loved it
I danced with my Brother!! andrew looked so cute!
Slow dancin with Alex was fun too, but i almost passed out hahaha
I love being at Groves, i just feel Wild and Crazy again! I was seriously goin insane at the Dance, ahhhh! haha i loved how people were starring at me. and OMG I SAW DREW! I LOVE HIM!!!!!
After the Dance we came back to my house and just chilled and Partayed! ahhhh Homecoming was a blast for me. I love you guys so much. IT WAS AMAZING
Everyone slept over my house, which was FUN! Boys boys boys + Sleepovers = Crazy Night.
Hey Date!! Get over herrrrr! lol
I wanna make outttt!!! --In a minuutttteee!!-- HAHA
The pig lady on the computer screen omg LMAO! nice
Goodtimes Goodtimes!!!!
So. At homecoming I saw Jamie, and wanted to Dance with him but i didnt lol He looked really good. awww. His date was Gorgeous.
I Went over Jamies house Sunday to watch Scary movies. He is so cute, I love how he holds me, cuddles, and just how he treats me.
We kissed.
Yup, I just went for it lol and guess what i found out? I still love kissing this kid.
We didnt finish the movie so of course the next day we had to chill again.
So, Yesterday I went over Jamies house again, and we talked and just hung out upstairs and watched the rest of the retarded ghetto ass Movie! lol (Shallow Ground) dont see it HAHAA
I like him. yup, I like jamie.
He is a cutie.
We kissed again, and we laughed about old times. We were smiling alot, and something i noticed, he makes me a better person. Just like hanging out with him for a day, made me a better person than who i was yesterday.
No, i dont wanna fall in love. and no i dont really believe in love that much anymore. but I do like Jamie. I like being with him. I like kissing him. (thats no lie, which means i really did move on) I like how he treats me. I like our memories. I like his Wierdness. I like how comfortable i am with him. I like how i feel like i dont need to impress him. I like how he said yesterday "I dont care how you look, i just wanna see you right now" I like how i dont have to put on makeup and tight shirt, tight pants, Thong, Perfume, Straighten my hair.. I can go over Jamies house with no makeup, my hair a mess, Smelling like ASS (which wont ever happen but im just sayin lol) The baggiest Cloths, Circles under my eyes, and forgot to brush my teeth, and he will still like me.
No, that will probably never happen but like i said before, im just sayin lol But i could go over with no makeup, hair a mess, baggy cloths, and he would still wanna cuddle with me.
and thats the kind of guy thats worth while.
No, i dont really want a boyfriend right now. I like being Single. I like flirting and being able to do anything i want, whenever i want. I like not being in love, and being free.
but. I also like Jamie alot.
I know alot of you say im not over one of my Ex's. but I am. Kissing Jamie and not thinking of him made me realize even more how over it all i really am. and please just Support me with that, with me being over him and it, cause im finally am happy again, and the last thing i need is for you guys to tell me i still and will always love him, and always care, and how he will be apart of me forever. I finally let go, and moved on from him. Why cant you guys just be supportive over this. cause thats what i need, that, or else nothing at all. Cause Im happy. Without him. FINALLY. so dont bring me down by saying shit about him. im slowly forgettin him, our stupid memories. i finally can say "I dont love him anymore" and have my heart not sink down cause id know it was a lie. so please, for me, just.. dont do that. thankya loves
Also, I know some of you think im not ready for a new boyfriend, but listen to me.. It aint that serious lol im 15 years old! i have 3 years left of high school. Whoever i date right now, its not like we will last forever. It wont last forever, Maybe a year? Couple months? Weeks? Days? or even hours. But see, I built a wall around my heart, and im waiting for "The one" to Knock it over and steal my heart away from me. Until then, I will like boys. I will date. I will go out with them. But dont worry guys lol I will be fine, Ya i might get a little bit hurt, But the worst is over. No one could hurt me as much as he did. So now only bright skys are left.
Ive been doing SO good latley. Every morning i will wake up before my alarm clock goes off and just sit there and think about all the good things i have to look forward to. What i have to be thankful for. and things that i still need to change. I smile and laugh alot now, and its all real. I dont cry anymore, no real reason to. I let go, of alot of things. I let go of some people that were lostcauses. and I gave up on things that really, werent ever coming back. I let go of things that i couldnt change, and most importantly i let go of what that guy did to me. I cant change what happend. and no i cant erase the memories, the dreams i still get, or the images that are engraved in my head, but if i do feel scared, or start feeling myself break down, if i feel weak and feel myself reliving it again, i just stop, take a deep breath, repeat over in my head "Its over, he isnt coming back, it wont happen again." and say a little prayer, than i feel okay. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and realized i have a better life than alot of people out there. I try to help others now, and if someone is sad, i try to cheer them up. Ive been doing things for myself too, like loosing wieght, and drawing again. Im going to my counselor soon, which im really looking forward to. Ive missed her so much, i cant wait to tell her everything. But something ive realized, You have to pick yourself up. Look at me, im okay now, after evertyhing that has happend to me, im actually happy. None of you will understand how hard it was or still is for me, but im getting through it. Just take a step at a time, and remember there is someone out there you loves you.
Also my self esteem and confidence is going sky high! I look in the mirror, and i dont just see this ugly, fat, pimple faced, who nose, girl. I see a girl, Who is a survivor, who is so strong, and who is pretty. Maybe not gorgeous, but i know i am good looking.
If you look around, than look at yourself in the mirror, even if this is bad or wrong or conceded, You know you are better looking than other people out there. just admitting that to yourself is the first step.
Im getting to be More outgoing again (damn i love it!!!)
I love laughing 24/7
and I love not caring what others think of me.
Im wild and Crazy and Free. and honestly? I dont give a FUCK what any of you think of me.
Yup, This is just who i am. Carissa fucking May.
Damn it feels so good to be back.
Wow, Im Single, and im happy. I dont need a boy to be happy. and neither do any of you. Remember that
WOA DAMN! I wrote so much. Well sorry everyone but i wanted to write this all out. Im really proud, and Happy right now. Even tho i know something can come and try to bring me down at any moment, Im not gonna let it. Im gonna stay up here, for as long as i can. Cause i know i deserve to be happy. and so do you guys.
I love my bestest Friends so much. Thanks for always being there for me, but now its my turn to help you guys out. Im here for you, I love you guys, your my world.
Also, No more grudges, im gonna live my life, free, and myself, no i dont hate anyone, sure people can be mean and annoying, but im not gonna hold a grudge against you. If we had a rocky past, please just, leave it in the past. Thats what im doing. Im starting New, and Fresh. and damn it feels so good.
©©©©
yea I'm the girl with her middle finger in the air;;
cuz for the first time in my life I don't fucking care
©©©©
heres to the future ;; cause im over the past
©©©©
& she doesnt care what they say about her..
.. because she realized ; they don't know shit
©©©©
PARTY LiKE A PiMP
BUT LOVE LiKE A LADY
-Homecoming Pics-
Me and JR!! Ya you tell them Jr hahahaHAHA
Date and Me!!!!!!!!!
Me and Ash!!!! ew why are we so pale in my pics lol!
Mmmm Sexy!!!
Dontcha wish your girlfriend was Hawt like ME!
Our Group!!! Andrew Ash Justin Jen Alex and ME
Oh alex, your so amazing. "Kiss me and im yours" LOL
-Unhomecoming pics! lol-
Jason ahhhhhh!!!!! Ya Mcdonalds rocks
You think you hurt me real good this time
But in reality, I dont hurt one bit inside
Cause i dont give a fuck about you.
The Bronco!! I ride in this Everday, ahahaha Its so pimp.
>>To be Continued<<
Quotes from the book DATEABLE! it pissed me off when i read it first, but now after everything, it makes so much sense!
Truth: Just because you date someone doesnt mean you will marry them
Truth: Your dating expierence will help shape your married life
&&
Dont make the mistake of being in love with being in love.
&&
How much you put in
Determines how much it will hurt when it ends!
&&
Sex creates a soul connection. So the more you give up sexually in a relationship, the more it rips your soul apart.
&&
Your crush doesnt need to know everything about you.
&&
Dont practice divorce, by playing house with each other.
&&
"He will become Prince Charming and I will be his princess." Ahh yes,the battle cry of the delusional.
&&
Easy girls are not keepers.
They are a temporary fix
'til the right one comes along.
&&
A guy will have a tendency to treat you
like you are dressed. If you are dressed like
a flesh buffet, dont be surprised when he
treats you like a piece of meat.
&&
Sex wont keep him.
&&
Girls, that rush the bad boy gives you is fear, because you dont know whats going to happen next
&&
Ever heard a guy say "she's smothering me"?
T R A N S L A T I O N
"Shes chasing me, and im bored with it."
Thanks Loves <3 lol Just think about this, cause its so true.