(no subject)
i feel almost insane that in three months, my ideas of love have changed so drastically. in three months, two people from my past have lit a fire in my heart. steph was there. from the end of the summer until the end of october, about two months, i thought that she was what i wanted. i feel like i just wanted the feeling back...the way she always made me feel. i loved her, i know that much, and i know i was blinded by that and i couldn't see the hurt she was causing me. she was so bad for me and i didn't even know it. not one good thing came from loving her for those two months...nothing at all. i wasted $200 on her for nothing. that's probably the greatest loss to me. because losing her didn't happen in those two months. i lost her two years ago when she let me go. i am so much better off now...now that i'm without her. i don't even want to stay her friend. her life has come to a point that i don't agree with. she isn't being smart about her decisions and she's never going to even get through one year of college. she doesn't have her priorities straight and there's no way i could be with someone who didn't have hope for the future.
allyson, on the other hand, has consumed my mind for the last month. to some people, it might seem crazy that the end of october to the middle of november isn't exactly enough time to jump from being in love with one person to being in love with another. it might also seem crazy that i'm letting her back into my life after what happened last year. so maybe i'm crazy...but i know how i feel about her. i don't even think it's weird that i know that i love her. i knew a year ago, from the minute we started talking, that i cared about her and that she would be a huge part of my life. i knew right away then, why not know now? i saw her for a little over three weeks ago for the first time in a long time. since then, things have really been amazing. i trust her. i forgive her for what happened. she was young, and she needed to let go of me for someone else so she could grow into herself more. i trust that. i believe that. she makes me want to be better for myself. i want to be the best i can be for her. steph brought me down to her level, but with allyson, i legitimately thirst for more, for the unknown. she has so much potential and so much greatness in her, she doesn't even know it. i tell her all the time that she's so smart and she's going to do fine in the world. she pushes herself and, unlike steph, she sets goals for herself and knows what she wants and how to get it. she probably has no idea just how much more attractive that makes her.
the other night, i gave her the necklace i've wanted to give her since probably april of last year. i just didn't know how to get around to do it, seeing as she was with someone new. i made it. it had a symbol for strength on one side and the word strength on the other. i always told her that i would be strong for her. i never wanted her to feel any pain. she deserves the best...and that's what i want to give her. i'm going to try with everything in me to be who she needs me to be. it wont be hard...seeing her smile makes me want to do anything for her.
tonight she told me that she thinks that a relationship with me would be almost perfect. she's afraid of them though...she says she hates that someone always gets hurt. but without that risk, you risk even more. you risk not finding the person who makes you happier than you ever dreamt possible. i want to be her dream, the person she did something right for...i don't want to be a mistake. i love her. i know i do. she's so important to me and this time, i know better than to let her go. i'd miss her too much. i'd lose my mind if i lost her heart.
allyson, on the other hand, has consumed my mind for the last month. to some people, it might seem crazy that the end of october to the middle of november isn't exactly enough time to jump from being in love with one person to being in love with another. it might also seem crazy that i'm letting her back into my life after what happened last year. so maybe i'm crazy...but i know how i feel about her. i don't even think it's weird that i know that i love her. i knew a year ago, from the minute we started talking, that i cared about her and that she would be a huge part of my life. i knew right away then, why not know now? i saw her for a little over three weeks ago for the first time in a long time. since then, things have really been amazing. i trust her. i forgive her for what happened. she was young, and she needed to let go of me for someone else so she could grow into herself more. i trust that. i believe that. she makes me want to be better for myself. i want to be the best i can be for her. steph brought me down to her level, but with allyson, i legitimately thirst for more, for the unknown. she has so much potential and so much greatness in her, she doesn't even know it. i tell her all the time that she's so smart and she's going to do fine in the world. she pushes herself and, unlike steph, she sets goals for herself and knows what she wants and how to get it. she probably has no idea just how much more attractive that makes her.
the other night, i gave her the necklace i've wanted to give her since probably april of last year. i just didn't know how to get around to do it, seeing as she was with someone new. i made it. it had a symbol for strength on one side and the word strength on the other. i always told her that i would be strong for her. i never wanted her to feel any pain. she deserves the best...and that's what i want to give her. i'm going to try with everything in me to be who she needs me to be. it wont be hard...seeing her smile makes me want to do anything for her.
tonight she told me that she thinks that a relationship with me would be almost perfect. she's afraid of them though...she says she hates that someone always gets hurt. but without that risk, you risk even more. you risk not finding the person who makes you happier than you ever dreamt possible. i want to be her dream, the person she did something right for...i don't want to be a mistake. i love her. i know i do. she's so important to me and this time, i know better than to let her go. i'd miss her too much. i'd lose my mind if i lost her heart.