case of the ex
the only reason i thought about hitting him up is because he's popped up in my thoughts recently.
when i was thinking of what i would say...it was mostly just that i'm ok, and i realize that most of the terrible things i said about him may not have been true, but that things weren't meant to work out with us because i'm so happy now, and i hope he is too. but then i was thinking...that *could* seem really messy AND asshole-ish. so i deaded that thought. i guess i still need to forgive myself for how crazily i acted towards the end...i still feel bad. not even for him, but that he really saw the worst in me. like there are things he could tell people that i've done that no one would believe. apparently that bothers me, still.
there's another part of me that still needs to "know" how to categorize him and the whole situation.
he's my ex. but am i his? i still feel like i had to have been a side piece. but then other facts contradict that.
why it matters is because???
i have no idea????
i'm still cool with the exes that weren't complete assholes.
not "still cool with" in the sense of talking on any regular basis. or maintaining contact unless this works out. but we might like one another's facebook post every 5 months. if i ever had to run into them again in life, it would be stress free with superficial but meant wellwishes exchanged. if they have a particular area of expertise i could hit them up and ask their advice and get an answer. and vice versa.
but again, that's not major.
perhaps, as my current relationship deepens, i'm reflecting on the last time i felt anything close to this deep for anyone and trying to avoid pitfalls?
i remember doing that in the past...talking to walt about whomever i was currently dating at the time. it was cool.
idk.
the elephant in the room of me & ernest's relationship (to me) is...he has, to my knowledge, not communicated with her in any way at all in almost 2 years. they were together for 4 years and engaged for 2. now when we first met he was on a "fuck that bitch" tip. to me that's a whole lot of unresolvedness going on. and he was cool with her brother, and her sister's girlfriend...i know he talked to the brother not too long ago. so i feel at some point he is going to talk to her. i truly believe at some point--probably when things are going a lil better for him--she's going to realize what she had and try to get back. i really really think so. so...at first that made me feel insecure. but now...idk.
oh shit i gotta go, we were supposed to do the nasty tonight.
when i was thinking of what i would say...it was mostly just that i'm ok, and i realize that most of the terrible things i said about him may not have been true, but that things weren't meant to work out with us because i'm so happy now, and i hope he is too. but then i was thinking...that *could* seem really messy AND asshole-ish. so i deaded that thought. i guess i still need to forgive myself for how crazily i acted towards the end...i still feel bad. not even for him, but that he really saw the worst in me. like there are things he could tell people that i've done that no one would believe. apparently that bothers me, still.
there's another part of me that still needs to "know" how to categorize him and the whole situation.
he's my ex. but am i his? i still feel like i had to have been a side piece. but then other facts contradict that.
why it matters is because???
i have no idea????
i'm still cool with the exes that weren't complete assholes.
not "still cool with" in the sense of talking on any regular basis. or maintaining contact unless this works out. but we might like one another's facebook post every 5 months. if i ever had to run into them again in life, it would be stress free with superficial but meant wellwishes exchanged. if they have a particular area of expertise i could hit them up and ask their advice and get an answer. and vice versa.
but again, that's not major.
perhaps, as my current relationship deepens, i'm reflecting on the last time i felt anything close to this deep for anyone and trying to avoid pitfalls?
i remember doing that in the past...talking to walt about whomever i was currently dating at the time. it was cool.
idk.
the elephant in the room of me & ernest's relationship (to me) is...he has, to my knowledge, not communicated with her in any way at all in almost 2 years. they were together for 4 years and engaged for 2. now when we first met he was on a "fuck that bitch" tip. to me that's a whole lot of unresolvedness going on. and he was cool with her brother, and her sister's girlfriend...i know he talked to the brother not too long ago. so i feel at some point he is going to talk to her. i truly believe at some point--probably when things are going a lil better for him--she's going to realize what she had and try to get back. i really really think so. so...at first that made me feel insecure. but now...idk.
oh shit i gotta go, we were supposed to do the nasty tonight.