What a mess....
So I'm getting sick of this crap surrounding my dad's death (Fire that he didn't set, but ended up dying in). I don't why someone would do this to him. Its such a mess. August 21st I was thrust into a world of cops, and funeral homes, and wills, and death taxes, and fucking demolition companies to tear down his house because it's a complete loss, crap that I didnt know existed. Sorry this is kind of rambling (I dont know how to make an LJ cut).
I've been having to talk with detectives, and they're such frickin douchebags. They never call, so what am I supposed to believe? Then they finally call, and say lets have a meeting on Wednesday (the 29th). So I get the detectives to come to the college I go to so i'd have some support (my counsellor came with, thank god. Because my mom has turned into the least encouraging person..my mom and dad were divorced for 21 years, and when he died, she kind of took over. She would pretend to be when trying to find out if he had any pension etc, which I did NOT give her permission to do. But I thought she'd be there for me, but I ended up getting kicked out of my house essentially)
So the detectives come, and are talking telling me the same shit i've known ALL ALONG ("he died of smoke inhalation"-thanks asshole, I didnt know that-NOT). They told me that they were still after the guy they've been after since AUGUST, but he has since relocated to a different province (But apparently that doesn't scream guilt). So for the last few months since I last talked to the detectives I just kind of figured that they weren't going to do anything...which I kind of came to terms with. So when they said the only way they would be able to charge him is if they find a key witness, or got him to admit it, I asked them "what happens if you cant get this, will you rule it a suicide, or accidental?" He says "It wasn't a suicide, or accidental". So basically he told me my dad was murdered. What a freakin mess. Then they say, that we'll meet again in the months, which brings us to the end of September. It makes me wonder what the heck they are doing.
I just needed to ramble, when when I write it down it kind of makes it more real. Is it possible to live the last 10 months in shock. We didnt have the greatest relationship. I'm super sad, but I rarely cry. I can talk about it like its someone else's life. Have any of you found that. So thats why I think i've potentially been in shock for this long. And also 8 days after this happened I started my first year of nursing college.
I would never wish for him to have been sick, but if I'm being selfish I wish he would have had a heart attack or something..anything but this. Not saying goodbye suckss.
Blah. Hope everyone got through fathers' day ok:)
Crystal