I keep trying and for what?

[imemine]

Every day I post my stupid fund raiser for my meds on myspace and every day no one says anything and I haven't even raised one penny sigh....I really always thought that when and if things got bad in my life I could count on my friends, I mean surely? Right? Nope sigh only two friends cared George and Terry and they are as bad off as me sigh...But my so called 60 some odd friends forgot me, I guess it was cause I wasn't throwing a huge party where I spent 300 on food and drink or I wasn't buying them pricy gifts I was forgotten they dont even care enough to say hey I m sorry you are so sick and ill and have so many meds you have to take...I am so alone, and as I write this I m crying cause it hurts to know that your friends where only your friends as long as you could give to them and that you are not even worth one dollar to keep you alive that hurts that hurts more than me selling and pawning all my stuff, I was a fool...I thought if you said you where a friend you where indeed a friend and that you don’t turn your back on the person who cared for you cause shes poor and sick and dying and can not party or give you expensive presents! I should be worth more than my parties I should be worth more than the presents I bought you guys.......But i m not nor ever will be, this is my merry Christmas poverty and knowing only two people care about me out of 60! And that no one will donate even a dollar to keep me alive...I guess i am no good alive if I am not buying my friends, for that is exactly what I did, I just didn't realize that was what I was doing. I thought it was the kindness of my heart...But truth was they didn't want to be my friends they wanted to be my moneys friend sigh :( I hate this year! I hate knowing the truth about my friends! And I hate Christmas no good tidings for me no good will towards men for me....All i have is emptiness and a broken heart.

P.S. but to dear Terry and dear George I shall never ever forget your kind hearts...And that you cared for me, you two are indeed the best people ever, thank you thank you.