Humanity...
I have been questioning humanity lately and how I am losing my faith in it.
I was just informed that my mom and step-dad are separating. I do not know for how long or if it is permeate. I struggle with the thought that two people who have loved each other for so long could just stop. Why bother even falling in love if it could end after any given period of time? That is just so sad. I feel kind of responsible of the loss of their love. Maybe if I would have been more willing to move after my junior year… perhaps Eric would not have gone to Korea, got drunk, and kissed another woman. If we would have moved together as a family things might have been okay. Everyone would have been close and still together, not so broken.
I hate the idea of needing people. I do not ever want to become dependent on another person for anything. I would like to develop strong relationships, especially friendships. The past few months, I have been questioning what I am looking for. I know that I want to learn and experience all that is possible. I would like to be able to clearly when I am around any kind of person. I want to feel comfortable to talk about anything if I chose to open up to them. I am looking for truth in a person and with myself.
I am looking for many relationships of this sort, but as I get to know people, I find out how insecure the people really are. These people are people who seem completely comfortable with their life, actions, and self, but in all actually, they are not. They cover this by talking about themselves constantly or unfortunately lying. This is so disappointing. You can never be close with someone if you are honest and true, not only to that person, but to yourself. You have to be comfortable and honest with who you are to really ever be with anyone else.
Honesty… You really think it would not be hard to tell the truth all the time. I am aware that we exaggerate sometimes, that is okay. But, lying something I have a huge issue with. Being truthful is a quality I truly value. People should never say anything that they do not mean or that they will not do. Do not make up stories and then tell them to your friends. Friendship is about truth and anyone who does not understand that is not worthy of having friends.
Lying just makes everything worse. I was taught that from the beginning. If you get caught doing something, just say that you did it. Do not lie about it because you will get grounded for a lot longer. You would think that people at this age would know that by now. But they do not. I cannot handle that nor can I handle promises that will not be kept. It bothers me greatly. It hurts a lot actually.
I just said the same thing twice in two different paragraphs. I just really want to get that point across because I am really tired of being let down. I am tired of thinking I am terrible person, so I refuse to think that anymore. I am comfortable with who I am. I hope to continue to grow day by day. I will take everything good about today and bring it to tomorrow. I will get rid of everything bad from today and leave it for yesterday. I will continue to grow as I continue to become the person I want to become.
Scattered entry… there are just many emotions that need to be written out. More to come now that it is summe