Virginiversary
If you ever have a spare moment...Think back to this time a year ago.
What were you doing? Who were you as a person? Where were you compared to where you are now?
Hopefully you will realize how far you have come. You should realize how different things, how many things have changed.
For me a year ago, I was a completely different person. A year ago. Jesus. A year ago at this time I was barely a virgin. I was playing beer pong, drinking jaguar bombs… Only to fall asleep in my car where in the morning I would awake and have my virginity taken. This was the start of a new people. A year ago, I was still discovering myself. I was learning insecurities and facing them all at the same time. After this happened a new world was offered to me, not only the world of sex, but a different world.
Losing my virginity certainly was an eye opening experience. For the first time I was able to see myself clearly. I was able to understand things that had not made sense before. I grew up a lot after one early morning. It is kind of strange though. I don’t necessarily view losing my virginity as a positive experience, yet I don’t necessarily view it as negative. It was a neutral experience for me, I suppose. In many ways I do wish I would have waited for someone who would have treated me with a little more respect. In many ways, I wish I could have handled the situation better.
During the two weeks I was being introduced to this new element, I became a very shitty person. I didn’t completely realize at the time, but I am facing it now. That person, that side of me, is someone I never want to see again. She was a selfish, lying bitch. She wasn’t me. I was hurting people around me cared about me. I destroyed some things that I don’t believe where meant to be destroyed. I will never be able to rekindle the things I broke, just as I will never be able rekindle my virginity.
I took this experience and naturally I learned from it. I learned, yet I didn’t fully use what I learned. Still I find myself getting hurt guy after guy because I let my hormones get the best of me. I suppose it is just one of those things you have to learn to grow stronger from gradually.
Today is my virginiversary. Who I was back then is not who I am now. I think from this experience alone and others surrounding it, I have come down to earth. I have come down to see things for what they are and nothing more or less. I have become stronger, not weaker. I have learned that girls will have sexual desires, just as much as men, and that doesn’t make them whores. We all need to get laid sometimes. Just that when we do it should be with someone we trust. It should always be with someone who won’t let it affect the way of things. It shouldn’t affect your friendship in negative ways. It should just strengthen; boost the bonds of friendship to a higher level. By no means should it change anything though.
I am not really sure why I felt the need to write this. I guess I wanted to commemorate my virginiversary in some way and this is the only way I could think of.
Hmmm… how far we’ve come…. how far I’ve come.