If you have to leave, I wish you would just leave.

[imbarbie]

I really have to vent here, I really don't care what anyone say's or think's about it because it's my journal and my opinions. So if you don't feel like seeing me bitch about reality, then close the damn page. Anyway's moving on... Lately i've noticed how sketchy and how odd everyone has been acting. It's not just a few people, it's a hole lot of people. From people I am hardly around, to people I am alway's around, from people I see once in a blue moon, to people I see every day. It's completely insane that everyone has gone from this total serene and relaxed state to a frivilous state of anger and frustration. I don't really understand how it's happend, but it's all like me and Amber were talking about today Cause and Effect. For one, just getting this off my chest I think that everyone dies etc at there time, you don't die because you were an idiot walking across the street, you die because it was planned for you to be an idiot and walk across the street. Anyways... fate is what I am trying to get through here. Cause and Effect, or Fate. It's a bland thing if you think about it, quite simple. But it's really driving everyone to an edge, even if you are not being the person affected in the situation, your indirectly affected because your friend is being affected by somthing. Unfortunatly, we all have to deal with it for the moment. As painful and uncomfortable it becomes, reality is always there trying to slap us in the face. If it's with a guy you like that you can't seem to get, or if it's with the constant feeling of lonesome and unwantedness. Usually I would be the one who would lash out and bitch and everyone for there faults, but I've realize that it doesnt work like that anymore. I realize it make's other people realize what they have done wrong, but it also causes a disturbance in a friendship/relationship. Like right now what went on today with Anthony saying those thing's to Kayla about freshman, for one, we maybe freshman Anthony, but label or not, were people, same as you. To me, Age/Labels/Hair Color/Skin etc don't matter. Yes I know I can be just the worst judgemental person, don't get me wrong I know I have alot of faults. I am a dramatic, over obsessive, bitchy, complaining, chick who is just fucked in the end. Besides that, people also have good qualities. Also what Neil almost did to Kayla, that is about the lowest thing a friend can do. If you expect someone to trust you, you don't go off doing that. You help them, you talk to them. I know it's just nearly impossible to show people the brighter side's of things, but it's worth the try to atleast try and level with them. People can also try and change to help others, like Alexis my dear dear Alexis! She is trying to go to class everyday, that's a big thing for her, that's a big change. Me? I am doing a physical and mental change, physically I am trying to get a 4 pack (yes that's insane), and mentally I am trying to become more mentally stable over myself and over my feeling's for other people because I let my feeling's for people get over-the-top. Everyone get's down I have noticed to more than usual lately, including myself, about relationships. Now that it's the end of the year, and everyone's noticing who they have hooked up with/been in a relationship with and it has either benefited them or done nothing at all to help them, not that it should. I myself have realize that alot of the guys/girls that I have cared/liked/loved (yes I said love, you may not know this of the child that thing's love is a hoax, she has been in love and hated and loved every moment of it, and she misses it terribly) alot have been meaningless. Three people probably in my whole existance of caring for people whatever you want to say, have matterd to me. Those people (yes I am even mentioning them) are Alex, Jake, and Raquel. Alex was ages ago, that's totally fucked over. Raquel... :\ nobody know's about that except perhaps like 3 people, and Jake, well anyone who's close to me like Alexis and Alisa know about that. Anyywayyssss. Eh... I don't even know why I started to write this all I know is that I am sick of everything, but I am not. I have realize how much time we have now, I mean the year is almost over! People will be going off to college, switching schools, moving away, I'll never see alot of people again. I mean, someone could just drop dead at any moment, I could stop breathing. God knows. Don't you ever just wish you could just figure out what everyone thought about you? How everyone felt? If people still know you exist? So many things. I know it's impossible to figure alot of stuff out, unless you directly ask someone somthing. But my point is, I don't have a point, I never do. So... :\. Yes.

Also so everyone knows, I have decided untill May 24th. I will not be using my computer at all unless for school purposes because of Final's coming up, and everything that's going on I would rather escape for a little while. So if anyone wishes to continue having nightly or daily conversation's with me, keeping up friendships etc. I suggest you call me, or ask me to call you. On my cell phone only please 480*201*6349. I just don't have time to fuck around like I have been during the week.

___________________________

There are too many questions
There is not one solution
There is no resurrection
There is so much confusion

And the love perfusion
You make me feel
You make me know
And the love vibration
You make me feel
You make it shine

There are too many options
There is no consolation
I have lost my illusions
What I want is an explanation

And the love perfusion
You make me feel
You make me know
And the love direction
You make me feel
You make me shine
You make me feel
You make me shine
You make me feel

I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin

There is no comprehension
There is real isolation
There is so much destruction
What I want is a celebration

And I know I can feel bad
When I get in a bad mood
And the world can look so sad
Only you make me feel good

I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin

I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin

And the love perfusion
You make me feel
You make me know
And the love intention
You make me feel
You make me shine
You make me feel
You make me shine
You make me feel

I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin
I got you under my skin

And I know I can feel bad
When I get in a bad mood
And the world can look so sad
Only you make me feel good