A New Record
asphyxiateit (2:50:13 PM): yeah so my mother went psychotic this morning
NonLethalDeath (2:50:21 PM): oh my
NonLethalDeath(2:50:25 PM): what happened?
asphyxiateit(2:51:01 PM): Mike stayed over last night because his brother came back from Rutgers, and the two have a very tense relationship right now
asphyxiateit(2:51:09 PM): he doesn't feel safe around his brother, so he wanted to stay over here
NonLethalDeath(2:51:12 PM): ah
NonLethalDeath(2:51:16 PM): thats lame
asphyxiateit(2:51:45 PM): I asked my father if that was okay, and he said yes, but my mother found out this morning (we came in super late last night because we were at my friend's house), and when she did she came to my room and started pounding on the door
asphyxiateit(2:52:05 PM): so when I went out, she was walking downstairs to the kitchen, and my father was there and followed, so I went, too
asphyxiateit(2:52:07 PM): and she flipped out
asphyxiateit(2:52:56 PM): she started screaming at me about how she didn't want anyone here, and wanted Mike out, and when my father told her that he said it was okay, she flipped out and started screaming at me again, saying that I was putting them against each other and asking me if I wanted to separate them
NonLethalDeath(2:53:14 PM): wtf?
asphyxiateit(2:53:17 PM): and saying that if my father or I wanted a divorce, that we had it, and she started yelling at my dad
NonLethalDeath(2:53:32 PM): O.o
NonLethalDeath(2:53:36 PM): what in the fuck
asphyxiateit(2:53:36 PM): and my dad was like, why are you saying that to her? and I eventually said "No, I don't want you to get separated!"
asphyxiateit(2:54:01 PM): my father asked why she didn't want anyone here, and she started screaming about how she doesn't want users in the house, and my friends and I are users
asphyxiateit(2:54:11 PM): and that Mike is twenty-four or twenty-five and should know how to take care of me
asphyxiateit(2:54:14 PM): (he's twenty-three)
asphyxiateit(2:54:57 PM): and she screamed about how I want them to trust her but I broke their trust, and I have to earn it, and she started screaming at my dad, asking did he want her to be dead inside, and that she was
asphyxiateit(2:55:19 PM): and then she went over and grabbed this bag of prescription pills and opened the container and threw a handful into her mouth
NonLethalDeath(2:55:33 PM): WHAAAAAT THE FUCK
asphyxiateit(2:55:35 PM): and my father was like, what are you doing that for?? and tried to get her to spit them out into the sink
asphyxiateit(2:55:50 PM): but she was screaming, both of you get out of my life!!! and struggling with him
asphyxiateit(2:55:55 PM): and I was just standing there at the table
asphyxiateit(2:56:26 PM): but she kept screaming for us to get out of her life, until she left to her room or something
NonLethalDeath(2:56:35 PM): ...
NonLethalDeath(2:56:38 PM): dude
NonLethalDeath(2:56:42 PM): that is not good at all
NonLethalDeath(2:56:46 PM): and i know i dont need to tell you that
NonLethalDeath(2:57:10 PM): but honestly...i think theres only one route to go dude...just counciling
NonLethalDeath(2:57:13 PM): cause i mean fuck
NonLethalDeath(2:57:19 PM): i can understand being stressed out and yelling
NonLethalDeath(2:57:22 PM): everyone fights now and then
NonLethalDeath(2:57:30 PM): but that shit is way the fuck over the line
asphyxiateit(2:57:49 PM): I don't want to be blamed for a divorce, and have my mother try to kill herself in front of me
asphyxiateit(2:57:57 PM): this is insane
asphyxiateit(2:58:04 PM): I don't feel safe here
NonLethalDeath(2:58:13 PM): listen
NonLethalDeath(2:58:21 PM): same shit i say to kristin and ryan goes for you
NonLethalDeath(2:58:30 PM): if you honestly ever need a place to hide out for w/e
NonLethalDeath(2:58:35 PM): you need a pickup you need anything
NonLethalDeath(2:58:37 PM): let me know
asphyxiateit(2:58:39 PM): thank you
NonLethalDeath(2:58:47 PM): its no problem
asphyxiateit(2:58:50 PM): I don't want to be home, but I'll get yelled at if I leave
NonLethalDeath(2:58:57 PM): cause honestly...i worry about shit like this more than most things
NonLethalDeath(2:59:10 PM): jesus
asphyxiateit(2:59:19 PM): even if I stay home and do what she wants, it's not going to fix what is fundamentally wrong with her
asphyxiateit(2:59:26 PM): even if she sees me only as a "user"
NonLethalDeath(2:59:37 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(2:59:45 PM): well first off
NonLethalDeath(2:59:48 PM): just hide all your shit
NonLethalDeath(2:59:58 PM): hide your piece...finish off what youve got
NonLethalDeath(3:00:01 PM): or hand it off to someone else
NonLethalDeath(3:00:07 PM): just avoid any possible other shit if you havnt already
asphyxiateit(3:00:20 PM): I have
NonLethalDeath(3:00:50 PM): i figured you would have by now
asphyxiateit(3:00:57 PM): I just don't understand how suddenly I go from being her daughter to just being a junkie
NonLethalDeath(3:01:09 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:01:33 PM): like, I'm not even a daughter who has issues and rebels, I'm just a straight-out junkie
asphyxiateit(3:01:54 PM): I don't want to have to deal with wondering if my mom is going to try to kill herself on any given day because I'm not unquestioningly following her every order
NonLethalDeath(3:02:00 PM): yeah...honestly your mom needs help
NonLethalDeath(3:02:07 PM): cause her views are so horrifically twisted
NonLethalDeath(3:02:20 PM): yeah, and no one should have to deal with that
asphyxiateit(3:02:24 PM): and I feel really bad for putting my dad in the middle
NonLethalDeath(3:02:26 PM): let alone her fuckin children
asphyxiateit(3:02:48 PM): but she is so screwed up
NonLethalDeath(3:02:55 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:03:12 PM): i mean i cant judge it for shit but i think it may be from way back
NonLethalDeath(3:03:19 PM): cause shit like this doesnt just "happen" overnight
NonLethalDeath(3:03:27 PM): this shit takes a while and builds up then gets triggered
asphyxiateit(3:03:48 PM): my dad said I have to try to comfort her because she's under so much stress, and I should have seen it before and tried to help her out
asphyxiateit(3:03:54 PM): but I said that this goes beyond just the present
asphyxiateit(3:04:00 PM): and that I could only be sympathetic to a point
NonLethalDeath(3:04:19 PM): well hey...question
NonLethalDeath(3:04:21 PM): are you dorming?
NonLethalDeath(3:04:39 PM): cause same shit i said to kristin would be just hang in there for the time being, bend to her will for now and lose your spine
NonLethalDeath(3:04:44 PM): then once your outta there your out
asphyxiateit(3:05:19 PM): I am dorming
NonLethalDeath(3:05:30 PM): well thats good to hear..i mean..its fucked up to think of it like that
NonLethalDeath(3:05:34 PM): but..thats not healthy
asphyxiateit(3:05:42 PM): I just don't want to be near her
asphyxiateit(3:05:55 PM): I like being at home because it's my house, but I hate being around her and dealing with her on any level
NonLethalDeath(3:05:58 PM): understandably so
NonLethalDeath(3:06:19 PM): i dont think that any of the stuff thats happened over the last year or two helps
NonLethalDeath(3:06:25 PM): i mean your dad losing his job
NonLethalDeath(3:06:31 PM): jon and nadia situation
NonLethalDeath(3:06:43 PM): and im guessing there had to be other shit in between
asphyxiateit(3:06:45 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:07:39 PM): because I don't know if they'll react the same way, about me just being a junkie
asphyxiateit(3:07:45 PM): none of them know anything about weed
asphyxiateit(3:07:54 PM): and they'll blame me for not trying to help my mom out with her stress
asphyxiateit(3:08:11 PM): but you can't just say that's what did it when someone is so crazy she will try to kill herself in front of her daughter
NonLethalDeath(3:08:14 PM): eesh
NonLethalDeath(3:08:22 PM): lol
NonLethalDeath(3:08:28 PM): i was gonna watch that last night
asphyxiateit(3:08:31 PM): and she was blaming me for an imminent divorce
asphyxiateit(3:08:47 PM): you don't blame kids for a divorce! That's terrible!
NonLethalDeath(3:08:52 PM): never
asphyxiateit(3:09:24 PM): But after everything, I was petting Chi-Chi and took him upstairs, and Mike was waiting, so I cried and told him about it
asphyxiateit(3:09:31 PM): then we went out to breakfast, and I'm obviously here now
NonLethalDeath(3:09:39 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:10:00 PM): so I'm just going to fold laundry, because my father told me to, and stay here, I guess
asphyxiateit(3:10:06 PM): I don't even feel safe asking if I can go see my friends
asphyxiateit(3:10:15 PM): she will tell me no because she doesn't want me to see ANYONE
NonLethalDeath(3:11:02 PM): oh my
NonLethalDeath(3:11:10 PM): good thing you didnt pick up before
NonLethalDeath(3:11:17 PM): i was gonna come over with blair and derek to visit you
NonLethalDeath(3:11:33 PM): but that seems like it would have just exacerbated(sp?) things
asphyxiateit(3:11:40 PM): I don't know if she'd be mad about you guys
asphyxiateit(3:11:46 PM): but I should go visit you instead
NonLethalDeath(3:12:05 PM): whys that
asphyxiateit(3:12:07 PM): it's just easier
asphyxiateit(3:12:13 PM): I don't have to worry about her reacting to anything
asphyxiateit(3:12:17 PM): aside from me going
asphyxiateit(3:12:57 PM): I don't want her near my friends because she does really mean things like say they are all junkies
asphyxiateit(3:13:01 PM): and bad people
asphyxiateit(3:13:11 PM): they don't deserve to be judged by someone like that
NonLethalDeath(3:13:17 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:13:27 PM): well hey...no matter whats going on she is still your mother
NonLethalDeath(3:13:34 PM): i mean...thats just how i see shit
asphyxiateit(3:13:37 PM): I know
asphyxiateit(3:13:40 PM): I don't hate her
NonLethalDeath(3:13:48 PM): oh ok
NonLethalDeath(3:13:55 PM): i misread that then...my b
asphyxiateit(3:13:57 PM): it's alright
asphyxiateit(3:14:03 PM): I think she's just really screwed-up
NonLethalDeath(3:14:13 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:14:16 PM): she needs counciling
NonLethalDeath(3:14:27 PM): and she needs time to sort her shit out and find an outlet for her stress
asphyxiateit(3:14:37 PM): she's never been able to deal with stress or anger
asphyxiateit(3:14:43 PM): she used to blow up like this when I was younger
asphyxiateit(3:14:53 PM): I was cleaning our old basement once, and she came down and started throwing VHS tapes
asphyxiateit(3:15:04 PM): not directly at me, but in my direction
NonLethalDeath(3:15:06 PM): wtf?
asphyxiateit(3:15:27 PM): she slapped me once for handing in an incomplete homework assignment, in the third grade
NonLethalDeath(3:15:43 PM): O.O
NonLethalDeath(3:15:52 PM): is your mom just really old school or some shit?
NonLethalDeath(3:15:58 PM): like....really really really old school?
NonLethalDeath(3:16:01 PM): cause damn dude
asphyxiateit(3:16:01 PM): that and she is just really fucked up
asphyxiateit(3:16:24 PM): so when I refused to take it off, she ripped it off my head
asphyxiateit(3:16:32 PM): she has major control issues
asphyxiateit(3:16:41 PM): and cannot deal with anger appropriately
NonLethalDeath(3:17:05 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:17:07 PM): quite obviously
asphyxiateit(3:18:09 PM): I still have to tell Jonathan what's going on
asphyxiateit(3:18:14 PM): it's gotten worse since he's gone
asphyxiateit(3:18:21 PM): I think because now she focuses everything on me
asphyxiateit(3:18:37 PM): and apparently I'm the one driving her crazy
asphyxiateit(3:19:03 PM): she is making me work for my uncle because she wants me to have to drive three hours a day in traffic, because she had to
asphyxiateit(3:19:09 PM): she told me "maybe you will get a flavor for what I do"
asphyxiateit(3:19:19 PM): that's just being really bitchy
NonLethalDeath(3:19:22 PM): ...
NonLethalDeath(3:19:25 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:19:28 PM): thats silly
NonLethalDeath(3:19:33 PM): however working for family is always nice
asphyxiateit(3:19:46 PM): the job is alright, it's just a ridiculous drive
asphyxiateit(3:19:54 PM): especially to do four days a week
asphyxiateit(3:19:57 PM): during my summer
NonLethalDeath(3:20:35 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:23:50 PM): I would have loved to see all of you, but it's just so crazy here
asphyxiateit(3:24:06 PM): I haven't seen any of my old friends from Clark, either
asphyxiateit(3:24:08 PM): which sucks
asphyxiateit(3:24:22 PM): I have to tell Derek what's going on
NonLethalDeath(3:24:31 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:24:36 PM): i can only imagine
asphyxiateit(3:24:36 PM): when people are like, "How are you?" I have to think before I answer
NonLethalDeath(3:24:46 PM): which is wise for now
asphyxiateit(3:24:55 PM): I'd tell them, it's just such a long story
NonLethalDeath(3:25:12 PM): oh
asphyxiateit(3:25:32 PM): well I wouldn't tell some of the stuff to random people
NonLethalDeath(3:25:46 PM): understandably so
asphyxiateit(3:26:11 PM): I try to defend my mother as best as I can, but when I tell stories it's hard to make her seem like she has good qualities
NonLethalDeath(3:26:31 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:26:36 PM): unless youve actually been with her before
NonLethalDeath(3:26:47 PM): cause i mean..i love your mom...honesrly she has great qualities to her
NonLethalDeath(3:27:03 PM): but not everone has that baseline to think about with this stuff
asphyxiateit(3:27:52 PM): I'm not even in school and my head feels full
NonLethalDeath(3:28:13 PM): well hey..do you work tomorrow?
asphyxiateit(3:28:20 PM): Every weekday but Wednesday :/
NonLethalDeath(3:28:26 PM): ah
NonLethalDeath(3:28:29 PM): well...this weekend comin up
NonLethalDeath(3:28:31 PM): come down here
asphyxiateit(3:28:38 PM): I'll try to
NonLethalDeath(3:28:41 PM): k
NonLethalDeath(3:28:42 PM): also
NonLethalDeath(3:28:45 PM): get some butt
NonLethalDeath(3:28:55 PM): totally helps get rid of stress
asphyxiateit(3:29:00 PM): lol, I try to spend as much time with Mike as I can
NonLethalDeath(3:29:08 PM): which is a good idea
asphyxiateit(3:29:11 PM): which is a catch-22, since that's one thing my mother hates
asphyxiateit(3:29:21 PM): when I am with him, plus him
NonLethalDeath(3:29:29 PM): ~___~
NonLethalDeath(3:29:52 PM): your life is the culmination of so many old shakespearian plays...
NonLethalDeath(3:29:56 PM): its almost sickening
asphyxiateit(3:30:20 PM): I would not be surprised if someone ended up getting murdered or committing suicide
asphyxiateit(3:30:21 PM): or both
NonLethalDeath(3:30:30 PM): dont say that
NonLethalDeath(3:30:37 PM): honesrly..not a good direction to have your thoughts
NonLethalDeath(3:30:46 PM): think happy thoughts...like when you play sonic
NonLethalDeath(3:30:48 PM): and you break machines
asphyxiateit(3:30:49 PM): lol
NonLethalDeath(3:30:52 PM): and rabbits and squirrels come out
asphyxiateit(3:30:55 PM): sweet
NonLethalDeath(3:30:58 PM): lol
asphyxiateit(3:31:31 PM): I'm not super depressed, I'm just getting worn out
NonLethalDeath(3:31:41 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:31:47 PM): well..sleep...sex...and laughter
NonLethalDeath(3:31:50 PM): and in my case food
NonLethalDeath(3:31:52 PM): which i dont suggest
asphyxiateit(3:31:53 PM): lol
asphyxiateit(3:32:02 PM): as I eat a piece of a cinnamon bun
NonLethalDeath(3:32:14 PM): D: i wants cinnamunbun
asphyxiateit(3:32:24 PM): I made fudge yesterday
asphyxiateit(3:32:28 PM): it's pretty good
NonLethalDeath(3:32:33 PM): noice
NonLethalDeath (2:50:21 PM): oh my
NonLethalDeath(2:50:25 PM): what happened?
asphyxiateit(2:51:01 PM): Mike stayed over last night because his brother came back from Rutgers, and the two have a very tense relationship right now
asphyxiateit(2:51:09 PM): he doesn't feel safe around his brother, so he wanted to stay over here
NonLethalDeath(2:51:12 PM): ah
NonLethalDeath(2:51:16 PM): thats lame
asphyxiateit(2:51:45 PM): I asked my father if that was okay, and he said yes, but my mother found out this morning (we came in super late last night because we were at my friend's house), and when she did she came to my room and started pounding on the door
asphyxiateit(2:52:05 PM): so when I went out, she was walking downstairs to the kitchen, and my father was there and followed, so I went, too
asphyxiateit(2:52:07 PM): and she flipped out
asphyxiateit(2:52:56 PM): she started screaming at me about how she didn't want anyone here, and wanted Mike out, and when my father told her that he said it was okay, she flipped out and started screaming at me again, saying that I was putting them against each other and asking me if I wanted to separate them
NonLethalDeath(2:53:14 PM): wtf?
asphyxiateit(2:53:17 PM): and saying that if my father or I wanted a divorce, that we had it, and she started yelling at my dad
NonLethalDeath(2:53:32 PM): O.o
NonLethalDeath(2:53:36 PM): what in the fuck
asphyxiateit(2:53:36 PM): and my dad was like, why are you saying that to her? and I eventually said "No, I don't want you to get separated!"
asphyxiateit(2:54:01 PM): my father asked why she didn't want anyone here, and she started screaming about how she doesn't want users in the house, and my friends and I are users
asphyxiateit(2:54:11 PM): and that Mike is twenty-four or twenty-five and should know how to take care of me
asphyxiateit(2:54:14 PM): (he's twenty-three)
asphyxiateit(2:54:57 PM): and she screamed about how I want them to trust her but I broke their trust, and I have to earn it, and she started screaming at my dad, asking did he want her to be dead inside, and that she was
asphyxiateit(2:55:19 PM): and then she went over and grabbed this bag of prescription pills and opened the container and threw a handful into her mouth
NonLethalDeath(2:55:33 PM): WHAAAAAT THE FUCK
asphyxiateit(2:55:35 PM): and my father was like, what are you doing that for?? and tried to get her to spit them out into the sink
asphyxiateit(2:55:50 PM): but she was screaming, both of you get out of my life!!! and struggling with him
asphyxiateit(2:55:55 PM): and I was just standing there at the table
asphyxiateit(2:56:26 PM): but she kept screaming for us to get out of her life, until she left to her room or something
NonLethalDeath(2:56:35 PM): ...
NonLethalDeath(2:56:38 PM): dude
NonLethalDeath(2:56:42 PM): that is not good at all
NonLethalDeath(2:56:46 PM): and i know i dont need to tell you that
NonLethalDeath(2:57:10 PM): but honestly...i think theres only one route to go dude...just counciling
NonLethalDeath(2:57:13 PM): cause i mean fuck
NonLethalDeath(2:57:19 PM): i can understand being stressed out and yelling
NonLethalDeath(2:57:22 PM): everyone fights now and then
NonLethalDeath(2:57:30 PM): but that shit is way the fuck over the line
asphyxiateit(2:57:49 PM): I don't want to be blamed for a divorce, and have my mother try to kill herself in front of me
asphyxiateit(2:57:57 PM): this is insane
asphyxiateit(2:58:04 PM): I don't feel safe here
NonLethalDeath(2:58:13 PM): listen
NonLethalDeath(2:58:21 PM): same shit i say to kristin and ryan goes for you
NonLethalDeath(2:58:30 PM): if you honestly ever need a place to hide out for w/e
NonLethalDeath(2:58:35 PM): you need a pickup you need anything
NonLethalDeath(2:58:37 PM): let me know
asphyxiateit(2:58:39 PM): thank you
NonLethalDeath(2:58:47 PM): its no problem
asphyxiateit(2:58:50 PM): I don't want to be home, but I'll get yelled at if I leave
NonLethalDeath(2:58:57 PM): cause honestly...i worry about shit like this more than most things
NonLethalDeath(2:59:10 PM): jesus
asphyxiateit(2:59:19 PM): even if I stay home and do what she wants, it's not going to fix what is fundamentally wrong with her
asphyxiateit(2:59:26 PM): even if she sees me only as a "user"
NonLethalDeath(2:59:37 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(2:59:45 PM): well first off
NonLethalDeath(2:59:48 PM): just hide all your shit
NonLethalDeath(2:59:58 PM): hide your piece...finish off what youve got
NonLethalDeath(3:00:01 PM): or hand it off to someone else
NonLethalDeath(3:00:07 PM): just avoid any possible other shit if you havnt already
asphyxiateit(3:00:20 PM): I have
NonLethalDeath(3:00:50 PM): i figured you would have by now
asphyxiateit(3:00:57 PM): I just don't understand how suddenly I go from being her daughter to just being a junkie
NonLethalDeath(3:01:09 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:01:33 PM): like, I'm not even a daughter who has issues and rebels, I'm just a straight-out junkie
asphyxiateit(3:01:54 PM): I don't want to have to deal with wondering if my mom is going to try to kill herself on any given day because I'm not unquestioningly following her every order
NonLethalDeath(3:02:00 PM): yeah...honestly your mom needs help
NonLethalDeath(3:02:07 PM): cause her views are so horrifically twisted
NonLethalDeath(3:02:20 PM): yeah, and no one should have to deal with that
asphyxiateit(3:02:24 PM): and I feel really bad for putting my dad in the middle
NonLethalDeath(3:02:26 PM): let alone her fuckin children
asphyxiateit(3:02:48 PM): but she is so screwed up
NonLethalDeath(3:02:55 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:03:12 PM): i mean i cant judge it for shit but i think it may be from way back
NonLethalDeath(3:03:19 PM): cause shit like this doesnt just "happen" overnight
NonLethalDeath(3:03:27 PM): this shit takes a while and builds up then gets triggered
asphyxiateit(3:03:48 PM): my dad said I have to try to comfort her because she's under so much stress, and I should have seen it before and tried to help her out
asphyxiateit(3:03:54 PM): but I said that this goes beyond just the present
asphyxiateit(3:04:00 PM): and that I could only be sympathetic to a point
NonLethalDeath(3:04:19 PM): well hey...question
NonLethalDeath(3:04:21 PM): are you dorming?
NonLethalDeath(3:04:39 PM): cause same shit i said to kristin would be just hang in there for the time being, bend to her will for now and lose your spine
NonLethalDeath(3:04:44 PM): then once your outta there your out
asphyxiateit(3:05:19 PM): I am dorming
NonLethalDeath(3:05:30 PM): well thats good to hear..i mean..its fucked up to think of it like that
NonLethalDeath(3:05:34 PM): but..thats not healthy
asphyxiateit(3:05:42 PM): I just don't want to be near her
asphyxiateit(3:05:55 PM): I like being at home because it's my house, but I hate being around her and dealing with her on any level
NonLethalDeath(3:05:58 PM): understandably so
NonLethalDeath(3:06:19 PM): i dont think that any of the stuff thats happened over the last year or two helps
NonLethalDeath(3:06:25 PM): i mean your dad losing his job
NonLethalDeath(3:06:31 PM): jon and nadia situation
NonLethalDeath(3:06:43 PM): and im guessing there had to be other shit in between
asphyxiateit(3:06:45 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:07:39 PM): because I don't know if they'll react the same way, about me just being a junkie
asphyxiateit(3:07:45 PM): none of them know anything about weed
asphyxiateit(3:07:54 PM): and they'll blame me for not trying to help my mom out with her stress
asphyxiateit(3:08:11 PM): but you can't just say that's what did it when someone is so crazy she will try to kill herself in front of her daughter
NonLethalDeath(3:08:14 PM): eesh
NonLethalDeath(3:08:22 PM): lol
NonLethalDeath(3:08:28 PM): i was gonna watch that last night
asphyxiateit(3:08:31 PM): and she was blaming me for an imminent divorce
asphyxiateit(3:08:47 PM): you don't blame kids for a divorce! That's terrible!
NonLethalDeath(3:08:52 PM): never
asphyxiateit(3:09:24 PM): But after everything, I was petting Chi-Chi and took him upstairs, and Mike was waiting, so I cried and told him about it
asphyxiateit(3:09:31 PM): then we went out to breakfast, and I'm obviously here now
NonLethalDeath(3:09:39 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:10:00 PM): so I'm just going to fold laundry, because my father told me to, and stay here, I guess
asphyxiateit(3:10:06 PM): I don't even feel safe asking if I can go see my friends
asphyxiateit(3:10:15 PM): she will tell me no because she doesn't want me to see ANYONE
NonLethalDeath(3:11:02 PM): oh my
NonLethalDeath(3:11:10 PM): good thing you didnt pick up before
NonLethalDeath(3:11:17 PM): i was gonna come over with blair and derek to visit you
NonLethalDeath(3:11:33 PM): but that seems like it would have just exacerbated(sp?) things
asphyxiateit(3:11:40 PM): I don't know if she'd be mad about you guys
asphyxiateit(3:11:46 PM): but I should go visit you instead
NonLethalDeath(3:12:05 PM): whys that
asphyxiateit(3:12:07 PM): it's just easier
asphyxiateit(3:12:13 PM): I don't have to worry about her reacting to anything
asphyxiateit(3:12:17 PM): aside from me going
asphyxiateit(3:12:57 PM): I don't want her near my friends because she does really mean things like say they are all junkies
asphyxiateit(3:13:01 PM): and bad people
asphyxiateit(3:13:11 PM): they don't deserve to be judged by someone like that
NonLethalDeath(3:13:17 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:13:27 PM): well hey...no matter whats going on she is still your mother
NonLethalDeath(3:13:34 PM): i mean...thats just how i see shit
asphyxiateit(3:13:37 PM): I know
asphyxiateit(3:13:40 PM): I don't hate her
NonLethalDeath(3:13:48 PM): oh ok
NonLethalDeath(3:13:55 PM): i misread that then...my b
asphyxiateit(3:13:57 PM): it's alright
asphyxiateit(3:14:03 PM): I think she's just really screwed-up
NonLethalDeath(3:14:13 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:14:16 PM): she needs counciling
NonLethalDeath(3:14:27 PM): and she needs time to sort her shit out and find an outlet for her stress
asphyxiateit(3:14:37 PM): she's never been able to deal with stress or anger
asphyxiateit(3:14:43 PM): she used to blow up like this when I was younger
asphyxiateit(3:14:53 PM): I was cleaning our old basement once, and she came down and started throwing VHS tapes
asphyxiateit(3:15:04 PM): not directly at me, but in my direction
NonLethalDeath(3:15:06 PM): wtf?
asphyxiateit(3:15:27 PM): she slapped me once for handing in an incomplete homework assignment, in the third grade
NonLethalDeath(3:15:43 PM): O.O
NonLethalDeath(3:15:52 PM): is your mom just really old school or some shit?
NonLethalDeath(3:15:58 PM): like....really really really old school?
NonLethalDeath(3:16:01 PM): cause damn dude
asphyxiateit(3:16:01 PM): that and she is just really fucked up
asphyxiateit(3:16:24 PM): so when I refused to take it off, she ripped it off my head
asphyxiateit(3:16:32 PM): she has major control issues
asphyxiateit(3:16:41 PM): and cannot deal with anger appropriately
NonLethalDeath(3:17:05 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:17:07 PM): quite obviously
asphyxiateit(3:18:09 PM): I still have to tell Jonathan what's going on
asphyxiateit(3:18:14 PM): it's gotten worse since he's gone
asphyxiateit(3:18:21 PM): I think because now she focuses everything on me
asphyxiateit(3:18:37 PM): and apparently I'm the one driving her crazy
asphyxiateit(3:19:03 PM): she is making me work for my uncle because she wants me to have to drive three hours a day in traffic, because she had to
asphyxiateit(3:19:09 PM): she told me "maybe you will get a flavor for what I do"
asphyxiateit(3:19:19 PM): that's just being really bitchy
NonLethalDeath(3:19:22 PM): ...
NonLethalDeath(3:19:25 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:19:28 PM): thats silly
NonLethalDeath(3:19:33 PM): however working for family is always nice
asphyxiateit(3:19:46 PM): the job is alright, it's just a ridiculous drive
asphyxiateit(3:19:54 PM): especially to do four days a week
asphyxiateit(3:19:57 PM): during my summer
NonLethalDeath(3:20:35 PM): yeah
asphyxiateit(3:23:50 PM): I would have loved to see all of you, but it's just so crazy here
asphyxiateit(3:24:06 PM): I haven't seen any of my old friends from Clark, either
asphyxiateit(3:24:08 PM): which sucks
asphyxiateit(3:24:22 PM): I have to tell Derek what's going on
NonLethalDeath(3:24:31 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:24:36 PM): i can only imagine
asphyxiateit(3:24:36 PM): when people are like, "How are you?" I have to think before I answer
NonLethalDeath(3:24:46 PM): which is wise for now
asphyxiateit(3:24:55 PM): I'd tell them, it's just such a long story
NonLethalDeath(3:25:12 PM): oh
asphyxiateit(3:25:32 PM): well I wouldn't tell some of the stuff to random people
NonLethalDeath(3:25:46 PM): understandably so
asphyxiateit(3:26:11 PM): I try to defend my mother as best as I can, but when I tell stories it's hard to make her seem like she has good qualities
NonLethalDeath(3:26:31 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:26:36 PM): unless youve actually been with her before
NonLethalDeath(3:26:47 PM): cause i mean..i love your mom...honesrly she has great qualities to her
NonLethalDeath(3:27:03 PM): but not everone has that baseline to think about with this stuff
asphyxiateit(3:27:52 PM): I'm not even in school and my head feels full
NonLethalDeath(3:28:13 PM): well hey..do you work tomorrow?
asphyxiateit(3:28:20 PM): Every weekday but Wednesday :/
NonLethalDeath(3:28:26 PM): ah
NonLethalDeath(3:28:29 PM): well...this weekend comin up
NonLethalDeath(3:28:31 PM): come down here
asphyxiateit(3:28:38 PM): I'll try to
NonLethalDeath(3:28:41 PM): k
NonLethalDeath(3:28:42 PM): also
NonLethalDeath(3:28:45 PM): get some butt
NonLethalDeath(3:28:55 PM): totally helps get rid of stress
asphyxiateit(3:29:00 PM): lol, I try to spend as much time with Mike as I can
NonLethalDeath(3:29:08 PM): which is a good idea
asphyxiateit(3:29:11 PM): which is a catch-22, since that's one thing my mother hates
asphyxiateit(3:29:21 PM): when I am with him, plus him
NonLethalDeath(3:29:29 PM): ~___~
NonLethalDeath(3:29:52 PM): your life is the culmination of so many old shakespearian plays...
NonLethalDeath(3:29:56 PM): its almost sickening
asphyxiateit(3:30:20 PM): I would not be surprised if someone ended up getting murdered or committing suicide
asphyxiateit(3:30:21 PM): or both
NonLethalDeath(3:30:30 PM): dont say that
NonLethalDeath(3:30:37 PM): honesrly..not a good direction to have your thoughts
NonLethalDeath(3:30:46 PM): think happy thoughts...like when you play sonic
NonLethalDeath(3:30:48 PM): and you break machines
asphyxiateit(3:30:49 PM): lol
NonLethalDeath(3:30:52 PM): and rabbits and squirrels come out
asphyxiateit(3:30:55 PM): sweet
NonLethalDeath(3:30:58 PM): lol
asphyxiateit(3:31:31 PM): I'm not super depressed, I'm just getting worn out
NonLethalDeath(3:31:41 PM): yeah
NonLethalDeath(3:31:47 PM): well..sleep...sex...and laughter
NonLethalDeath(3:31:50 PM): and in my case food
NonLethalDeath(3:31:52 PM): which i dont suggest
asphyxiateit(3:31:53 PM): lol
asphyxiateit(3:32:02 PM): as I eat a piece of a cinnamon bun
NonLethalDeath(3:32:14 PM): D: i wants cinnamunbun
asphyxiateit(3:32:24 PM): I made fudge yesterday
asphyxiateit(3:32:28 PM): it's pretty good
NonLethalDeath(3:32:33 PM): noice